


A Light Was On

by Anonymous



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Abuse, Adopted Children, Adoption, Age Regression/De-Aging, Aziraphale is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Bed-Wetting, Child Abuse, Crowley Loves Kids (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley wants to fight god, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Diapers, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Nightmares, No beta we fall like Crowley, Omorashi, Past Sexual Abuse, Soiling, Taking In Strays, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens), Trauma, Wetting, all off screen but it is alluded to/talked about, messing, or at least he's trying, poop as a plot element, pull ups, questioning God
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 115,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22578253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: READ THE TAGS they are there for a reason and note recurrent themes not one-time issues(and don't come here just to be rude)Life has calmed down after the not-pocalypse. Demon and Angel are settling into a quiet life above the bookshop and enjoying having no responsibilities outside it.Like all good things that calm does not last for long. A child appears, wet and terrified on their doorstep, in desperate need of somewhere to go. Naturally said child is taken in. Crowley has never left children out in the rain and doesn't intend to start now.As it turns out, caring for an abused child with complex medical and phycological issues is not quite as easy as nannying, tutoring, or gardening.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 371
Kudos: 347
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored and wrote a gratuitous feel-good fic cause I Aziraphale and Crowley would definitely be the type to end up taking in stray kids and I wanted something soft and sweet that still had wetting/messing and age regression. That's all this is and thats what it will continue to be. YOU HAVE BEEEN WARNED :-)

Aziraphale talked about places smelling of love just often enough for it to be annoying. Especially when he insinuated Crowley’s equivalent would be picking out spookiness. 

Indeed, just as angels could pick out certain feelings around a place, Demons could sense a different set with similar accuracy. Spooky, was not one of those feelings. 

But fear and stood out like pinpricks along the sides of his ribs, almost like poorly performed acupuncture. And tonight Crowley’s skin was rippling and prickling with the feeling of scared human. 

He’d been steadfastly attempting to ignore it, they were after-all in SoHo nearing Christmas, and he assumed he was picking up nervous shopkeepers and pedestrians en masse. He’d also been avoiding telling Aziraphale, as he was sure the angel would charge off to help, and he wasn’t ready for such excitement barely a month after the near end of the world. He was sure the humans could sort out their own problems. 

Well, he was pretty sure anyway. The feeling was persistent, and didn’t appear to be moving despite the clearing of the streets as the clock ticked later. If anything it was getting more desperate. 

He shifted on the sofa, unwittingly elbowing his angel in the process. Aziraphale jumped, he’d been so deeply involved in his book that the demons movements had startled him. 

“I think perhaps it’s time for bed dear, not that this isn’t lovely, but a bit more space might be nice.” He offered, trying to find a tactful way of removing Crowley’s boney elbow from his ribs. 

“Hmmm” Crowley hummed, not really paying attention. The feeling had gotten closer, if he didn’t know better he’d say the source was sitting on their stoop. 

Aziraphale stood, trying to urge Crowley along. It wasn’t uncommon for Crowley to be a bit non-verbal when he was tired, so he assumed the demon just needed to be led. 

Crowley, however, did not move. He stayed in his awkward position on the couch, glaring at the door. Aziraphale followed his gaze but saw nothing out of the ordinary. 

“Is that locked, Angel?” he asked, still staring at the door. 

“Obviously dear, it’s nearly midnight, even my hours are not that strange.”

Crowley narrowed his gaze, trying to will himself able to see through the door, before deciding it would take slightly less effort to just go look.  
“Would you mind a bit of tea before bed?” he asked, knowing Aziraphale wouldn’t refuse and would insist on making it the human way. He figured he could check the stoop and gently shoo or bribe whoever was there away, without having to endure Aziraphale’s desire to take in strays in the middle of the night. 

“Of course dear.” Aziraphale smiled and turned towards the kitchen. 

Once the Angel was out of sight Crowley sauntered to the door and pulled back the curtain, just enough to peek one snaky eye out. At first he didn’t see anything, it was raining heavily and the world looked like a rather singular shade of grey. Then he saw the pompom of a hat poking up from beside the stairs. 

The door flew open, Crowley would leave most adults out in the rain but this wasn’t an adult’s hat, and he had some rather rough memories of children and rainstorms. 

“You look rather cold,” He said, peering down at the small human on the sidewalk. Cold was an understatement. They looked soaked to the bone, even through several layers of clothes. At this point they were nearly a human-shaped puddle. 

“I’m sorry, It’s just your light was on and I thought it would be safer than in the dark, I’ll go, I’ll get out of your way.” Came the frantic reply as the bundle of tattered fabric tried to get to its feet. 

“You’re not exactly in my way, I wasn’t planning on standing next to the stoop in a rainstorm,” Crowley replied, trying his best to sound playful instead of snarky.

“But I’m sure you don’t want me out here either. I’m bad for business.”

“There’s not much business here at midnight, not at a bookstore at least. Want to come inside?” he offered.

The bundle looked at him hesitantly, going into closed shops with strange men did not seem like a good idea, but it did look warm and dry and the kid was desperately ready to be warm and dry. 

“Look, I won’t bite, and you don’t have to stay, but at least come wait for the rain to stop, dry off a bit. We were just about to have tea,” Crowley tempted, dusting off an old set of skills.

The bundle continued to look at him nervously, clearly wanting to take the bait but still a bit hesitant. 

“I’m sure we’ve got some biscuits as well, if you’re hungry.”

That seemed to seal the deal and the bundle nodded, climbing the few stairs a bit unsteadily. Crowley offered a hand but the child flinched back instead of taking it and he quickly put it down.

They re-entered the shop, Crowley a bit more than damp and the kid positively dripping, and immediately came face to face with a very confused angel holding a novelty teapot Crowley had gotten for him sometime in the 70s. 

“Crowley…” He started, not quite sure what to ask, before his gaze shifted to the mass of blankets, that was now trembling, and dripping a puddle onto one of many rather shabby rugs.  
“Hello there, dear gir…bo…” Zira trailed off, the child was quite genderless under the heap of wet things.  
“You must be positively freezing” he added, raising his fingers to perform a quick miracle and throwing a somewhat pissy glance at Crowley for letting the child stay in wet things. 

Crowley was thankfully quicker however and managed to grab his husband’s hand.  
“Yes, I’m sure you are, Zira, why don’t you grab a nice, normal sweater for our guest and I’ll start a fire.” He said pointedly, sure that anything even vaguely supernatural would send the child skittering back out into the rain. 

“Take off the outside bits and put them there kid.” Crowley instructed, pointing to one of the few chairs not covered in books, “and we’ll get you warmed up.”

Crowley’s voice had taken on a tone Aziraphale had only heard a time or two before and he was reminded that this was the demon who’d sheltered children from the great flood. The demon who’d been a nanny and then a tutor for the better part of a decade. Aziraphale was good at compassion on a large scale, but Crowley’s talent with children was something he did not possess. Wisely enough he decided to let Crowley lead. 

The had child slipped out of a few layers, staunchly refusing to take of the sopping wet cap or offer a name. The choice of clothes and cap had at the very least gven them an indication of gender. 

Aziraphale had poured tea and offered a mountain of blankets and Crowley had gotten a roaring fire together faster then seemed possible. The kid was looking warmer, but was clearly exhausted and uncomfortable, sinking into the couch with a pained look on his face. 

“Are you sure you won’t tell us your name dear boy?” Aziraphale urged, trying to get a verbal response and receiving a headshake instead. 

“Fair enough, I didn’t much like my first name either” Crowley offered, briefly wondering if he could pass the knit blanket off as electric. 

“What about where your parents are? Did you get lost? I’m sure they must be worried sick.” Zira pressed on. 

That received a more vigorous response; the kid sat straight up again and prepared to bolt. Crowley glared at the door making it clear that it was not to open. 

“They don’t care, I mean, they’re not worried please don’t call them.” The reply was far more frantic than angel or demon would have liked. 

The quick movements appeared to have taken in out of the kid, and he winced, nearly flopping backwards. Aziraphale noticed this and began to fret more than he had been already. 

“Are you hurt dear boy? You look like you’re in pain.” He asked, as gently as possible, willing the child to answer, which would have worked if he hadn’t also lifted a hand towards the kid’s forehead to check for a fever and for injuries. 

Said child flinched violently backwards shaking his head, and might have fallen of the couch completely if Crowley hadn’t been just a touch faster than human. Thankfully Crowley’s thinking matched his speed and, in the brief moment his hand touched the child’s he probed enough to get an idea of what was happening. 

He immediately wished he hadn’t. He was hit by a wave pain that felt like taking a bowling ball to the ribcage. There were other smaller bursts as well, but the one at the center shook the demons imagined calm. He had no idea how the child was sitting so still. 

“Kid I know you’re hurt.” Crowley said, recovering his breath. “Let us have a look, I promise it won’t hurt.”

The violent headshaking resumed. 

“I’m fine, I should go, thanks for the tea and everything but I’m really fine and …” The kid babbled, trying to make a run for the door, but not making it further than a few wobbly steps before sinking back to the floor. 

“Listen kid, normally I’d take you at your word, really I would, but I’m gonna have to insist.” Crowley said, squatting to put them at the same eye level. As subtly as he could he snapped his fingers

“I thought we weren’t doing miracles dear?” 

“It’s only slight, and that was before I knew, keeping the secret won’t help if the kid dies now will it” Came the snarky reply. 

“Put your arms up kid.” He said gently, knowing it would still be taken as a demand.  
The child tried to do what was asked, looking trancelike but still whining in pain. Crowley muttered a few choice words and snapped again, miracling away the sweatshirt he’d been trying to remove along with the rest of the kid’s clothes. He knew humans were weird about nudity but demons were far less concerned and he couldn’t assess injuries without seeing them.

A massive, angry looking purple bruise spread across the kid’s ribs, and other, smaller and somewhat less concerning injuries covered almost everything else. 

Crowley also noticed that the kid wasn’t a boy, at least biologically. 

Aziraphale stepped forward, trying his best to keep composed, but finding himself fighting back tears and anger all the same. He would never understand the cruelty humans could muster. 

“How on earth did this happen child?” he asked, kneeling beside Crowley. 

“I fell asleep outside, woke up to them trying to get my backpack off. I tried to fight them, but they kicked me, hard. Then they ran. That’s why I was next to your shop, its safer in the light.” Hearing the deadpan voice recounting the horrific story Aziraphale barely managed to keep his face calm, nodding as he put a hand over the injury.

“Ruptured spleen I think.” He said. 

Crowley moved his own hand to confirm this and nodded gravely.

“Could be worse I suppose” He said, pushing enough energy through his hand to stop the bleeding and curb the pain. 

“He…she..the child will be fine I think” Crowley said, tripping a bit over gender, another human concept he found more annoying than anything he’d ever come up with. 

“’m a girl” The kid mumbled, so quietly they barely heard her. “it’s not safe to be a girl.” 

Crowley winced at the implications of that but decided it was best left alone for now. He moved his hand, leaving the child’s injuries looking much less concerning, but still there. 

“Dear, you didn’t quite finish,” Aziraphale said, looking confusedly at the half-healed injuries.

Crowley had always been better at healing, and he’d found it easier to explain his talents to his head-office. Heaven was very particular about who was healed; most suffering was ‘part of the plan.’ Hell however, had been sold on the idea that near-death experiences gave children time to learn the ways of sin, thus securing more souls for their side. It was one of Crowley’s favorite memos. 

“I want to keep her from dying, not send her out onto the street shouting about witches. As far as she’s concerned this has all been a strange dream.”

“But she’ll still be in pain, aren’t you dear?” Aziraphale said concerned. The girl shook her head.

“You thought I’d leave her in pain, ye of little faith.” Crowley said, looking genuinely insulted at the thought. “I just don’t want to attract any unnecessary attention until we figure out what needs to happen either here or from above or bellow, you know what happened the last time someone walked around miraculously healing the sick.” 

“What do you mean ‘what needs to happen’” Aziraphale said incredulously. “We’ll need to contact the authorities of course! Those vile creatures will answer for what they’ve done.” 

“Don’t go all righteous on me, you know as well as I do that the humans are questionable at best.” 

“Yes, well, we can’t just keep a child, I’m sure there’s someone looking for her.” Aziraphale said, sounding less sure of himself.

“You are not contacting…”

Crowley was interrupted by the child next to him curling into herself; apparently afraid enough to be pulling out from his influence well he was distracted. He let his hold on her fade, not wanting her to experience her mind fighting a demon and fairly sure she was beyond running. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. 

“Please don’t tell anyone I’m here. I’ll go if you want, but please my dad is the only one looking for me and if he finds me he’ll…he’ll…” She trailed off, too worked up to speak. Crowley shot Zira his best ‘see what you did’ look and put a hand on her back. 

“You’re safe here kid, relax” He said, doing his best to be calming. 

The girl, however, did not relax. Instead her breath got quicker Crowley felt her shaking as he rubbed her back. He winced as a puddle started spreading around her but didn’t move. Six millennia of on-and-off caring for children had gotten him used to most bodily fluids. Aziraphale was somewhat more concerned.

“Crowley, is she all right? What’s happening? She’s leaking.”  
“She’s fine angel she’s scared, but she’ll be fine. Why don’t you go run her a bath.” Crowley said pointedly before turning his attention back to the shaking child. 

“It’s fine kid really, your father cannot find you here.” He said, putting enough intention behind his words to make sure they were accurate. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just…” 

Crowley could tell the girl was working herself into a panic and cut her off. 

“It’s fine kid really, needed to mop in here anyway.”

He reached for the blanket on the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders. 

“Come on kid, let’s get you cleaned up.” He stood and offered her a hand, which she took shakily.

Crowley led her to the bathroom, where Aziraphale had indeed drawn a bath, complete with a family of yellow rubber ducks. 

“I’ll grab you some clothes, if you’re all right” Crowley said, excusing himself. 

He walked through the flat, finding, a new, conveniently placed spare bedroom and an angel fussing over its contents. 

“Is she still terribly upset dear,” Zira asked, clearly worried.

“Nah, she’ll be alright, she’s in the bath. Just maybe refrain from talking about the authorities for a bit eh?” Crowley replied, much more reined in now that he wasn’t sitting over a crying child. 

Aziraphale wrung his hands nervously. 

“Well, we will have to tell them at some point won’t we? We can’t just keep a child, there are rules and such, aren’t there?” Aziraphale asked. 

“There are rules for humans, we are not humans. And until we know what exactly she’s running from I think we should just keep her here, where she’s safe. Isn’t that in your job description anyway oh guardian of the eastern gate.”

“I suppose,” said Aziraphale, still sounding unsure.

“For now she’ll be needing pajamas, and I think cozy is more you’re area.” Crowley said, gesturing to the new, impressively fluffy, duvet. A second later he sound himself holding soft tartan pajamas. 

“Really angel, tartan.”

“Tartan’s stylish”

“It is not stylish” Crowley called, walking out of the room.

The girl emerged from the bathroom clad in the new pajamas and only then did Crowley realize that with all the confusion he’d been referring to her as ‘kid’ and ‘girl.’ 

“What’s your name kid? Sorry, should’ve asked earlier I suppose.”

The girl hesitated slightly, more out of instinct than anything else.

“Mine’s Crowley, the old bookworm is Aziraphale” Crowley offered.

“Audrey” she mumbled.

“It’s nice to meet you Audrey,” Crowley said, doing his best to ignore the anything-but-nice circumstances.


	2. Chapter 2

Crowley got Audrey settled in bed, only leaving once she’d assured him she was ok, and once he’d set up a nightlight and given her strict instructions to get him if she needed anything. 

Audrey sat in the new very cozy bed desperately trying to figure out how she was going to stay awake through the night. She was so tired her whole body felt heavy, as if she was made of lead. But she also knew that falling asleep here would be a very, very bad idea. She was in a flat with two strange men, and well she found herself feeling fairly safe around both them she didn’t yet trust the feeling, certainly not enough to make herself that vulnerable. And, even if she could convince herself to ignore the part of her mind demanding that she stay up and keep watch she knew there were other issues at play. 

Well, one other issue at least; one she was almost too ashamed to name even to herself. If she slept she would almost definitely wake up to wet sheets, and while they’d been nice about her making a mess of their floor she was sure that had been a one-time deal. She’d been hurt and panicking and they’d felt bad enough for her to drop it but now she was feeling so much better and they were sure to know that since they were the ones who had helped her. Surely if she wet tonight they would quickly realize that it wasn’t because she was hurt, like everyone else they’d know that she was simply a disgusting brat who hadn’t been properly housebroken. She shuddered at the thought.   
Audrey managed to keep herself awake for nearly two hours, digging her fingers into the fading bruise on her side every time she felt herself nodding off. Around 3 a.m. however, her body decided it could take no more and she found even physical pain didn’t push back the exhaustion. She fell into a fitful sleep shortly after. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, an angel and a demon were quietly bickering in the next room. Crowley was firmly denying that he should sleep; reminding Aziraphale that while it was something he enjoyed it was hardly something he needed. Aziraphale knew him far too well to believe a single word.

“Dear you need to rest, you’ve gotten your corporation used to it, and it won’t do to just stop suddenly. Don’t you remember the week Gabriel convinced me to give up eating?” He said exasperated. 

“Course I remember, longest 8 hours of my existence. You were so grouchy I thought you were going to come over to my side.” Crowley said, hoping to embarrass the angel into dropping the argument. Aziraphale blushed at the memory. 

“Well, that’s exactly my point. Not sleeping may not kill you but you certainly won’t be pleasant in the morning, and we have a young charge who would be rather terrified by a grouchy demon I believe.”

“You think I would be nasty to a child because I was a bit sleep deprived Angel, really?” Crowley replied testily. “It’s your side that has a habit of being nasty to kids, not mine, ineffable plans and necessary suffering and what not.”

“We are not on either side anymore, or have you forgotten.” Aziraphale replied, knowing better than to defend heaven’s track record with kids to Crowley. He’d had that argument and lost often enough to know the demon had a point. 

“Yes, well, sides or no I’m staying up tonight, I told her to get me if she needs anything and if she does I intend to be ready to help.”

“Dear, have you forgotten that I do not sleep, at least not on a regular basis? I’m happy to keep an ear out for the child while you get some rest.” Aziraphale offered, clearly offended that this possibility hadn’t occurred to Crowley. 

“She’s somewhat terrified of you right now, still thinks you want to send her back to the ones who hurt her, and in fairness she’s not wrong, you just want to add extra steps.” 

It was Aziraphale’s turn to be defensive. 

“You realize I am an actual angel right? The full ‘be not afraid’ version. My desire to do things properly doesn’t make me a threat to her. I’m sure the humans wouldn’t send her anywhere she would be unsafe.”

Crowley groaned, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes. 

“That is exactly it angel. Your too good, and too trusting of a system that is anything but trustworthy. They’ll send her back or they’ll put her somewhere just as unsafe, and she may not be lucky enough to find a friendly bookshop next time!” he snapped. 

Aziraphale deflated, knowing from the conviction in Crowley’s voice that he was speaking from knowledge or direct experience. Seeing the angel calm down Crowley did his best to follow suit. 

“It’s an awful system Angel, the type of mess my side can only dream of creating. Its not that its designed to be evil, there are just too many kids to look after, and not enough money or time to help them all. I’ve done my share of meddling trying to fix it but the whole thing is rotten, no way to do it without upsetting downstairs.” He explained quietly, resting his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder. Aziraphale bit his tongue to avoid asking the demon how on earth someone so kind had managed to fall. He put his hands up in defeat. 

“All right, no authorities, at least until we know the full story and can ensure her safety. Until then she’ll stay with us.” He conceded, stroking Crowley’s hair. The demon felt his eyelids drooping. 

“You’re tryna put me to sleep.” He accused, slurring his words just enough to show it was working. 

“Only for a few hours dearest, you do need it, and I’ll keep an eye on the little one. I’m sure she’ll sleep soundly anyway, the poor dear must be exhausted.” He said, guiding Crowley’s head to the pillow. The demon grunted, realizing he wasn’t going to win. 

“Fine, but stay up here where it’ll be easy for her to find you, and make sure the hallway light stays dimmed, and keep an ear out for her, she might be to scared to come get you, and if she gets herself worked up again wake me.” Crowley demanded. Aziraphale chuckled at how protective the demon was acting. 

“I’m sure we’ll be fine. Get some rest.” He assured. The demon’s eyes drifted shut. 

Aziraphale settled himself in a cozy chair in the flat’s small living room with one of the few books his shop had on child rearing. He’d picked it up when they were caring for Warlock, though he’d discarded it for more interesting reading when it became apparent Nanny Ashtoreth would be doing most of the actual child rearing and the book failed to contain a ‘how to keep your ward from ending the world’ section.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Audrey managed to sleep for a few hours, but that sleep quickly turned to nightmares as her mind tried to process everything that had happened. She woke up with a start in a tangle of sheets, trying frantically to remember where she was. After a few moments she managed to calm down enough to remember the bookshop and the kind men, only to immediately be faced with a new, equally terrifying problem. She felt a cooling wetness around her legs and, pulling back the covers to check she realized the nightmare wasn’t over yet. She had wet the bed. 

She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, trying to steady herself and keep herself from crying. This was bad, very bad and she needed to cleanup before they had the chance to realize what she’d done. 

As quietly as she could, she gathered the sheets and duvet into a bundle and went in search of a washing machine, sniffling softly. The pile of bedding was so big she could barely see over it and she didn’t notice the man sitting in the living room until she heard him speak. 

“What are you doing dear girl?” Aziraphale asked, as gently as he could, at a complete loss as to what she might be doing shuffling across the living room with all her bedding in the early hours of the morning. For all his cleverness the angel could be quite dense. 

Audrey froze and it would have appeared she’d been turned to stone if she wasn’t shaking so badly. Despite her best attempts to stop she found herself crying in earnest. She tried to come up with some excuse, or at least an apology, but the words caught in her throat. 

Aziraphale got up from his chair and quickly made his way over to the shaking child. Worried the shaking and crying might stem from an unhealed injury he attempted to move the bedding so he could get a proper look at her. This only made her grip it tighter, and seemed to increase the shaking ten-fold. 

“Please…no… sorry…no,” Audrey tried to tell him that she was sorry, or promise to clean up the mess, or simply beg him to leave her alone, but the words wouldn’t string together. It was at this moment Aziraphale caught a whiff of something that he knew was familiar, though he couldn’t quiet place it, he was sure he’d experienced the same scent a time or two while watching Warlock. 

“Love, its all right, whatever it is I’m sure its not worth all this fuss,” he tried to reassure Audrey, still trying to gently remove the bedding from her frantic grip. As he did so his hand brushed against something wet and finally it clicked. 

“It’s all right dear girl, we’ll just get you cleaned up and back to bed, no harm done.” He continued, trying to push an essence of calm into his words although he had a feeling that was something Gabriel had come up with in an attempt to sound ethereal. He finally managed to free the sheets from her hands and settled for eye contact instead. That seemed to be slightly more effective as the shaking slowed. 

“I assure you this is nothing worth crying over dear, it is very easily fixed.” He said, trying to reassure himself as well as the girl. He was used to offering comfort to humans but crying children who were too afraid to accept said comfort were not his forte. He briefly considered waking Crowley before deciding against it, knowing that the demon would not let himself go back to sleep if he realized the girl had woken up while he was sleeping. 

He offered her his hand, and after a few moments she took it and let him lead her towards the bathroom. 

“I’m really really really sorry.” She managed, watching her feet shuffle across the carpet. 

“There is nothing to be sorry for dear girl, it was hardly your fault, and at any rate it’s easily taken care of.”

They found the tub already full, simply because Aziraphale expected it to be. He wanted to stay and make sure she got on all right but he didn’t quite remember at what age humans started bathing themselves and knowing Crowley had offered her privacy earlier he assumed he ought to do the same. 

“You go ahead and clean up and I shall take care of the bed and get some fresh pajamas, call out if you need anything.” He said, leaving the door cracked for his own piece of mind, as he was still unsure about leaving the teary-eyed girl alone. 

The bed was dry and clean with a snap of his fingers and a clean, soft set of Tartan pajamas obediently appeared at the foot of the bed. He picked them up and headed back towards the bathroom, stopping by the living room to miracle away the mess of sheets. 

Audrey had tried to do as she was told, but she was so tired that the minute she slipped into the warm water she found her eyelids drooping. She managed to wet a washcloth and lather it with soap before she decided it wouldn’t be so terrible to let her eyes rest just for a second. 

Aziraphale knocked quietly on the door, and then knocked again a bit louder when he didn’t hear a response. 

“Audrey, dear child, I have clean things for you, are you ready to get dressed?” he called around the door. 

The only response he received was a quiet mumble. He repeated the question and received another nearly nonverbal answer, this time sounding as if it had come from half underwater. Carefully he opened the door a bit further and stuck his head into the bathroom, immediately noticing the girl laying half asleep, sliding into the water. He clicked his tongue and let himself the rest of the way in. Strange human concepts of modesty be damned, the poor child needed to get back to sleep in a proper bed, not in the bathtub. 

As gently as he could manage he lifted her enough to get her face out of the water. Her eyes flew open but she was too tired to really fight him, and for reasons she could not understand or explain, she didn’t particularly feel a need to. 

“I’m going to get you clean and then we will get you back to bed dear,” he explained, taking the washcloth from her. Audrey tensed as he moved to touch her. 

“Please, don’t hurt me, I’ll be good,” she whispered. Aziraphale felt his heart shatter. 

“I’m not going to hurt you love.” He promised. She didn’t entirely believe him but she knew better than to argue.

He made quick work of cleaning her up, before lifting her out of the bath and wrapping her in the fluffiest towel he could miracle up. By the time she was dry and dressed in fresh pajamas she was basically dead weight. 

“Let’s get you back to sleep love” He said kindly. 

He offered her a hand again, intending to lead her back to the bedroom, but she didn’t take it. Instead she remained seated on the toilet where he’d put her so he could fit her with fuzzy socks. Her head leaned back against the wall and he was unsure she was still awake. 

“Dear girl, would it be all right if I pick you up?” he asked gently rubbing her shoulder to wake her enough to answer. Hesitantly she nodded, figuring if he intended to hurt her he could do so either way. 

Aziraphale gently picked her up; careful to rest her head against his shoulder since she seemed to be making no effort to hold it up herself. He hummed quietly as he walked her back to the spare bedroom and got her settled, and by the time he had her tucked in she was sound asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Crowley woke to a quiet house. His angel had returned to pouring over the childcare book, which had left him with more questions than answers. Audrey was still sleeping soundly, too deep in her exhaustion to be plagued by any further nightmares.

He got dressed, aiming to be a bit less intimidating, skipping the usual snake’s head belt and donning black jeans and a grey shirt, and after a moment of consideration, the red tartan scarf he had ended up with after Aziraphale and he had switched corporations. 

He made his way to the kitchen, debating what to make for breakfast. He considered simply miracling something up, but Aziraphale swore miracled food didn’t compare to the real thing and he was pretty sure the too-thin child could use the real thing. 

After a bit of digging he settled on porridge, being both healthy enough and something he could bribe the child into eating with sugar if he needed too. He’d just set it on the stove when Aziraphale came looking for him, book in hand. Aziraphale wrapped an arm around Crowley, planting a kiss on his cheek. 

“Dearest, are you cooking breakfast?” he asked, pleasantly confused. 

“Why so surprised, you know I can cook.”

“I know you can cook, it’s just, well, you don’t often choose to. Certainly not before noon.” Aziraphale said, stealing one of the berries Crowley was washing. Crowley smacked Aziraphale’s hand away. 

“Those are for the porridge!” He chided. Aziraphale grabbed another few raspberries and quickly moved out of reach, flashing a taunting smile at the demon.

“Bastard,” Crowley said, rolling his eyes. 

“Did you sleep well dearest?” Aziraphale asked. 

“Like the dead, I take it the girl stayed asleep too?”

Aziraphale nodded figuring it wasn’t technically a lie if he didn’t say anything. 

Crowley looked at the bright orange book still tucked into Aziraphale’s hand, noting the change from his usual reading material. 

“Parenting with Love and Logic Angel, really?” He teased. “I thought we were only keeping her until we could insure her safety? I fall asleep for five hours and you go full Mr. Mom on me?”

“A bit of advice hardly seemed out of place, and some of it is quite helpful. Besides the selection of child-rearing texts I have in stock is rather limited, this seemed more fitting then one from the 1800’s. 

“Why are you making Porridge of all things? I forgot it was even in the cabinet.” He asked, changing the topic. 

“Seemed easy, kid friendly and somewhat healthy.” Crowley answered. 

“Yes, but don’t you think she could do with something a bit more fun? And a bit more substantial? We have the time, why don’t we have a fry up?” He said, already moving to the fridge. “I think she’s finally sleeping soundly so we ought to have time.”

Crowley stopped him as he turned around with an armful of eggs, assorted pork products, and tomatoes. 

“She doesn’t need a fry up, she’s still recovering from who knows what the last thing she needs is you feeding her half a pig.” He said, taking things and putting them back in the fridge. 

“And what do you mean ‘finally sleeping’?” He added suspiciously. 

“I just meant, well, she arrived rather late, and it took a bit to get her settled, it was quite late by the time the poor dear was asleep.” Aziraphale backpedaled. “And I don’t see why she can’t have a more exciting breakfast than porridge,” He added, eager to change the topic. 

“Porridge is healthy, and if she hasn’t been eating enough or if she’s been eating crap than it’s less likely to upset her stomach, a fry up is just going to make her sick.” Crowley said, returning to stirring the pot on the stove. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow.

“And when did you become such an expert dear? I wasn’t aware they were giving nutrition courses in hell.” He said, rather annoyed he was being lectured about healthy food by someone who didn’t typically eat. 

That struck a nerve and Crowley glared at him but didn’t respond, there were still some things he wasn’t sharing with his angel. 

“Are you sure she can’t at least have some eggs as well dear? She really is terribly light.” Aziraphale said.

“Terribly light?” Crowley asked, now both suspicious and happy to have a reason the shift the focus to his angel. “How exactly do you know she’s light, Angel?”

Aziraphale shifted nervously, realizing he’d gotten himself caught. 

“Well, I’d almost forgotten, she was up last night, just very briefly, really it was so quick I’d nearly forgotten.” He blabbered nervously. 

Crowley’s glare intensified. 

“You said she hadn’t woken up.” He hissed. 

“Actually dear, I never said that, I just didn’t say she had,” Aziraphale responded. Crowley put the spoon down and whipped around to face his angel. 

“I asked you to wake me if she needed anything angel, what happened?” He demanded. 

“Actually dear, you only said to wake you if she got herself worked up again, and I was able to calm her down fairly quickly, and it seemed silly to interrupt your rest over something I could easily fix.”

“Angel, WHAT HAPPENED?” Crowley repeated, resisting the urge to shake the answer out of his angel. 

“The poor dear had a bit of a nightmare I think, she walked into the living room with a pile of wet sheets and still in wet clothes. She was trying to clean it up herself I think, the poor thing, she truly thought I was going to be upset with her, Crowley she pleaded with me not to hurt her,” Aziraphale said, upsetting himself by recounting the whole ordeal. 

“She wet the bed? Poor kid must have been scared out of her mind. Did she get cleaned up ok? Are you sure she got back to sleep?” Crowley cut him off with his own stream of worry.

“Well, in the end I cleaned her up, she was far too tired to do so herself. And yes, I’m sure she got back to sleep, she was already out by the time I got her back in bed. ”

“You cleaned her up? Angel we said no miracles, it’s only been a few months since the attempted end of the world, using miracles on humans is a surefire way to attract attention from your office, and maybe mine as well! Not to mention the potential of scaring the shit out of her!” he scolded. 

“Language dear, and calm down, you’ll wake her up and scare her yourself if you’re not careful.” Aziraphale said. Crowley glared at him but shut his mouth, knowing the Angel was right. 

“And for the record I didn’t miracle anything, while at least not anything on her person. I left her to bathe, but the poor dear nearly fell asleep in the tub. I know humans need their privacy, but leaving her in danger of drowning hardly seemed appropriate.”  
Crowley let out something between a sigh and a groan. 

“And your sure she got back to sleep all right, there isn’t anything else I should know about?” He asked. 

“No, that’s the bulk of it. I am sorry I didn’t tell you dearest, its just, well, I knew you would worry yourself terribly and you did need to sleep.” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley sighed again. 

“It’s fine angel, no harm done I suppose, and I’m glad she found one of us.” He conceded. He turned the burner off on the stove.

Aziraphale glanced at the clock, it was nearing half ten and he assumed the girl would be up soon. He grabbed bowls out of the cabinet and began to spoon porridge into them, allowing Crowley to arrange berries on the top.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting in the kitchen drinking tea, Aziraphale reading his ridiculous book and Crowley trying to pretend he wasn’t reading over the angel’s shoulder. They heard soft footsteps in the hall. 

“Audrey, we’re in here kid, come have some breakfast,” Crowley called. 

The footsteps hesitated for a minute, before coming towards the kitchen. 

“Good morning dear.” Aziraphale greeted Audrey, smiling brightly as she stepped into the kitchen. 

“Good Morning” she mumbled quietly. 

“Come sit with us kid, we were just about to eat.” Crowley invited, standing up to get the bowls, which were still warm and fresh as he expected them to be. 

“Thank you,” she mumbled, eyeing the food cautiously, trying to figure out what type of trap this might be. 

Crowley put a bowl in front of Aziraphale and a bowl in front of himself, which earned him a somewhat surprised look from his angel. 

“Did you sleep ok kid?” Crowley asked, taking a bite of his breakfast and doing his best not to make a face at the texture. He didn’t mind some foods but porridge was rather gooey for his tastes. 

Audrey nodded, moving her spoon around in her bowl. After seeing both men take a few bites she decided to try it, and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was quite good. She took a few more bites and soon began to wolf it down, both because she was starving and because she was afraid it might get taken away. 

“Easy kid, it’s not going anywhere,” Crowley said gently. Audrey slowed her pace for a minute before going back to shoveling food in as fast as possible. Crowley decided this was better left alone, at least for now. He went back to quietly chatting with Aziraphale, not wanting the girl to feel overwhelmed. 

“There’s more on the stove if you want it kid,” Crowley offered, noting that Audrey had finished her bowl. She looked at him hesitantly and Crowley got up to give himself another small scoop. 

“Can I have a bit more too dearest?” said Aziraphale, taking the hint. 

Audrey watched all of this carefully; deciding that if both of them were having more it was probably ok for her to do so as well. Crowley put out his hand for her bowl. 

“Want a bit more kid?” he offered again. 

Audrey nodded before quickly correcting her manners and adding, “yes, please.” 

Crowley filled her bowl again and handed it back to her. He took a deep breath and braced himself for a more difficult conversation. 

“So, kid, we’ve been talking about having you stay here, and we’ve agreed that at least for the time being that is probably safest.” He said gently. 

Audrey looked at him nervously, unable to make herself say anything. 

“But, we do need to know what brought you here, or at least who might be looking for you,” Crowley continued apologetically. 

“Not that we’re going to contact anyone dear girl, its just rather hard to ward, I mean protect, against people we know nothing about.” Aziraphale added hastily. 

Audrey regarded them cautiously for a moment, knowing that she wasn’t supposed to discuss anything about her home with strangers and not quite believing that they wouldn’t send her back. But the white haired one was looking at her with such care and neither of them looked like they were lying, and she really didn’t want to need to leave. She took a deep breath to steady herself. 

“My dad is the only one who would be looking for me, but I ran away a long time ago and he hasn’t found me yet, I’m not sure he’s really looking,” she mumbled. 

“Why did you run away?” Crowley asked, keeping his voice level. Audrey bit her lip, avoiding Crowley’s eyes. Crowley was smart enough to wait. After a few minutes the awkwardness persuaded Audrey to fill the silence. 

“He kept getting meaner. It was my fault; I kept making messes and getting in trouble. I wasn’t being careful one day and tripped and hit the TV and it broke and I knew he’d be really really mad, and I got really scared and I just left.” She explained quietly. 

“It was absolutely not your fault, dear no matter what you did.” Aziraphale said fiercely, so upset he was nearly glowing in full righteous anger. Thankfully Crowley managed to keep himself a bit calmer, knowing that anger would just scare Audrey. He put a hand on the Angel’s shoulder. 

“Thank you for telling us kid, that was very brave. And my ang…husband is right, there is no way it was your fault, sometimes people are just dicks.” Crowley said. Aziraphale did not correct his language, he was both angry enough to agree and too excited at being addressed as Crowley’s husband. 

Audrey shrugged, not believing them but not wanting to explain what a bad kid she was to the same men she was relying on for shelter. 

“How long ago was this?” Crowley asked, knowing that for kids a long time could mean anything from a few days to months. 

Audrey shrugged again, not entirely sure. 

“I think three weeks, but I don’t know. It was before they put up the Christmas lights.” She offered. Crowley and Aziraphale shared a look, knowing that meant she’d been on her own at least a month. Aziraphale took a deep breath. 

“Well dear, I’m terribly sorry it took so long, but I am remarkably glad you found us.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friendly reminder to read the tags and a warning that there is a messing scene at the end of the chapter (nothing terribly graphic but its there).
> 
> Also I can't believe people have actually read this/left kudos. I'm flattered and very excited.

Aziraphale went downstairs to have a sternly worded chat with the doors and windows about people who were specifically not allowed in the shop. He also put a note on the door explaining that the shop was closed for renovation. 

Meanwhile, Crowley began to wash the dishes from breakfast. 

“I can do that.” Audrey offered quickly, hoping she wouldn’t be called ungrateful for not offering to do it before Crowley started.

“You can help dry if you want.” Crowley said, offering her the towel.

“Are you sure? I can wash them too.” She said nervously.

“It’s fine kid, I got it.” He said. 

Audrey hesitantly took the towel and did as she was asked, being very careful not to drop anything. 

“So kid, tell me about you.” Crowley said figuring that with the hard conversation out of the way this should be easy. He was wrong.

Audrey shrugged, not sure what to say. Crowley wracked his brain; sure he’d never met a kid this quiet. He decided on a new approach. 

“Want to play a game?” He asked her. 

“Right now?” Audrey asked, perking up a bit. 

“Yup, it’s called two truths and a lie.” Crowley said, pleased with himself. 

“How do you play?”

“We each say three things, two true and one lie, the other person tries to guess which one isn’t true.” Crowley explained. Audrey looked a bit suspicious but she wanted to play. 

“You go first.” She said after a moment of consideration. Crowley nodded.

“Ok, one: I hate snakes, two: I know all the constellations, three: I can speak Chinese.” Crowley said, stumbling a bit as he realized he’d accidentally put himself on the spot.

Audrey bit her lip, looking at him carefully for a minute and noticing the tattoo on his temple.

“You don’t hate snakes,” she said, proud of herself. Crowley smiled brightly.

“Very observant kid. That makes it your turn,” He told her.

Audrey thought for a minute, not sure what she was willing to reveal. 

“One: I’m six years old, Two: I can whistle really loud, Three: my favorite color is purple.” She said, watching him to see if she’d tricked him. 

Crowley put on his best thinking face, looking her up and down to show she’d really stumped him. She giggled quietly. 

“Hmmm, I bet you can’t whistle that loud.” Crowley said finally. Audrey giggled again. 

“I can too, watch!” She said, putting down the pot she was drying and hooking her fingers into her mouth, letting out her best wolf whistle, before interrupting herself with a fit of giggles. Aziraphale heard the whistle and quickly headed upstairs, assuming something was wrong. Audrey, hearing the footsteps and realizing how loud she’d been, slapped her hands over her mouth.

“Sorry, sorry” She said, back to the very quiet voice. Crowley, resisting the urge to find and personally smite the girl’s father, let himself laugh instead. 

“It’s fine kid, you were right that’s quite the whistle.” He praised her, which got her to relax a bit. 

“What happened? I heard whistling?” Aziraphale said, walking back into the kitchen utterly confused.

“Audrey and I were playing two truths and a lie, turns out she can indeed whistle really loud.” Crowley explained. Aziraphale chuckled at the explanation, noting how Audrey perked up a bit. 

“So kid, if that wasn’t the lie what was it?” Crowley asked.

“I’m eight years old,” Audrey said, emphasizing the difference. Crowley opened his mouth, making himself look as surprised as possible. 

“Of course! How could I have missed that!” He said, glancing at Aziraphale. Both were genuinely surprised to hear the girl’s age, fairly certain she should be a good deal bigger. 

A few more rounds of two truths and a lie revealed that Audrey liked dogs, could stand on her head, hated broccoli, and knew how to cook an impressive (and concerning) number of meals. 

She’d also learned that both men spoke languages she hadn’t heard of, Crowley knew a lot about space, and neither of them would give her an exact age but both were, as they put it, very very old.

With all the dishes clean they ended up in the living room, watching Mulan, which was one of Crowley’s favorites, not that he’d ever admit it. 

By the middle of the movie Audrey was feeling decidedly uncomfortable. She had been eating nearly nothing for the past few weeks, and her stomach was not terribly happy with suddenly having a full breakfast. She curled into herself on the couch, trying to will the cramps away. Crowley tried to rub her back but she squirmed away, not wanting him to find out she wasn’t feeling well.

By the end of the movie she was positively miserable and she really just wanted to go hide and lay down. Unfortunately Crowley and Aziraphale both assumed she’d just returned to her nervous quietness and they were determined to help get her out of her shell. 

“Wanna help us make lunch kid? I’m thinking pasta,” Crowley asked, already headed to the kitchen. Audrey desperately wanted to tell him no, but she knew that no one really cared if she wanted to help, they were just letting her know what was expected. She nodded shakily and followed Crowley and Aziraphale to the kitchen, slightly hunched over. 

Crowley had her stir tomato sauce and add all sorts of ingredients to it. She did as she was asked, not paying much attention. Crowley and Aziraphale were concerned by how quiet she was and how uncomfortable she seemed, but neither of them wanted to spook her by pushing for answers. 

Once Crowley deemed the pasta sauce ready she moved away from the stove hovering by the door to the kitchen. She tried to gather enough courage to ask permission to leave, and after a few minutes her body made the decision for her. She was hit by a cramp so intense she had to bite her tongue to keep from crying out. 

“I, um I’ll be right back,” she said frantically, running out of the room, determined to find a safe place to hide until her body sorted itself out. 

\--------------------------------

“Should we go after her dear?” Aziraphale asked Crowley, clearly concerned. 

“Let’s give it a minute, she might just need the toilet.” Crowley said; doing his best not to sound worried.   
\---------------------------------

Audrey went back to the guest room, and curled up under the bed. At this point she was pretty sure what her body needed to do, but she didn’t want to get in trouble for messing up their bathroom and she was hoping it would just go away. 

Unfortunately her stomach had other ideas. When she felt something beginning to push it’s way out she tried to cut her losses and run for the bathroom, but it was too late. Her abused body decided it had waited long enough and she found herself trapped still halfway under the bed, pushing everything out into her new pajama pants. She whimpered, trying and failing to stop it. Soon her bladder cut out as well, leaving her sitting in a puddle and utterly terrified. Unsure where to even begin cleaning this up Audrey decided to hide from it instead, crawling as far under the bed as she could. 

Thankfully, Crowley was once again plagued by the feeling of human fear, which alerted him to the fact that all was not quite right. 

“Now, we go after her,” he told Aziraphale, already headed out of the kitchen. Finding the girl’s bedroom door closed he knocked lightly, giving her the chance to answer. 

“Audrey, kid, you ok? Do you want to come have some lunch?” he called. 

“No thank you, I’m not hungry” She replied tearfully, trying to shoo them away. However, the teary, fearful voice did nothing but confirm Crowley’s suspicions. 

“Audrey, what’s wrong? Can we come in?” He tried again. 

“I’m fine, everything’s fine I promise,” she replied desperately. 

“Dear girl, you do not sound fine, we’re just going to come in and check up, and then if you want to be left alone you can be.” Aziraphale called, pushing past Crowley to open the door. He was not going to leave the child in pain because she was too afraid to tell them what was wrong. As they walked in both quickly noticed a few things out of place. Crowley pointed to his nose, commenting on the rather distinct smell without saying anything to upset the girl, and Aziraphale looked around the room, trying to find the missing girl. 

“Audrey, child where are you?” he called out gently. 

“Please just go away,” she begged, not stopping to think that talking would let them know exactly where she was. 

Crowley knelt by the bed, noticing the puddle as he did so. 

“Kid its ok, it was an accident.” He said, peering in at the terrified girl curled up under the bed. 

“I’ll clean it up, I promise, I didn’t mean too!” She pleaded. 

“Dear girl we know you didn’t mean to, that is generally what the word accident refers to,” Aziraphale said, kneeling next to Crowley. 

“We can clean it up kid its fine, its not a big deal,” Crowley reiterated. “Now why don’t you come out of there and we’ll get you into some clean clothes.” He said offering her a hand. Audrey shook her head violently.

“No! I’m gonna get out there and then you’re gonna hit! Please just go away!” She cried

“Dear child I assure you neither of us is going to hurt you, we just want to help you get clean. You do want to get cleaned up don’t you?” Aziraphale said keeping his voice as calming as possible. Once again Audrey found herself trusting him more than she could explain. Hesitantly she nodded. 

“Come on then, lets get you sorted,” Aziraphale said, offering her his hand, which she managed to take after a brief moment of hesitation. 

“I promise I didn’t mean to, it just all came out.” She tried to explain, feeling very exposed once she was out of her hiding spot. Aziraphale put his hand on her back to steady her.

“Relax kid, it happens, bodies just do what they want sometimes.” Crowley said, doing his best to be reassuring. 

“Do you want to clean up by yourself child? Or would you like some help?” Aziraphale asked her, really not wanting to make her deal with this by herself. Audrey hesitated. 

“I can do it myself.” She said, trying her best to sound confident. 

“He didn’t ask if you could kid, he asked what you wanted. Do you want to do it yourself?” Crowley asked again, seeing through the bravado. 

“I don’t want to make you do it, its gonna be gross.” She mumbled, avoiding their eyes. 

“Oh child, its hardly of any consequence, its just what bodies do. You do not need to take care of it yourself for our benefit.” Aziraphale said, continuing to rub her back. Audrey looked down at herself. She still wasn’t sure about asking them for help, but she also had no idea how to take care of this herself and she was pretty sure making a bigger mess would get her in trouble. Finally she decided that the white haired man had been nice to her the night before and maybe he would be again. 

“Will you help me?” She asked him, her voice just barely audible. Aziraphale nodded. 

“Of course, child, I told you I would,” he said. He carefully picked her up, realizing he was going to make a mess of himself in doing so but far more concerned with getting her calmed down and clean. Audrey froze in his grip having the same realization.

“I can walk, I’m gross, you don’t want to touch me.” She said frantically. 

“Its all right child, clothes are easily washed.” He told her gently.

He got her into the bathroom and set her down, starting the water to the tub and Expecting it to be ready by the time she was undressed. He got Audrey undressed and mostly mess free as gently as he could. Repeating that she wasn’t in trouble and that he wasn’t upset since she kept apologizing. Then he got her settled in the tub with a few toys. She hesitantly began to move one of the ducks around and Aziraphale smiled, glad to see she was calming down. 

Since he had her in the tub he decided to wash her hair, which desperately needed it. He did his best to detangle it without hurting her, before gently massaging her head as he rinsed it. She was unsure at first but soon she leaned into his touch, finally letting herself relax. Once she was fully calm he got her the rest of the way clean and dressed in the clothes Crowley had brought in; Soft black pants, a red shirt, and black fuzzy socks, he could practically hear the demon declaring ‘no more tartan’.

Crowley had also gotten Audrey’s room cleaned up and lunch ready, all while trying not to be offended she’d chosen Aziraphale over him.

Aziraphale sent Audrey to the kitchen while he went to change his own shirt. She stopped in the doorway eyeing Crowley nervously. 

“Feel better kid?” He asked her softly. 

She nodded hesitantly. 

“I’m glad to hear it. Lets get you some lunch then.” He said gesturing for her to come sit down.


	5. Chapter 5

Audrey picked at her lunch, her stomach still felt a bit sore, but she knew better than to turn down food when it was offered. She managed to force down about half of her meal before asking politely to be excused. Crowley started to tell her she could be when Aziraphale stopped him. 

“Wait just a second dear, I think it would be wise for us to go over the rules if you are going to be staying here.” He said. His book was very specific about setting rules and boundaries with children and he thought that was perfectly sensible. 

Audrey, however, took this to mean that she was in trouble. After all, the only time grown-ups wanted to talk about rules was when they wanted to tell her which one she’d broken. She began to bite her lip nervously, avoiding his eyes but not daring to leave the table. Crowley shot Aziraphale a look before cutting in. 

“You’re not in trouble kid, you haven’t done anything wrong. It just might be nice to know what they are, yeah?” He said.

“No, of course you’re not in trouble dear, and the rules are for us, as well as you.” Aziraphale added, seeing his mistake. 

“Ok…” Audrey said, confused and nervous about where this was heading. 

“Let’s write them down,” Aziraphale said, grabbing a piece of paper from the counter. “Firstly, I’d like you to tell us if you need help. We are hardly mind readers and we cannot help you if we don’t know you need it.” He said firmly.

Audrey shifted nervously, knowing that she was unlikely to follow that rule.

“Second, we do not harm each other, no matter what happens.” Aziraphale continued. Audrey looked at him skeptically, unsure why he was saying ‘we’ instead of ‘you.’

“He means no one is hitting anyone, or doing anything else nasty for that matter. Wouldn’t exactly be fair to tell you to keep your hands to yourself and not have the same rule for us,” Crowley clarified. Audrey still wasn’t sure but she didn’t question it further. 

“Third, we clean up after ourselves.” Said Aziraphale, writing the rules on the sheet. Crowley nodded, somewhat distracted as he thought about what toys they should get her, knowing telling a kid to clean their room only really mattered when there were toys to be picked up. 

Audrey nodded again, a fresh wave of panic rising in her as she thought about the messes she’d already failed to clean up by herself. She had known it was too good to be true but she wasn’t ready to hear it out loud. 

“Fourth, you may not leave the flat without us. Not that you’re a prisoner here of course, but it wouldn’t be safe for us to simply leave you on your own again,” said Aziraphale, as he finished writing. 

“Does that all make sense kid?” Crowley asked, assuming the girl would have questions. 

Audrey did have questions but she didn’t want to come off as a brat by questioning their rules, so she simply shook her head. Crowley looked at her in disbelief, he was pretty sure pushing and questioning the rules was a universal kid thing; it was part of why he liked them. 

“Are you sure? You think they’re all fair?” He asked again. Audrey nodded again, doing her best to look confident. 

“I’ll be good, I’m good at following rules,” she promised.

Crowley didn’t like the sound of that but he let it go, assuming she was still a bit shaken up from her accident. 

“I’m going to hang them right here on the fridge, so if you forget them they will be right here for you.” Aziraphale said. His book had talked about the importance of having a copy of the rules children could see and he intended to follow the advice.

“Did you get enough lunch, kid?” Crowley asked, noticing Audrey’s half-full bowl. 

“Yes, thank you so much, I won’t waste it, I can finish it,” she replied quickly grabbing her fork.

“You don’t have to finish it if you don’t want to kid, we can put it in the fridge.” Crowley told her, not wanting her to force herself to eat when her stomach was clearly upset.

“Yes please, I promise I’ll finish it later.” Audrey replied, incredibly relieved to not have to try to force it down.

“Well, what shall we do with the afternoon?” Aziraphale asked. He wasn’t completely unfamiliar with kids, but he’d always had a lesson to give, or a garden to tend. Having no structure was uncharted territory and he was rather uncomfortable in it. 

Crowley shrugged, surprised to find himself facing the same dilemma. He’d always at least had toys to work with, or the goal of encouraging all-consuming evil. Their flat had very little to entertain a kid and he wasn’t eager to start coaching the next Angel of the Bottomless Pit. 

“Maybe Audrey would enjoy some of the new kid’s books you’ve gotten?” he finally offered, hoping that Aziraphale would be able to miracle up at something that would interest her.

“Of course, why don’t we go have a look?” Aziraphale said, very excited at the prospect of the girl being interested in books. 

Audrey was exhausted, having not gotten a proper nights sleep in weeks, she had managed to get some sleep the night before but it hadn’t been nearly enough to make up for all the nights she’d gone without. However, she heard Aziraphale’s enthusiasm and she didn’t want to upset him.

“That sounds great,” she said, getting up to follow him.

Aziraphale led her to a newly decorated kids corner down in the shop. It was stocked with the kid’s titles he’d heard of, as well as a number of the books that had appeared in the shop following the whole ordeal at the airbase. Audrey found that she was indeed interested by many of the books, especially the ones that included beautiful pictures. 

“Are you sure I’m allowed?” She asked nervously. “I don’t have any money, I can’t buy any.”

“Of course you are allowed dear girl, take as many as you like.” Aziraphale told her. 

Audrey was still unsure of herself but she ended up with a small stack of books including Where the Wild Things Are, The Lorax, and one called Zog, which Aziraphale had never heard of. 

“Those look like excellent selections.” He praised her. “Why don’t we go back upstairs and we can read one together?” 

Audrey nodded, letting him lead her back up to the flat’s living room. Crowley was walking around the flat, verbally assaulting the plants that had moved in with him, although he was careful to adjust his language when he heard them coming up the stairs. 

Aziraphale sat down on the couch and motioned for Audrey to join him. She did so although she felt tense and awkward, no one had ever read to her before and she didn’t really know what she was supposed to do. 

Aziraphale pulled the first book from the stack, feeling much more in his element with it in hand. He opened it and began to read, breaking out several voices he hadn’t used since Warlock was young and a certain nanny was in desperate need of a break. 

Audrey relaxed as she lost herself in the story, which proved to be problematic. She knew it would be very rude to fall asleep while Aziraphale was reading to her, but with her stomach finally full and calm, and finally feeling warm and safe, she was having a hard time doing anything else. She wrapped her hand around her injured side; trying the same trick she’d used the night before. Pushing on the bruise didn’t hurt too badly at first, and it was effective. But by the time Aziraphale started the second story it was really making her uncomfortable. 

She decided to move her hand, assuming she could manage to stay awake for a few minutes on her own. Aziraphale noticed her shifting around and began to rub her back, hoping to help her settle down. That worked a bit too well and he ended up with a child asleep against his shoulder less than five minutes later. 

He was somewhat pleased with himself; glad the girl was getting some much-needed rest. He was also somewhat stuck, unable to move without jostling her. 

“Crowley” he whispered, hoping the demon was close enough to hear him. “Crowwwleeyy, Crowwleyyy” 

Finally the demon walked into the living room holding a plant-mister and a small, somewhat sickly looking seedling. 

“Angel, why are you…” Crowley trailed off, seeing the problem. “You know, the whispering is not as quiet as you think it is.” He said, carefully picking the girl up, managing not to wake her. 

“Well, dearest I was rather stuck.” Aziraphale said, getting up. 

“Did that to yourself.” Crowley said, carrying the girl towards her bedroom. He was lucky enough to have some practice in this area, as Warlock had never willingly taken a nap.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
Once she was settled he and Aziraphale ended up in the living room with a bottle of wine, feeling somewhat exhausted themselves. 

“What time is it?” Crowley asked. He’d sprawled himself across Aziraphale and the sofa and couldn’t be bothered to move and check. Aziraphale managed to free his pocket-watch after a moment of struggle. 

“Just after four, dear.”

“Seven-and-a-half-hours.” Crowley mumbled. 

“Seven-and-a-half-hours until what dearest?”

“No, angel, since. Seven-and-a-half-hours since she woke up. Seven-and-a-half-hours and I’m so tired I could sleep for a month. We didn’t even do anything!” Crowley complained. 

“Well it was rather nerve-wracking, wasn’t it?” Aziraphale said, letting his head flop back against the sofa.

“That might be the understatement of the century angel. I swear, she’s so afraid all the time, it feels like my skin is being misted with holy water.”

Aziraphale turned to face Crowley, jostling him in the process. The demon groaned.

“Why exactly is it affecting your skin dear?” he asked, very concerned. 

Crowley groaned again. 

“It’s nothing angel. Stop moving.” Crowley said, trying to wiggle his way back into a comfortable position. Aziraphale forced him to sit up instead. 

“Dear, you can’t just say you’re in pain and then expect me to ignore it, especially if you’re going to call me your husband.” He said. 

Crowley groaned yet again, accepting defeat. 

“Fine angel. You can sense love right?”

“Well, yes, I suppose. I can sense when something is loved, although it’s easier when the feeling is close or exceptionally strong. And it has to be true love, not lust or surface affection or…” Crowley cut him off. 

“Well, I may have lost that in the fall but turns out She couldn’t take it completely.” Crowley said. Aziraphale remained confused. 

“I can feel it when humans are especially afraid, at least when its very intense or when I go looking for it. It can be somewhat annoying; fearful lot humans.” Crowley clarified. 

“But that hardly makes any sense. Why would She want demons to be able to feel fear? Hatred or spookiness seems far more appropriate.” Aziraphale said, trying to make sense of the new information. 

“For the last time angel, no one goes around sensing spookiness. And you shouldn’t ask questions you won’t like the answers to.”

“What do you mean? None of us have the answers, the whole thing is…”

“This isn’t ineffable. It’s easy to convince the loving to do heavenly things, and it’s easy to convince the fearful to do hellish ones. Makes horrifically perfect sense.” Crowley was becoming a bit ruthless with his desire to get away from this particular topic. 

Aziraphale finally took the hint and let it drop. 

“How do we get the poor dear to be less afraid then?” he mused. “I’ve told her repeatedly she has no reason to be, but she clearly doesn’t believe it.”

“It hasn’t been long enough angel, she’s not going to trust you just because you tell her to.”

“But it would make it so much easier if she did. I’m an angel for go…someone’s sake, the humans are supposed to innately trust me.” He pouted.

“Well, she’s let you bathe her and hold her, which is far more than I would have expected on the first day.” Crowley said, still a bit put out that the girl seemed to gravitate towards Aziraphale. 

“You’re the one who had her playing games earlier, she’s hardly said 15 words to me.” Aziraphale said, still sulking.

“Yeah, she had warmed up a bit before her stupid corporation betrayed her. You see now why I didn’t want to feed her a full fry up?” Crowley comforted himself knowing he’d been right about at least one thing today.

“Yes, although it appears she still could have done with something blander. Perhaps toast or rice would be good for dinner.” Aziraphale mused. 

Crowley shook his head, sighing. 

“It’s just going to be rough for a bit, I think. Her body is exacting its revenge now that it knows she’s not starving.” 

“Poor dear, I do hope it’s not too bad. Are you sure you can’t just fix it? It would only be one small miracle, surely bellow wouldn’t notice.” Aziraphale attempted to tempt the demon. 

“It’s not really something that can be miracled away. It’s not healing so much as her corporation recalibrating itself a bit. And at any rate, we really shouldn’t be performing any unnecessary miracles, at least not on humans. That type of thing draws attention.” Crowley said unhappily. 

“Well, we ought to keep a careful eye on it then. She may need to see a human doctor if nothing else.” Aziraphale said, finally leaning back on the couch so Crowley could sprawl across him again. 

“We ought to rest while we can Angel. I’m sure she’ll be up soon enough.” Crowley closed his eyes. Aziraphale hummed in agreement, reaching for his book and carefully balancing it on Crowley’s back, hoping to find some answers while the demon napped.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter cause it kept annoying me. 
> 
> Also I love all the comments and kudos, they keep me writing because I am shallow and need constant praise and attention :-)

Audrey slept for just over an hour, mercifully she was still too tired to dream. She woke slowly, struggling to remember where she was and how she’d gotten there. She was sure she’d been on the couch when she fell asleep. Soon it came back to her and she found herself hoping she hadn’t offended Aziraphale too badly. 

She stretched and shifted, feeling uncomfortable, as her legs and bum were cold and wet. She froze at the realization, this couldn’t be happening. Not again, not so soon after the first time. And definitely not right after they’d told her the rules and she’d promised to follow them. This was definitely her mess, and she was sure she needed to clean it up, but she had no idea how to actually do that. She didn’t know where their washing machine was or how it worked, and she couldn’t go looking for it without getting caught. Lost, she stared down at the bed trying her best to come up with a plan. 

Audrey decided that if she could wait until the middle of the night she might be able to get things washed while they were asleep. It would also give her a reason not to fall asleep again. She balled up the sheets and hid them under her bed, as far back as she could get them. Then there was the problem of her clothes; her shirt and socks were fine, but she was sure they’d notice the smell even if she hid until her pants dried. She went looking in the wardrobe and managed to find another pair of black pants; similar enough she thought they would notice. She found herself some clean underwear as well and got changed, not bothering to clean herself up since she didn’t have anything to clean up with. She hid the pants with her sheets and pulled the duvet over the bed.

Once she finished hiding the evidence Audrey wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She puttered around the room for a while, but aside from the closet of clothes there wasn’t much to be explored. She then tried to sit quietly, but she got bored quickly and she realized she was also very hungry. Asking them for food seemed like a very dangerous idea, but then she remembered Crowley had put her plate from lunch in the fridge. She would probably at least be allowed to have that. Doing her best to be brave she headed to the kitchen. 

Aziraphale heard the fridge open and roused Crowley, who was still napping on top of him. 

Audrey found the bowl in the fridge and had just pulled it out when a sleepy eyed demon and slightly more awake angel stumbled into the room. 

“I’m just finishing my food from earlier, I promise I’m not taking anything else!” Audrey said quickly. She knew better than to steal food and she didn’t want to get kicked out for something she wasn’t even doing. 

“Relax kid, its fine. Give it here and I’ll warm it up for you,” Crowley said, putting out his had for the bowl. 

“Did you have a nice nap, dear girl?” Aziraphale asked.

“Yes, thank you, I’m sorry I fell asleep.” Audrey responded nervously, avoiding his eyes.

“That’s quite all right dear, you needed the rest.”

“Come eat kid.” Crowley said, setting her a place at the table. 

“Thank you,” Audrey said, hesitantly sitting down. 

Not wanting to just sit and watch her eat Crowley began to make a pot of tea, figuring it would be good for him and the angel. Aziraphale settled himself at the table with a packet of biscuits Audrey found herself eyeing. 

“Would you like one?” Aziraphale said, holding out the package. 

“After she finishes her lunch angel.” Crowley said over his shoulder. 

“I don’t need one, you can have them.” Audrey said quickly. 

“You can absolutely have one kid, he doesn’t need to eat all of the biscuits and he knows it. Just finish your spaghetti first.” Crowley said, sitting down at the table with them and taking a biscuit himself to show her it was allowed. 

Audrey quietly finished her food; worried their bickering was going to turn into a fight and not wanting to be in the middle of it.

When he noticed she was done Aziraphale held out the package of biscuits to her. 

“Have some dear,” He offered kindly. Watching both men carefully Audrey took one out of the package and took a small bite.

“Thank you,” she said quickly, remembering her manners. 

\--------------------------------------------  
Once everyone had had something to eat and drink they ended up sitting somewhat awkwardly around the kitchen table. Audrey was still nervous around them and they were still unsure what to do with her. She shifted uncomfortably, feeling itchy and gross because she hadn’t cleaned up earlier. 

“How about another movie? I think Mulan has a sequel.” Crowley finally offered, breaking the silence. 

“I think that sounds lovely dear, does that suit you Audrey?” Aziraphale said. Truthfully he didn’t like the idea of sitting the girl in front of the TV again, but he also didn’t have a single better idea. 

“That sounds good, I can clean up first though, I know better than to leave a mess.” She said, bringing her bowl to the sink and starting the water. 

“It’s fine kid, we’ll get it.” Crowley said, not liking how neurotic she was about the cleaning. Audrey looked at him nervously but she did put the bowl down and follow them into the living room. 

They settled on the couch, although it took Audrey quite a bit of shifting to find a comfortable position. Crowley gave her a confused look as she did so, fairly certain her clothes were slightly different but not able to point to anything specific. 

Once she was comfortable Audrey managed to get wrapped up in the movie and she found some of the tension leaving her body. Eventually she even let herself lean against Aziraphale, and the Angel beamed with pride knowing she was feeling a bit more comfortable.

Crowley spent the last bit of the film trying to come up with some ideas of things to do with the girl. He was deeply unsettled by her near-muteness and determined to get her out of her shell a bit.

As the credits rolled he focused on Imagining a small game cabinet, Expecting it to contain the few kid’s games he remembered. Sure enough, when they got up to stretch and turn the lights back on he spotted a new cabinet in the corner. 

“We have a bit of time before dinner kid, want to play a game?” He offered. 

“Can we?” Audrey asked excitedly. “I mean if you want to. You don’t have to play with me I can take care of myself,” she amended quickly. 

“I definitely want to.” Crowley said, opening the cabinet and surveying the games inside. “Think you can beat me at Trouble?” He asked her holding out the box. 

“Let’s play dear girl, I think it will be fun,” Aziraphale told her, happy to let Crowley take the lead. 

Seeing that both men wanted to play Audrey let herself get a bit excited. 

“Ok, but I don’t know how to play.” She told them, the hint of a smile on her lips.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My reign of shorter chapters continues. 
> 
> This hints at some of the abuse Audrey has experienced towards the end. Please be careful if the discussion of abuse is triggering for you.

The game turned out to be a big hit. Audrey had a competitive streak and despite her best attempts to hide it she was quickly wrapped up in trying to beat Crowley. Crowley had planned on letting her win, but when she began sending his pieces back to home every other turn he found his own competitiveness showing. Aziraphale refused to take anyone’s pieces on principal; at least until Audrey and Crowley ganged up on him and set him back to square one. 

“Now that is just rude!” He complained, pouting at Crowley as the demon put his last piece back at the start. 

Audrey looked at them nervously; worried she’d gotten herself in trouble. Crowley, on the other hand, felt no remorse. Noting Audrey’s nervous expression he stuck his tongue out at the Angel, trying to make it clear they were only play-fighting. 

“It’s your own fault Angel. You could have sent me back three times now.” 

“Yes, but that seemed rather rude, it’s much harder to win if your pieces have to start over.”

“That’s the point Angel, you’re not supposed to make it easy for us to win, you’re supposed to try to win yourself.” Crowley said exasperated. 

“Well if I’d done that the game would have ended six turns ago.” Aziraphale said haughtily. 

“Go on then, show us how its done, I’m sure we can beat you even if you actually make an effort.” Crowley taunted. 

Audrey snickered quietly, knowing this to be true. While they’d been bickering she’d been studying the board quietly and she was pretty sure she could win the game within the next few rounds. 

“Fine then, we’ll play your way you fiend.” Aziraphale said, rolling and taking one of his pieces out of the start yet again. 

“Let’s get him kid.” Crowley said, looking at Audrey. She looked back at him nervously, she was sure Aziraphale couldn’t win, but if she wanted to she would have to beat Crowley too. 

“Don’t let him trick you into an alliance dear girl. I’m already beaten, you ought to go after him.” Aziraphale urged her. 

Audrey didn’t like this attention at all and shrank into herself a bit. Thankfully, Crowley was quick to realize their mistake. 

“Go after whoever you like kid, I’ll beat you both if I need to.” He taunted. 

After a moment of hesitation Audrey took her turn, and within a few minutes she’d won the game. She giggled as she put the last piece down. 

Crowley looked at her, his mouth wide open, not even having to fake his surprise.

“That was impressive kid, very sneaky,” He praised her. 

“I think we ought to start something for dinner dearest.” Aziraphale said, checking the time and realizing it had gotten rather late. 

“I can do it, I don’t need to be a burden, I can earn my keep.” Audrey said quickly, scrambling to her feet, the nervous expression returning to her face. 

“You can help if you like, but we’ll be doing most of the cooking kid, it’s not your job.” Crowley said, getting to his feet. 

“You are not a burden dear girl. Put that dreadful thought out of your head.” Aziraphale said firmly as he led her towards the kitchen. 

Audrey ducked her head, mistaking his tone for anger directed at her.

“I’m thinking chicken noodle soup for dinner,” Crowley said, knowing it would be easy on the girl’s stomach. 

“That sounds lovely dearest.” Aziraphale said approvingly, pulling out ingredients. 

Audrey waited quietly to be given a task. Aziraphale handed her carrots and a peeler, and after instructing her to be very careful he let her peel the carrots mostly on her own. 

Soon there was a pot simmering on the stove and a lovely smell wafting through the flat. 

“Nothing to do now but wait, why don’t you go play kid. We’ll do the dishes.” Crowley offered; knowing Audrey had been with them for a while and wanting to give her some time on her own. 

Audrey wanted to argue that she could help them clean but she wasn’t feeling very well and she decided to take the way out when it was offered. She went back to her room and lowered her pants enough to peek at the itchy skin around her thighs and groin. It was red and raw and seeing it just made her feel worse.

She thought about going to the bathroom to try to clean up but quickly decided against it. Bathrooms had not been pleasant since she’d been at home and even though she logically knew the one here was safe it still made her feel uneasy.

Trying to distract herself she picked up one of the books she’d taken earlier and curled up in a comfy chair. She lost herself in the story for a while, until her stomach dragged her back to reality. This time she recognized the rumbling feeling immediately, but she still found herself eager to ignore it rather than braving the bathroom. She knew it was a stupid fear, but knowing that just made her feel worse. 

Eventually her body made it clear that she had no choice, unless she wanted to have another accident. She forced herself out of the room and across the hall, pausing at the bathroom door. 

It would be fine. She knew it was safe and clean. The door closed and locked, and she was sure no one was inside. However, she still found herself almost frozen with fear, considering all the things that had happened between friend’s houses, and the few other places she’d found to stay in the past month. 

Another cramp forced her out of her own head and she managed to force herself into the room. She used the toilet as quickly as she possibly could; feeling like her heart was in her throat. As soon as she felt like she could be done she hopped off and flushed, not bothering to wipe or wash her hands in her rush to get out of the room. She all but ran back across the hall, glad to be done with the whole ordeal. 

Audrey spent the next twenty minutes becoming increasingly uncomfortable. She was itchy and felt gross and she was sure she smelled bad. When Crowley called her for dinner she thought about saying she wasn’t hungry, but then she remembered how they’d come to get her at lunch and decided that even though her wet sheets were hidden she really didn’t want them in the room. 

Crowley looked at her suspiciously as she walked into the kitchen, sure something was off but not able to put his finger on what it was. 

“Wash your hands and come sit down kid.” He told her, ladling soup into bowls. He’d heard the toilet flush earlier and noted that he hadn’t heard the sink; having learned to pay attention to such things with Warlock. 

Audrey did as she was told before sitting down at the table, wincing as she did so but not showing any other outward signs of pain. She was quiet throughout dinner, despite both men trying to get her to talk. She was careful not to be rude of course, but they couldn’t get her to say more than a few syllables. Crowley assumed she was just tired and let it go.

“Let’s get you ready for bed kid,” Crowley said as he put the bowls in the sink. “There should be some clean pajamas in your wardrobe.” He turned to lead the way. 

“I can do it, I don’t need help,” Audrey said, jumping up herself and scrambling to get ahead of him. 

“All right kid, if you want to that‘s fine, we’ll come tuck you in in a few minutes,” He told her skeptically. He wanted to know what had her so nervous but he didn’t want to invade her privacy to find out. 

“I don’t need to be tucked in, I’m a big kid.” She said fiercely.

“All right kid, if you’re sure. But you come get us if you need us, ok?” Crowley said, taken aback by her tone. 

“I won’t need anything.” She told him, trying her best to sound confident. She walked out of the kitchen before he had time to ask her any more questions, leaving him standing by the sink trying to figure out what had just happened.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for some slight self harm in this one (she just presses on a bruise but its there so tread carefully if that could be triggering for you.)
> 
> Also I promise we'll get some more fluff just as soon as Aziraphale and Crowley manage to use their one brain cell.

Aziraphale watched Audrey all but run out of the kitchen, at a loss for what to say or do. 

“Dearest, are you sure she should be left alone? She seemed rather upset, although I’m not sure why.” He said, looking somewhat helplessly at Crowley. 

Crowley shrugged, feeling out of his league. He’d taken in kids but it had been centuries since he’d done so without some demonic objective and the long day had him feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

“I suppose if she says she wants to be left alone we ought to leave her. She’s been on her own for long enough she can definitely take care of herself. She’s probably just feeling a bit smothered.” He mused. He began to do the dishes the human way, eager to do something with his hands. “I think I’ll stay up with you tonight though.”

Aziraphale didn’t protest, he wasn’t eager to be left in charge of the child; at least until they knew what was wrong. 

“Perhaps some coffee then, dear.” He said, already beginning to make it. Crowley nodded, internally questioning whether Vodka wouldn’t be more appropriate. 

Crowley finished washing dishes, and moved to be next to his Angel. 

“There’s something wrong. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something wrong.” He muttered. 

“Well yes dear, I’d gathered as much myself. You’re the one with the child rearing talents, are you certain you have no idea?” Aziraphale asked.

“I mean she’s scared, that much goes without saying, but I don’t know why she suddenly wants nothing to do with us. My glasses didn’t slip during dinner did they?” Crowley said, wracking his brain for answers. 

“Not that I saw dearest, and I think that would have garnered a more immediate reaction anyway. Did I say anything that could have upset her again? I haven’t mentioned anyone outside the shop or anything of that sort have I?”

“You barely said anything at all, and I can’t imagine any of what you did say would scare her. But we do need to do something about the hiding in the shop bit. She needs clothes and toys that haven’t just been miracled here, and we can’t leave the shop closed forever. At some point we’ll have to deal with her jackass of a father and whoever else might be looking.” Crowley said, eager to focus on problems they knew how to solve. 

“Perhaps we could order some things, dear? I still have a few humans I could send on an assignment without too much trouble.” Aziraphale offered. Crowley put his finger up, remembering something.

“Not that, but basically that, let me get my laptop.” He said scurrying out of the room and returning a moment later to his confused Angel. “Inventive lot humans, who would have guessed they’d find a way to make sloth efficient.” He said, sitting down at the table and pulling up a website full of just about everything they could hope to order. Aziraphale sat down next to him. 

“But dearest, if you order it here won’t it take time? She really could use some new things tomorrow, ideally by the time she wakes up. I don’t know how many more movies I can watch.”

“Two hour shipping Angel, and I’m fairly certain they’ll conveniently have everything in stock.” Crowley explained, already scrolling through the listing of toys. 

“How on earth; they’d need a small army to make that work. The prices must be absurd, and where are they possibly storing it all.”

“Cheapest on the market Angel, they undercut the other giants by a few cents every week. Just because they have an army doesn’t mean they pay them properly. Last I heard they were tracking them with clever little GPS chips, regulating bathroom breaks and walking speed and everything. It’s amazing what humans will force each other to do for money.”

“Is it one of yours then? The M-25’s dastardly cousin?” Aziraphale asked, clearly planning to scold the demon. 

“Nah, they came up with this one all on their own. They love convenience, and as long as the cruelty of it is hidden they could care less.” Crowley said, offended at being implicated.

“And yet you plan to give them a small fortune,” Aziraphale said, watching the prices add up. 

“Can’t be helped tonight, we’ll tip the delivery guy well.” Crowley promised. 

Roughly two hours later they were unpacking a box of toys, clothes and a few other items Crowley had deemed necessary. 

Outside the shop an unknown delivery driver received a job offer for a position he’d looked at but deemed himself unqualified to actually apply for. 

Aziraphale looked at the mass of products, trying to sort out what they were all for. The toys mostly made sense, with the exception of a small electronic object that looked like a fattened version of Crowley’s mobile. The demon followed his gaze.

“Videogame, a good one at that. Kid’s love ‘em and they’re a great distraction. This one can connect to the TV too. One of Warlock’s bratty friends had the first version.” He explained. 

“You don’t intend to have her spend all of her time in front of a screen do you dearest?” Aziraphale asked, clearly disapproving of the idea. 

“Course not Angel, but I don’t intend to spend all of my time playing Trouble either. If she’s going to be cooped up here she’ll need some things she can play by herself.” Crowley said.

Aziraphale picked up another package, which looked to contain strange underwear and had a child much younger than Audrey on it. On closer inspection he realized they were some sort of nappies. 

“This hardly seems necessary dearest, and I’m sure she’ll be mortified if you try it.” He said, holding the package up to Crowley.

“They’re just training pants Angel, and I’m not going to do anything about it unless she keeps having issues. But it’ll be better to have them and not need them then the other way around.” Crowley said.

“But won’t it be upsetting for her? Children are very sensitive about such things if I remember correctly.”

“Well, yeah, but you saw how scared she was today, at least this way she should know we won’t be upset if she has an accident, and she doesn’t have to be worried about making a mess.” Crowley said, questioning his reasoning a bit. “Hopefully we won’t need them anyway.” He added, miracling them to under the bathroom sink to get them out of sight and end the argument. Aziraphale let it go.

Audrey was determined to avoid falling asleep tonight. She paced around her room for a while, but she was exhausted and her stomach hurt and soon she found herself tripping over her own feet. She decided she would probably be ok as long as she didn’t sit down and she ended up leaned against the wall listening. She could hear the men talking, but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. She leaned her forehead against the wall, hoping they would go to bed soon so she could at least try to wash her sheets. 

A few minutes later she found herself sliding to the floor, having nearly fallen asleep standing up. She sat on the floor, digging her fingers into her sides. The pain woke her up a bit and focused her and she kept her hands where they were even when it got bad enough to bring her to tears. She managed to keep that up until she heard them walk downstairs. 

Assuming they would be gone for a bit she gathered the balled up sheets and started to open the door, only to hear them come up the stairs and start tearing open boxes in the living room. Feeling utterly defeated she sank back down to the ground and curled up on top of the dirty sheets in tears. She was just so tired and so overwhelmed that this latest setback was too much for her to take. Eventually she cried herself out and ended up asleep on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come for the Angsty BS stay for the Amazon bashing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on my fluffy bullshit, but be warned more angst is coming.
> 
> Also comments and kudos keep me focused because I am very easily bribed.

Angel and demon sorted through the mountain of new toys, clothes, and other assorted kid stuff before collapsing onto the sofa. 

“I may have gotten a bit over-zealous.” Crowley said, eyeing piles of things waiting to be put away. 

“Just a bit dearest?” Aziraphale mocked. 

“Oh, screw off. If I’d let you into the books we’d still be unpacking.” The demon responded playfully, leaning on his angel. 

“Perhaps, but I’m still not sure she needed so many toys.” Aziraphale responded, chuckling.

“She deserves them, and you wait, some of them are quite fun.” Crowley said, eyeing the Legos.

“Do you think she’s asleep dearest?” Aziraphale asked, noting the silence in the flat. 

“I hope so, I haven’t heard a peep out of her so if she’s not I’m not sure what she’s doing,” Crowley said. 

“Should we check on her? She really did leave dinner in quite a rush, and I didn’t hear her shower or run the water, I don’t think she did anything to get ready for bed.” Aziraphale fretted. 

“I’m willing to bet she just crashed, I thought she was going to fall asleep in her soup. I don’t want to wake her up, and its not like we won’t hear her if she gets up,” Crowley said, not eager to move from his spot. 

“I suppose,” Aziraphale conceded, still fairly concerned about the girl. 

“Did she smell a bit…off to you at dinner?” Crowley asked, still determined to figure out what had the girl so upset and combing his brain for answers. 

“Perhaps a bit? I just assumed her stomach was still troubling her. Do you think that might be the issue?” Aziraphale responded.

“Could be, we ought to make sure she gets a bath in the morning.” Crowley said, hoping that was all there was too it. 

He turned on the TV, setting it to something Aziraphale wouldn’t find too offensive. Aziraphale picked up a new parenting book, immediately looking to see if it had a ‘what to do if an abused child suddenly shows up on your doorstep’ section. Disappointed to find it did not he settled for a section on fears and phobias. 

\--------------------------------------------

Audrey’s nest of blankets wasn’t very comfortable and she’d been too worked up when she fell asleep to sleep very soundly. She tossed and turned, and eventually she woke herself screaming. 

The screams had Crowley off the couch so fast he nearly knocked Aziraphale off with him. He flung open her door quickly, bumping into her and the pile of sheets she was tangled in. Audrey was still panicked and not sure where she was, so she took the impact as the beginning of an attack. She curled in on herself, instinctively protecting her head and stomach. 

“I’m sorry! I’ll be good! Don’t hurt me I’ll be good!” She pleaded. 

Crowley knelt next to her, fighting the urge to pick her up as he knew that would just freak her out more. 

“Kid it’s ok, you’re ok, you’re safe.” He told her, keeping his voice as calm and even as he could manage and putting his hands up to show he meant no harm. 

Audrey kept rocking herself, still not fully out of her nightmare.

“Kid, look at me, please.” Audrey finally managed to make eye contact with Crowley, and then with Aziraphale who was standing in the doorway looking rather panicked himself. She managed one deep breath; before she shifted and realized what she was sitting on and that she was once again wet. She immediately ducked her head back down protecting it with her arms. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’ll clean it up I promise!” She rushed out, not daring to peek up at either of them. 

“Kid it’s all right, relax, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Crowley said, gently lifting her face so her eyes met his dark glasses. “Its ok.” He repeated.

Audrey dissolved into sobs, unable to process any of this in her exhaustion. Crowley sat down on the floor, pulling her onto his lap, wet sheets and all. She stiffened in his arms for a moment, before realizing he wasn’t trying to hurt her, at least not yet. 

He held her close and after a few moments she latched onto him, wrapping her skinny arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. He held her tightly and rocked her, trying to get her to calm down. 

Aziraphale made himself busy straightening up the room and sorting out the mess. He’d just read about not overwhelming scared children by crowding them with adults, although he was finding it hard to actually follow the advice.

It took nearly twenty minutes but eventually the sobs died down and Crowley could feel that Audrey wasn’t quite as terrified. Whether that was due to his efforts or sheer exhaustion was anyone’s guess. He gently shifted her so she was facing him, keeping his arms wrapped protectively around her. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened kid?” He asked gently. 

Audrey shook her head, not knowing where to begin and not particularly wanting to try. 

“Why were you sleeping on the floor? Is there something wrong with your bed?” He asked, hoping specificity would get her to answer. Instead she looked like she might start crying all over again. He began to rub her back gently. 

“I’m not upset kid, I just want to know what’s up so I can help.” He tried his best to be reassuring. Audrey leaned into the calming touch, pulling back from the edge of full blown panic. 

“I was going to clean it up, I promise.” She mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

“Clean what up kid?” Crowley said, still not quite managing the full picture because as far as he could tell she’d wet after she ended up on the floor. 

“I thought I could do it after you went to bed, that way you wouldn’t have to see how gross I am and you wouldn’t get mad. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” 

“Why would I have…” Crowley trailed off, finally getting the picture. 

“Did you wet the bed when you were napping kid?” Crowley asked, careful to keep any judgment out of his voice.

Audrey nodded her head solemnly, bracing herself for his reaction. 

“You should have told us, we would have helped.” Crowley said, beating himself up for not figuring it out sooner.

“I wasn’t trying to break the rules I promise! I just didn’t know where the washer is and I didn’t want to make you mad. I can clean up my own mess! I can!” She told him frantically, thinking his angry expression was aimed at her. Crowley scrubbed a hand over his face, annoyed with the whole situation. 

“That’s not what we meant kid. We meant you pick up your toys and such. And what happened to asking for help if you need it? I’m pretty sure that’s rule number one.” Crowley said. He was hoping the logic would be comforting, but Audrey just assumed he was mad at her for breaking both rules. Tears began sliding down her cheeks again. 

“I didn’t mean too! I shouldn’t need help! I’m gross and no one else should have to deal with it!” She sobbed, parroting her father’s words. 

“Shhhh, Audrey, that’s not what I meant either, you were scared, I get it. I just don’t want you to think you have to deal with it alone. I promise both of us have lived through times that gave us a very high threshold for gross.” He said, doing his best to fix his face and tone so she’d know he wasn’t upset. 

“But the rules say I’m supposed to clean up after myself. I don’t wanna be in trouble for not following them.” She told him desperately. 

“The rules should say you can ask for help cleaning up if you need it, and as soon as we get you a bath we’ll change them so they do.” Crowley told her, going back to gently rocking her. 

“I really shouldn’t need help though. Nobody likes a needy brat.” She said tearfully, letting her head flop back down onto his shoulder. 

“You are absolutely allowed to need help kid, we wouldn’t have taken you in if we weren’t going to help you. But, you can ask for help if you want it too, even if you don’t need it.” 

Audrey stilled for a minute, taking it all in. She still wasn’t sure she believed him, but she wanted too badly enough to try. 

“My legs are really itchy.” She confessed quietly, shifting as she tried to soothe the worsening rash. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up then.” Crowley said, carefully standing with her in his arms. 

When they got to the bathroom, Crowley noticed the feeling of fear spiked again. Assuming she was afraid to have him bathe her he moved to set her down. Audrey panicked and latched onto him again, determined not to be put down. 

“Kid? We need to get you cleaned up, do you want Aziraphale to wash you? I can go get him.” Crowley offered, utterly confused. 

Audrey shook her head fiercely. Crowley tried to put her down again, but she just clung to him tighter, whining. Being in the bathroom alone had been scary enough during the day, there was no way she was going to be left there this late at night and with all the images of her nightmare still fresh in her mind. 

“Kid, I need to put you down to get you clean. Then I can pick you up again if you like.” Crowley said gently. Audrey squeezed him hard enough he was glad he didn’t technically need to breathe. 

“Audrey, I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need.” He told her. It took her a few moments to respond but finally she managed. 

“I don’t wanna be alone, please don’t leave.” She asked him softly. Crowley was surprised, but managed to hide it well.

“I won’t leave if you don’t want me too kid, I just want to get you cleaned up. Or I can stand by the door while you clean up if you want.” 

Audrey hesitated, her rash burned terribly and she really wanted help. Especially because she remembered how much better she’d felt the night before. 

“You promise you won’t be mad?” She mumbled, loosening her grip a bit.

“I promise,” Crowley said, holding out his pinky to prove it. Audrey unwrapped one of her arms from his neck and wrapped her pinky around his. Nobody could go back on a pinky swear. 

“I want help.” She mumbled. 

Crowley nodded. He rubbed her back comfortingly as he started the bath. Once she seemed calm enough he moved to set her down, and this time she let him do so without a fuss. He started to get her undressed but didn’t get terribly far. As soon as he got her shirt off he noticed the angry purple bruise, and the fingerprints across it. 

“Kid what happened here?” Crowley said, gently tracing his fingertips over it to make sure nothing was seriously wrong. Audrey looked down at the floor. 

“I was trying to stay awake.” She whispered. Crowley nodded, horrified with himself as he realized how scared she’d been. 

“Well, there will be no more of that. If you have trouble getting to sleep come get one of us. We’ll stay up with you if you like.” He told her firmly. Audrey didn’t respond, knowing she’d more than likely do it again. 

Crowley got the rest of her dirty clothes off her, barely suppressing a gasp at how bad the rash covering her lower half was. 

“Sweetheart did you clean up at all earlier?” He asked her, nearly gagging when he noticed his inadvertent choice of pet name. 

Audrey shook her head sadly, not even trying to speak.

Noting her underwear was somewhat messy as well he moved the dirty clothes aside and dug through the cupboard under the sink to pulled out a bottle of soap he could pass off as ‘special’. 

“This should help kiddo,” he told her, a quiet miracle making sure he was right. He helped her step into the tub, quite upset that she’d been in pain and he hadn’t noticed.

He got her washed with the ‘special’ soap, making sure both the rash and bruise were sufficiently healed by the time he got her out. Sure, he’d said no miracles, but what type of demon would he be if he didn’t occasionally go back on his word.

Audrey stayed quiet, not wanting to say anything that might convince him to leave her alone in the bathroom. She looked around nervously as he got her out of the tub. 

“Do I have to go to bed?” she asked him quietly. 

“You probably should. Its very late.” Crowley told her. Audrey tensed up at his answer but didn’t outwardly protest. She also made no move to follow Crowley back to the bedroom. 

When he noticed she wasn’t moving Crowley bent down and gently picked her up again, silently miracling his own clothes clean as he did so. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting a shower right away. She relaxed, feeling safer in his arms. 

“I don’t wanna go back to sleep.” She whispered. 

“Why don’t we just go sit for a bit then.” Crowley offered, knowing better than to try to argue with the kids fear. 

“You’ll stay with me?” Audrey asked quietly. 

“I’ll stay with you.” Crowley confirmed. Sitting down in a rocking chair Audrey was sure hadn’t been in the room before. He settled her on his lap and began to rock gently, humming Nevermore quietly. He correctly assumed this would put Audrey to sleep, but didn’t count on it having the same effect on him. 

After a period of slightly suspicious silence Aziraphale went looking for the demon and the child, and found both sound asleep in a dark rocking chair, which had appeared next to the window. He all but melted as he took in the scene and he gave himself a few minutes to simply watch them sleep. 

Then he carefully extracted the girl from Crowley’s arms and tucked her into bed and, with the same amount of care but significantly more effort, he lifted the demon and carried him to bed as well.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be longer but its annoying me so it gets split into two parts. This way it can annoy you too.

Aziraphale got into bed next to Crowley. He picked the book back up and flipped through it, but he’d already read all of the bits that seemed useful. Having a problem he couldn’t properly look up left him feeling completely out of his depth and he waited impatiently for Crowley to wake up, wanting someone to commiserate with if nothing else. 

Unfortunately for him, the sleeping Crowley didn’t know anyone was waiting. When it became clear the demon wasn’t waking soon, and he was sure the child would stay asleep for the moment Aziraphale let himself lay back in bed. 

In the months after the Apocalypse Crowley had tempted him into sleeping a few times. He didn’t find the experience unpleasant by itself, but letting his guard down and being so humanly vulnerable was not something he wanted to make a habit of. Still, the day had been long and exhausting and he figured closing his eyes for a few moments wouldn’t hurt.  
\------------------------------------  
Crowley woke up to a strange weight, pressing into his face. He shifted, trying to get away and growled when the weight followed. He put a hand up to try to push it off him and it groaned. Crowley finally forced his eyes open and woke himself up a bit. His eyesight was blurred by a tangle of white hair. He pushed the angel’s head off him, groaning.

“Annngeeel get off” He whined. 

“What’s that dear?” Aziraphale mumbled, blinking his eyes and stretching.

“If you were gonna sleep you could have at least laid all the way down. You nearly suffocated me.” Crowley complained. He checked the time and stiffened with a realization. 

“Angel when did you fall asleep?” he asked, now fully awake. Aziraphale shrugged.

“I’m not sure dearest, why do you ask?” He responded, his voice still thick with sleep. Crowley didn’t bother responding as he all but flew out of the bedroom. 

He slowed his steps as he neared Audrey’s room, not wanting to scare her by bursting in. He stuck his head around the corner and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her still asleep in her bed. A few more deep breaths and he’d undone the knot of panic in his chest enough to drag himself to the kitchen and start making coffee. 

“What was that about dearest?” Aziraphale asked, walking into the kitchen.

“We shouldn’t both sleep at the same time. At least not until she’s settled.” Crowley responded, pouring them both some aggressively strong coffee. 

Aziraphale took a sip of his and sputtered, before adding enough cream and sugar to weaken it. Crowley poured his down his throat in one gulp and reached then poured himself another. 

“I’m sure she was fine sleeping for a few hours. It’s not as though we’d left the flat.” Aziraphale said feeling somewhat guilty, as he was the one who was normally up.

“Hurt kids do stupid things Angel, and we ought to be keeping a better eye on her, not leaving her to her own devices while we nap. How did I end up in bed anyway? I don’t remember laying down?”

“I found you asleep in the rocking chair with Audrey on your lap. It didn’t seem like an ideal place to leave either of you. And I hardly think she’d do anything too dangerous, after all she’s so very little.” 

Crowley scrubbed a hand over his face.

“She was hurting herself Angel, to keep from falling asleep. She was hurting herself and I had no idea.”

“She was what?” Aziraphale said sharply.

Crowley explained the state he’d found the girl in quickly and brutally, clearly blaming himself for the whole ordeal. Aziraphale sat down, taking it all in. 

“The poor dear, why on earth would she choose to suffer so? She can’t have honestly thought we would have left her in pain.” He said, rubbing his temples. 

“She didn’t just think we would let her suffer angel, she thought we would make her suffer.” The demon said, words dripping with rage. “I swear to Go…Sat… fuck, I swear to someone when we find her father he’s not even going to make it downstairs, I’m gonna make his eternal punishment my own personal project.”

Aziraphale didn’t argue, busy considering how he could smite a human and not get caught. He’d never been one for the ‘eternal damnation’ side of the plan, but if he found the human who’d made the girl so afraid he wasn’t sure he’d be willing to leave it to Crowley.

“That reminds me, we need to change these.” Crowley said, pulling the sheet of rules off the fridge. 

“Whatever for? They all seemed perfectly acceptable to me, and she’s hardly done anything objectionable.” Aziraphale said defensively. 

“She’s broken three out of the four Angel, and she’s absolutely panicked over it.”

“How? She’s hardly done more than sleep without us directly telling her to.” Aziraphale said incredulously.

“She was hurt and didn’t ask us for help, more than once today. She’s harmed herself, and while I doubt that’s what she thinks number two refers to it certainly should. And she wet the bed and didn’t wash the sheets or put them back on the bed.” Crowley said, his voice dry and logical.

“That’s not…none of that was done to be naughty though. And she can’t possibly think we would punish her for something that happened when she was sleeping.” Aziraphale said, sure the demon was being ridiculous. 

“That’s exactly what she thinks Angel. She tried to hide it because she was panicked we’d punish her for not cleaning up her mess, and when I pointed out that she’s supposed to ask for help she just panicked about that as well.”

Aziraphale sighed heavily leaning against the back of his chair. 

“I didn’t think…The book said kids need structure and I thought if she had some house rules she would feel more secure. I just wanted her to know that we are nothing like the horrid monsters that hurt her. I didn’t intend to scare her.” He fretted. 

“I don’t think the idea was terrible, we just need to be much, much clearer. And we need to go over what happens if she breaks a rule, because right now she is one-hundred percent convinced that ‘get in trouble’ and ‘get the piss beaten out of you’ mean exactly the same thing.” Crowley said, eyeing the sheet and trying to determine how to fix it.

He didn’t get very far before he heard shuffling in the hallway. 

Audrey had woken up with her stomach churning. She’d stumbled out of bed, sure she’d feel better if she could just go to the toilet. It hurt to walk but she forced herself to the door of the bathroom, where she found herself frozen in fear. She stood in the hallway, trying and failing to force herself in. 

When the footsteps stopped abruptly Crowley went to investigate. He found Audrey standing in the hallway, with a look of abject terror on her face. At first he assumed she’d wet the bed again, but she was still wearing the pajamas he’d put her in and they appeared to be dry. 

“Kid, what’s the matter?” He asked, walking over to her.

Audrey wanted to scream, her stomach hurt so bad, and now she had to make sure they didn’t know.

“I’m fine.” She stuttered out quickly. 

“You don’t look fine. Are you hurt?” Crowley asked, reaching out a hand to check for himself. Audrey flinched away.

“No, I’m fine” She said through clenched teeth.

Crowley was confused but he didn’t want to put his hands on her when she clearly didn’t want him to. 

“Want to come have some breakfast then?” Crowley asked, trying a different tactic.

Hearing the invitation as a demand Audrey nodded and let him lead her out to the kitchen, taking one last glance back at the bathroom.

“Good morning dear,” Aziraphale said brightly. He glanced up at Crowley, trying to figure out if the demon knew why she looked so uncomfortable. “Did you sleep all right?” He asked.

Audrey nodded, looking nervously at the sheet of rules still sitting on the table. 

“Am I in trouble?” She asked quietly. 

“What, of course not, why would you be?” Crowley asked incredulously, setting a plate of toast down on the table. 

Audrey shrugged, still refusing to make eye contact. 

Aziraphale followed the girl’s gaze.

“Oh dear girl no. You haven’t done anything wrong, but I’m afraid we have. We need to change these. They are neither clear nor fair.” He told her quickly.

Audrey finally looked up at him. 

“I can follow them. I’ll be good,” She told him.

“You have been good kid, you’ve been so good. We’re all figuring this out, not everything is going to work the first time, yeah?” Crowley said quickly.

“I’ve been good?” Audrey questioned.

“You’ve been good. This is all so scary and you’ve been so brave.” Crowley praised her further. She shifted, the pressure in her stomach telling her how untrue that was. 

The rest of breakfast passed quietly. Audrey’s stomach hurt too much for her to feel hungry, but she forced herself to eat a piece of toast and drink some juice anyway. She wasn’t sure when her next meal would be. 

When they weren’t looking she grabbed another piece of toast and tucked it under her shirt so that she could hide it for later. 

\--------------------

“We’ve got a surprise for you kid.” Crowley said excitedly as he put the dishes in the sink. 

Audrey froze, sure that couldn’t be a good thing. 

“We didn’t have much for you in the house, so we went ahead and ordered some things for you to play with. Want to come and see?” He said, offering her a hand. 

Audrey hesitated for a moment, sure this was a trap but not sure how. Curiosity got the best of her and she took his hand and let herself be lead into the living room where the mountain of toys still sat. She looked at it wide-eyed. Her friends had toys but she’d never been allowed more than a few, her father was adamant more would spoil her. 

“You didn’t need to…I mean I don’t need…” She stuttered out. 

Crowley felt her working herself up and cut her off.

“We wanted to kid, it wouldn’t be right to keep you cooped up here with nothing to do.” He said.

“Can I look at them?” she asked cautiously. 

“Of course you can, you can play with them too.” Crowley said, leading her towards the pile. Audrey carefully began to look at it and eventually she pulled out a Lego castle set, examining the detailed pictures curiously.

“Can I…?” She asked them nervously.

“Of course you can dear girl.” Aziraphale said smiling. 

Audrey began to open the box but kept looking back at them nervously, feeling weird with them watching her. After a few awkward glances Crowley got the message. 

“We’re going to get the kitchen cleaned up kid, come get us if you need us.” He told her, motioning for the Angel to follow him. Audrey watched guiltily, knowing she should offer to help clean but also really wanting to try out her new toy. 

She sat down on the floor and unpacked the pieces, sitting on her heel to keep the pressure in her stomach at bay. It worked for the most part and as she built she mostly forgot how badly it hurt, and she didn’t notice when a bit of mess escaped into her pants. By the time they came back in she’d built nearly the full bottom of the castle set, following the instructions carefully. 

“Wow kid, that’s really coming along!” Crowley said genuinely impressed. Aziraphale nodded, not entirely sure what it was supposed to look like. 

“Thank you.” Audrey said politely, glowing with the praise. 

Aziraphale smelt something off and tried to get Crowley’s attention, hoping the demon would know how to deal with the issue tactfully. Crowley was busy examining the Lego set, but as he knelt down next to her he noticed it for himself.

“Why don’t you take a break and get dressed kid? I’ll help you if you like.” He offered, careful not to mention the smell. Audrey looked down at herself, she was still in pajamas and as she shifted she felt something gross touch her bum. She froze looking up at him in terror, wondering if he knew.

“I can do it.” She said quickly, getting up to run to her room before they could stop her. 

Aziraphale and Crowley shared a look, more worried than anything. 

“Should we be helping her dearest?” Aziraphale asked, not sure how to approach the issue. 

“Maybe, but she said she could do it, I don’t want to force her. It might just scare her worse.” He said feeling torn. 

“Well yes, but didn’t you say she had a horrendous rash last night? I don’t want her to be in pain.”

“Yeah, but she’d been dirty all day, and I don’t think this was even enough for her to notice, it should be ok as long as she cleans up.” Crowley decided.

“If you say so dearest.” Aziraphale said, unsure but not wanting to force the girl either.

\-------------  
Audrey stood in her room trying to decide what to do. She knew she should go to the bathroom to try to finish going and to properly clean up, but she couldn’t get her feet to move. She stashed the toast she’d stolen from breakfast in the back of the wardrobe, and decided she could at least manage changing clothes. She took off her dirty pajamas and wiped off as best as she could before putting on clean clothes and hiding the dirty ones under her bed. 

Satisfied she went to the bathroom and washed her hands, knowing they might listen for running water. Even that was terrifying but she managed very quickly, staying as close to the door as she could and barely doing more than rinsing them. She walked back out to the living room, hoping they wouldn’t notice anything amiss.


	11. Chapter 11

Audrey shuffled back into the living room and found Crowley trying fruitlessly to explain the Lego set to Aziraphale. She hovered next to them, worried they were going to appropriate her toy but afraid to say anything. 

“Have you figured out the tower yet kid?” Crowley asked her, motioning for her to sit down. 

“No, it says its supposed to connect but I don’t know where.” She told him, cautiously taking his invitation. She was careful not to sit too close since she still felt dirty and was worried she smelled. 

Crowley looked over the instructions, trying to figure it out for himself. 

“Could it go like this?” he asked her, showing where the pieces lined up. He was close but carefully not quite right. Audrey saw the connection and lit up. 

“It goes like this!” she said, taking the pieces out of his hand and putting them together. Crowley smiled. 

“How do you know how any of this goes together dear girl?” Aziraphale asked, trying to make sense of the instruction book, which had dreadfully few words to actually give instructions. Audrey shrugged.

They spent the next hour building. Or, more specifically, Audrey and Crowley spent the next few hours building and Aziraphale spent the same time questioning why anyone found this enjoyable. Soon enough they attached the last pieces of the roof and the flags.

“We did it!” Audrey said excitedly, marveling at the now fully formed castle.

“You certainly did, I had no idea those little pieces could come together like that. Impressive work dear girl.” Aziraphale told her sincerely. 

“Crowley helped,” Audrey clarified quickly, but she couldn’t help brightening with the complement. 

“All you kid, I just handed you things.” Crowley said, getting to his feet. “Why don’t we get some lunch in you?”

“I’m not hungry.” She told him quickly, looking away. She didn’t want to turn down food, but the idea of putting anything new in her upset stomach made her nauseous. 

“Kid it’s nearly two, and we only had toast for breakfast, you have to be hungry.” Crowley said skeptically. 

“I’m not, I’m fine.” Audrey said, turning towards Aziraphale in her haste to avoid Crowley’s gaze.

“Child is your stomach still upset?” Aziraphale asked concerned.

Worrying she hadn’t been as sneaky earlier as she thought she had Audrey shook her head quickly. 

“I’m fine,” she whined, trying to find a way out. “Can I take a nap?” She asked, knowing that they kept letting her sleep, even if she didn’t understand why. 

“You’re sure you don’t want to eat? We could have ice cream.” Crowley asked. Warlock had always gotten himself caught by never saying no to junk food and Crowley figured it was worth a try. 

“I’m not hungry, I just wanna sleep,” Audrey said, hating the scrutiny and wanting to get out of the room.

Figuring the kid would cave and decide she was hungry soon enough Crowley conceded defeat. 

“All right kid, but let us know when you do get hungry.” He said. 

Aziraphale looked at Crowley disapprovingly but didn’t say anything. He didn’t have any other ideas short of force-feeding the girl and that seemed ill advised. 

Audrey skittered off to her room, not giving them time to change their minds. She curled up on the bed, trying to soothe away the cramps. She knew she desperately needed the toilet, but she found herself choked with fear at the thought and so she stayed put.

She did her best to distract herself but she was too uncomfortable to daydream or focus on a book and all of the new toys were out in the living room. She managed to stay quiet for a while, but soon the pain had her whimpering and whining. 

Crowley was determined not to miss anything else while caring for Audrey and thankfully he was paying careful enough attention to feel something off. He heard the small cries before he even got to the door. 

“Audrey, kid, you all right?” He asked gently, clearly seeing that she wasn’t but wanting to give her a chance to respond. He quickly walked over to the bed, discretely checking to see if she’d wet. It was dry, which only confused him more.

Audrey rolled away from him, trying to protect herself. 

“I’m fine,” She whined out.

“Not very convincing kid.” Crowley said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Are you hurt?” He asked her, gently putting a hand on her head to check for himself.

“No, no, no” Audrey said, shaking her head fiercely and trying to pull away from him. She felt something starting to push out with all her squirming and she just wanted to get him out of the room before he could figure out what was wrong. 

Crowley managed to keep his hand on her head just long enough to determine she wasn’t blatantly lying, he couldn’t find any physical injuries. He was completely lost for a minute and sat, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her. He was about to call in Aziraphale to see if he could figure it out when he smelled something off.

“Kid, do you need to go to the toilet?” He asked her gently already picking her up. 

Audrey shook her head frantically, squirming to get down. 

“I think you do.” Crowley told her, carrying her into the bathroom and setting her down. Audrey immediately tried to run out the door. 

“I don’t need to go.” She repeated tearfully. If he stayed he’d find out she’d already made a bit of a mess and if he left her then she would be by herself. Either option was terrifying. 

“Kid, you need to go, I think your already going. Do you need help?” Crowley asked, putting himself between her and the door. 

That positioning sent a fresh wave of terror through Audrey. She was trapped, and she didn’t think he was going to hurt her but something stronger than logic told her that being trapped in the bathroom with anyone was very very bad. She tried desperately to force her way around him, panic making it an all-important goal. 

“Let me go!” She pleaded desperately. Crowley knelt down so he was on her level and put his hands on her shoulders. 

“Kid, what is all of this? Did you have an accident? It’s all right if you did, we’ll just get you cleaned up.” Crowley said. Audrey was still squirming to get away, rather unsuccessfully because her stomach had decided enough was enough and she was finding it hard to do anything more than double over in pain.

“Kid it’s ok, come on, let’s get you sorted.” Crowley said, assuming the girls lack of response meant he was right and she just needed to get cleaned up. He tried to get her undressed so he could wash her but she pushed his hands away frantically. 

“Kid, I know you’re scared but I need you to tell me what’s wrong. Do you want me to get you clean clothes while you wash?” Crowley offered, putting his hands up to show he meant no harm. 

“I’m fine. I don’t need to wash. Just let me out,” She whined, trying again to get away. 

“I can smell it love. It’s ok. You’re not in trouble. Your stomach is upset and you’re in a new place, it happens.” Crowley said, keeping his voice as gentle and calm as he could.

“I didn’t do anything! Let me out!” Audrey whined, she’d stopped trying to physically fight him as she was focused on convincing her body not to betray her more than it already had.

Crowley hated that he was currently the source of the kid’s terror, but he also knew this wasn’t an argument he could let her win. 

“Kid, listen, I can clean you up, Aziraphale can clean you up, you can clean you up if you promise me you’ll do a good job. But you need to get cleaned up.” He told her, his voice still calm but definitely firmer than it had been before. The change in tone caught Audrey off guard and she took a sharp breath, finally meeting his eyes. 

“I don’t want to.” She mumbled, before looking away again. 

“Why don’t you want too?” Crowley asked, beyond confused; surely the girl didn’t want to stay in messy pants.  
“Cause its gross and it hurts and if I make a mess then you’re gonna punish me and it’ll be all my fault. And I deserve it for being a bad girl but I don’t wanna be hit and I don’t wanna do it myself cause then you’ll leave me alone and I’m so stupid and its all my fault. I didn’t mean too and its all my fault and I don’t know how to fix it!” Audrey rambled, sobbing and near hyperventilating by the time she managed to get the words out. 

“Audrey breathe,” Crowley told her, putting his hands on her shaking shoulders in an attempt to steady her. “You’re ok. You’re not in trouble. This is not your fault. Breathe.” He took deep breaths himself, trying to get her to copy him. 

“You’re gonna kick me out.” She said tearfully, ignoring his instructions.

“I’m not going to kick you out. There is absolutely nothing that could make that happen. Come on now. deep breaths, copy mine.” He said, further exaggerating his breathing. 

Audrey managed to do what she was told and her breathing slowed, though it remained shaky. 

“Can I help you get cleaned up? I promise I’m not upset kid, I just don’t want you getting another rash.” He asked.

It took a few moments but Audrey finally nodded. 

He got her undressed, noticing that her skin was once again a bit irritated but leaving it alone for now. 

“Why don’t you try to finish while the bath fills up,” He said, gently putting her on the toilet. 

Audrey was thoroughly embarrassed but she was also very afraid to argue with him. She did as he asked and managed to pee and get her stomach to release a bit more poo, but she soon found that her traitorous body wasn’t done making her suffer. Now that she had the perfect chance to go trying to force it out hurt terribly. She resisted the urge to scream. 

“Are you done kid?” Crowley asked gently, shutting off the water. 

Audrey knew she wasn’t but she nodded anyway. Nothing else was coming out and it hurt too much to keep trying. 

Crowley got her into the bath and washed up, once again using the fancy bottle of soap and a quick miracle to make sure she no longer had a rash when he got her out. He hummed through the whole thing, hoping to assure her he wasn’t angry. 

He took her back to her room and got her dressed, briefly considering putting her in a pull-up but worrying that she might view it as a punishment and not wanting to embarrass her more than he already had. She stayed stiff and quiet in his arms, which worried him as she’d calmed down once she was clean the night before. 

“Is your stomach still troubling you kid?” He asked, shifting her so he could see her face. 

“I’m fine.” Audrey responded quickly, in a tone that clearly said she wasn’t.

“You don’t sound fine kid, wanna try the truth now?” He asked a bit more firmly.

“I don’t need help, I don’t need to whine about it.” She said hesitantly. 

“It’s not really whining if you’re in pain kid, and besides I asked you.”

“My stomach hurts, but its nothing, I promise I won’t make a mess again and I won’t bother you about it. I know better.”

“You are not bothering me, I want to help you. This isn’t something you need to hide from us; it’s not your fault.” He told her putting a hand on her head, doing his best to look deeply and see if there was anything he’d missed. Sure enough he found the source of the issue. 

“Kid have you been using the toilet, or have you just been holding it?” He asked her gently, careful to keep all judgment out of his voice.

Audrey didn’t want to answer but sitting in the silence with Crowley looking at her was worse. 

“I thought I could hold it.” She mumbled, looking down at the floor. 

Crowley sat down in the rocking chair, settling her in his lap and rocking slowly. 

“Why were you trying to though?” He asked, careful not to sound angry.

“It’s stupid. You’ll be mad at me.” 

“Try me kid, it cannot be stupider than some of the things I’ve done.”

Audrey chewed on her lip, ignoring the question. 

“Audrey, I promise I won’t be mad. But I need you to tell me so I can help.” He told her, rubbing her back. 

“It was scary.” She finally whispered out.  
“Scary how kid?” Crowley asked confused. 

“I told you it was stupid,” she said ruefully. 

“That’s not what I said kid, I just asked why.” 

“I didn’t want to be in there alone. Its scary.” 

“Can you tell me why its scary kid?”

Audrey shook her head fiercely, not ready to tell him the story she would need to tell him to explain. Crowley sighed. 

“All right, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But never using the toilet is not a viable solution, your stomach hurts so bad because it has too much in it and now it’s hard to get it out.” He said, trying to be gentle. 

Audrey curled into herself, wanting to tell him she wouldn’t do it again, but knowing that would be a lie. 

“How about this kid: if you need one of us to go with you all you need to do is ask.” He offered.

“I’m not a stupid baby.” Audrey said bitterly, more upset with herself then with him. 

“I didn’t say you were kid. You’re scared, and that’s fine. But when you get scared here I need you to tell someone, that’s what we meant by ‘ask for help if you need it.’” 

Audrey nodded, burying her face into his chest and trying to believe him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on my bullshit. I wasn't sure where to end this one so it just goes until where I stopped writing cause I needed to go the hell to bed.
> 
> I feel like this is a good time to re-iterate that you should read the tags. Although honestly if you've gotten 12 chapters in and you're surprised by any of this than that's on you. 
> 
> I have no beta so if there are typos I'm sorry.
> 
> Comments make my soul happy (and help my 2 brain cells focus.)

Crowley sat with Audrey for a few more minutes, making sure she had fully calmed down and focusing his energy on making sure she was no longer in pain. 

“All right kid, why don’t we get some food in you. We’ll get you some medicine for your stomach as well.” He told her once he was sure she was calm enough. 

Now that her stomach wasn’t actively trying to kill her Audrey found she was indeed hungry. She nodded hesitantly, wrapping her arms around his neck to make it clear she didn’t want to be put down. He rubbed her back comfortingly. 

“You know, if you want to be carried all you have to do is ask. You don’t need to choke me.” He told her, smiling so she knew he wasn’t upset. 

“Sorry” Audrey said, blushing and loosening her grip. 

“It’s fine kid. How does soup sound for lunch? We have some leftover from dinner.”

“Yes please.” Audrey said, just happy she was still being offered food at all after she’d refused it before. 

Crowley walked into the kitchen and tried to heat up soup one handed, finding the task remarkably annoying without miracles. 

Hearing the demon shuffling around the kitchen and muttering Aziraphale came looking for them. He walked into the kitchen just in time to keep Crowley from pouring soup all over the kitchen floor. 

“Why don’t you let me do that dearest,” He said, taking the container out of Crowley’s hands. “Are you feeling better dear girl?” He asked trying to catch a glimpse of Audrey’s face, which was still firmly buried in Crowley’s shoulder. She didn’t move to look at him but she nodded. 

“Her stomach is still a bit off angel. If you want to heat up lunch I can go find her some medicine.” He offered. He’d numbed the pain but actually solving the problem would be better done with more specific miracles.

“Of course dearest.” Aziraphale said, pouring the soup into a pot. It could be heated in the microwave but somehow that just felt wrong. 

“Let’s go do that then, hmm kid?” Crowley said, brushing Audrey’s hair away from her face in an attempt to get her to peek up at least a little bit. He was finding the silence very disconcerting. 

“Will it hurt?” Audrey asked softly, peeking up at them. 

“Of course not kid, the whole idea of medicine is to make you feel better.” 

Crowley carried her back to the bathroom. As he rummaged in the medicine cabinet for something he could alter inconspicuously he noted that she had once again stiffened and burrowed into him. He grabbed a bottle of aspirin and Focused before quickly walking back into the kitchen. This time he was completely paying attention to her reaction and he noticed how she relaxed with every step they took away from the bathroom. It would have almost been funny if he wasn’t so worried. 

He started to put her down at the table but thought better of it and sat down with her in his lap instead. She pulled her face out of his shoulder, looking for the source of the delicious smell wafting through the kitchen. 

“All right kid, you need to take this and then we can eat.” Crowley told her holding out a small chewable tablet and a glass of water. 

“Promise it won’t hurt.” She said, looking at him nervously. She knew from experience medicine could be the opposite of helpful. 

“It won’t hurt kid, it’ll help your stomach sort itself out.” He told her. 

Hesitantly Audrey took the pill and put it in her mouth. She was pleasantly surprised to find it tasted like real grapes instead of the nasty chemical flavour she associated with medicine. She still gulped down the water once the pill was gone, she hadn’t let herself drink anything after breakfast and she was thirsty. 

“Thank you for trusting me kid.” Crowley said proudly, glad he’d at least managed that bit without force. “And remember you need to tell one of us when you need the toilet.” He whispered, making sure he was loud enough for the Angel to hear but quiet enough to keep Audrey from knowing he had. She blushed but didn’t say anything, not wanting to call attention to it.

Aziraphale looked at Crowley confusedly; surely the girl was old enough to go to the toilet by herself. Crowley shot back his own look, very clearly saying ‘not now.’

“Can we eat now?” Audrey asked quietly. She wasn’t sure about asking for food but she was starving and it made her just a bit bolder. 

“Of course dear girl.” Aziraphale said quickly, placing a bowl in front of her. 

They ate in relative silence, Audrey was still sure children were meant to be seen and not heard and Aziraphale and Crowley were caught up in questions they wanted to ask each other, but couldn’t with her at the table. 

Crowley was careful to offer Audrey more when she finished her bowl but Audrey refused it. She felt better but her stomach was still pretty full and she was pretty sure they would let her have dinner later, or at the very least breakfast in the morning. She did sneak a roll into her pocket when they weren’t looking. Just in case. 

Crowley glanced down at the sheet of rules. They needed to deal with changing them but he couldn’t bring himself to have another hard conversation with the girl when he’d just gotten her calmed down. 

“Want to try out a new game kid?” He offered. 

Audrey perked up a bit at that, she’d seen all of the toys in the living room and she was eager to try some more of them. 

“Shouldn’t I help clean up?” she asked carefully, making sure it wasn’t a trap. 

“Nah, Zira and I will do it later. Come on, I want to show you something.” He said, offering her a hand.

Audrey let herself be led out into the living room, where the Nintendo Switch had obediently set itself up and was waiting for them. Crowley wasn’t completely sure how it worked but he expected it to behave so it would. Smart machines didn’t displease demons. 

Once she was set up with the machine, and barely hiding how excited she was to try it, Crowley turned to go back to the kitchen. He stopped short and turned back to her, remembering the medicine. 

“Kid do you need to go to the toilet?” He asked her pointedly.

Audrey’s eyes widened both in embarrassment and fear. She shook her head quickly.

“Are you sure?” Crowley asked her suspiciously. 

“I’m fine,” Audrey whined, before quickly catching and correcting her tone. “I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I promise.”

“Ok kid, I trust you, but remember to come get one of us if you need to. You don’t even have to ask if you don’t want to, just come grab me.” He told her. 

Confident he’d solved the issue Crowley went to help Aziraphale with the kitchen.

\-----------------------------------

“Are you sure we should be leaving her alone dearest? I’ve read dreadful things about those video games.” Aziraphale said, making a mess of the sink as he tried to do the dishes by hand. 

Crowley waved his hand and the spoon that was currently washing Aziraphale popped into its place along with the rest of the dishes. Aziraphale turned the water off and flicked his hand over his clothes, drying them. 

“Are we doing miracles or not dear, because I rather enjoy not taking my showers at the kitchen sink.” He chided. 

“We’re being selective. You know as well as I do they won’t check up unless they have to. Come sit angel.” Crowley said, flopping into a chair and pouring himself another cup of coffee. 

“You ignored my question dear. Are you sure she should be playing that game without one of us watching? They can apparently be terribly violent.” Aziraphale said, sitting down and taking some coffee for himself.

“She’s playing Mario Kart angel. She’s fine.” Crowley said, rolling his eyes.

Aziraphale didn’t know what a Mario Kart was but he assumed he could trust Crowley’s judgement, or he was choosing to assume so for the moment. 

“Is she feeling a bit better at least? She’s been so terribly quiet it’s rather disconcerting.” Aziraphale said, hoping to finally get some answers. 

“She should be, although we really do need to make sure one of us takes her to the toilet soon.” 

“Isn’t she a bit old for that dear? I’m quite certain Warlock had grown out of that by this stage.”

“Warlock had a normal upbringing.”

Aziraphale shot Crowley a look.

“Well, as normal as it was going to be, his carers may have been…eccentric, but he had no reason to be afraid of us. 

“She has no reason to be afraid of us.” Aziraphale said defensively.

“She has every reason to be afraid of us angel. The bastard who had her before made sure of that.” Crowley said bitterly. 

Aziraphale sighed, knowing Crowley was right. 

“Did you at least find a way to sort out her stomach? What was the medicine you gave her?”

“Apparently she’s afraid to go to the bathroom by herself. She won’t tell me why but whatever it is its scary enough that she decided just never going was a better option.”

“What do you mean never going? I thought the human body wouldn’t allow such a thing. Wouldn’t that be terribly dangerous?” Aziraphale said, more confused than he’d been to begin with. 

“The human body has several design flaws. They don’t exactly have a suggestions box upstairs do they.” Crowley said, rolling his eyes. “And it is terribly dangerous. I think I caught it in time but it may take a bit to get her sorted out, and the medicine should make sure she can’t do it again.”

Aziraphale found himself once again ignoring Crowley’s near blasphemy. He wasn’t terribly impressed with heaven either at the moment. 

“What exactly did you give her? I’m fairly certain they haven’t drugged away fear yet, and your lot will not like you making fearless humans.” He warned the demon.

“The fear is just going to take time. And as for the pills, let’s just say I’m glad we can do our laundry by miracle.”

“Dear you didn’t.” Aziraphale scolded. “She’ll be terrified, not to mention embarrassed. Surely there’s a better way.”

Crowley shrugged.

“We’re both going to watch her and keep offering to take her to the toilet, but honestly Angel its far more important that she doesn’t do herself any more harm. And if she keeps waiting then it will hurt when she finally does go and the cycle will just sustain itself. Look it up in your book if you like.” Crowley said, unhappy to know he was right. 

“Perhaps we ought to put her in the training pants you bought then?” Aziraphale said uncertainly. 

“Not yet Angel. That will definitely embarrass her and she’ll take it as a punishment. I think you may have had the right reaction to them, I don’t want to make this any harder on her than it already has been.” Crowley said. He’d been second-guessing the purchase since he’d seen Aziraphale’s reaction to it. 

“If you say so dearest.” Aziraphale said. He wasn’t sure this was the right decision but he didn’t want to embarrass the girl anymore than Crowley did. 

Crowley glanced at his watch. 

“It’s been fifteen minutes, I’m gonna go check on her. She should need to go by now.”

Audrey was enthralled in her new game, but her stance made it clear she wasn’t very comfortable. 

“Why don’t we take a break kid?” Crowley said quickly, knowing her body might not give her much time.

“I don’t need a break, I’m fine” Audrey said, not looking away from the game. She definitely needed to go, but she was worried they wouldn’t let her back on the Nintendo and she was just getting good at it. 

“Kid, we talked about this. You need to listen to your body, the game will be here when you get back.” Crowley said, a bit more firmly. 

“I am listening to my body, and it says I don’t need to go.” Audrey fibbed. 

Crowley picked up the spare controller and hit what he deemed to be the pause button. The game immediately froze. 

“Nooooo” Audrey whined; pressing buttons to try to get it un-paused. 

“Come on kid, we’ll come right back.” Crowley said, offering her a hand. 

“I told you, I don’t need to go.” Audrey whined out. This wasn’t a terribly convincing argument to begin with, and it didn’t help that she was already passing gas. 

Crowley decided he’d had enough and he really wanted to avoid an accident if at all possible. He gently picked her up and made his way to the bathroom. Audrey took this as the beginning of an attack. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t hurt me! I’ll be good!” She screamed, squirming to get down. Crowley adjusted his grip to make sure she couldn’t fall. 

“Kid, you’re ok. I’m not gonna hurt you, but I am gonna take you to the toilet.”

Audrey only fought him more desperately; sure those were the same thing.

“I don’t need to go! I don’t!”

“Kid, I know you need to go. I gave you medicine to make sure of it. You’re not gonna be able to hold it, and I don’t want you to have an accident.” He told her, setting her down in front of the toilet. 

Audrey doubled over, realizing just how right he was.

“You said it wouldn’t hurt! You lied!” She said bitterly. 

“It will stop hurting as soon as you go kid.” Crowley said, somewhat apologetically, he didn’t like feeling like a liar. 

Audrey groaned. Crowley moved to pull her pants down since she’d made no move to do so herself. He sat her on the toilet and was going to step back and give her some privacy, when she tried to get up. 

“Kid, just go. You’ll feel so much better.” He told her, putting a hand on her shoulder to keep her seated. 

Audrey flinched back violently; sure he meant to hurt her. 

“I don’t want to! It’s gonna hurt and its gonna be gross and then you’ll be mad!” She sobbed, still trying to get away. 

“It won’t hurt any more than this already does kid. And it’s poop, its supposed to be gross, I’m not going to be mad at you for doing what I asked you to do.” He told her, trying to walk the line between firm and comforting. 

Audrey would have fought him further, but her body wasn’t having anymore of that. She whined as she felt her stomach release. A moment later her bladder followed through and she couldn’t help but relax a bit as the pain faded. As soon as she was done she tried to hop up and run away, she knew she was going to be in trouble for being a brat and she wanted to be out of arms reach. Crowley caught her easily. 

“Kid, where are you going? If you don’t wipe that rash of yours is going to come back.” He warned her. 

Audrey tried to wrench her arm out of his grip, but it was no use. Crowley grabbed a pack of wet wipes. 

“Do you want to do it or do you want me to?” He asked her, softening his tone. 

Audrey shrugged and made no move to reach for the wipe. Since she’d made no move to do it Crowley quickly got her cleaned up and re-dressed. 

“Am I in trouble?” she asked nervously, she knew she’d been awful. 

“No kid, I’m just glad we got you here in time. Do you feel better?” Crowley asked her, leading her to the sink to wash her hands. 

Audrey nodded, pleasantly surprised to find she was telling the truth. Once both of their hands were clean she reached to be picked up, before thinking better of it and quickly putting her arms down. Crowley picked her up anyway; sure she could use the comfort. 

“I’m proud of you kid, I know that was scary.” He said, rubbing her tummy. Audrey leaned into him but didn’t say anything. She felt stupid, but he was right, it had been scary.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for descriptions of physical and sexual abuse in this chapter. It's done with dolls so its not super graphic but it's there. 
> 
> I broke myself a bit writing this, it’s not a feel good chapter. consider yourself warned.

True to his word Crowley took Audrey back out to the living room where her game was waiting patiently. It had been joined by Aziraphale, who was carefully studying the booklet that had come with the game. He put it down when they came in, eager to see how the child was doing. 

Crowley tried to set Audrey down on the couch but she whined and tightened her grip, so he ended up with her on his lap instead. 

“Are you feeling better dear girl?” Aziraphale asked her, twisting himself into a somewhat awkward position in an attempt to meet her downcast eyes. 

Audrey nodded shyly, still feeling a bit embarrassed. 

“I’m glad to hear it” Aziraphale said. “Would you be willing to show me how this game works? The instructions are terribly unclear.”

Audrey perked up at that, remembering the game. She reached for the controller and excitedly told Aziraphale how the buttons worked. He listened intently, trying to retain the information. When she was done with the impromptu tutorial she hesitantly slid off Crowley’s lap to get the other controllers. 

“Can we play together?” She asked them, trying hard to act like she didn’t care either way. 

“If you’re prepared to loose.” Crowley said grinning as he reached for the bright red controller. 

Audrey giggled, wanting to say she’d beat him but not sure about talking back.

“I think playing together sounds delightful, whoever wins.” Aziraphale said, taking the third controller. 

They played a few rounds, all of which Audrey won. After all she was the only one who had any knowledge of how to actually play. Aziraphale had a remarkably hard time steering, at one point he went the wrong way around the track for a full lap. Crowley did a bit better, but he was distracted when he discovered he could throw banana peels at other players. 

Audrey was getting a bit bored and tired, but she didn’t want to make them stop playing. She looked at them anxiously as the game asked if she wanted to start a new round.  
“Do you want to keep playing kid?” Crowley asked her, seeing the hesitance. 

“Do you want to?” Audrey parroted, wanting to please him more than she wanted to do something else. 

“Up to you kid. What would you like to do?” Crowley asked her. 

Audrey didn’t answer him right away. She didn’t know the right answer and it made her very nervous. 

“Would you like to play with me dear? There’s a toy we haven’t opened yet that I think you’ll enjoy.” Aziraphale offered. He figured Crowley could use a break. 

“What is it?” Audrey asked cautiously.

“Why don’t you come see?” Aziraphale said, offering her a hand. 

She took it and let him lead her into her bedroom, where he’d set up an elaborate dollhouse, complete with several small figures. It took after an old Victorian manner and opened in the middle so all the rooms were accessible. The fixtures and furniture were so realistic it looked like someone had shrunk an actual house rather than a simple toy. Of course, that was more or less what Aziraphale had done. 

While Crowley had been playing the alpha parent Aziraphale had devoted himself to research. He’d given up the child rearing books for books on childhood trauma and actually found some answers. One of the first suggestions had been to use play to get children to talk about what had happened, and he was hoping to finally get some sense of what the poor child had been through. If nothing else he was determined to find out who needed smiting. 

Audrey gaped at the dollhouse in awe. She normally avoided ‘girly’ things on principal but this was so interesting and awe-inspiring she didn’t care. 

“Am I allowed to touch it?” She asked, kneeling next to it to peer in the windows. 

“Of course you are dear girl. Its yours.” Aziraphale said, happy to see she liked it. 

Audrey’s eyes widened and she carefully opened the panels to see inside the house. Aziraphale sat down next to her, pulling out the dolls. Audrey carefully examined each of them, amazed by the details. 

The play started off fairly normal. An elaborate tea party was had and all of the dolls were introduced and given names. Audrey was very hesitant and let Aziraphale lead at first, but soon she was happily directing her own doll, and too a lesser degree even Aziraphale’s. 

Aziraphale decided to try an experiment. 

“I’m hungry. Lets go get a snack” Aziraphale’s doll said as he turned it towards the kitchen. 

Audrey quickly placed hers in his way. 

“You can’t just go steal food! We’ll get in trouble!”

Aziraphale, and his doll, were confused.

“What do you mean steal food? This is our house. You can’t steal from yourself.”

“NO it’s the grown-ups house. You didn’t buy the food so you can’t just be a freeloader and take it! We’ll get in trouble!” She repeated.

“But I’m hungry. The grown-ups can’t get mad at us for being hungry. Aziraphale’s doll said defensively.

Audrey’s doll rather lacked the capability to roll her eyes, so Audrey did it for her. 

“They can get mad at you for anything they want! That’s what grown-ups do.” She said, not seeing why he didn’t know this. 

Aziraphale was appalled and had to fight the urge to pull the girl into his lap and wrap his wings around them so that none of these so-called grown-ups could ever touch her again. 

Audrey leaned her doll in to tell his a secret. 

“If you’re really really hungry I have some food hidden in my wardrobe. But we shouldn’t take it unless we really need it cause I don’t know when I can get more.” She whispered. 

“Where did you get it?” Aziraphale’s doll whispered back. 

“I took it when they weren’t looking. It’s really scary cause if they see they might hit you or kick you out, but I’m pretty sneaky.” She told him proudly.

“I’m not that hungry. I can wait until lunch.” Aziraphale’s doll said, not wanting to deplete their stash. 

“Ok, and if they don’t give us lunch we can hide in the wardrobe and eat there.” Audrey’s doll said, confident in her plan.

“Why wouldn’t they give us lunch?”

“I dunno, they just don’t always. Sometimes they’re busy or there isn’t any. Or sometimes they’re not here. And sometimes you get in trouble.”

“I don’t think that will happen here.” Aziraphale said incredulously. 

“It always happens, sometimes they just wait longer.” Audrey told him. She took her doll into the library promising to tell Aziraphale’s a good story. Aziraphale let the topic of food drop for now, making a mental note to check that nothing was rotting in Audrey’s wardrobe. 

When Audrey had finished a rather interesting fairy-tale, in which the prince never showed up and the princess made friends with the dragon and escaped to go live with a pod of dolphins, Aziraphale’s doll announced he was going to go to the bathroom. Audrey’s pretty much tackled him before he could get to the door. 

“You can’t! It’s not safe!” She yelled 

Her scream was loud enough to drag a startled Crowley into the bedroom. Thankfully Crowley had the good sense to stay quiet, but unfortunately for him, that meant he had to watch the following scene without comment. 

“I just want to use the toilet dear. I’m sure I’ll be fine” Aziraphale’s doll responded, wiggling his way out from under hers. 

“He’s in there!” Audrey said, placing the biggest male doll in the houses bathroom to illustrate her point. 

“I can wait until he gets out.”

“He’s not gonna come out! He waits in there and if he catches you he’ll be really really mad.” Audrey’s doll said, once again trapping Aziraphale’s in the hall. 

“Why would he be waiting in the bathroom?” Aziraphale asked, dreading the answer. 

“To get you for making a mess that other people have to deal with, and for using things that aren’t yours. If you want to use it he’ll make you do something for him and it always hurts.” She told him frantically, trying to pull him back towards the library.

Aziraphale took a minute to respond, as he first needed to force all his energy into not taking his true form and going to destroy a human. A glance towards the demon told him Crowley was in a similar state. 

Bracing himself he ignored her protests and pushed his doll past hers, wondering if she would play the part of the doll she’d already placed in the bathroom. He knew from his book children would generally make their play match what they knew to be the rules of the world. He found himself hoping the book was wrong. 

Audrey’s doll followed his as far as the bathroom trying to convince him this was a bad idea. But she wouldn’t put hers inside even to save his. At first his doll was allowed to go through what he deemed the normal motions. It was a bit awkward for Aziraphale with the rather large audience watching but otherwise fairly uneventful. The real trouble came when his doll began to mime using the toilet. Audrey grabbed the larger one from the corner. She knew what happened next even if her playmate didn’t. 

“What are you doing?” Her new doll asked maliciously.

“Just using the toilet.” Aziraphale’s doll said, trying not to be startled by the tone. 

“Did you pay for it?”

“Well no but…”

“Did you ask?”

“I didn’t know I needed to.” 

“You have to earn your keep like everyone else you fucking brat! You can’t just use things that aren’t yours and expect the world to take care of you.” 

“I wasn’t trying to. I just needed to go and I thought…”

Aziraphale’s doll was cut off by the larger one smacking it across the tiny room.

“Where are your parents anyway you little cunt? Why don’t you go make their lives harder? Its bad enough I have to work at this dump, I’m not a fucking baby sitter for nasty little things that don’t clean up after themselves.”

Aziraphale was beyond upset at this point, but he didn’t want to question Audrey and make her clam up. Instead his poor abused doll tried to scramble back to the toilet. The bigger one kicked it in the head. 

“What did I fucking say! If you want to use the facilities here you have to earn them. You don’t pay taxes so nothing here is for you. If you wanna use grown-up stuff you gotta do grown-up favours.” The big doll said, pushing his against the ground. Aziraphale resisted the urge to go douse his brain with holy water as he tried to wiggle his doll free. 

“I don’t have any money and I wasn’t trying to make a mess.” His doll pleaded, mirroring his confusion. 

“Don’t be like that, you know how you can earn it. No one gets something for nothing.” Audrey’s doll said, forcing the clothes off of his. Aziraphale managed to keep his calm but a few stray tears made their way down his cheeks. None of his research had prepared him for this. Crowley moved to sit next to them, trying to convince himself he was only comforting the angel, rather than seeking comfort himself. 

“You have to remember your place.” Audrey’s nasty doll said, kicking his a final time before she pulled it out of the house. Aziraphale pulled his out and put in the box as well, trying to figure out where to go from here. Now that he had answers he desperately wanted to give them back. Audrey looked a bit stunned, memories too fresh in her mind for comfort. She curled into herself a bit, trying to calm down. 

“Can I pick you up dear girl?” Aziraphale asked her, seeing the way she’d wrapped her arms around herself and figuring she could use a proper hug. Audrey nodded, reaching out to him. 

Aziraphale drew her into his lap, planting a kiss on the top of her head. 

“Why are you sad?” Audrey asked him quietly, seeing the tears glistening on his cheeks. Grown-ups weren’t supposed to cry so she didn’t understand what was going on. 

“Because that was sad. People are not supposed to hurt each other like that.” He told her gently, wrapping his arms securely around her. 

“He only got hurt cause he was being bad. They only hurt you when you’re bad.” 

Aziraphale started to argue that his doll hadn’t done anything wrong but Crowley quickly stopped him. 

“No one is supposed to hurt people kid, especially not like that. No matter how bad they are.” The demon said fiercely, putting an arm around Aziraphale and Audrey. 

Audrey shrugged, not believing him. 

“Did someone hurt you like that dear girl?” Aziraphale asked her gently, brushing her messy hair away from her eyes. 

Audrey nodded and Crowley and Aziraphale shared a glance, both feeling a bit sick with the revelation. 

“When did this happen?” Aziraphale asked gently. 

“After Maisy’s mum told me I needed to stop staying with them all the time. I couldn’t go home so I was staying at the library. There was this man who worked there and he caught me one night after they closed. He was really mad cause I wasn’t supposed to be there.” She confessed quietly. 

“Bastard.” Crowley mumbled. Aziraphale shot him a look.

“He wasn’t that bad. He didn’t kick me out, and he let me earn my keep so I could stay. I just wasn’t strong enough so it really hurt.” Audrey said.

“You are eight years old. You shouldn’t need to earn your keep. And no one has any right to hurt you.” Crowley said angrily. Audrey stiffened, his tone making her think she was in trouble. 

“I didn’t know where else to go.” She said, trying to defend herself. 

“It’s not your fault child. None of this is your fault “ Aziraphale said, kissing the top of her head again and willing himself to stop crying so he didn’t scare her further. 

“And now you have somewhere safe to be kid. You’re staying with us. No one is going to hurt you now.” Crowley added, more mindful of his tone. 

Audrey shrugged, not sure what to believe or how to respond. The little family was still for a while, trying to bear the weight of her revelation.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some much needed fluff.

“Would you like to play something else dear girl?” Aziraphale asked eventually, noticing that Audrey had grown a bit squirmy on his lap.

She shook her head; she was getting a bit uncomfortable but not enough to move from her spot.

“Should we move to the couch then perhaps?” He asked, moving to stand up. Audrey shrugged, not caring as long as she wasn’t being put down. 

“We could watch another movie.” Crowley offered. 

“Or we could read another of the books you picked out if you like” Aziraphale said, shooting a pointed look at Crowley. All of his parenting books were adamant that too much screen time was no good. 

Audrey twisted her head to look up at him, she’d really liked being read to the day before but she didn’t want to get between him and Crowley, especially if they were fighting. 

“What would you like to do kid?” Crowley asked, confident that his suggestion would win. 

Audrey looked at both of them unsure. When neither of them prompted her she realized she was going to be forced to give an answer. 

“Can we read the dragon book?” she asked quietly, careful to avoid Crowley’s eyes. 

“Of course dear girl.” Aziraphale said, looking at Crowley triumphantly. 

Crowley rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored him. 

Aziraphale got himself and Audrey settled on the couch. It was a bit difficult since she refused to unwrap her arms or legs even slightly, but he managed. Crowley came to sit next to them, not willing to let Audrey out of his sight quite yet. 

They only made it four-and-a-half pages in before she was asleep across them. 

“Do you want me to put her in bed?” Crowley asked, noting that Audrey once again had Aziraphale pretty well trapped. 

“No, let her be. I don’t want the poor dear to wake up alone.” Aziraphale said, looking down at the sleeping child lovingly.

Crowley sighed, leaning his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder. 

“I knew I wasn’t going to like the answer but fuck was I not ready for that.” He said quietly. 

“Language dear,” Aziraphale chided. “But yes, I wasn’t prepared either. How could anyone do that to a child?”

“They’ve always been able to find terrible things to do to one another, from the very beginning. Worse than we could ever be.” Crowley grumbled.

Aziraphale sighed. He still couldn’t wrap his head around it but he knew Crowley didn’t have any more answers than he did. He looked down at the child sleeping on his lap, feeling tears sliding down his face again. 

“Wipe your face, she doesn’t need to wake up to you crying on her.” Crowley said shoving a handkerchief at him and trying to hide that he was sniffling as well.

“What do we do from here dearest? Where do we even begin?” Aziraphale questioned.

“We keep her safe angel. What else is there?” Crowley said fiercely.

“How do we find the monster who did this? Aziraphale asked.

“Which one?” Crowley deadpanned

“All of them I suppose. There has to be justice.” Aziraphale said, nearly glowing with anger.

“Don’t get all righteous on me Angel, our first priority has to be keeping her safe. The rest will follow.” Crowley said, trying to convince himself as well.

“You’re a demon, you really mean to tell me you don’t want to lick some butt?” Aziraphale said fiercely.

“Kick angel, for the love of someone kick, we’ve talked about this. And I’d prefer good old fashioned hell fire, but we’re a bit busy at the moment.” Crowley said gesturing to the child sprawled across them. 

Aziraphale huffed, wishing for the second time in 6,000 years he’d held onto a certain flaming sword. 

“We need to check her wardrobe, I think she’s been hiding food.” Aziraphale remembered. 

Crowley nodded, that at least he’d encountered before. Apparently hungry kids hadn’t changed that much in the past few centuries. 

“We’ll get her a Tupperware to keep it in, and miracle it so nothing goes slimy.” Crowley said decisively.

“Shouldn’t we just encourage her not to steal food dearest? I don’t want her hiding away in her room eating whatever she’s managed to sneak away.”

“It’s not an either or thing Angel. We can encourage her to take snacks when she wants them and to tell us when she’s hungry, but she’s going to be scared of us until she learns not to be. And I won’t have her eating things that have gone off when it can be prevented.”

“I still don’t like the idea of encouraging her to hoard food. I’m certain it’s not healthy.”

“Nothing about this situation is healthy Angel. We need to stop the bleeding, then we’ll worry about the rest of it.”

Aziraphale looked down at the girl alarmed. 

“What bleeding? I thought you healed her? Surely you didn’t leave her bleeding.”

“Not real bleeding angel,” Crowley groaned. “As in: we have to get her to stop hurting herself further before we can do anything else. I’ve seen kids with far less reason to be afraid take weeks to be trusting. In the mean time as long as she’s not hurting herself she can do whatever she needs to feel safe.”

“I just wish she would trust us.” Aziraphale sighed.

“She will, just not right away. Aren’t your lot supposed to be the patient ones?”

“Yes, well, I’ve never been good at that part”

“No shit,” Crowley chuckled.

“Language” Aziraphale corrected half-heartedly. 

Crowley was concocting a witty response when they were interrupted by a blood-curdling scream. Both of them jumped and Aziraphale narrowly avoided knocking Audrey onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her instead, trying to wake her up. 

Audrey kept screaming and thrashing, pure muscle memory trying to fight off the attacker. Aziraphale wanted to let her go but he was worried she’d hurt herself more thrashing about. Crowley did his best to help, shifting her legs so she was kicking the couch instead of the angel.

“Audrey, child, you’re safe. Open your eyes love. You’re safe.” He repeated rubbing her back. He felt a warm wet, heat bloom against his hip and had to keep himself from cursing. He wasn’t particularly worried about the mess, but he knew it wasn’t going to help calm her down. He moved to miracle it away but of course that was the moment she tried to open her eyes. 

Audrey looked around frantically, trying to figure out where she was and how to get away. Someone was holding her and she squirmed and pushed, trying to get out of their grip. They were saying something but it took her a few moments to understand the words.

“…ok, you’re ok child, you’re safe, you’re safe.” The voice repeated. She froze, they didn’t sound angry, which didn’t make sense. She twisted to see Aziraphale and Crowley behind her and the events of the past few days came rushing back to her, pulling her back to reality. She took a shaky breath and stilled in the angel’s arms, still trying to come out of the dream. 

“There we are dear girl. You’re all right.” Aziraphale said, rubbing circles on her back.

“Breathe kid.” Crowley added, loudly taking a few deep breaths to demonstrate. 

Audrey managed to copy him, calming down a bit. She shifted on Aziraphale’s lap, trying to burrow closer to him. He was safe and warm and wet. 

She froze at the last part, immediately begin to cry again. Thankfully this time Aziraphale was prepared. He stood with her in his arms, rocking her slightly as Crowley had taught him to do with fussy babies. 

“Now there’s no need for that. It’s just an accident. We’ll have you cleaned up in a jiffy.” He told her, careful to keep his tone light.

“I didn’t mean to, I promise I didn’t mean to! I’m really sorry!” She told him frantically, still half-heartedly squirming to get down. She liked being held but she didn’t need to get him any wetter than she already had. 

“Of course you didn’t mean to dear girl. You weren’t even awake. You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” He told her, turning to take her to the bathroom and get her cleaned up. 

“I’m still sorry.” She told him tearfully. 

“It’s quite all right dear. These things happen.” He reassured her. 

He set her down in the tub and got her cleaned up quickly, careful to make sure there were no traces of the rash Crowley had mentioned. 

“Are you sure you’re not mad?” She asked quietly, eyeing the wet spot on his clothes. 

“Of course not child.” He said, following her gaze. “They’re just clothes love, they can be washed.” 

Audrey nodded, though she wasn’t sure that solved the problem. 

Crowley cleaned the couch with a quick miracle before grabbing clothes for Audrey. He knocked on the doorframe of the bathroom even though it was open, not wanting to startle them. 

Audrey blushed as Crowley came in remembering he’d been on the couch too. 

“Are you feeling better kid?” Crowley asked her gently, wanting to make it clear he wasn’t mad either. 

Audrey nodded shyly. 

“Why don’t we get you dressed then?” He offered, wanting to give Aziraphale a chance to go change. She nodded again, wanting to be out of the bathroom and hoping one of them might pick her up again. 

“I’ll be right back, just call if you need me.” Aziraphale said, taking the hint. 

Crowley helped her into soft black pants, a fuzzy black sweater, and socks printed to look like she had snakes coiled around her feet. When she was fully dressed he offered her a hand and she took it looking slightly dejected. She knew it wasn’t fair to expect Crowley to pick her up after she’d peed on his husband, but she’d still been hoping he would. 

“You’re ok kid,” Crowley said, assuming she was still shaken up from her nightmare.

He led her back out to the kitchen, figuring they ought to get started on dinner. She sat down at the table, not sure how to help and wanting to be out of the way. 

Crowley let her be, turning his attention to putting together something that would cook quickly. He settled on Shepard’s pie, thanking someone he’d ignored Aziraphale’s ban on frozen leftovers. He popped it in the oven, and the oven obediently set itself to the right temperature. Feeling rather proud of himself for figuring out a meal so quickly he turned to Audrey to ask if she’d help set the table, only to find her with her head in her hands, sniffling softly. 

“Kid, what’s the matter?” He asked her quickly, rushing to her side. 

“Nothing,” She told him quickly, wiping her eyes. 

“Sure doesn’t look like nothing. Why are we crying?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Try me kid.” Crowley encouraged. 

“You think I’m gross.” She told him softly.

“I do not. What gave you that idea?” Crowley asked her quickly, trying to guess what he’d done wrong. 

“You wouldn’t pick me up.” She mumbled. 

It took a moment but Crowley figured out what she was saying. 

“I didn’t know you wanted me to love. I’m sorry.” He told her, holding out his arms as an invitation. 

Audrey didn’t reach for him. 

“It’s ok. I know you don’t want to. I’m disgusting.” 

Crowley picked her up anyway, cradling her to his chest and kissing the top of her forehead. 

“I most certainly want to. I have known some people that were truly disgusting, and you are most certainly not.” He told her firmly. 

Audrey wrapped her arms around his neck, soaking in the comfort. 

“You’re gonna change your mind. I’m gross.” She mumbled.

“I am not. Accidents or not kiddo.” He assured her. 

Audrey didn’t believe him but she wanted to, so instead of arguing she rested her head on his shoulder. 

Crowley sat down at the table and settled her in his lap, waiting for the oven to ding. 

Aziraphale paused to consider the tableau as he entered the kitchen. Crowley took on a different air with a child in his arms. If he didn’t know better he would have called it holy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get an extra chapter very quickly cause I wrote way too many pages of fluffy bs instead of being productive today. I didn't proof read because my two brain cells decided that felt too much like work. Enjoy and good luck!

Audrey stayed in Crowley’s lap through dinner. He didn’t mind, it made it easier to coax food into her, and easier to avoid putting much into himself. 

When they were finished eating Crowley pulled out the sheet of rules, deciding they’d put it off long enough. Audrey gulped, assuming she’d already been found guilty and this was her sentencing. 

“All right kid, we’re gonna try this again. I want you to ask if you have questions, and if you don’t think you can follow any of these I want you to tell me.” Crowley told her gently. 

She nodded, watching him pick up the pen nervously.  
“First, we ask for help if we need it or want it.” Crowley said. Feeling her tense on his lap he added, “and we will not get mad at you for needing help, that would defeat the whole purpose of having you ask.” 

Audrey nodded again, looking at the page as he wrote the amendment down. 

“No one is going to punish you if you don’t ask for help, but I want you to try. I know it will be scary at first but I don’t want you suffering in silence.” 

Audrey muttered a quiet ‘ok.’

“Second: we do not hurt each other. That goes for all of us. You are not allowed to hit, kick, bite, whatever. Not us, and not yourself. The same goes for us. No one is allowed to hurt you here.” Crowley told her, writing the last part a bit bolder than the rest. 

“If you break that rule, then you will stand in the corner for twice as long as your age, so for you it would be 16 minutes.” Crowley explained. Aziraphale shot him a look, they would need to be very careful to mind their own rules, spending 12,000 minutes in the corner did not sound appealing. 

“Third: We take care of our things. If you take something like toys or clothes out then we expect you to put them back when you’re done with them. If you need help cleaning something up, you ask us, that goes back to rule number one.”

“What happens if I don’t?” Audrey asked quietly. 

“Corner time, the same as with two, and if it still doesn’t get cleaned up then it goes away for a week.” Crowley told her, writing the punishment on the sheet.

Audrey looked at him sceptically, that couldn’t be it.

“The fourth stays the same. You need to be with one of us if you’re going to leave the flat. It’s not safe for you to be out by yourself.”

“I was by myself before.” Audrey mumbled defensively.

Crowley wanted to point out that meant she knew exactly why it wasn’t safe but thankfully Aziraphale cut him off. 

“The adults who should have been taking care of you did a horrendous job dear, we intend to behave better than they did. Just because you can take care of yourself does not mean you should have to.”

Audrey settled a bit.

“What happens if I leave without you?” She asked. 

“Well, as I’ve said, this rule is about your safety kid, so it’s in your best interest to follow it. It’s a bit more serious than the others if you don’t.” 

“What do you hit with?” Audrey asked bluntly, just wanting this to be over.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and Crowley’s eyebrows rose behind his glasses.

“We don’t hit kid, that’s rule three, remember. If you leave the flat with us you’ll be grounded for a day. That means no TV and no toys outside your room.” He told her, careful to write it down as well. 

“But everyone hits for punishment, that can’t be what the rule means,” Audrey questioned before she could stop herself.

“That is absolutely what the rule means dear girl. We will not hurt you, not matter what you do. That’s a despicable means of punishment.” Aziraphale said fiercely. 

Audrey shrugged, not seeing why it was so bad. 

“We mean it kid. No hitting here, not ever.” Crowley said.

“Fifth: You need to try to eat at least five times a day. Your body is missing a lot of the things it needs and we need to get you caught up. If you’re hungry you can ask either of us for food or you can get it yourself as long as it doesn’t involve the stove, the oven, or cutting anything up. We’re also going to put a box in your room you can keep snacks in. If you want to keep food outside the kitchen in needs to in there so it doesn’t go bad.”

“How do I know you won’t steal the box?” She asked.

“We would never steal something of yours dear girl. That would be terribly rude.” Aziraphale said defensively. 

“You can hide it if you like kid, all I ask is that you keep food inside it so nothing goes off before you eat it.”

“Ok…” Audrey said sceptically. 

“Are there any other rules you think we should have kid?” Crowley asked.

“What happens if I don’t keep food in the right place or if I don’t eat when I’m supposed to?”

“Nothing, if you break that rule the only person you’re really hurting is yourself so punishing you wouldn’t really make sense.” Crowley said, writing ‘no punishment’ bellow the rule. 

“Can we write down that you’re not allowed to steal my stuff?” Audrey asked quietly. It would be easier to believe it if it was in writing. 

“Of course kid.” Crowley said, adding it to the sheet. 

“And you’re not allowed to leave me here alone if I’m not allowed to leave.” She added, feeling a bit bolder since they hadn’t immediately shut her down. 

“We would never…” Aziraphale started, but was quickly cut off by Crowley.

“I think that sounds like a great rule kid.” He said, shooting Aziraphale his best ‘trust me’ look.

“I don’t have any others. I promise I’ll be good this time.” Audrey said. 

“You haven’t been anything but good kid. I think these should work better.” Crowley told her, finishing the sheet.

“Perhaps we ought to get you ready for bed dear girl.” Aziraphale said, glancing at the clock. It was barely past nine, but the girl was young and he knew she hadn’t been sleeping near enough. 

“I’m not tired.” Audrey lied quickly. She was exhausted but really didn’t want to go back to sleep.

Crowley shot her a sceptical look but let it go. 

“Would you like to finish our story then, dear?” Aziraphale offered.

Audrey shook her head, knowing she would fall asleep if they tried that. 

“Can we play Mario Kart?” she asked hopefully.

Crowley shook his head. 

“I think it’s a bit late for that kid, but we can watch some TV if you like.”

Audrey really wanted to fight him, but she wasn’t quite brave enough to be outright disobedient yet.

“Ok.” She said, sounding a bit disappointed. 

“Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you?” Crowley asked. 

“I can walk.” She told him firmly; still a bit mad he wouldn’t let her play.

“Why don’t we stop by the bathroom quickly kid?” Crowley offered, knowing she should need to go again by now. 

“I don’t need to go, we don’t need to.” Audrey said quickly. 

“I don’t believe you kid, why don’t we go try.” He told her, trying to lead her down the hallway. 

Audrey pulled her hand out of his. 

“I don’t need to.” She repeated, in truth she didn’t know if she needed to or not. Holding it so often had made it hard to know until she really couldn’t wait. What she did know was that trying to force it always hurt and she wasn’t eager to go through that again.

“Ok kid, but you need to try before bed.” Crowley conceded, the last thing he wanted was to put more stress on her. 

Audrey nodded; glad to be off the subject for now. 

They sat down on the couch; Aziraphale joined them once the kitchen was clean, sandwiching Audrey between them. About twenty minutes into the show Audrey felt her eyes getting droopy. She knew Crowley had told her not to force herself to stay awake, especially by hurting herself, but she desperately wanted to keep herself awake. Hoping Crowley wouldn’t notice she dug her fingernails into her hip on the side opposite him. 

Crowley was on the wrong side of her to notice, but Aziraphale felt the movement and looked to see what she was doing. At first he assumed she was just itchy but when her hand didn’t move and her expression grew pained he became concerned. 

“Audrey, child are you all right?” he questioned, turning to face her properly. 

Audrey jumped and moved her hand and Aziraphale immediately noticed the traces of blood on her fingertips. He pulled her to him and quickly checked the injury. Three half-moon shaped marks sat in a row, just deep enough to break the skin. Audrey squirmed to get away.

“I’m sorry! I was just sleepy! I won’t do it again.” 

Aziraphale did his best to hold her still.

“Why were you doing it at all kid?” Crowley asked, checking the scratches himself.

“Cause I don’t wanna fall asleep.” Audrey said, still trying to get free.

“Why ever not child? You need sleep, it will help your body heal.” Aziraphale told her.

“No I don’t, if I sleep again, its gonna happen again and if it happens too much then you’ll get mad and send me away and I don’t wanna get sent away.” She told them frantically.

Aziraphale and Crowley shared a look of confusion; both hoping the other knew what she was saying. 

“What will happen again child?” Aziraphale asked, rubbing slow circles on her back in an attempt to calm her down.

Audrey just blushed and shook her head, she’d already told them too much.

“Kid, whatever it is it’s not gonna make us send you away. That’s not happening. But we can’t help you if we don’t know what you need.”

“You will if I keep messing up your stuff. That’s how it works.” 

Aziraphale had bit of a revelation. 

“Child, are you worried you’ll wet the bed again?” Aziraphale asked, careful to keep his tone neutral.

Audrey nodded, burying her head in her knees so she wouldn’t have to see their reaction. 

“Dear girl, that’s hardly worth all this fuss. We would never be cross with you over something you can’t control.” He told her.

“Yes you will if it keeps happening. Nobody likes big kids who act like stupid babies.” 

“Kid, this isn’t acting like anything. It’s not your fault, and even if it were, we wouldn’t be sending you away. I know people have been terrible to you about this, but that’s not what’s going to happen here.” Crowley said, running his fingers through her hair since Aziraphale was already rubbing her back.

“But its gross and I don’t know how to make it stop.” She said, finally daring to peer up at them. 

“We may have something that will help.” Aziraphale offered. He knew Crowley worried about embarrassing the girl, but leaving her desperate enough to hurt herself had to be worse.

Audrey looked up fully at that, curious to see what it was.

“Crowley dear, can you grab those pants you bought?” Aziraphale asked, shooting Crowley a look to make it clear he wasn’t asking. 

“Sure angel.” Crowley said with a questioning look of his own. 

“Now dear girl I want you to understand that neither of us will be upset or think any less of you whether or not you want to use these. You don’t have to but I think they might help. At the least they’ll keep your bed dry so you can sleep a bit longer.”

Audrey looked at him nervously; pretty sure she knew where this was going. 

Crowley returned with the package and handed it to them. 

“I don’t need to wear nappies, I’ll stop. I promise” Audrey said quickly, her face turning a deeper shade of pink.

“I don’t think that’s a promise you can keep dear, and Crowley was quite sure these aren’t nappies.”

“They’re not kid, their just a bit more absorbent than normal pants.” Crowley assured her; still not sure this was the right call. 

Audrey looked at the package a bit more carefully. Dry sheets did sound nice, and at least she wouldn’t be in trouble for making a mess of things that weren’t hers.

“What if I try them and don’t like them?” She asked cautiously.

“Then you stop using them kid, simple as that.” Crowley told her.

“And you won’t be mad?”

“We won’t be mad kid, we just want you to be comfortable, right angel?”

“Of course dear. If these will help you sleep then I think we ought to try them, but if you don’t want to we don’t have to.” He told her gently.

“Can I try them? Just for tonight?” Audrey asked after a moment of consideration.

“Of course you can child. I think that’s an excellent idea.” Aziraphale praised her. “Why don’t we get you dressed and then we’ll watch the rest of the show if you want.” He offered.

Audrey nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck to make it clear she wanted to be carried. Crowley followed, fairly impressed with his angel as that had gone much more smoothly than he’d anticipated. 

“What pyjamas would you like dear?” He asked her, letting her see the few sets in the wardrobe. He had to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at Crowley when she chose a red tartan set with puppies embroidered on the pocket. Crowley rolled his eyes pointedly enough that Aziraphale could see them through the dark shades. 

Audrey let Aziraphale help her into the top, but both of them paused when they got to the bottoms, Aziraphale looking to Crowley a bit helplessly. He may have convinced her to try the training pants but that didn’t mean he knew how they worked. 

“We can just slide them on, but it might be better to but some lotion on you first, I don’t want that rash to come back.” Crowley said, moving to take over. 

“Will it hurt?” Audrey asked. Lotion didn’t sound dangerous but grown-ups could be sneaky. 

“Of course not kid, look” Crowley said, putting some on his hand to demonstrate. 

Audrey watched carefully to make sure it didn’t do anything, before letting him put some on her hand as well.

“Its cold.” She said, poking at it with her finger. 

“Yeah, unfortunately that’s its natural state. Should we put some on you and get you the rest of the way dressed? The Teen Titans are waiting for us.” Crowley encouraged, this was awkward and he wanted to be done with it. 

Audrey nodded and let him help her get the rest of the way dressed before reaching to be picked back up. Crowley lifted her into his arms immediately, not wanting a repeat of before. 

They got themselves settled back on the couch, although that proved a bit pointless, because they didn’t even make it to the next commercial before Audrey’s eyes drifted shut. Crowley rubbed her back soothingly; wanting to make sure she was well and truly asleep.

He wasn’t eager to put her in bed, or really anywhere out of his sight, but he knew she’d sleep better in an actual bed. 

“I’m going to go put her down angel. Could you make us a pot of coffee please?” Crowley whispered, carefully gathering the sleeping child into his arms. 

Several minutes later found both of them all but collapsed at the kitchen table. 

“I can’t believe you got her to say yes.” Crowley said, still impressed with his angel.

“It was far easier than I thought it would be to be honest dearest, but I couldn’t bare the thought of her being willing to scratch herself to the point of bleeding just to stay awake.” 

“I know, I told you to be patient earlier, but I swear when we find these assholes I’m getting them their own private level downstairs.” 

“I may have to help you design that dearest.” Aziraphale said, doing his best to be intimidating. 

“What are you going to do angel? Build a butt licking machine?” Crowley mocked playfully. 

“I’m a guardian you know, I was assigned to guard the walls of Eden from the forces of hell, they gave me a flaming sword and everything.” Aziraphale protested. 

“And how did that work out again?”

“Oh come off it. How are you going to torture them then you fiend?”

Crowley shrugged. 

“I don’t know, everything I can thing of is either to time consuming for us or to quick for them. I don’t know how you reconcile something this awful.” He said. 

Aziraphale sighed. 

“I can’t say I know either, my lot tends to go in for a quick smiting, but that would bring a lot of undue attention and paperwork, and I really think its far better than they deserve.” He huffed.

“Well first things first we need to figure out who ‘they’ are. I’ve looked but no one has even reported her missing.” 

“I’m afraid we’ll have to ask her dearest, she should be able to give us an idea of where to look.”


	16. Chapter 16: Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hand slipped and I made a plot. or a mess. There's a decent chance I just made a mess. oops.
> 
> Also: I have no knowledge of the Bible except what I could steal from Wikipedia in a few minutes. And I've twisted that to suit me so...

Crowley decided to take a bit of a nap. Or rather Crowley was compelled to take a nap after a certain angel determined he was exhausted and convinced him sleep would be slightly more productive than slowly driving himself insane trying to find Audrey’s father. 

Aziraphale might have protected Crowley’s sanity, but he was finding it more difficult to preserve his own. He’d gone through the flat cleaning and straightening until it was spotless, or as close to spotless as it had ever been. He’d arranged several shelves in the shop by the authors middle initial to throw off potential buyers. He’d opened and closed no less than thirteen books, finding himself too distracted to actually read anything. Having run out of options he found himself sitting at his desk in the bookstore, glaring at a new set of candles. 

There had to be a reason. He couldn’t see it yet, but this much suffering couldn’t be pointless. He shouldn’t bother the forces above of course. He was sure they had better things to do. And Crowley had been very specific about not drawing attention. But he needed to know, he desperately needed to understand. Perhaps if he could just get through and leave a message She would find a way to get back to him. 

He had to try. He was still an angel after all, and it was the right thing to do. With so many threads to keep track of it was possible the almighty didn’t even know how much pain this part of the plan had caused. Surely if he was reasonable and informed Her the whole thing could be set to rights. 

He pulled the carpet aside gingerly, careful not to make too much noise. He could practically hear Crowley listing off reasons this wouldn’t work. Heaven had not always answered promptly. Not during the flood. Not during the plague or the famines. Not when witches were being burned in their name. Not when he’d found out what exactly was happening in the woods of Germany and fields of Poland. But this time his concern was specific. This couldn’t be the work of the horsemen or anyone else and he was sure it would be easy to remedy.

Ignoring the little voice telling him this was a bad idea he lit the candles.

\-----------------------------------

Something was wrong. Crowley woke with a jolt feeling something weird and annoyingly ethereal rippling through the building. Groaning he dragged himself out of bed and went to figure out what nonsense he was getting dragged into this time. 

“…it’s just that, well, I was hoping you might be able to answer some questions. Or perhaps I could leave a message? I think there my have been some mistake.” Aziraphale murmured, not hearing Crowley come down the stairs. 

Crowley paused just long enough to take in the slightly glowing circle and the angel standing before it. Then everything sped up. He flew at the angel, all but tackling him as he extinguished the candles and rushed the rug over the runes on the floor.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed, dragging the angel out of the room just to be safe. “Are you trying to fall? Because we really don’t need that right now.”

“Dear the language is hardly necessary, and stop pushing me. I just planned to ask a few questions, surely they can’t cast me out for that.” Aziraphale said; pulling away from Crowley and dusting himself off to make it clear he was offended. 

“Did you forget they sentenced you to death? Like a month ago? Would you also like me to give them some hellfire to save them the trouble?” Crowley asked incredulously. 

“This wasn’t about me, this was about the child. Surely heaven would put our differences aside if there was an innocent child involved.” Aziraphale countered.

“Heaven doesn’t really do the whole innocent thing for humans. They do testing and judging.”

“Now really Crowley, just because you chose to disobey the rules and were punished…”

“Because I broke the rules! Is that how you think it happened?” Crowley said, seeing red.

“Well, that is more or less the gist of it isn’t it. I mean I agree that the punishment was a bit harsh but it’s hardly my place to question.”

“You have no idea Angel.” Crowley hissed dangerously.

“Oh no? You do realize the story is rather common don’t you? And normal angels do not lie.”

“And what exactly do they say the fallen did then? Did we spit in the face of God? Steal her favourite shoes? Piss in the garden? Tell me angel, what is it you think I did to earn eternal damnation.”

Aziraphale sputtered, realizing he may not have thought this through, especially as he realized he didn’t know what Crowley had supposedly done. It had always just come down to ‘bad angels broke the rules, bad angels got cast out.’  
“Its not a story you want to know Angel. You already got one horrific answer today. Cut your losses and stop questioning glowing spots on the floor about the human condition.”

That statement predictably got exactly the reaction Crowley was trying to avoid. Aziraphale sat down on the couch, realizing that if he was going to get answers they weren’t going to come from a screaming match.

“Tell me what happened then dearest? The real story?”

Crowley shook his head and turned away. 

“I’m telling you, you don’t want to know Angel.”

“I do though. You just tackled me in my own office, I at least deserve to know why.”

“You do know why I tackled you. You were trying to bring the forces of Heaven into your soon to be damned bookshop because you wanted a pleasant answer to an awful question.”

“I still want the answer to this question dear, even if it’s awful.” 

Crowley took his glasses off and flopped down next to Aziraphale, scrubbing an annoyed hand over his face.

“Fine, but pay attention ‘cause I’m not repeating this shit.”

Aziraphale nodded, worried anything more would make Crowley clam up. 

“She started on this project. The heavens and the earth were one thing. But then she started making things that could feel. Things that could think. At first it was plants. And we built them to take care of each other. They connect underground. One big entity, beautiful really, and so well planed they hardly needed anything more from us. Rain for water, sunlight and minerals for food. That’s really it. Ask me She should have stopped with the trees. But She never could quit while she was ahead. 

So then it was the animals, vile little things that bit at each other and tore each other to pieces, but it wasn’t like they knew any better, and management had a valid point with the whole ‘we need death unless we want to build a new planet every few centuries’ thing. 

And then the bloody humans. Because of course we couldn’t stop. I was just trying to do my sodding job at first. She made me a healer so I made things that would heal them. Plants mostly, fungi, mould, you know, the works. It seemed like it make sense. It was roundabout and stupid, but it seemed like it made sense.

Then Lucifer and Dagon realized how fragile the bodies were. They were supposed to be flawed of course, all part of the plan. But this just seemed cruel. We figured it had to be a mistake. She was supposed to be testing them, not torturing them. So naturally we called it into question. 

At first I thought Metatron just wasn’t in, but then She breathed life into Adam without so much as a Her-damned warning and we knew. This time we didn’t put it in writing, we took it straight upstairs. Evil wasn’t really a thing yet so we were still pretty sure it was a misunderstanding. 

Metatron tried to feed us some bullshit explanation about the ineffable plan and Things Beyond Our Understanding. And so many of them stood down, I swear the few of us who didn’t invented rage on the spot. 

We tried to make do behind her back, figured maybe that was part of the plan. Then we got caught. Apparently, Lucifer had added some of his own touches to Eve before she was sent down. Something about the body taking care of itself during childbirth, extra blood clotting, natural pain relief. We thought it was brilliant. Michael and Gabriel thought it was treason. And they were so fucking righteous they didn’t even stop to consider that we were their siblings. They called on Metatron immediately, and naturally Metatron felt we’d needed to be punished.

They pushed Lucifer first of course. He’d tried to overshadow God Herself, the height of pride. They couldn’t take his power without his say so, but they could cast him out. 

We just wanted to understand what they’d done, or at least why. Turns out that was also too much hubris. Next thing I knew I was freefalling, then burning, then crashing.

You don’t go questioning heaven. When they don’t have a good answer they’ll chuck you out so they don’t have to answer you at all.”

Aziraphale was shell-shocked. Or near catatonic. It was hard to tell. He was silent for more than a few minutes, processing. Crowley could see the gears turning and he let the angel be, taking the time to cool down himself. 

Finally Aziraphale spoke. 

“Crowley, dearest, I had no idea.” He said, wringing his hands in front of him nervously. 

“I know you didn’t, and I did just tackle you and drag you around your own shop, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re still not the one who needs to apologize.” 

“You were trying to protect me, even if you were a bit violent about it.”

“You did scare the shit out of me. I left you alone for like an hour and you went trying to summon the forces of righteousness to the hideout you’re sharing with a literal demon and a stolen child so…”

“It may have been a bit ill advised.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. 

“I am sorry I assumed you’d done something evil to fall. You just have always been so adverse to being called nice or good I assumed…”

“We made a pact; after everything. You can’t really have free will unless you have both options, it was the least we could do.”

“It always just made sense. The broad strokes at least. Light and Dark. Us and the Adversary. They really do make it sound very poetic upstairs.”

“Yeah, they’ve always been good at that bit.”

“And I assumed that if anyone had been cast out it had been done by Her, and with an explanation. That would be the right way to go about it.”

“There is no right way to go throwing people off of roofs Angel. 

“Well, I mean the best way to do it. If it had to be done. I hardly think that type of authority ought to be outsourced.”

“Nothing God-like about shoving people. Anyone can do that. She could have stopped us falling of course, but She didn’t”

Aziraphale went silent for another few minutes, not sure what to say to that. 

“But if you were there when they were creating life, that would mean…”

“Don’t go there Angel.”

“But I thought only the Princes of Heaven were present at the Beginning.”

“And you never thought to question why there are Princes of Hell?”

“Well, I just assumed that…But that would mean…”

“I told you that you didn’t want to know. Don’t go blaming me because you didn’t listen.”

“What was your name?”

“Crawly.”

“You know that’s not what I meant dearest.”

“That’s what I meant.”

“I thought Raphael was the Healer. I seem to remember some business with Abraham, and something about Lot. But that was well after the Fall.”

“Yeah, heaven never was real creative with their naming of things.”

“You mean you were…”

“The original.” Crowley said dryly. “Now will you drop it?”

Ignoring his protests Aziraphale pulled the demon to him, for the first time allowing himself to truly question Everything, and paling at all possible answers. 

In the next room a light blue circle glowed and hummed quietly. And somewhere, or two somewheres, memos popped into existence on desks. One on a clean, orderly white sheet of paper, and one on a water-stained legal pad with fly’s eggs growing in the corner.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm not super happy with this but if we wait for me to be happy with it we're gonna be here all year so...
> 
> I promise I'm going somewhere with this. I just don't know were yet.

Left to his own devices Crowley would have taken a light, three-week nap to recover from their little chat. Aziraphale would have moved sooner, but still would probably have sat long enough to gather dust.

Neither of them got that option. They sat until light began to stream through the windows, Aziraphale once again trying to read and Crowley scrolling through his phone, neither really present.

Then there was shuffling and frantic name calling from upstairs and both of them remembered that deciding to take a break from existence was no longer an option. 

Crowley was up the stairs first, aided by his long legs and sheer panic at the thought of her thinking she left them. 

Audrey crashed into him as soon as he turned the corner, burying her face in his stomach and nearly knocking him over. 

“I thought you left!” The accusation was filled with anger and relief. 

“Of course we didn’t leave kid, we just needed to check on something in the shop. We’re here.” Crowley said gently. He tried to lift her into his arms but she wiggled away. 

“You said you wouldn’t leave the flat without me! You wrote it down!” She said bitterly. 

Crowley knelt to meet her eyes. 

“You’re right kid, we did. I’m sorry, it was a bit of an emergency.”

“Grownups always think their things are more important. You promised and you lied.” She said, turning away from him and finding herself face to face with Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale was struck by a wave of guilt as he thought about just how much danger he had placed her in, and he realized he’d also left her to wake up scared and alone. 

“You’re right dear girl. You are completely right and I’m terribly sorry, we both are I’m sure.” He said, glancing at Crowley.

“I don’t care. You still lied.” Audrey said, turning away from both of them.

Aziraphale wanted to scream. They’d been making so much progress. Crowley, however, saw an opportunity. 

You’re right kid. We broke a rule, and you caught us. I guess we’ll just have to face the punishment won’t we?” He said, doing his best to sound dejected.

Audrey peered at him over her shoulder. 

“Grown-ups don’t get punished.” She said uncertainly. 

“The rules on the sheet are for everybody in the house. We broke the rules.” Crowley said, turning towards the kitchen. “Come on then Angel, lets go see what our penance is.”

Audrey followed them, curious to see what would happen. Crowley made a show at looking of the sheet of rules. 

“I guess we’re grounded Angel.” He said with mock seriousness. Aziraphale nodded gravely.

“I suppose we are.” He agreed. 

“That’s not fair. You watch TV, but you don’t even play with toys.” Audrey protested. 

“Fair enough.” Crowley conceded. “What are you taking away from us then?”

Audrey was confused and not sure how to answer.

“He’s right dear, if we take away your toys when you break the rule than it’s only fair you take away something of ours.” Aziraphale encouraged. 

Audrey was sure this should be scary, but she was also full of adrenaline and still very angry.

“No phone and no books. And no coffee” She said after a moment of debate, glaring at them challengingly. There was no way they would agree to this. 

Crowley couldn’t help but be impressed at how observant she’d been. 

“Fair enough, I suppose.” He said, placing his phone on top of the fridge and reaching for Aziraphale’s book. Aziraphale gave him a reproachful look. 

“Angel, you heard her. And you know she’s right.” Crowley said, still holding his hand out for the book. Aziraphale relented and handed it to him. 

Audrey watched the whole thing in awe; she hadn’t expected them to actually listen. 

“Does that seem fair kid?” Crowley asked. 

Audrey nodded, some of the adrenaline wearing off. She hadn’t been expecting to get this far without getting in trouble and she wasn’t sure where to go from here. 

“Why don’t we get you some breakfast kid?” Crowley offered, wondering if he could caffeinate his orange juice. 

“I can get it,” Audrey said reflexively, she was still hurt that they’d left her and she didn’t want to give them a reason to do it again.

“We got it kid. Do you want eggs and toast or porridge?” Crowley asked.

It took a moment but Audrey decided it might actually be safe to answer. 

“Can we have eggs?” She asked pointedly not looking at them in case she’d picked the wrong thing. 

It was a small breakthrough but Crowley was happy for it. 

“Of course we can kid.” He said beaming at her as he grabbed a pan. She shuffled behind him, waddling slightly. 

Aziraphale looked at her quizzically trying to figure out if she was hurt. 

Crowley caught sight of the same walk and thankfully he had a bit more knowledge to go on. 

“I think maybe we should get you dressed while Aziraphale makes breakfast kid.” Crowley offered, trying to be subtle. 

Audrey looked at him nervously, but when he reached out to pick her up she didn’t fight him. It had already been a scary morning and she was glad for the comfort. 

Crowley shifted her in his arms, discreetly checking her pull-up as he did so and finding it wet. He smiled, glad it had worked, it wasn’t an ideal solution but it was still a definite improvement. 

Audrey on the other hand was feeling more and more nervous with every step he took. She knew they’d put her in the training pants for this exact reason but she was still worried he’d be upset with her. 

“Do you want to pick clothes kid, or do you want me to?” Crowley offered, pausing in front of the wardrobe. Audrey shrugged, still trying to figure out if he was going to be mad at her.

“Do you want normal pants for the day?” He asked. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but he knew they’d told her she only had to try the training pants and he was trying to respect that. After all, they’d already been liars once today, and it was barely 8 a.m.

“Normal pants.” Audrey said quickly, knowing that was the right answer and not wanting to upset him. She would just have to be extra careful to not make any more mistakes, or at least to hide them well.

Crowley looked at her sceptically but nodded, hoping he was making the right call. 

As he was getting her cleaned up and dressed her eyes fixed on the dark glasses. She’d been curious since she’d met him, but she knew better than to ask grown-ups questions they might not want to answer. Still, she really wanted to know. 

“Do you always wear those glasses?” she asked him quietly.

Crowley could not have been less prepared for that question. 

“Pretty much. Most people think my eyes are scary.” He warned her. She was bound to see them at some point and this couldn’t be the worst way to deal with it. 

“Are they?”

Crowley shrugged.

“They look kinda like a snake’s so I guess it depends on how scared of snakes you are.”

“Can I see them?”” Audrey asked curiously. 

“Are you gonna be scared if you do?” 

“I don’t know, but now I know they’re scary so I wanna know how scary.”

“Fair enough I guess kid.” Crowley said, pulling off his glasses and closing his eyes. “Are you ready?”

Audrey nodded before realizing he couldn’t see her and quickly adding a verbal ‘yes.’

Crowley opened his eyes, turning to look at her.

“What do you think?”

“They look cool!” Audrey exclaimed, putting her face a bit to close to his for comfort. “Can you see like a cat?”

“Kind of, its not like normal seeing, but I can see heat, so things that are alive are easy.” He explained, gently catching her hands to keep her curiosity from poking him in the eye. 

“I bet you’re really really good at hide-and-seek.”

“Maybe we’ll have to play and you can find out.” He told her.

“Why are they like that? Do they have special powers?”

“I was in an accident when I was very young. It made my eyes like this.” He said, ignoring the question about powers. 

Audrey wasn’t sure what type of accident could change your eyes like that, but he’d looked sad when she said it and she didn’t want to upset him by asking too many questions. 

“Can we go have breakfast now?” She asked, wanting to change the subject in case she’d overstepped.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaacccckkkk
> 
> Corona virus lockdown should give me more time to write but being trapped in my apartment makes me an anxious mess so....
> 
> I'm even more desperate for comments than usual because I'm not allowed to go outside. Happy quarantine ya'll

Once they’d all had breakfast Crowley pulled out an ornate box and set it on the table.

“All right kid let’s talk snacks.”

Audrey shrunk into her chair, she knew how this talk went and it was never good. 

“I’ll stop eating so much, I promise. I’m sorry I was greedy.” She told them quickly.

“Woah kid, slow down, that’s not what I meant.” Crowley said, putting his hands up in a gesture of submission.

“I can cook pretty good too. I don’t need to keep eating your stuff. “ She continued. 

“You haven’t taken anything that’s not yours kid. You’re living here; you can eat whatever you like. What you can’t do is just hide food in your bedroom where it’s going to go off and make you sick.”

“I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” Audrey pleaded

“Dear girl, there’s no need for that. You’re not in trouble. It was an understandable response to what you’ve been through. We would just like to make sure it’s a bit safer for you.” Aziraphale said, trying to calm her down. 

“Its just food, why wouldn’t it be safe?” Audrey asked. 

“Well, food can go bad if its out for two long, the box has a special…thing inside it to keep food from going bad.” Crowley said

“And I won’t get in trouble?”

“Of course not, you can keep whatever you like in here, and you can put it wherever you want in your room.”

“Of course, you are also allowed to take food from the kitchen whenever you’d like dear girl, you will always be able to eat here.” Aziraphale interrupted. 

“What if I take too much?”

“That’s not gonna happen kid. We have plenty of food, and we’ll make sure it stays that way.”

“Can I take some snacks to put in the box?” Audrey asked, expecting to be told no. 

“Of course kid, why don’t we pick some out?” Crowley offered, leading her to the small, newly organized pantry. 

Audrey stared at the wide assortment, not sure where to start. Feeling her getting overwhelmed Crowley moved to help. 

“Pick a few.” He instructed, holding out a box of cereal bars. 

Audrey just looked for a minute, but with Aziraphale and Crowley looking at her encouragingly she finally picked a few and put them in the box. They copied this process with other snacks until her box was full of enough food to survive a minor apocalypse. 

“Are you sure this isn’t too much? You’re not gonna get mad later?”

“We’re sure dear girl.” Aziraphale said. 

“Why don’t you go put it in your room kid?” Crowley offered, knowing she’d want to hide it. 

Audrey nodded and scampered out of the room.

“I’m still not sure that was the best idea dear.” Aziraphale grumbled. “You do realize you’re asking her to hide things from us?”

“I’m not sure it’s the right move either angel, but its not like we have better ideas. At least this way we know she’s not eating mould.” Crowley rebuked. 

“I suppose,” Aziraphale said, wringing his hands together nervously. 

\----------------------------------------

Audrey grabbed her small food stash out of the wardrobe and added it to the box before hiding the whole thing in the corner underneath her bed. They’d been so nice it seemed a bit silly, but she couldn’t shake the fear that it would change. 

She wandered back out to the living room where they were both sitting on the couch, looking a bit lost without anything to read or watch. 

“Are you still allowed to help me with Legos if you’re grounded?” She asked, her eyes flickering between Crowley and one of the bigger boxes. 

Crowley shrugged, the rules said no toys but her seeking them out felt like a big step and he definitely didn’t want to tell her no.

“I think that’s your call kid. What do you think?”

“Well, if you’re helping me then it’s not really playing…” 

Crowley nodded. 

“Do you want to?” She asked him hesitantly.

“Of course kid,” Crowley said happily, flopping himself onto the floor while she grabbed one of the medium sized boxes. She wanted to go for the big one, but she still didn’t quite believe it was hers and she wasn’t feeling quite that brave. 

It turned out she didn’t really need much help from Crowley, she had a knack for putting things together and he mostly handed her things and watched as it came together. 

Unable to see the instructions from where he was sitting Aziraphale was less interested in their progress. He decided to try a project of his own. He fished out an old recipe and decided if Crowley could cook so could he. 

45 minutes later the flat was filled with the smell of slightly burnt chocolate. Crowley wrinkled his nose, a bit concerned.

“I think maybe we’d better go see what Aziraphale is up to kid.” Crowley said, offering her a hand.

Audrey looked at him uncertainly. It sounded like Crowley might be upset with his husband and the last thing she wanted was to be in the middle of a fight. 

“You can go.” She told him quickly.

“Are you sure kid? It smells like he made something sweet.”

“Are you upset with him?” 

“Nah, I’m a bit worried he’s set something on fire, but I’m not upset.” Crowley said, mindful of his tone. Deciding that chocolate might be worth the risk Audrey finally took his hand. 

The kitchen was in quite the state. The angel had somehow managed to coat every surface in a mix of cocoa powder and flour, including himself. Currently he was standing over a smoking pot muttering.   
Audrey froze in the doorway, sure this much of a mess would get anyone in trouble, even a grown-up.

Crowley couldn’t keep himself from laughing.

“Angel what did you do?” He asked, walking over to the stove and turning off the burner. 

“Well dear, I’d planned to make us some biscuits for tea,” Aziraphale huffed unhappily

Crowley snorted and returned to laughing hysterically. He took the pot from Aziraphale and eyed the charred chocolate in the bottom of it. 

“You’re recipe didn’t tell you to do this over water?” he questioned. 

“Well not specifically, Madam Tracy just wrote to melt the chocolate using a double boiler. I figured I should be able to melt it this way.”

Crowley motioned for the spoon and stirred the chocolate to the desired consistency, aided by a miracle of course. Aziraphale huffed again.

“I thought we weren’t doing that.” He pouted.

“Tempting you to gluttony, its fair game.” He said, turning towards Audrey, chocolate-coated spoon in hand. “Think you can help me clean this kid?” he offered. 

Audrey nodded and immediately took the spoon towards the sink. Crowley brought his palm to his face, feeling like an idiot. 

“I meant eat the chocolate kid. This isn’t your mess to clean up.” He said eyeing his angel. 

“Are you sure? I can help, I’m really good at cleaning.” She asked. 

“I’m sure kid. You can help once their done. If we clean up now we’ll just have to do it again in a few minutes.”

Audrey put the spoon in her mouth, very excited about the treat. She allowed herself to finish every last speck of chocolate before she moved to help them dip the biscuits in chocolate and clean up. Soon enough they were all covered in chocolate, but the kitchen had returned to being somewhat clean. 

As they cleaned Audrey found herself growing a bit fidgety. She hadn’t been to the bathroom since she’d woken up and it was growing a bit uncomfortable. She found herself absently watching the biscuits cooling with one hand between her legs, wiggling slightly. Thankfully Crowley was familiar with this particular dance. 

“Come on kid, why don’t we go to the bathroom while they finish cooling.” He said, offering her a hand. 

“I don’t need to go.” She said quickly. What if they finished all of the biscuits before she was done? She didn’t want to risk it. 

Crowley narrowed his gaze a bit.

“Yes you do kid, come on.” 

Audrey shook her head stubbornly.

“We’ll be right back.” Crowley said, glancing at Aziraphale. As gently as he could he picked her up. 

“I don’t need to go.” Audrey whined, trying to get down. 

“Kid, it will take two minutes, then we’ll go back out.” He told her firmly.

Audrey stilled, noticing his change in tone. 

He set her down in the bathroom and managed to get her settled. Audrey was too afraid to fight him so she focused on getting it over with as soon as possible. 

She peed as quickly as she could manage, and tried to get away without even wiping. Crowley caught her. 

“Audrey relax, you’re safe.” He told her, sitting her back on the toilet. 

“I’m dooooonnnnneeee” Audrey whined, still trying to get away. Crowley shook his head.

“Are you sure? You at least need to wipe.” He told her, handing her some paper. Audrey did what she was told before immediately hopping up again, in truth her stomach was beginning to feel a bit off but she knew that would hurt and she was sure she could wait. 

“There, I’m done” She told him, already halfway out the door. Crowley still wasn’t convinced but he decided to let it be for now. 

She made it back to the kitchen before he caught her again. 

“Why don’t we wash hands and then we can have our snack.” He said, trying to be gentle. 

Audrey whined but let herself be led to the sink, carefully watching the plate of biscuits to make sure they didn’t disappear. 

Once they were sat at the table she calmed down a bit. 

“These are really good.” She said, cautiously reaching for a second biscuit. Aziraphale beamed proudly and Crowley resisted the urge to remind him his creation was in no way miracle free. 

“I’m glad you like them dear girl. Perhaps next time you can help me make them.” Aziraphale said happily. 

“Really?” Audrey asked excitedly.

“Sure kid, we can all help,” Crowley butted in, worried that the angel and the kid cooking by themselves might actually burn the bookshop down. 

“Take this and then you can have one more.” Crowley said offering her a pill and a glass of water. Audrey looked a bit resentful but she did as she was told, really wanting a third biscuit.   
\------------------------------------  
Aziraphale had tried to insist on cleaning up the rest of the kitchen but Crowley had shooed him away, insisting the he was doing more harm than good. He ended up drawing with Audrey in the living room instead; eagerly listening as she designed plans for her own improved Lego castle. 

Audrey was doing her best to keep the attention on her drawing instead of on her. The pill Crowley had given her was starting to kick in and her stomach was in knots. Aziraphale noticed she looked a bit uncomfortable and tried to keep his own voice light and cheerful. He wondered if she might need help going to the toilet, but he wasn’t sure how to ask without making her uncomfortable and he was hoping Crowley would reappear before it became too dire. 

Audrey curled her legs up under her, doubling over a bit. She knew she should ask him to take her but the idea of doing so was still really scary. 

She managed for a few more minutes before it became apparent she wasn’t going to be able to wait. She looked anxiously at the doorway, trying to will Crowley into it. Naturally she lacked the power to make that happen, but her stomach decided it didn’t care. Feeling herself beginning to go she jumped up managing to stop it for a moment. 

“Audrey, are you alright dear girl?” Aziraphale asked, deeply concerned.  
Audrey shook her head frantically. 

“No, I just…I have to…” desperate and unable to get the words out she ran out of the room instead, hoping to find Crowley in time. 

She’d barely made into the hallway before her stomach spasmed again. She doubled over, just barely able to duck behind the coat rack before everything started to come out. She sobbed miserably, trying and failing to get it to stop. 

Aziraphale followed her into the hallway a few seconds behind. He froze for a minute, confused because he didn’t see her. Then he heard her. Feeling completely out of his element he knelt down next to her, ignoring the growing puddle of putrid liquid.

“You’re all right dear girl, its all right.” He soothed, placing a hand on her back. Audrey stiffened under his touch but didn’t pull away. 

“I’m really really really sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She told him frantically. 

“I know you didn’t child, I know. You just finish and then we’ll get you cleaned up. It will be just fine, tickety boo in fact.” 

Audrey just kept apologizing, not daring to meet his eyes. When if finally seemed like she might be done Aziraphale reached for her, intending to take her to get cleaned and changed. She scrambled away from him. 

“Child, I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to help you.” Aziraphale said, keeping his arms open for her.

Audrey shook her head, backing herself as far into the corner as she could go. 

“Dear, you’re not in trouble, but we need to get you clean. Would you rather have Crowley help you?” He offered. 

“No, don’t tell him please, I’m sorry,“ She begged him frantically.

“Audrey, love, he’s not going to be upset with you either. It was an accident.” 

Audrey shook her head again desperately. Crowley had told her to ask for help a million times, and she still hadn’t done it. If she didn’t start following their rules they were going to kick her out. 

“Well dear, if you don’t want him than I need you to let me help.”

Audrey looked at him miserably, trying to figure out where the attack would come from. 

“I’m disgusting, you shouldn’t touch me.” She told him, curling into herself.

“Dear girl, that’s hardly my first concern. I already know what’s happened, I wouldn’t be offering if I were going to be upset.” He soothed.

“But you should be upset, I was bad and I should be in trouble.” She said; if he got mad at her at least things would make sense again. 

“Audrey, you are not bad. You had an accident and we need to get you cleaned up. You will not be punished for something you had no control over, that would just be cruel.” He told her, careful to keep his voice level.

“I can walk. You shouldn’t have to touch me.”

“You can walk if you’d like dear girl, but if you’re just trying to spare me than I would rather carry you, that way we don’t spread the mess.” 

Audrey sniffled, looking down at her feet. She knew he was right but letting him pick her up in his state felt terribly dangerous. Aziraphale returned to rubbing her back. It took a few minutes but she managed to calm down enough to meet his eyes. 

“Promise you won’t hit?”

“You have my word dear girl. I am not going to harm you.” He assured her, once again opening his arms for her. 

“I’m gross, its gonna get on you.” She warned him. 

“Its quite all right dear, lets get you cleaned up.” He said, truthfully he found the whole ordeal rather unpleasant but he certainly wasn’t going to let her know that. He’d badger Crowley into a few choice Miracles once she was safely sleeping or out of earshot. 

Audrey hesitantly unwrapped her arms from around her knees and reached for him, letting him pick her up. Aziraphale was as gentle as he could be, and mindful of keeping the mess as contained as possible. Even so Audrey couldn’t keep a few tears from falling. She was trying so hard to be good but she just couldn’t seem to manage. Maybe the grown-ups had been right; maybe she really couldn’t be good. 

“It’s all right dear.” Aziraphale repeated, trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to reassure her. 

He set her down in the bathroom and began to get her undressed, mumbling reassurances the whole time. 

“Are you gonna tell Crowley?” Audrey asked nervously, trying to avoid looking at the mess she’d made. 

“I was planning on it. He’ll want to know what happened dear girl.” Aziraphale said calmly.

“Please no! I won’t do it again!” She said desperately. 

“Why ever not child. He’s not going to be upset with you.” Aziraphale said somewhat confused. He’d assumed she’d be more comfortable with Crowley.

“Yes he will be! I broke the rules.”

“Dear girl, as I’ve said this was not your fault, breaking the rules requires you to make a conscious effort.”

“I was supposed to tell you when I needed to go. I broke the rules.”

“You tried to tell me dear, I’m afraid it was just a bit too late, that’s hardly your fault.”

“I should have told you before. It was my fault.” She said miserably.

“These things happen child, I am not upset with you and Crowley will not be either.”

Audrey groaned miserably, not seeing how he still didn’t understand. 

“Yes he will! He’ll get mad and then he’ll get you mad and then you’ll kick me out!”

Aziraphale paused and bent down to meet her eyes. 

“Child, as I’ve told you, neither of us is going to be upset with you over this. Given what you’ve been through it’s to be expected. But, even if we were upset with you no one is going to kick you out. You are safe here and you are staying here.”

Audrey’s breathing slowed a bit. 

“Are you really gonna tell him?” she asked nervously.

“I’m afraid I rather have to dear, he needs to know what’s happening so he can help you. 

“Can you at least wait until I’m not there?”

“Yes, of course dear girl.” He told her; relieved he could finally give her an answer she wanted.   
Aziraphale finished cleaning her up and took her to get dressed. 

“Would you like to wear a pull up dear girl?” He offered. 

Audrey shook her head quickly, seeing the trap as it opened. She’d promised him she wouldn’t have another accident, and taking his offer would no doubt get her in trouble. So, even though the idea of not needing to be so worried about making another mess was tempting she knew better than to say yes.

Aziraphale gave her a doubtful look but he got her dressed in normal pants and soft warm clothes. She’d had enough embarrassment. 

He led her back out to the kitchen where Crowley was setting out lunch. 

“Hey kid, can you put out forks and knives please?” He asked happily, handing her the silverware. 

Audrey did as she was told, happy to have a task to focus on. Soon they were all seated with full plates in front of them. 

Audrey picked at her plate, not actually eating much of anything. 

“Do you not like it kid?” Crowley asked as Audrey once again moved her fork across her meal without taking a single bite. 

“No, its good, thank you.” Audrey said quickly, forcing herself to take a small bite to prove it. She didn’t want to appear ungrateful.

“Then why aren’t you eating it?” Crowley questioned. “I’ll get you something else if you want it.”

Audrey shook her head. 

“I’m just not hungry.” She said nervously.

“Are you sure kid? You didn’t eat much at breakfast either. Is your stomach hurting again?” Crowley asked gently.

“No, I just don’t wanna eat.” Audrey said, going back to playing with her food. 

“Why ever not dear girl?” Aziraphale asked, concerned and slightly offended. 

“Cause I shouldn’t be.” 

“Of course you should be. You need to eat child.” Aziraphale told her. Crowley nodded in agreement.

“No I shouldn’t. If I keep eating then its gonna keep happening and I really want to stay here.” 

Aziraphale and Crowley shared a look. There were a lot of jumps in that logic and they were both trying to catch up. 

“What’s going to keep happening kid?” Crowley asked, trying to fill in the gaps. Aziraphale managed to figure it out before he did. 

“Child, as I’ve told you, you are staying here, there is nothing that can change that. If it happens again we shall take care of it again. But I will not have you starving yourself. You need to eat.” He told her firmly. 

Catching his tone Audrey quickly stopped arguing. She didn’t really believe him but she didn’t want him to say anymore with Crowley sitting right next to him. Meekly, she began to actually eat her lunch. 

\------------------------------------------------  
Once they were finished eating Audrey managed to sneak off to her room. Aziraphale used her absence as an opportunity to change and fill Crowley in. The demon was understandably concerned but agreed that an accident was bound to happen eventually.

Meanwhile Audrey rifled through her wardrobe and found the pack of training pants. Figuring she couldn’t get in trouble if they didn’t know she’d been bad she stole a pair and put them on. She was still hoping to completely avoid the problem, but this would give her a decent plan B. She went back out to them, feeling somewhat pleased with herself.


	19. Chapter 19: Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little bit because it fit better by itself. stay tuned.

Beelzebub was having a rather stressful day. All of the days had been rather stressful since the failed apocalypse and she was becoming increasingly annoyed with the whole mess. 

Lucifer was nowhere to be found, as usual and the only direction the prince of hell had received was to continue with business as usual. Business as usual consisted of entirely too many papers landing on her cluttered desk. 

The memo had appeared directly in front of her instead of having the decency to pop into one of the dishevelled piles, which meant it had deemed itself important. Beelzebub sneered, tossing it aside. A few seconds later it reappeared directly in front of her. With a snarl she picked it up, skimming the information. Something about the traitor and the blasted Angel he insisted upon keeping as company.

Beelzebub huffed, so the angel had tried to do something stupid and the demon had stopped him. It was annoying and ridiculous but Beelzebub hardly saw why it needed to be her problem. As far as Hell was concerned the traitor had been executed, what he was up to now hardly concerned them. Rolling her eyes Beelzebub crumpled the paper again and stood, tossing it out into the hallway and closing the door. The angel had made the mess; heaven could sort it out.  
\--------------------------------------------------  
Gabriel’s office was bright, white, and empty aside from his meticulously clean desk. He was slowly making his way through a stack of official statements and orders. Heaven’s official stance on the failed apocalypse was part of the plan and like all questionable parts of the plan it was to be systematically ignored. 

Gabriel was doing his best to ensure that message was received an honored. There had been a few disconcerting rumblings but they’d been quieted very quickly. It was amazing what a few polite reminders could accomplish. 

A tight smile crossed his face as yet another memo popped into existence. He grabbed it immediately, intending to file it appropriately. Then he saw the name at the top and his smile faltered. 

The traitor had attempted to speak directly to God, or at least to Metatron. The sheer arrogance infuriated Gabriel. Of course rage was not a suitable emotion for an archangel, but it matters concerning the traitor he found it hard to control himself. 

Officially the principality Aziraphale had been executed for fraternizing with the enemy and ignoring the instructions of Heaven. Unofficially it had been decided that a principality capable of spitting hellfire would raise far too many questions and said principality was best left alone unless he insisted on making himself a problem. 

Until this point Aziraphale had politely laid low and allowed Gabriel to ignore him. This, however, was a direct affront and could not be ignored. Gabriel exhaled and forced his smile back on to his face. He would simply have to remind Aziraphale there were still protocols to be followed and some respect was still expected. 

Yes, a simple polite reminder and then he could return to his duties. If he was efficient enough he wouldn’t need to be on earth more than fifteen minutes.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to use quarantine to write but my brain really want to use it to eat junk food and dick around on the internet. Sorry for the delay.

The SoHo street was entirely too full of humans for Gabriel’s tastes. Pushing his way through the crowd he made his way to the principality’s ridiculous bookshop, determined to have this over with as quickly as possible. 

Unfortunately for him he arrived to find the bookshop closed. He stood on the step for a minute, trying to work out where he’d gone wrong. It was a reasonable hour, the street was busy, and all of the other stores seemed to be open. Of course, Aziraphale’s hours had always been strange and the principality was hardly reliable. With a put upon sigh Gabriel resolved to wait for Aziraphale to return, while observing from the comfort of above, of course. 

Stepping back he took on last look at the shop and paused. There was light on in one of the second floor windows, and there were second floor windows. Gabriel was fairly certain the store had been a single story when he’d last visited.

Exasperated Gabriel decided this ought to be sorted out now. Snapping he let himself into the kitchen with a polite pop. 

Aziraphale turned, expecting to see whatever new ridiculous thing Crowley had popped into existence; instead he made eye contact with someone he’d hoped to never see again and promptly dropped his mug of tea.

“Really Aziraphale, you are so clumsy.” Gabriel huffed, his tone clashing with the smile on his face. He snapped and quickly miracled the mess away, protecting his impeccable suit. 

“I received a rather concerning report about you Aziraphale.” He said his voice dripping with false sincerity. 

“Oh?” Aziraphale said, shifting nervously and doing his best to feign ignorance. 

“Why would you attempt to speak to Metatron? I knew you struggled with pride Aziraphale, but even you ought to know better.” Gabriel said pleasantly. 

“Oh, well, I just…I had a few questions and I assumed…mistakenly of course…” Aziraphale stumbled nervously. 

“And you thought your questions were worthy of Her time? Really Aziraphale?” Gabriel said incredulously. 

“Well no, that’s why I cut off the communication. It was a momentary lapse in judgement, it shall not happen again.” Aziraphale said, hoping to get Gabriel out of the flat as quickly as possible. 

“See that it does not. Heaven’s protocols have not dissolved simply because you somehow managed to evade them once. We’ve ignored the execution order on your head since it was technically already carried out but you would do well to remember your place. You are a principality Aziraphale, if you have questions follow the proper channels. Or better yet, do not question things beyond your understanding, not all things are to be known.” Gabriel said, letting the veneer of pleasantries fall momentarily to drive the point home.

“Of course, my apologies.” Aziraphale said quickly, trying to lead Gabriel to the door. 

“And another thing, you’re not still keeping the company of that vile creature are you? Crawly wasn’t it?”

“O-of course not.” Aziraphale stuttered out nervously. “We’re hereditary enemies, I may have used some of his knowledge about the anti-Christ but it was never more than that, I assure you.”

“Of course not.” Gabriel said, He knew better than to believe a word of course, but he’d checked the box and he failed to see how the Principality’s choice of company should be his problem. 

“Well I suppose you ought to be going then, plenty to do I’m sure, a powerful Archangel shouldn’t have to spend time in London, I’ll mind my place of course, so sorry for the trouble.” Aziraphale rambled, all but pushing Gabriel to the door. He’d nearly succeeded when he heard light foot steps come down the hall.

Audrey froze in the doorway, seeing the well dressed, official-looking man and feeling panic and anger wash over her. She knew better than to start fights with grown-ups but her mouth acted without consulting her. 

“You said you weren’t going to call anyone. You promised.” She accused, glaring at Aziraphale. 

“Child, I haven’t called anyone this is Gabriel, he’s a colleague of…” 

Gabriel cut him off, pushing his way between Aziraphale and the girl. 

“Come here child.” He said sternly. Every cell in Audrey’s body was screaming at her to run, men in suits were not to be trusted, and this one seemed particularly threatening, but she found herself moving forward anyway, as if her body was being controlled by someone else. 

Aziraphale saw the miracle in progress and tried to fight his way between Gabriel and Audrey, to no avail. 

“Come now, be not afraid child, I’ll take you away from this nasty place. Where are your parents? We ought to return you to them.” Gabriel said, grabbing for her hand as soon as she got close enough, Audrey tried to push away from him but her body still wasn’t listening to her commands. She felt tears rolling down her face as she fought fruitlessly to get away. 

“Please let me go.” She managed finally, shaking in his grasp. 

“I shall not, children belong with their parents, no matter what nonsense Aziraphale here has told you.” Gabriel said. He ignored the tears, humans often cried at his magnificence, it was too be expected. 

“Let her go Gabriel, she has no parents, she’s an orphan.” Aziraphale said, finally managing to get himself in front of Gabriel. 

“Then I shall take her to the proper authorities, Aziraphale, you know heaven’s stance about involving yourself in human affairs.” Gabriel said, tightening his hold on the girl. Audrey felt her pull-up get warm and wet, but she was far too afraid to give it a second thought. This man was going to take her away. She’d finally found somewhere safe and he was going to take it from her just like that. 

When Crowley felt a fresh wave of fear he’d given Aziraphale a second to handle it, he’d sent Audrey to ask for a snack and he’d expected doing so to scare her a bit, so he wasn’t surprised. But when the feeling kept building he got concerned. Turning into the kitchen he felt his already cold blood freeze like ice. 

“I thought you were no longer keeping snakes as company Aziraphale.” Gabriel sneered. 

“How the fuck did you get here Gabriel.” Crowley growled. He felt the miracle and made eye contact with Aziraphale, and with a snap from both of them Audrey was free, Crowley grabbed her quickly and tucked her behind him, wanting her out of harms way. 

“You can’t steal a human child. There are rules, both above and below, even you can’t avoid them, demon.” Gabriel said harshly. 

“You may have noticed, Angel, that there are certain rules that do not apply to us. A few involving fire and water come to mind.” Crowley said menacingly. 

“Yes, and we’ve allowed you to live relatively unbothered demon, but this, this unpleasantness shall hardly be tolerated.” Gabriel said disgustedly. 

“Now Gabriel, I think it would be best if you were to leave.” Aziraphale said sternly, joining his husband in backing the archangel towards the door. 

“Oh I shall be, and I will be taking the child with me, and both of our offices will be hearing about this transgression.” Gabriel said, refusing to budge another inch. 

“You’re leaving alone. And you tell whoever you’re sending they’d be wiser to leave the child alone.” Crowley said, his voice low and dangerous. With a firm step forward he grabbed Gabriel by the tie and snapped. Adrenaline coupled with the element of surprise gave him just enough of a window to snap the Angel out of the flat and land him somewhere unpleasant. Unlike Aziraphale, Crowley knew how to aim. 

Audrey squeezed herself between them, not wanting to risk giving the scary man another chance to grab her if he came back. 

“Please don’t let him take me! I’ll be good!” she begged, burying her face in Aziraphale’s belly because it seemed like the best place to hide. 

“No one is going to take you anywhere dear girl. He’s gone.” Aziraphale said, picking the shaking child up. Audrey allowed herself a quick glance to make sure the man truly was gone before burying her face in Aziraphale’s shoulder and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. 

Crowley wrapped himself around both of them, to comfort the child and the angel of course.   
\----------------------------------------------

Finally having made it back to his office Gabriel huffed and brushed himself off mourning the ridiculous amount of damage to his suit. Demons had no manners. He knew he ought to go back down and remove the child and see to the traitors, but he hardly wanted to go back to earth, and the demon had clearly been at the heart of the trouble, which made this mess someone else’s problem. 

\-------------------------------------------------  
When the second memo arrived Beelzebub nearly set the whole desk on fire. She’d just nearly finished the infernal stack of nonsense and more paperwork seemed to keep coming. Hell was not supposed to torture those stuck working there. It was the traitor again, of course. Beelzebub sneered, this time there was no denying it was her problem, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t stall. She’d let them stew for a bit and think about who was coming.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't abandoned this I promise! I just really haven't been able to write anything that's not utter shit while in quarantine hell. And we just got word that we're on lockdown through at least the 26th so....
> 
> Anyway, I'm still not happy with this but I needed to get through it to get on with the rest of the story so here we are. As always I love your comments, especially now when I'm seriously considering ordering pizza just so I get to interact with another human. 
> 
> Stay healthy!

Eventually Crowley unwrapped himself from the two and after several glances out the windows to make sure Gabriel hadn’t returned and a few choice miracles to make sure there would be no more surprise visitors, he made up a pot of tea. 

“Do you still want a snack kid?” Crowley asked. 

Audrey peered up from Aziraphale’s shoulder. She was hungry; she also had no intention of being put down. She nodded, tightening her grip on Aziraphale. He rubbed her back comfortingly

Crowley got tea and sandwiches on the table, glad Audrey was feeling brave enough to ask for food. 

When it was ready Aziraphale tried to set her down but she clung to him like a monkey, whining slightly. Aziraphale looked at Crowley confused and tried again, Audrey responded by squeezing him so tightly he was concerned about her popping something in his corporation.

“Child, I thought you wanted a snack?” He questioned, his voice strained slightly by not quite being able to breathe.

Audrey shook her head. She was hungry but if she put him down then the bad man could come back and take her and she wasn’t taking that chance. 

“Why don’t you sit down with her Angel?” Crowley said, pushing a chair out with his foot. 

Finally seeing what was wrong Aziraphale sat down himself, settling Audrey in his lap. She was still nervous but when it became clear he wasn’t trying to move her she loosened her grip and turned slightly to face the table. 

“There we are dear girl.” Aziraphale praised, fixing her a plate. 

Audrey reached for the small sandwich clumsily, keeping her eyes on the door. After moving the tea cup twice to keep her from knocking it over Aziraphale grew concerned. 

“He’s gone child, he’s not coming back.” He told Audrey firmly following her gaze. 

“But what if he comes back?” She asked nervously, not taking her eyes off the door. 

“If he does I’m going to shove his head…I mean I’m going to shove him right back out” Crowley said, catching himself after a warning glance from Aziraphale. 

“Crowley is right dear girl. They cannot take you, neither of us will let them.” Aziraphale agreed, careful to avoid Crowley’s more graphic imagery.

“What if you don’t see him and he grabs me really fast?”

“We’d see him kid, he shouldn’t have gotten in at all but all the doors are double locked now, he can’t get in without us knowing.” Crowley said, doing his best to sound more confident then he felt.

Audrey still wasn’t sure she believed them, but she finally let herself actually look at the table long enough to grab her sandwich without knocking anything over. Crowley and Aziraphale shared a look, this was going to be rough. 

Audrey spent the rest of the afternoon clinging to one or both of them. Aziraphale had tried to set her down after their snack, but she’d whined and clung to his hands, and, not having the heart to refuse her, he’d picked her up instead. She’d relaxed almost immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck to make sure she wouldn’t be put down again. 

“Would you like to continue drawing dear girl?” Aziraphale asked her, hoping to distract her a bit. 

“Can Crowley come too? Audrey asked, looking over at the demon nervously. If they were both with her then she figured she was pretty safe. 

“Sure kid, we’ll all go.” Crowley said. 

Hesitantly Audrey nodded, it did sound good to have something to do. She ended up sitting on Aziraphale’s lap, it made drawing a bit more difficult but she was definitely not letting him set her down, she’d be far to easy to grab if she wasn’t attached to one of them. As she drew she began to squirm uncomfortably, her pull-up had been wet for over an hour and her skin was starting to burn and itch. She’d planned to just sneak away from them if she needed to change but that wasn’t an option now. Resigning herself to her fate she did her best to ignore the discomfort. 

Audrey’s drawings were concerning. Most of them centred monsters, which Crowley would have enjoyed if all of said monsters weren’t attacking the same small figure in one way or another. Watching the progression deepened his resolve to find the people who’d actually hurt her. 

“Do you know your last name kid? We should probably know it since you’re staying here now.” He asked gently, trying to make it clear he was not going to use the information to send her away. 

Audrey looked at him sceptically, debating whether he could be trusted. Finally she decided a name alone shouldn’t be that dangerous. 

“Cole” She mumbled, keeping her eyes on her drawing. Crowley resisted the urge to groan, it wasn’t exactly the easily identifiable unique name he’d been hoping for. 

“Have you always lived in London?” He asked her, starting his own doodle to avoid looking too serious. 

“Yeah, we lived in the same house forever.” She said.

“What did it look like?” Crowley pried.

“I don’t know, like a house.” Audrey said, shrugging. This line of questioning was making her nervous. 

“Can we draw it?” Crowley suggested. Audrey turned to look at him, intrigued by the idea of drawing something together. 

“You have to help.” She said, grabbing a clean sheet of paper.

“Sure thing kid, just tell me what I should be drawing.” Crowley said, feeling victorious. 

“There are a bunch of trees over here. She said, pointing to one side of the paper. Crowley nodded and began meticulously drawing trees. Meanwhile, Audrey began to draw a large brick house with rather pretentious columns in the front. As she drew she let herself slide onto the floor, careful to keep her back pressed against Aziraphale’s legs so she could make sure he wasn’t leaving. Soon enough Crowley had a fairly detailed idea of what the house looked like, and he was fairly certain that her father was the type of evil only too much money could breed. 

Audrey had only grown more uncomfortable. In addition to the rather painful rash she was pretty sure she needed to pee again. Trying to be subtle she shifted so she was sitting on her heel, pointedly keeping her eyes on the drawing as she did so. She thought about asking them to take her to the toilet, but that felt dangerous at the best of times, and she was still quite shaken up from her near kidnapping. Not to mention the fact that she would either have to go alone or reveal that she’d stolen one of the pull-ups. Their rules hadn’t said anything about stealing but she was sure she’d be in trouble, especially since she’d not only stolen the pants; she’d used them as well. No, she would just have to hold it, maybe if she could wait until they were getting her ready for bed she could change quickly without them leaving her alone or noticing. 

Glancing at the clock Crowley realized they’d once again passed a normal mealtime. Living with Aziraphale meant there were generally three meals a day, but actually timing them was clearly going to take some work. 

“Come on kid, why don’t we get some dinner in you.” He said, lifting Audrey into his arms. She winced as her clothes pulled against the rash but didn’t protest, not wanting to risk Crowley noticing she was wet or putting her down. However she couldn’t keep herself from wiggling as he settled her on his hip, forcing her legs apart. 

“Maybe we should visit the toilet while Aziraphale starts dinner kid?” Crowley said, noticing all the squirming and realizing it had definitely been to long since he’d last taken her. Audrey shook her head fiercely.

“I don’t need to go, we can all stay together.” She told him quickly, forcing herself to hold still. 

“You need to kid, it’s been hours.” He told her firmly, already walking towards the bathroom. 

“No no no! We have to stay together!” Audrey protested, reaching for Aziraphale. 

“I’ll come with you dear girl, we’ll all go.” Aziraphale said. He hated seeing her this upset and still felt somewhat responsible. 

“I don’t need to go!” She protested, grabbing at things as she tried to stop Crowley’s progress down the hall. He grabbed her hands gently, not wanting her to hurt herself.

“Kid, you’re all right, it’ll only take a minute and then you’ll be done.” He said firmly.

“No!” She screamed, sticking her legs out since he had her arms. Crowley shifted quickly, just managing not to drop her. Audrey kept fighting him, working herself up more in the process. Unfortunately for her this was distracting enough that she forgot she was also supposed to be keeping a hold on her bladder. She didn’t notice she’d lost that battle until Crowley froze, feeling heat and wetness against his hip. He sighed, he wasn’t exactly surprised but he’d been hoping to avoid this. 

Audrey froze as well, unsure what to do, she knew the pull-up was leaking but she couldn’t stop going. Every instinct was screaming at her to get down and run before one of them thought to punish her, but she was still terrified at the idea of letting either of them out of her sight. She felt herself trembling, to fearful to do anything else. 

Thankfully Crowley was somewhat quicker to find a solution. Now that she’d stopped fighting him he was able to move much more quickly. He took her into the bathroom and attempted to set her down, only for her to nearly break his neck trying to climb back up him. 

“Don’t leave me! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! Don’t leave! He’ll come get me!” She pleaded, wrapping herself around the demon like a spider monkey. Sighing Crowley picked her up again, knowing that trying to fight her while she was this worked up would only freak her out more. He held her to him, rocking slightly. 

“Your ok kid, we’re not going to leave, but we need to get you cleaned up so we can go eat.” He told her calmly. Audrey shook her head.

“What if you put me down and he comes and grabs me?” She protested, keeping her tight grip on Crowley. 

“No one is going to come grab you, I’m right here, and Aziraphale will guard the door to make sure.” He promised. 

“But what if you get mad at me and you decide you don’t care and he comes and takes me?”

“I’m not mad at you, I just want to get you clean.” 

“You’re gonna get mad at me though. I was bad.” She told him sadly, avoiding his eyes.

“You had an accident, it’s not your fault.” Crowley said, refraining from pointing out that she would have been fine if she hadn’t refused to go. As much as he enjoyed a good ‘I told you so’ it wasn’t going to help either of them here. 

“No, I was bad before.” She said, burying her face in his shoulder. She knew she was going to get in trouble but she was desperate to avoid it as long as possible. 

“What did you do before?” Crowley asked her, sitting down on the closed toilet so he had a free hand to rub her back. 

Audrey shook her head, not ready to confess. 

“Kid, whatever it is I promise it will be ok. You’re not in trouble, I know it’s been a hard day.” He told her, he wasn’t any good at punishing crying children even when they had misbehaved and he doubted she’d done anything truly punishment worthy anyway. 

“Promise you won’t send me away.” Audrey mumbled. She knew they’d told her she was staying but she still didn’t quite believe it, especially when there were clearly people ready and willing to take her. 

“I’m not going to send you anywhere, and I’m not going to let anyone take you either. Pinkie swear.” Crowley said holding out his pinkie for her. Hesitantly she wrapped her finger around his. Bracing herself for his reaction she let him set her down and begin to get her changed. Finding the pull-up Crowley paused, somewhat confused. 

“I thought you said you put her in normal pants?” He questioned, turning towards his husband who was guarding the door as promised. 

“I did.” Aziraphale said, looking equally perplexed. Audrey refused to look at either of them. 

“Kid, when did you put on a pull-up?” Crowley asked her, kneeling so he could meet her downcast eyes.  
“After lunch.” Audrey mumbled, bracing herself to be yelled at or hit. 

“I thought you said you didn’t need one dear girl?” Aziraphale questioned, worrying he’d misunderstood her. 

“I knew you wanted me to wear normal clothes and I didn’t want to make you mad.” She said quietly. 

“Why would I have gotten mad dear girl? I offered you the choice.” He said. 

“Yeah, but that was a trick. I said I wasn’t gonna have another accident and you wanted to see if I was lying.” She said, still fairly certain she was right. 

“Kid, that’s not how it works here. Neither of us is going to try to trick you.” Crowley said firmly. 

“He’s right dear girl. I asked what you wanted because I thought you might be more comfortable in training pants, but of course it will always be your choice.” Aziraphale added. 

“But they’re supposed to be for the night time and I’m supposed to be a big girl during the day.” Audrey said.

“They are for whenever you want them kid. We wouldn’t have offered if we were going to get mad at you for using them. That would be stupid.” Crowley said, going back to getting her changed. He winced when he pulled down the wet garment, seeing she had yet another rash. At least this explained why she’d leaked. 

“Kid how long have you been wet?” He asked, careful to keep his voice gentle. 

“Since the scary man was here.” She mumbled. Crowley was horrified, that was nearly six hours. 

“Kid, if you want to wear a pull-up during the day that’s fine, but you need to tell us if you need a change, otherwise it will hurt your skin.” He told her, grabbing cream and a clean pull-up from where they’d conveniently appeared under the sink. Audrey didn’t respond, knowing she wasn’t likely to follow those instructions. Crowley got her changed quickly, the cream and a quick miracle taking care of the rash. 

“Why don’t you let Aziraphale carry you kid, I’m going to change quickly and then we’ll all eat some dinner.” He told her leading her towards the angel. Audrey shook her head. 

“I wanna stay together.” She pleaded. She knew Crowley only had to change because she’d peed on him, and she didn’t feel like she should be asking him for anything but she also didn’t want to risk him disappearing.

“Kid, it will only take a second, I promise I’ll come back.” He said, unable to think of an alternative that didn’t involve an obvious miracle. 

“But what if someone takes you? What if the bad guy comes back?”

“How about this, you and I will stand right outside the door, that way Crowley can change and we’ll be able to hear if anything happens to him.” Aziraphale offered. Audrey nodded, she still didn’t like the idea but she felt she had to say yes. 

Crowley closed the bedroom door and changed with a snap of his fingers, eager to get back out to them. They ate quickly, Audrey once again on Crowley’s lap. By the end of the late meal she was nearly asleep, Crowley kept a hand on her shoulder to make sure she wouldn’t face plant into her soup. 

“I think its bedtime for you kid.” He told her as she finished eating. Audrey’s eyes widened. 

“I’m not tired, I can stay with you.” She told him quickly. She definitely wasn’t going to give the bad guy a chance to take her in her sleep. Crowley sighed, knowing he should have seen this coming. 

“Why don’t we go sit on the couch then. I know Aziraphale isn’t allowed to have books but I can read you one if you like?” Crowley offered. Audrey shook her head again. 

“No thank you. I’m gonna fall asleep and then you’ll leave me alone.” She said, having figured out this trick. 

Crowley couldn’t help but laugh, knowing that was exactly what he’d planned to do. 

“Fair enough but you’re going to need to sleep sometime kid. You’re exhausted.”

“No I’m not. I’m gonna stay up.” She said, trying to sound confident. 

“Well, I’m going to need to go to bed at some point, and so is Aziraphale, its been a long day for everyone.” Crowley said. Truthfully he wasn’t planning on sleeping again until he was sure they were safe, but Audrey didn’t need to know that. 

“Noooo” Audrey whined, to tired to form a coherent argument. 

“Why don’t you stay with us tonight dear girl, you can sleep in the big bed with us.” Aziraphale butted in. He’d read about children sleeping in bed with their parents. More specifically he’d read about getting children to stop sleeping in bed with their parents, but allowing her to stay with them seemed to make the most sense at the moment. Crowley nodded, reassuring the angel. 

“How does that sound kid?” He asked, hoping for a yes. 

“Promise you won’t let him get me?” Audrey asked, glancing back and forth between them. 

“We promise kid.” Crowley assured her. 

Audrey nodded before letting her head rest on Crowley’s shoulder.

They managed to get her changed into pyjamas and ready for bed and soon enough they found themselves laying in their now slightly larger bed with the child in between them sleeping soundly. 

“Remember when we thought yesterday was rough.” Crowley whispered, looking at his angel. 

“I do dearest.” Aziraphale whispered back. 

“I was wrong.” Crowley said.

“I do believe that’s the first time you’ve said that.” Aziraphale laughed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short fluffiness because COVID-19 has broken my brain. 
> 
> As always thanks for the comments/kudos. They make me oh so happy. 
> 
> I promise the plot is coming back, just as soon as I figure out what the fuck is happening.

“So I think we need a plan, because as much as I enjoy having an eight-year-old attached to both of us at all times I don’t think this is a solution.” Crowley said; eying the child sprawled across their bed. 

“I believe your right dear, but I’m afraid I don’t know where to start. I’ve been telling her she’s safe here but if Gabriel can just poof himself into the flat and miracle her away then I’m not sure she is.” Aziraphale said, resting a hand across Audrey’s back. Just the thought of Gabriel returning made him nervous. 

“Well, he’d have a much harder time doing that now, so would anyone else for that matter. The flat doesn’t technically exist right now. However, we still should get ourselves a bit more organized, someone’s sure to figure it out eventually.” Crowley mused. 

“What do you have in mind dearest?” Aziraphale asked wearily. It seemed like they had just finished fighting these forces and he wasn’t eager to start again. 

“Well, first things first I think we need to have a chat with the kid. At this point keeping her in the dark is just making it scarier.” Crowley said.

“You can’t mean you intend to tell her we’re not human? Crowley, that’s a terrible idea, the humans aren’t supposed to know anything, and you’ll scare her. Surely its too much to thrust upon a child.” Aziraphale protested. 

“She already knows there’s something weird going on, you saw the hold Gabriel had on her. And she saw me snap him out of existence. The least we can do is give her the words for what she’s experiencing.” Crowley argued.

“But dearest, it’s against the rules. They might…” Aziraphale said, still sure this was a bad idea. 

“They might what Angel? Come try to investigate? Try to take her?” Crowley asked sarcasm dripping from his lips. 

“Well, I suppose we have already broken the rules. But I still don’t like it dear, she’s already been through so much.” Aziraphale said, keeping his hand on the young girl between them to reassure himself that she was still there. 

“Yeah, but lying to her is just making it worse at this point. She’s already caught up in it, she deserves to know what it is.” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale sighed, conceding the argument. Crowley had a point. 

“ We should introduce her to some of our friends too. If shit really hits the fan we need somewhere we can send her. If either side gets their hands on her it won’t be pretty.” Crowley said unhappily. Sometimes realism was exhausting. 

Aziraphale opened his mouth to protest before shutting it again. Currently he was hesitant to let Audrey out of his sight, let alone out of the flat, but he knew Crowley was right. Heaven and Hell both tended to be relentless, it would be wise to have a plan B. 

“Perhaps we should invite Anathema for tea? And the boy, Newt wasn’t it?” he suggested. If nothing else it would be a good excuse to see the humans again, and he was eager to spend more time with a real descendent of Agnes Nutter. 

“Probably the best idea, given the options.” Crowley agreed. 

“Are you sure she’d be all right with them? She still seems to be having a rough time adjusting to us.” Aziraphale questioned nervously. 

Crowley shook his head. 

“Nope, she’ll panic and think we’ve left her. But at the very least I don’t think either of them beat children. If they try to get her again it still might be the safest option.” Crowley said gloomily. 

“And if they do come again? Dearest, I’m not eager to fight them. What if they try this execution thing again?” Aziraphale questioned. He’d promised the girl he wouldn’t leave her and he didn’t like the idea of being made a liar. 

“I’d like to see them try.” Crowley said fiercely. He hadn’t liked any of them before, and now they’d messed with a child he was quickly coming to regard as his own. If anyone was getting executed he intended to be the one holding the axe (or hell fire, or holy water). 

“I’m still worried about her dear, even if they do leave us alone. Today was terrifying for the poor girl.” Aziraphale said. Crowley nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, it certainly didn’t help. Hopefully she’ll have settled a bit by the morning.” He said, looking down at the girl. 

“She’s so young, the way she clung to us. It would be rather cute under different circumstances.” Aziraphale mused, still looking down at their sleeping charge. 

“Yeah, some of them get really little when they’re frightened. And the kid’s been through a lot. But she is very cute.” Crowley agreed. 

“Should we be pushing her to act older? As I recall Warlock was a bit more mature by the time he was eight? And she was adamant that she’s a ‘big girl’.” Aziraphale questioned. All of his reading on childcare made him rather insecure since the authors had rather contradictory opinions. 

Crowley shook his head. 

“We shouldn’t be pushing her to act like anything. She sat in a wet pull-up all day because she was trying to act older. She’s been through hell, still going through it actually. Whatever she needs to do to feel ok is fine.” Crowley said firmly. Warlock’s Parents had constantly pushed him to act like a mini-grown-up and Crowley would be damned (again) if he was going to let a more traumatized kid get caught in the same trap. 

“But what if she gets stuck dear? All of the books have marks of progress she should have attained, and she would be rather behind her peers at the moment.” Aziraphale continued nervously.

“She’s not going with her peers right now Angel. The current progress we need her to make is to survive. We’ll deal with the rest as it comes. Kids know what they need, even if they don’t always know how to ask for it. If she needs to be behind for a bit that’s fine. Besides you owe me about four years of nappy changing.” Crowley said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. If it wouldn’t infuriate the Angel he would have burned the whole section of parenting books. 

The two sat for a while longer and eventually both fell asleep, still curled around the child. Even in sleep neither was entirely trusting of their apparent safety.   
\--------------------------------------  
Audrey woke slowly, still feeling groggy as she opened her eyes. It took her a minute to figure out where she was. As she shifted she felt an arm tighten around her. She nearly panicked but as her head whipped around she saw it was Aziraphale holding her and relaxed, leaning into him. Her pull-up was wet and somewhat uncomfortable but she was enjoying the closeness and she didn’t want to wake either of her caretakers. 

Eventually, despite her best efforts she found herself growing rather squirmy. The wet pull-up was making her itchy and her bladder was nudging at her again. All of the movement roused Aziraphale who still had his arm draped around her. He rubbed his free hand over his face; he was still not quite used to sleeping, or by extension waking up. 

“Good morning child” He said sleepily, turning to face her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Audrey said quickly, grown-ups were normally grumpy in the morning. 

“It’s fine dear girl, it was time anyway. Would you like some breakfast?” He offered, sitting up in bed. 

Audrey shifted nervously and mumbled something not quite audible. 

“I’m sure Crowley would be happy to join us if you like.” Aziraphale offered, trying to guess at what she had asked him. Audrey hesitated for a moment before reaching for him. Aziraphale lifted her into his arms, rubbing her back gently. Hopefully if they could start the day well she would calm down a bit. Audrey relaxed into him.

“Can I have a clean pull-up first?” She whispered, careful to avoid looking at him as she asked. Aziraphale beamed, sure this was a sign they’d made at least some progress. 

“Of course dear girl.” He told her, carrying her towards the bathroom. Audrey stiffened a bit, nervous to be leaving Crowley and still not sure she trusted Aziraphale not to be upset with her. 

Humming softly Aziraphale set her down and began to get her changed. He pulled her pants off and set a clean pull-up out on the counter before pausing. He’d watched Crowley change her, and he understood the concepts of nappy changing, but the actual practice was still somewhat foreign to him. Somewhat awkwardly he got the wet one off her and got her wiped down, trying to remember what the cream Crowley had put on was. 

Audrey noticed the weird look on Aziraphale’s face and felt her own nervousness growing. Maybe he was mad at her after all. She shifted a bit, remembering she still needed to pee, she nearly asked him but he’d stopped humming and was messing with the cabinet and if he was mad at her she wanted to be out of the bathroom as soon as possible. Seeing the clean pull-up on the counter she grabbed it and slipped it on. 

“All done, we can go get breakfast now.” She said quickly, trying to slip past Aziraphale and out the door. Aziraphale was taken aback but managed to grab her. 

“Why don’t we get your pants back on and wash hands first child?” He said, figuring the cream could wait for now. 

Audrey let him get her re-dressed and washed her hands as quickly as possible. He didn’t sound mad, but she was sure he’d acted weird. She walked back to their bedroom; repeatedly glancing to make sure Aziraphale was still right behind her. Even if he was mad at her he was still less scary than being alone with the potential of the bad man coming back. Aziraphale did his best to be reassuring, assuming he was getting the cold shoulder because he’d made the change awkward. 

Crowley was semi-awake when they got back, and just beginning to sit up. Audrey took that as an invitation and immediately squirmed her way up onto his lap, fairly certain that he wouldn’t let Aziraphale get her, especially if she acted sweet enough. Crowley nearly groaned at the rather rough wake-up call, but managed to stop himself. 

“Good morning kid. What were you two up to?” He asked, rubbing his eyes. 

Aziraphale settled himself in the bed next to them, wrapping an arm around his husband. Hoping to save Audrey some embarrassment he did his best to mouth ‘nappy change’ but that just earned him a confused look from the demon. Audrey leaned her head onto his shoulder avoiding the question all together. Noting how embarrassed she seemed Crowley came to his own conclusions. 

“Do you need a new pull-up kid?” He asked her gently, reaching down to check her himself. Audrey squirmed in his grip, shaking her head. 

“We already got her changed, didn’t we dear girl.” Aziraphale said, feeling somewhat proud of himself. Crowley nodded. “Great, why don’t we get you some breakfast then.” he said, tickling her side lightly. Instead of the giggle he was expecting she yelped and squirmed away from him, planting one hand between her legs. Crowley raised an eyebrow.

“Kid, did you use the toilet when you got changed?” he asked, standing up with her on his hip. 

After a moment of nervous contemplation Audrey shook her head, as did Aziraphale, realizing he probably should have at least asked.

“I think we should take a detour on the way to breakfast then, huh kid?” Crowley said, already heading back towards the bathroom. Audrey glanced nervously back at Aziraphale, but once it was apparent that he was following she let Crowley take her. 

She managed to make it to the toilet without incident, and Crowley made sure she was properly creamed and powdered. He also flipped around the pull-up, noticing it had been on backwards. Once both their hands were washed he picked her up again. 

“All right kid, let’s get some breakfast.” Crowley said.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know anymore, at this point I'm just along for the ride. Day 39 of quarantine means my two braincells are too busy singing weird songs from the '90s to each other to write properly, so this chapter is a bit short. But I promise the effort is there. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting. I love hearing from you, (and I love praise cause let's be real I'm one vain motherfucker).

Audrey refused to get off Crowley’s lap but she did eat her breakfast with relatively little fuss and he noted the fear was back to a dull ache as opposed to blinding pain. With her leaning calmly against him he nearly tossed out the whole plan. He would burn down the entirety of Heaven and Hell and move them all to Alpha Centauri if it meant he could avoid scaring her again. 

Unfortunately for Crowley, Aziraphale had already resolved himself to have this talk, he figured the sooner it was over the better it would be for all of them. He’d waited for Crowley to take the first step, but one look at the demon told him it wasn’t going to be that easy. Taking a deep breath he decided to bite the bullet. 

“Audrey, dear girl, I’m afraid we have not been completely honest with you. I think it’s time you knew a bit more about us.” He said, eyeing Crowley in the hopes he would help. 

Audrey tensed up on Crowley’s lap, not daring to say anything. They were either going to kick her out or tell her she had to start earning her keep and she couldn’t find the words to address either. Crowley wrapped his arms around her trying to calm her down. He wasn’t looking forward to this either, but now that the angel had started it he figured it would be best to get it over with. 

“Nothing we’ve told you is going to change kid. No one is sending you away and you are not in trouble.” He added, guessing that was where Audrey’s mind would go first. Audrey nodded, though she didn’t believe him. 

“You see dear girl Crowley and I are a bit different from normal people.” Aziraphale continued. Audrey inhaled sharply now sure she knew where this conversation was going. 

“I’ll do whatever you want. I won’t tell anybody I promise just please don’t send me away.” She said, keeping her head bowed and her eyes firmly aimed at the floor. 

Aziraphale watched Crowley’s face shift from confusion to horrified realization, knowing he’d managed to scare the girl and not wanting to accidentally make it worse he decided to wait for he demon speak instead. 

“Kid, you don’t need to do anything, we’re not sending you anywhere I promise. Do you remember when you asked how old we were?” He asked her.

Audrey nodded, not sure where this was going. 

“Well, when we told you we were very very old we may have undersold that just a bit.” He continued. That got Audrey’s attention enough to get her eyes off the floor. She shifted on his lap so she could look at him. 

“How old are you?” Audrey asked cautiously. 

“Roughly 6,000 I believe.” Crowley said, looking to Aziraphale for confirmation. 

“6,014 if I’m not mistaken dearest.” Aziraphale answered. 

Audrey looked back and forth between them, her mouth gaping open like a fish. 

“You’re lying, nobody lives that long.” She accused fiercely. 

“You’re right kid, people don’t live that long, but the thing is neither of us are exactly human. Crowley said, bracing himself. Audrey stiffened turning away from him. 

“You’re making fun of me. I’m not stupid.” She said, feeling rather put out. 

Crowley sighed and pulled off his glasses, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light and gently moving her so they were eye to eye again. 

“Kid, I promise if I’m going to lie I’ll be more convincing. This is the truth.” He said. Audrey found her certainty faltering a bit. 

“Are you like the man from yesterday?” She asked, remembering the weird type of control Gabriel had used on her.

“By species yes, he’s a dick but he is made of the same stuff as us.” Crowley said, clearly unsettled by the comparison.   
“Crowley, language” Aziraphale scolded, he couldn’t disagree with the sentiment but it wouldn’t do to have the girl picking up such words. Crowley rolled his eyes but let it go. 

“How much do you know about heaven and hell kid?” Crowley asked her. Audrey shrugged. 

“If you’re good you go to heaven and if you’re bad you go to hell,” she answered, unsure where this was going. Crowley wanted to clarify a few things about that particular view but resisted the urge. 

“Well, at the very beginning, in heaven before there were humans, there were well…us” Crowley said.

“So you’re an Angel?” She asked him.

“Well, not exactly…” Crowley said, dreading the next bit. “Do you remember what I told you about my eyes?”

“They got hurt in an accident when you were little.” She said. 

“Yeah, that wasn’t entirely true. It did happen when I was very young, but it wasn’t exactly an accident.” He told her. 

“What happened?” She asked.

“Well, I got in a bit of a fight in heaven, and it got me kicked out, that’s when I got the eyes.”

Audrey was still for a moment; trying to remember the Sunday school classes she’d had. 

“Does that mean you’re like a demon?” She finally asked.

“Well, not sort of kid, I am a demon,” Crowley said, loosening his grip on her so she could get away from him if she chose to. 

“But I thought demons were evil? And aren’t you supposed to look scary? Like with big teeth and claws?” She questioned, curiosity sending her manners out of the window. 

“That has been greatly exaggerated. There are some nasty demons but I’m not evil. And we can choose how we look. Except for the eyes. Afraid I can’t change those.” Crowley said, surprised she hadn’t panicked or run away from him. 

“I don’t believe you. You don’t look like a demon.” She told him, studying his face for any other differences. 

“Do you want me to show you?” Crowley offered. Aziraphale moved to stop Crowley from doing so but Audrey nodded before he could. 

“Ok, but even if you get scared, I need you to promise me you’ll stay in the flat.” Crowley told her, setting her on her feet. Audrey hesitated but after a few moments she agreed. Crowley stood and took a deep breath before allowing his black wings to spread into reality behind him, careful not to knock things over in the small kitchen. Audrey gasped, reaching out to touch the feathers before she could stop herself. 

“How did you do that?” She asked, looking behind him and trying to find the trick. Crowley chuckled. 

“I told you kid, I wasn’t lying.” 

Audrey examined the wings for a bit longer looking to see if they could have been lowered down from the ceiling or sprung up from the floor. Finally satisfied they were real she turned to Aziraphale. 

“Are you a demon too?” She asked, looking him up and down. Aziraphale shook his head, resisting his instinct to be offended. 

“Certainly not dear girl, I’m an Angel.” He said, a hint of pride sneaking into his voice. He’d been less than impressed with heaven lately but the title of Angel still felt dignified and important. He’d expected to be greeted with at least the same awestruck gapping Crowley had received, but instead Audrey looked full of disbelief and even a bit angry. 

“You’re not an angel. Angels aren’t real.” She said fiercely, shaking her head and backing away from him. Aziraphale looked to Crowley, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. Crowley just shrugged, at a complete loss as well.

“I assure you dear girl, we are quite real.” Aziraphale said. He let his wings spread out parallel to Crowley’s and allowing himself to glow a bit for good measure. He was sure Audrey would be fascinated once she believed him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back slightly, hoping to give Audrey a moment to make sense of everything. 

He was jerked back to reality by something hard and heavy smacking into his forehead. He opened his eyes to see the napkin holder shattered on the floor and an irate child grabbing at other things to throw. 

“Audrey!” Crowley exclaimed, trying to grab her as she fought against him and managed to fling a few spoons in Aziraphale’s direction as well.   
“You left me! I did everything right and you never came!” Audrey screamed still trying to force her way past Crowley in search of more blunt objects. Aziraphale wiped porridge off his shirt and miracled the small cut above his eye away, not sure what to say or do. Crowley tucked his wings back out of existence and forced his way between the two of them, hoping to save the angel from any further damage. 

“Audrey, I can see that you are upset but we do not throw things.” He said firmly, keeping a hand on her shoulder. Audrey screamed in frustration, to angry to get proper words out. After quite a bit of struggling she managed to free herself from Crowley’s grip. She ran from the kitchen, shoving Aziraphale roughly in the process. 

Crowley turned to chase her but thought better of it, deciding it would likely be better to let her cool off a bit. 

“Are you all right angel?” He questioned, turning to face Aziraphale and miracling away the rest of the mess. 

“I’m fine dearest, but I can’t say I understand what upset her so.” Aziraphale said, tucking his own wings away. 

“Can’t help you there. Apparently the kid has some beef with angels.” Crowley said shrugging. 

“She’s so sweet normally I wasn’t prepared for her to be so…explosive,” Aziraphale said. 

“Yeah, well I think a lot of the sweetness is a defence mechanism. She’s trying to be good so she doesn’t upset either of us. I figured we’d see a tantrum eventually but I would have bet on sweets or bedtime, not the existence of Angels.” Crowley replied.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally made this darker than I meant to. At this point that should surprise no one. 
> 
> TW for discussion of sexual abuse towards the end of this one. It's not graphic but I'd still tread lightly if it's a triggering topic for you. 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing ok in lockdown/quarantine and staying healthy. I'm slowly loosing my mind but I was crazy to begin with so I guess it's all right.

Crowley waited a few more minutes to go after Audrey, hoping to minimize the chance of getting things thrown at him. 

Audrey made it to her room, slamming the door and throwing herself under the bed. A few moments of quiet sucked some of the anger out of her and fear was quick to take its place. She was still angry, but she was also acutely aware that she’d basically just kicked herself out of her new home. She’d tried so hard to be good and then she had to go and fly off the handle. She groaned and slammed her head into the floor. 

Hearing a loud thump Crowley decided he’d waited long enough. He stopped at the closed door, hoping to give her a chance to let him in willingly. 

“Audrey, kid can we talk?” Crowley called. 

“Go away!” Audrey shouted, not wanting to face him. 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that until I’m at least sure you’re ok kid. There was a pretty loud bump from in here.” Crowley answered. 

“I’m fine! Now go away!” She shouted again. Crowley rolled his eyes and let out a rather put upon groan. 

“Kid, I’m coming in, we need to talk and then you can be alone if you want to be.” Crowley said, opening the door. He looked around the room and not seeing her anywhere he flopped himself down next to the bed assuming he would find her under it. He rolled onto his side and found himself face to face with her. 

“I told you to go away.” Audrey said, turning away from him. 

“You did kid, but I think we need to get a few things straight first. I’m worried you’re so angry you’ll hurt yourself if we just leave you alone.” Crowley said honestly. 

“Why do you care? It’s not like I’m gonna hurt you.” She said nastily, curling her legs into her chest. 

“Because I care about you kid. I don’t want you hurt either.” He said. Audrey ignored him. 

“Do you want to tell me what has you so angry?” Crowley asked. 

“Why, you’re gonna take his side anyway,” Audrey spat. Grown-ups always sided with each other.

“Well, that does kid of depend on your reasons kid. Is it just Aziraphale you’re mad at or angels in general? Because I can’t say I’m a fan of most angels either.” Crowley said. 

“All of the angels.” Audrey mumbled. 

“Fair enough, I won’t lie to you, they’re a bunch of pricks.” Crowley said. Audrey turned to face him. 

“Miss Mary said that angels were supposed to help people.” She mumbled. 

“Mhmm, I’ve heard that idea, afraid it’s a bit more complicated though. Angels don’t really like to interact with people, not most of them anyway. Who is Miss Mary?” Crowley asked. 

“She taught Sunday school at our church.” Audrey answered, edging a bit closer to him. 

“Ahh. What else did she teach you about angels.” Crowley pried. 

“She said that if we were good and prayed like we were supposed to then the angels would always be listening. But I asked for help and no one ever came, so I thought they were made up like Father Christmas.” Audrey explained. Crowley nodded, finally feeling like he had a bit of a grasp on the situation. 

“So, when you found out Aziraphale was an angel you got angry he never came to help you.” He said. Audrey nodded. 

“I know I’m a brat, but I tried really hard to be good and do what I was supposed to.” She added quietly. 

“Its not your fault kid. You got fed some bad information. The whole bit about prayer is a nice thought, but its kind of like trying to call someone by dialling random phone numbers.” 

Audrey edged a bit closer to him. Poking her head out from under the bed so she could see better.

“But that wouldn’t call anyone would it?” She asked quietly. 

“Well, it might call someone but they might not be listening, and even if they are they might not be able to help you. And a lot of angels don’t think it’s their place to help humans, what with the whole ‘its all part of gods plan’ thing.” Crowley explained. 

“But I thought angels were supposed to help people. Isn’t that like their whole job.”

“You would think so kid, but in my experience most of them a jerks and not really fond of helping anybody.” 

“Did you tell them that? Is that why you got kicked out?” Audrey asked. 

“More or less, I started a fight and I didn’t win, that’s all.” Crowley said darkly. 

Audrey crawled the rest of the way out from under the bed and edged towards him. Seeing this Crowley opened his arms and when she leaned into them he lifted her onto his lap. 

“I hate getting kicked out.” She mumbled, leaning her head into his chest. Crowley nodded. 

“Yeah, not my favourite experience either kid. But we’re both through with it now.” He told her. Audrey made a non-committal noise. “No one is kicking you out kid.” He added, noticing she hadn’t agreed with him. 

Audrey swung her head up to face him so quickly she whacked into his chin. 

“You’re not?” She asked, thoroughly confused. 

“Of course not, you think you’re the first kid to throw a tantrum?” Crowley asked.

“But I was really really bad. I threw things.” She mumbled.

“Eh, all things considered I’d still say that was only medium level badness. The last kid I took care of once threw all his school books out the closed window because he wanted to go to a friend’s house on a school night and I said no.” Crowley told her, chuckling slightly at the memory. He’d been concerned his nanny-ing was a bit too effective that day, Warlock might not have been the Anti-Christ but he had the temper for it. 

“What did you do?” Audrey gasped, half expecting to hear that Crowley had thrown the kid out of the window after the books. 

“Made him go dig them out of Aziraphale’s bushes and put him in time out, just like we’re going to do with you once you’ve fully calmed down.” Crowley said. He’d also grounded the boy for a week and set him to helping Aziraphale spread fertilizer but he figured that was beside the point. 

“So I am in trouble.” Audrey said glumly. 

“Well, yeah. You did throw things at Aziraphale’s head. But remember you know what your punishment will be; we wrote it down remember?” He asked her. 

Audrey looked at him sceptically and shook her head. They’d written down some punishments but she was still sure this would be more severe. 

“Should we go have a look at the sheet then? It’s still on the fridge.” He offered. Audrey nodded, not knowing was quickly becoming worse than anything else

Crowley picked her up and started towards the kitchen, before thinking better of it. 

“Why don’t we stop by the bathroom first kid?” He said, changing direction. He remembered the rules well enough to know he was about to put her in time out and experience had taught him that an enforced bathroom break would be wise. 

Audrey paled a bit; sure this was the beginning of the punishment. She stiffened in his grip and thought about fighting him but couldn’t make any words actually come out of her clenched jaw. 

“I told you kid, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want you to try the toilet.” He did his best to reassure her. Audrey continued to look at him fearfully but let him set her down. She braced herself for him to do something violent. When he reached for her pants she forced herself not to flinch, but couldn’t stop a few tears from trickling down her face. Crowley froze, confused and concerned. 

“Kid? Why are we crying?” He asked gently tilting her face up to meet her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop. I’ll be good.” Audrey said, taking a shaky breath and hastily wiping her face. This was going to be awful but she was sure it was the price of staying. 

“You’ll stop what kid? Crying? You’re allowed to cry I just want to know what’s wrong.” He said. Audrey shrugged, not wanting to make him upset by being ungrateful, he was giving her a second chance after all. Shakily she reached for his belt, desperate to be done with this. 

Crowley flinched backwards, first confused then earth-shatteringly angry. He dropped to his knees so they were the same height and pulled her into a hug. She froze at first but when he didn’t hurt her she relaxed slightly, trying to figure out why he now seemed to be crying too. 

“I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” She asked him nervously. Crowley forced himself to get it together, at least for now. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong kid, but I think you got confused. No one is going to make you do that here. No one should ever make you do anything like that.” He told her firmly, still holding her too him. 

“But I was bad. I have to make up for it.” She said shakily, pulling against his grip a bit. He let her go but stayed at her eye-level. 

“You don’t need to make up for anything kid. You’re going to use the toilet and then you are going to have a timeout and that will be the end of it. And no matter what you do, that will never ever happen here. No one should make you do something like that.” He repeated, anger leaching into his tone despite his attempts to stop it. 

“I’m sorry” Audrey said, assuming the anger in his tone was directed at her. 

“You have nothing to apologize for kid. I’m sorry we hadn’t made that clear.” He told her. 

Crowley finally managed to get Audrey to have a wee and got her out to the kitchen, still doing his best to hide how shaken-up he was. He pulled the rule sheet off the fridge and handed it to her.

“Do you know what rule you broke?” He asked her, carful to keep his tone neutral. 

“I’m not supposed to hurt anyone.” She said solemnly.

“And what does it say the punishment is?” He asked.

“Timeout for twice my age.” She said sceptically, that still seemed far to easy. 

“How long is that?” Crowley asked, pulling a chair from the table and setting it to face the corner. 

“16 minutes.” She said after a moment of thought. Crowley nodded. 

“I’m going to set the timer for 16 minutes, you are not to move until it rings, ok?” He asked her.

“Are you gonna stay with me?” She asked nervously. 

“If you want me too.” He told her, assuming she was afraid to be left alone. 

“Yes please.” Audrey said quickly. 

Crowley set her down on the chair and set the timer before moving to grab himself a cup of coffee and resisting the urge to supplement it with whisky. 

Audrey did her best to sit still but she still found herself fidgeting nervously. She felt bad about hurting Aziraphale but she was also still angry at having been left. Even if it would have been hard for him to hear her knowing it wouldn’t have been completely impossible was a hard pill to swallow. When she heard the angel come into the kitchen and sit down with Crowley she ducked her head so her eyes were trained on the floor, not wanting to risk making eye contact. 

Aziraphale was alarmed to find Audrey sitting in the corner and his husband sitting at the table looking rather haunted. He started towards the girl only to be stopped by Crowley and reminded she was in timeout. Then he started to ask why the demon looked so upset but was cut off by Crowley mouthing ‘later’. 

When the timer went off Crowley went over to Audrey and placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“Are you ready to come out?” He asked her. 

“Do I have to say I’m sorry?” She asked. 

“Are you?” 

“I don’t know. I know I was bad, but I’m still angry.” She said. 

“That’s fair, do you think you can tell Aziraphale why you’re angry at least?” He coaxed. 

“I guess.” Audrey said, letting Crowley lead her to the table. With a bit of help from him she managed to explain how abandoned she’d felt, and how she assumed Aziraphale had purposefully ignored her. 

“I understand dear girl, I hope you know I’m angry as well. You should not have been left without help.” Aziraphale told her. 

“You’re angry too?” Audrey questioned.

“Absolutely. Heaven’s willingness to let people suffer is one of the reasons I no longer speak to the other angels. It’s despicable.” He said fiercely. 

“I’m sorry I threw things at you.” Audrey mumbled, feeling bad, as she’d clearly been mad at the wrong person. 

“I forgive you dear. And I am terribly sorry I was unable to help you before.” He told her. Audrey reached for him and he pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. He was still furious to find out she’d called for help and been ignored, but for now he was also glad she was finally safe.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are now 25 chapters and like 140 pages of this nonsense. I'm concerned for all of us. But, I'm through the actual lockdown part of quarantine (I'm now allowed outside for a whole hour a day woooooo!) and I have yet to adopt a tiger so I guess it could be worse. 
> 
> Periodic reminder to read the tags, although at 140 pages in i feel like that's not something I should have to do. 
> 
> And SnakesandTea, if you happen to read this I feel like I should clarify I wrote my biscuit bit before I read yours simply because we're clearly on the same wavelength and I think it's hilarious. 
> 
> Enjoy the fluff before the angst ya'll, and don't forget comments make my entire week :-)

Crowley had tried his best to reassure Audrey that Anathema and Newt were very friendly and it would be a short and easy visit, but she was still beyond nervous. 

She’d clung to him and Aziraphale, although she’d calmed down a bit and would now willingly allow one of them out of her sight briefly as long as she wasn’t left alone. 

Still when the bell rang she couldn’t stop herself from flinching and curling up into Crowley. New people were always scary. Crowley rubbed her back reassuringly, leaving Aziraphale to answer the door. 

Aziraphale ushered the rather confused couple into the flat before miracling the front door back out of existence. Anathema looked around, feeling a massive amount of energy encircling them.

“Is everything all right?” She asked suspiciously. 

“Of course, dear girl, everything is just fine, well as fine as ever anyway, I mean perhaps just a bit more excitement than usual…” Aziraphale rambled.

“So, who’s this we’re supposed to be meeting?” Questioned Newt, eager to sort out the confusion. 

“Yes, well her name is Audrey, She’s in the sitting room with Crowley I believe.” He said, ushering them forward. Newt and Anathema exchanged a glance confirming neither of them had any idea what was happening, before following him through the door where they were greeted by a literal demon trying to gently coax a young girl’s face out of his chest. 

“Hello…” They both greeted hesitantly, trying to take in the scene. Concern clouded Anathema’s face as she took in the child’s aura, fear and hurt radiated off of her. Despite knowing Crowley to be a fairly harmless demon she couldn’t help but question what he was doing with the girl. 

“Hi guys!” Crowley greeted as cheerfully as he could, shifting so there was space on the couch. Anathema raised an eyebrow but sat down next to him. 

“Who’s this?” She asked, tilting her head in an attempt to see the child’s face. 

“This is Audrey, she’s feeling a bit shy at the moment.” Crowley said, rubbing the girl’s back again. “Audrey, Anathema and Newt are here, would you like to say hello?” He prompted. 

Audrey mumbled out a hello but stayed firmly curled into Crowley. 

“It’s nice to meet you Audrey.” Anathema said, glancing between Angel and Demon.

“How exactly did you end up with a child?” Newt asked, receiving a glare from Anathema, there were some things you just didn’t ask straight out.

“Yes well, she’s umm…” Aziraphale fumbled. 

“She’s our god-daughter.” Crowley said decisively. “She’s going to be living with us from now on.” Audrey peeked up at him, liking the sound of ‘from now on,’ Crowley smiled at her encouragingly.

Newt opened his mouth to ask how exactly that had happened but one glance at Anathema got him to reconsider. 

Aziraphale shifted the conversation back to them, asking about life in Tadfield and pestering Anathema about her great-great-great-great grandmother. Audrey made no further moves to speak or turn to look at them but it was clear she was paying attention, trying to learn all she could about the strangers. 

When they started talking about other children she got a bit more curious, especially when they were invited to a birthday party at the end of the month. She hadn’t been to a birthday party in a long time, but the last one had cake and a bouncy castle. She twisted her head so she could see Newt, who seemed to be doing the inviting. 

“Who’s Pepper?” She asked quietly. All the eyes in the room suddenly turned towards her and she leaned into Crowley for support.

“Pepper is a friend of ours, she’s a few years older than you. She lives in Tadfield near Newt and Anathema.” Crowley said. 

“Is she nice?” Audrey asked, the adults exchanged glances, ‘nice’ wasn’t generally a word used to describe Pepper. 

“You would like her I think, if I remember correctly she also enjoys building things.” Aziraphale said finally.

“And taking them apart, I still haven’t gotten all of the parts of my bicycle back.” Newt said. 

“Well, you asked her to fix it up.” Anathema said, trying and failing not to laugh.

“If you go to her party am I allowed to go too?” Audrey questioned shyly, if Pepper could really take apart a whole bicycle then she wanted to be friends.

“Of course kid, we wouldn’t go without you.” Crowley told her quickly. 

With that invitation Audrey perked up a bit and soon found herself willingly talking to Anathema and Newt. Anathema let her examine the intricate pendulum she was wearing as a necklace and explained how it worked. Audrey was so entranced by this Crowley and Aziraphale didn’t have the heart to correct the explanation of the afterlife. 

As she got more comfortable with them Audrey got a bit restless, the Grown-ups were ok when they were talking about speaking with spirits or birthday parties, but when they started talking about old music and books she quickly got bored. Crowley noticed her looking over at the half built Lego on the table and got the hint. 

“Do you want to go play kid? We’ll be right here where you can see us.” He offered quietly. Audrey glanced nervously at the door before nodding. 

“Don’t leave,” She told him sternly, before letting him set her down and wandering over to her toys. 

At first she did more watching them than actually building but after a few minutes she was fairly sure they weren’t moving and she let herself get involved in her design. Only glancing up occasionally to make sure they were still there. 

Somewhere in the back of her mind she noticed that her stomach was feeling a bit heavy, but she was busy playing and besides Crowley and Aziraphale were talking and she knew better than to interrupt them for something stupid. She resolved herself to ignore it and pretty much succeeded until it started to come out. 

Feeling it hit the pull-up she froze, eyes widening. She tried to stop but the damage was already done and stopping it hurt terribly, and she was wearing a pull-up anyway. With one last glance at the grown-ups to make sure none of them were watching too closely she let her body push the rest out, making a face as it pressed against her skin, her bladder released as well and within a minute she was sitting in a very dirty pull-up not sure what to do next. She shifted so she was in a somewhat awkward crouch to keep the worst of it from touching her and debated what was worse: letting them find out what she’d done or being alone to try to clean up herself. 

Meanwhile Crowley noticed that the air had taken on a rather unpleasant odour, he ignored it at first, but it got stronger and one glance at their charge gave him a pretty solid idea of what had happened. He looked to Aziraphale and did his best to point with his eyes, hoping for a tactful way to get the kid out of the room. Aziraphale followed his husband’s gaze and nodded slightly, getting the idea.

“I think we ought to actually have some tea, don’t you.” He said; standing and gesturing for Newt and Anathema to do the same, he ushered them towards the kitchen, confusing both slightly but getting them out of the room without too much fuss. Crowley announced that he and Audrey would join them in a minute and waited for them to leave before walking over to the kid. 

“Do you want to go have some tea?” He asked her, wanting to see if she would willingly tell him what she needed. Audrey shook her head, avoiding eye contact. 

“I was bad.” She confessed quietly. 

“Oh? I didn’t see you do anything bad.” Crowley said, crouching next to her. Audrey shrank back from him, not offering any more information. 

“Were you bad or do you just need a clean pull-up?” Crowley prompted, wanting to make the distinction clear. 

“I need a clean pull-up.” Audrey finally managed, paling a bit at the realization he knew. Crowley nodded and reached for her.

“Come on then, let’s get you changed.” He said. Audrey nervously let him pick her up, wrapping her skinny arms around his neck.

“I was gonna ask you for help but you were busy.” She told him, feeling a bit safer since he still didn’t seem mad. 

“You could have interrupted us kid. You can always interrupt if you need something.” He told her a bit guiltily. 

“I thought I could wait but it just started to come out and it really hurt and I was wearing a pull-up so…” She trailed off, realizing she’d told him more than she’d meant to. Crowley rubbed her back reassuringly.

“It’s fine kid, that’s what they’re for.” He told her. Audrey wasn’t sure she believed him but she didn’t fight him either. 

“Do I have to take a bath?” She asked nervously. If she did then she was sure the new people would figure out what she’d done and she really didn’t want them to know. 

“Nah, we should be able to just change your pull-up I think.” He told her, shutting the bathroom door behind them. He started to set her on her feet, before thinking better of it. Instead he laid her gently on the counter, which had just obediently warmed itself and extended slightly. She was just starting to get less nervous about the whole thing and he didn’t want to mess that up by making clean up harder than it needed to be. Audrey looked at him nervously, trying to figure out what he was planning to do to her. 

“I can clean up myself, you don’t have to.” She told him, trying to squirm away, she still wasn’t sure what was happening but it couldn’t be good. 

“Do you want to kid? It’ll be quicker if you let me I think.” Crowley said.

“What are you gonna do?” Audrey asked.

“I’m going to clean you up and put you in a clean pull-up.” He told her confusedly.

“But why like this? You’re gonna do something mean.” She accused. 

“I am not, this will just be a bit easier for both of us I think.” He said. Audrey looked away from him, still thoroughly afraid of what he was planning but also not eager to try to clean this up herself. 

“I bet I can have you clean before you can count to 200.” Crowley said, changing tactics. 

“Nu-uh, its too gross its gonna take too long.” She said.  
“I’m an expert in gross. But let’s find out shall we, count to 200.” Crowley prompted. 

Audrey looked at him sceptically but when he kept smiling like an idiot she started counting, somewhat curious in spite of her best efforts. 

Crowley had her changed in record time, aided by experience and a few supplies that were very conveniently placed with absolutely no miracles, thank you very much. But even with his best efforts she’d reached 217 by the time he had her fully redressed. 

“You were wrong.” Audrey said, a nervous smile on her lips. She liked being right. Crowley chuckled. 

“I suppose I was, I guess that means you win the bet.” He told her washing his hands. 

“What do I win?” She asked before she could stop herself. 

“Hmmm, how about an extra biscuit? I’m sure we’ll have them with tea.” He offered. 

“Four then? That’s only one more than yesterday.” She bargained, messy pull-up pretty much forgotten. Crowley laughed again, elated to see the kid actually acting like a kid. 

“Sure, but you need to wash your hands first.” He said, pulling her off the counter. 

Audrey did as she was told and let him lead her back out to the kitchen, she thought about climbing onto his lap, but the seat between Aziraphale and Anathema was closer to the plate of biscuits and Anathema had promised to show her how the pendant went together. Glancing at Crowley she let go of his hand and went to sit down.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter but i didn't make you wait as long this time so there you go. 
> 
> We're allowed outside for walks now and I can feel some of my brain function returning. The comments/kudos have helped me keep writing in the midst of all this craziness and I appreciate them immensely. <3

Audrey enjoyed her biscuits almost as much as she enjoyed pestering Anathema, who humoured her by pulling apart the pendant and letting her put it back together. She was nervous to touch it at first but all the eyes on her seemed kind and she couldn’t turn down a challenge. 

Eventually however, the excitement wore off and she found first her eyes and then her whole body drooping slightly as her body remembered that she was still catching up on sleep. She wanted to ask to be excused, but the adults were still talking and she didn’t want to be rude. And besides, she didn’t want to be alone, especially if she was going to sleep. Instead she edged herself closer and closer to Aziraphale, trying to lean on him without moving her chair or drawing too much attention.   
Aziraphale didn’t pay it much mind; Audrey had been quite clingy since Gabriel’s visit so he wasn’t particularly surprised. But when she nearly fell off her seat he decided the awkward position she’d put herself in wasn’t working. He gathered her onto his lap gently. She stiffened up for a moment, but as soon as she was sure he wasn’t trying to hurt her she burrowed into him, leaning her head on his shoulder. Within a few minutes she let her eyes drift closed as well, the adults quiet conversation lulling her the rest of the way to sleep. Aziraphale excused himself and took her to her bedroom. He still wasn’t sure about leaving her alone but he knew she’d sleep better lying down and she definitely needed the sleep. 

He walked back into the kitchen to find Crowley trying to explain how exactly they’d ended up with a child, and why they felt Newt and Anathema should be aware. 

“…So yeah, it boils down to she found us and we had the space I guess. Seemed to be the best way to handle it. Only problem is now the powers that be have decided to come poking around.” Crowley said, trailing off as Aziraphale sat down. 

“Powers that be? Do you mean social services? Because I know they have a reputation but from what you’ve said they ought to be involved.” Newt said. Crowley opened his mouth, either to explain that would be a poor choice or to bite the poor man’s head off. Aziraphale butted in before he had the chance to do either. 

“Unfortunately dear boy that wouldn’t be prudent, she’s already quite settled with us and it would be quite traumatic to move the poor dear. And anyway, I’m afraid Crowley meant the ‘powers that be’ in a more, well, biblical sense.” Aziraphale said.

Newt paled a bit, realizing who that meant. 

“I thought you said they’d washed their hands of you. What changed?” Anathema questioned

“Well, I may have drawn some…unfortunate attention to our situation and now I’m fairly certain they feel they have to do something.” Aziraphale said guilty. 

“Yeah, and I may have dropped Gabriel somewhere in the Sahara, in a sandstorm.” Crowley admitted. 

“Well I can imagine that would raise some eyebrows.” Anathema said. 

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.” Crowley scoffed.

“So what do you need from us? I didn’t bring many books or tools but I can get them if you pop me back for a minute. I assume you have your own wards on the house but I could…” Anathema rambled. Crowley cut her off. 

“Come on book girl. What are you going to do? Hex the archangel Gabriel and throw a crystal at the Prince of Hell?” he chided.

“Now dear, she’s only trying to help. There’s no need to be rude.” Aziraphale chided, hoping to stop the fight before it started. Crowley shut his mouth but that didn’t stop him from pouting (he would have called it glaring). 

“Now Anathema, while I appreciate the offer if there is fighting I think you ought to leave it to us. You are rather…mortal.” Aziraphale said.

“So this is just a social visit then?” Newt asked, rather hopefully.

“Well, not exactly. We do need a favour, or rather we may need a favour, basically we need a plan in case we need a favour.” Aziraphale rambled.

“What he’s trying to say is: we were hoping you would be willing to watch the kid, you know if it all goes pear-shaped.” Crowley clarified.

“Oh, um I don’t know if we can…” Newt stumbled. He was fairly certain this wasn’t exactly legal, and even if it was he wasn’t eager to fight heaven and hell again. 

“What do you mean watch her? Is there a timeframe here?” Anathema questioned. 

“Well we’re hoping not to do it at all, but there is a high chance that one or both sides will come looking for us and I’d like to be able to pop her somewhere if that happens.” Crowley said. 

“We would return for he of course, as soon as it is safe to do so.” Aziraphale added.

“Are you sure it would be safe to do so? I mean I know you’re immortal and everything, but surely there is some danger.” Newt worried. 

“They’ve already tried to kill us once. And that was before they fucked around with our kid.” Crowley spat. Aziraphale opened his mouth to tell him off for the cursing but instead ended up with it gaping like he was trapping flies. He knew they both had grown close to the girl but he wasn’t exactly prepared for Crowley to call her theirs.

“So, like a safe house then?” Said Anathema, trying to fill the silence. 

“You could call it that I guess. Basically we know you’re sane and your talents might be helpful if they’re stupid enough to try anything.” Crowley said.

“If you’re willing of course, we are aware it’s a lot to ask” Aziraphale added, coming back into himself. Newt and Anathema turned to each other for a few seconds, both trying to figure out what the other was thinking.   
“And you’re sure it would be temporary. Not that she doesn’t seem sweet and all, its just, we’ve only lived together a few months and…” Newt rambled nervously.

“If I have to rip Lucifer’s throat out myself it will be temporary, if it happens at all.” Crowley snarled.

“We’re in, just tell us what we need to know.” Anathema said decisively. They’d already faced the apocalypse once; they could handle a bit more excitement. 

Crowley and Aziraphale spent the next hour doing their best to give Newt and Anathema all the information they had. The younger couple was left feeling semi-prepared and very overwhelmed, realizing exactly what they’d signed up for. 

Both demon and angel assured them again that it was just a back-up plan, but it was suddenly feeling very real. They still had about a million questions but it was nearing dinnertime and Crowley assured them he’d send over an email with fully instructions for the care and keeping of an 8-year-old Audrey. Reluctantly they left, promising to visit again soon. Crowley assumed they had at least a few days in any case. 

After once again miracling the door out of existence and adding a brick wall for goo measure Crowley and Aziraphale settled themselves at the table. There was still plenty to be concerned about but they were sure they had the worst of it under control.


	27. Chapter 27: interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to do some more research (read: re-watch the show) before I wrote this but then I decided I don't care if I'm right, this story is already weird as fuck so here we are. 
> 
> There may be a bit of a wait for the next chapter, I'm shit at writing conflict so... I'd love to hear from you in the comments in the mean time.
> 
> Stay safe and healthy!

Gabriel was waiting. Gabriel hated waiting. He’d made it absolutely clear that he expected Hell to deal with the problem their traitor had created and yet he had heard nothing to indicate it was being dealt with.

He tapped his fingers across his spotless desktop with increasing annoyance debating the only two options that seemed to hold any promise. He could return to earth and deal with the mess himself or he could make a more personal visit to the lower office. Neither destination appealed to him, but ultimately he decided that if he was to be inconvenienced then those responsible ought to be inconvenienced as well.

It’s widely believed that Angels cannot enter the halls of Hell, however that’s not strictly true. It might be unwise for an angel to enter an office where everyone has the ability to wield hellfire, however, there is nothing physically preventing them from doing so. Most angels were prevented from entering by the simple reality that they’d never think to do so. Gabriel had never considered the possibility before but he was just irritated enough to be feeling a bit creative. With one final put upon sigh to make sure heaven at large knew just how exasperating he found this whole ordeal he snapped his fingers and found himself at the gates of hell. More specifically he found himself at a rather non-descript slightly crooked door at the end of a long, dim, slightly damp hallway. Wrinkling his nose he made his way quickly inside, banging on the first office door he found.

“What now!” Came a dangerous sounding yell from inside the office.

“I have a complaint.” Gabriel said, smiling so brightly his face looked as though it might tear in two.

The office growled, but after a few more polite knocks from Gabriel the door finally violently swung open.

“WHAT!” Beelzebub shouted, her voice vibrating around them.

“Now there really is no need for that tone.” Gabriel said pleasantly, letting himself in and shutting the door behind him.

“How did you even get down here? Why did you get down here? This is an invasion! I could burn you for this angel.” Beelzebub snarled.

“Relax, I’m not staying. I just wanted to make sure you were planning on dealing with the recent unpleasantness with the demon Crawly. It really ought to be sorted in a _timely_ manner.” Gabriel said, still smiling but carrying a distinct threat in his eyes.

Beelzebub rolled her eyes and flopped back into her tattered office chair, already bored with this conversation. Of course that was why the Angel was here.

“Wasn’t _your_ angel involved in that too? Shouldn’t _you_ be dealing with it?” She quipped.

“I have already attempted to deal with the matter, however your demon made it rather impossible. And it’s clear he is at the heart of this anyway, even if he has lead Aziraphale astray.” Gabriel responded, refusing to step closer to the desk, as that would mean further entering the disgustingly disorganized office.

“Crawly has been tried for his actions and exiled, we have no further control over him, and we certainly have no interest in a wayward principality.” Beelzebub tried again.

“He is still an agent of Hell. And he’s on earth revealing the truths of the universe to humans. Surely the release of information that could save souls bound for your lot is a concern to you.” Gabriel said, pleasantries slipping a bit.

“Uggggghhhhhh fine, what do you expect us to do about it then?” She demanded.

“I expect you to remove him from his position on earth since it is clearly a danger to allow him to remain there.” Gabriel said firmly.

“I trust you’re removing Aziraphale as well then? Because I’m not dragging myself to earth if you aren’t.” Beelzebub spat, hoping to shut him up.

“Well I’ve already been to earth, and now I’ve also travelled to… here.” Gabriel said wrinkling his nose as he looked around his dank surroundings.

“I’m not dragging myself to earth to get my traitor if you’re leaving yours. He’ll be banging down our gate within an hour.” Beelzebub said.

Gabriel let out an exasperated sigh, straightened his suit and re-plastered the smile on his face.

“Fine, shall we then?” He said, already turning to the door. The sooner this was over the better.

Beelzebub rolled her eyes yet again and pried herself out of the chair, with any luck this would be the last she heard of the traitor.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so it's been a minute. I did warn ya'll I hate writing conflict. This is a bit of a hot mess but I'm not re-writing it agin so here we are. I'm hoping the next chapter will come quicker but I make no promises. 
> 
> As always my shallow ass loves praise and craves comments/kudos.

Crowley and Aziraphale were tempted to just let Audrey sleep, but when she still hadn’t moved by dinnertime they decided they ought to wake her, she was far too skinny to be skipping meals. 

Crowley walked over to the bed and reached for Audrey without thinking. All he did was gently lay a hand on her shoulder but that was enough to wake her and send her shooting up in bed. Crowley stepped backward quickly, realizing his mistake and barely resisting the urge to mutter curses. 

“It’s just me kid, sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He said quickly. Audrey looked around the room, calming down as she realized where she was. 

“What time is it?” She mumbled, reaching for Crowley. 

“Nearly time for dinner. You were tired huh kid?” He said, picking her up and checking her pull-up, which was unsurprisingly soaked. She stiffened in his arms, feeling him check her. He hadn’t gotten mad yet but grown-ups could always change their minds, and she wasn’t sure if they would be upset she’d slept so long. 

“Let’s get you changed, and then we’re going to get some food into you.” Crowley continued, still not liking it when Audrey went mute. 

Audrey let him change her without fussing. He even managed to get her to try the toilet with only a few grumbles of protest. 

They walked into the kitchen and found Aziraphale looking rather pleased with himself as he put chicken and vegetables on plates. 

The rest of the evening was quiet, all three of them feeling a bit tired. Crowley was also feeling decidedly anxious but he couldn’t put a finger on why so for the moment he was ignoring the feeling all together. 

Audrey insisted on sleeping in the big bed with them again, which was problematic since neither had been planning on actually sleeping. 

Around four in the morning Crowley got a dreadful feeling, one glance at Aziraphale told him the Angel was in the same boat. Someone was here, and they weren’t human. Crowley was on his feet in seconds, snapping away all of the doors between them and the street and replacing them with solid brick.

“Feels like my side this time Angel.” Crowley said, doing his best to keep panic from leeching into his voice. He’d been so sure they had more time. 

“Are you certain dearest? I would swear that’s ethereal energy pushing at the wards.” Aziraphale questioned. 

“No way. You know I can’t sense ethereal bullshit. Not well at least.”

“Well, its not as though I can…” Aziraphale trailed off, turning to face Crowley, eyes wide open. “It’s both.” 

“Fuck.” Crowley swore. One side they could manage, but both at once was a stretch. “Who the fuck told them they could do that, that’s our thing.” He muttered

Both of them did their best add walls and barriers, but both could feel them being miracled away as quickly as they were added. Crowley was hissing a near constant string of curses and Aziraphale was nervously muttering to himself, increasingly aware this was going to be ugly. Taking a deep breath Aziraphale forced his own panic away, it wasn’t helping anything and they had made a plan specifically for this scenario, they might as well use it.

“Take Audrey. Lock yourself in our bathroom. I’ll do my best to hold them off but if they get through you must to send her to Tadfield, she’ll be safe with Anathema and Newt.” He said firmly.

“Angel no. I haven’t even emailed Anathema yet. And the poor kid will be terrified. I’m not sending her away. I promised.” Crowley argued, doing his best to ignore the crashes now coming from downstairs. 

“Have you got a better idea?” Aziraphale questioned. Crowley sputtered trying to come up with something. Hearing footsteps on the stairs he realized there was no more time to argue. 

“Give them hell Angel.” He said, kissing Aziraphale’s cheek before scooping up the girl and sprinting for the master bath. She shrieked as he grabbed her and he wished he’d had the forethought to cover her mouth, the last thing they needed was to announce that she was still here. He shushed her quickly, closing the door behind them before snapping it away all together. Audrey shrieked again but thankfully this time he had his hand over her mouth. 

“Kid I’m sorry, we need to be quiet. Someone is here, and we need to make sure they don’t find us.” He said, doing his best to be soothing. 

Audrey was terrified, but she had some practice in hiding. She turned her face into him, doing her best not to breathe. Crowley wanted to tell her everything would be fine, but he didn’t believe in lying to children and he had a horrible sinking feeling things were going to be anything but. 

\-------------------------

Aziraphale was doing his best to keep whoever was trying to break in out, but despite his best efforts he could not miracle up walls as quickly as they were breaking them down. 

“Aziraphale, we’d like a word.” Gabriel called, pleasantness dripping from his voice like venom. 

“Where’s the traitor?” Beelzebub buzzed threateningly. 

Aziraphale fumbled nervously, racking his mind for a plan. He vaguely noted something solid and warm suddenly clutched in his right hand. Looking down, he was surprised to find his sword, blazing away as if he’d never put it down. He supposed that was as good an answer as he was going to get. With one last deep breath to steady himself he let the last wall fall and found himself face to face with the Archangel Gabriel.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Aziraphale said firmly, edging towards him with the sword drawn. 

“Aziraphale, why can’t you just come quietly? There really is no need for all this fuss.” Gabriel said, edging away from the sword. 

“Really, I have to insist.” Aziraphale said, taking another step forward. 

Gabriel took another step back, looking slightly unsettled. Beelzebub huffed and rolled her eyes; of course she would have to do the heavy lifting. Spreading her hand she let her own weapon grow out of her palm. Hellfire crackled to life, twisting like a snake.

“I’ve heard rumours this bookstore is rather flammable.” She said, holding her hand just close enough to the wall to make the wallpaper bubble and smoke. “It would be a shame if either of us were to be reckless.”

Aziraphale gulped, lowering his sword slightly. 

“What can I do for you? Beelzebub isn’t it?” He said, doing his best not to sound rattled. 

“You aren’t my problem Angel. Where is the traitor Crowley?” She buzzed menacingly. 

“And the small human you have gotten yourself involved with.” Gabriel added. 

“I’m afraid Crowley is not here. And I’m not sure what human you’re referring to.” Aziraphale said; keeping his eyes trained on Beelzebub’s blazing hand. 

“Aziraphale, surely even a principality as mislead as you isn’t going to stoop to lying.” Gabriel admonished, edging closer to Aziraphale now that he was fairly certain the he wouldn’t use the sword. 

“O-of course not.” Aziraphale stuttered, doing his best to stand his ground. “I’ll take you to Crowley if you like.” He added. 

“Nice try Angel. I know he’s here, I can feel him.” Beelzebub spat. “Perhaps I ought to chase him out myself.” She said, watching as the flame flickering from her palm jumped to a strip of wallpaper, curling it around itself. 

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary, he’s just left you see, I’m sure that’s what you’re feeling” Aziraphale said quickly, reaching to miracle away the fire. 

Beelzebub let out a chuckle and watched as the flame grew, licking at the wall as if it might devour it entirely. 

“Hellfire Angel. You can’t miracle it away. I can though, just tell me where Crowley and his little pet are and go with your friend here and the whole thing will be over with.” Beelzebub buzzed, watching as the flames crept their way towards the ceiling.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
Crowley was doing his best to keep Audrey calm despite the panic rising in his own throat as he caught snippets of the conversation just outside the bedroom door. Gabriel was dangerous enough but the archangel at least followed Heaven’s bureaucratic nonsense, which tended to buy time if nothing else. Beelzebub was a whole different ballgame. In fact, she was another sport entirely. 

If the prince of Hell was working with an Angel that could mean only one thing: both sides had aligned. Crowley had sworn he would fight Heaven and Hell again if he needed to, but he wasn’t prepared to do it so soon, and certainly not with a child caught up in the middle. 

Wracking his brain for an escape he caught a whiff of something he’d hoped to never smell again. Brimstone and sulphur and smoke wafted into the bathroom, slowly at first but soon the scent was too heavy to ignore. 

Shit. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Crowley looked down at the child in his arms, still perfectly silent because he’d told her to be, even if she was shaking slightly. Then he looked up, glaring in the vague direction of Heaven, or at least the direction humans assumed it to be. There had to be another way. He was the demon that had gotten Adam and Eve out of the Garden. The creature who had whisked children off the plains of Mesopotamia as the waters rose. He’d gotten away from crusaders and bandits and plagues, and one particularly nosy in-keeper who had a hang-up about her tenants turning into snakes. He’d been an escape for children and certain Angel before. There had to be a way out of this. 

But he couldn’t find it, and the smell of smoke was getting worse. 

Forcing himself to take a deep breath Crowley settled on the only option he could see, however terrible it was. 

“Audrey, kid, do you remember Anathema and Newt?” He whispered.

Audrey was confused but she nodded anyway, she’d met them only the day before after all. 

“You’re going to go stay with them for a while kid. Just for a little while.” He told her, trying to sound reassuring. Audrey stiffened in his arms and shook her head frantically. 

“No, please no. I’ll be good and I’ll stop making messes and I’ll earn my keep and…” 

“Audrey, you’re not in trouble. You can’t stay here because it’s not safe. I know it’s scary but I have to send you somewhere you’ll be safe.” He cut her off, doing his best to keep the desperation out of his voice.

“Please no. I want to stay with you. Please.” Audrey begged him tearfully, clinging to him as tightly as she could. 

“I’m sorry kid, I promise it’s just for a while. Just a little trip, yeah?” He said, trying and failing to sound cheerful. 

“You said you weren’t going to send me away. You promised.” She said bitterly, more angry with herself than anything. She should have known better than to trust a grown-up. 

“I did kid, and I’m sorry. But I’m not going to let these ass-, I mean bad people hurt you. You’re just going to go visit them for a little while. We will come get you.” He told her, holding out his pinkie for a pinkie-swear. Audrey shook her head and turned away. Apparently even pinkie-swears could be a lie. 

Crowley took a shaky breath, desperately looking for any better way to do this. He at least wanted to get her changed and pack her some clothes and toys and make sure she had enough pull-ups and make sure Anathema and Newt knew that she wasn’t ready for heavy foods yet, and maybe have Aziraphale pick out a book or two to send her with so she would have bedtime stories and…

But there wasn’t time. He could her Beelzebub’s voice growing more impatient, and he knew the prince of Hell well enough to know she’d have no problem levelling the shop to find him. He needed to get the kid out of here. Now. 

He stood with her in his arms and was about to snap when his eyes caught sight of a shining object on the counter. The bolo tie-necklace he wore constantly because a certain Angel had deemed it hideous. It wasn’t much, but it would be something. He picked it up and slipped it around Audrey’s neck. 

“I need you to take care of this for me until we come to get you. It’s very important. Do you think you can do that for me kid?” He asked her. 

Audrey hesitated for a moment, running her fingers over the cool chain before nodding. Maybe of she did a good enough job they would come back for her after all.

Crowley opened his mouth, hoping to find some further reassurance to give her, but drew a blank. With a final deep breath he snapped his fingers instead, praying to someone that Newt and Anathema would be able to take care of her until they were able to get back. Praying they would in fact be able to get back. 

Then, with arms feeling entirely too light he walked out into the bedroom.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaacck. And sorry for the delay, this chapter was annoying to write and all of my spoons have been in fighting for Black lives and fighting with visa shit so this just got put on the back burner. Shit is getting real ya'll, take care of yourselves, take care of each other.

Anathema woke to a snap from the living room and the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Rousing Newt she dragged herself out of bed and made her way downstairs. 

She found Audrey standing in the middle of the living room looking around frantically. Anathema froze, she’d been prepared for monsters or demons or some of the village’s wildlife, but not this. Newt came up behind her, nearly crashing into her back. It may have been the shock of trying to avoid knocking either of them over but he was quicker to find words.

“Audrey, how did you get here?” he asked, slipping past Anathema to walk over to the shaking child. Audrey looked towards him but didn’t seem to actually see him. He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder hoping to steady her. Instead she flinched backwards nearly falling over the coffee table. Newt stepped back too, almost as startled as the kid. 

“Did something happen?” Anathema asked, finally feeling fully awake.  
Audrey managed to nod but couldn’t actually get herself to speak. 

“Did Aziraphale and Crowley send you?” Anathema asked. Audrey nodded again. 

“Are they safe?” She asked. Audrey’s eyes widened but she still couldn’t get herself to actually answer. Saying any of this out loud would make it real. She did her best to edge away from them again. 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine, they can handle themselves.” Newt said, trying to reassure the kid. Anathema nodded unconvincingly. 

“Did other people come to the bookstore?” She asked. Audrey nodded again, clutching Crowley’s necklace so tightly she could feel it digging into her hand. Seeing the rising panic Newt decided the rest of Anathema’s questions could wait. After all, they weren’t going to go charging off to London to fight heaven and hell tonight. 

“Well, why don’t we have a cuppa and then we can get you set up in the spare room. You must be exhausted.” He said, trying to be comforting or failing that, useful. Audrey didn’t move but Newt went to put the kettle on anyway. 

“Why don’t you come sit down honey?” Anathema offered, sitting herself on the couch and patting the space next to her. After a few seconds of hesitation, Audrey followed, perching herself on the edge of the cushion as far from Anathema as she could get. 

“They’re going to be ok kid. They’re good fighters when they want to be. And they’ve already done it before. They’ll be back before you know it.” She rambled, trying to be reassuring. Audrey stared blankly ahead not giving much indication she heard any of what Anathema said. 

Soon enough newt was pressing a warm mug into her hands which revived her just enough to mutter out a ‘thank you’. Newt and Anathema glanced at each other, neither of them sure how to handle this. The three drank their tea in silence and Audrey seemed to calm a bit, or at least she managed to stop shaking. 

“Why don’t we get you to bed sweetie.” Anathema said, thoroughly uncomfortable with the silence and noticing the child had started to droop a bit. Audrey stood obediently. There was no way she was going to sleep but she knew better than to say so. 

As they walked up the stairs Newt noticed a familiar bulge under her pyjamas. He’d worn sleep pants for a good part of his childhood so the sight was familiar. He clenched his jaw trying to figure out how to handle this tactfully. He knew that a random adult noticing would thoroughly embarrass the child, but he was also fairly certain she was already wet and he didn’t want to face Crowley or Aziraphale if they came back to find their kid with a rash. Taking a steadying breath he decided to just get it over with. 

“Do you want to take off your wet pants kid? We don’t have an extra pair but we can put some towels down.” He said quietly. Audrey felt the blood drain from her face, trying to figure out how he knew. She couldn’t bring herself to deny it though so instead she gave a tiny nod. At least she wouldn’t have to sit in her own wee. 

Newt pulled a few towels from the linen closet and returned with them as Anathema tried to get the kid settled. 

“So our room is just next door and the bathroom is just at the end of the hall. Do you need help or anything? I can show you how to work the shower if you want or the bath. There’s soap and everything in there already.” Anathema offered awkwardly, feeling embarrassed for the girl and completely out of her element. Audrey shook her head, not wanting to make herself a burden. If Newt and Anathema decided she was too much work they would send her away and then Crowley and Aziraphale wouldn’t be able to find her. 

Newt and Anathema told her goodnight and let her be. It didn’t feel like enough but neither of them knew what else to do. 

Once they were gone Audrey stripped off the wet pull up and hid it towards the back of the wardrobe. She knew it ought to go in the wastebasket in the bathroom but she wasn’t about to go alone, and certainly not in the middle of the night. She grimaced as she got herself redressed, feeling sticky and gross. Newt had left a stack of towels on top of the bed and she perched herself on top of them not wanting to get anything dirty. Crowley had said they would come to get her and while she wasn’t sure she believed him it was the only hope she had. So, she had to be extra careful not to be a nuisance or to do anything that might get her sent away before they came back. 

She fiddled with the demons necklace, trying to believe she could do that. She would just have to do her best to stay out of the way and not to make messes or sleep too much or eat too much or make noise. She could do that. She had to. 

\-----------------------------------------  
Crowley was livid. Despite all of the threatening, kicking, and biting he’d been able to muster he’d still somehow found himself waiting in Beelzebub’s office while the prince of Hell did Satan knows what. The only thing keeping him from burning the full place to the ground was the knowledge that as long as Hell was harassing him they wouldn’t be going after Audrey. 

Beelzebub’s goons were buzzing around, sneering at the traitor with open disgust. Betraying hell was one thing, but willingly fraternizing with humans and angels was unthinkable. Crowley sneered right back at them wondering if he could spit venom like a cobra.

Upstairs Aziraphale was in a similar predicament, although he was finding patience much harder to come by. 

“I really must insist you let me go. I have matters to attend to on earth and I am quite certain this is no way for angels to behave. I mean really, showing up without proper notice or anything.” He chided the guards who had rudely placed themselves between him and the door. Neither responded but both watched with disgust at the traitor’s clear hubris. 

Finally Gabriel made his way back in, looking far to pleased with himself and wielding a stack of paperwork in his hand.

“Well Aziraphale, it looks like you’ve really done it this time. I mean honestly you had to know we would find out about your little side project eventually, always watching and all that.” He gloated, sitting down behind the meticulously clean desk. 

“The child is one of Her creatures Gabriel. I highly doubt She’d approve of you mistreating her.” Aziraphale spat, pushing the chair aside and opting to tower over Gabriel instead. The archangel slid his chair back, trying and failing to look unbothered. 

“Yes exactly, one of Her creatures, part of the great plan. One, which you are meddling with despite having no authorization to do so with absolutely no regards for the consequences.” Gabriel sneered.

“And have you considered the consequences of what you’re inflicting on the child. I mean honestly Gabriel the amount of suffering you’re condoning would be more fitting for the other side.” Aziraphale said, stepping towards Gabriel again. 

“We are not involved in the petty fates of single mortals Aziraphale, surely you understand that. The plan is far greater than any of them or us for that matter.” Gabriel said, bristling at being compared to Hell. 

“You cannot hurt the individuals and then claim to be on the side of light! If this is what the plan demands the plan is utter shite Gabriel!” Aziraphale snapped. 

“How DARE you. Angels greater than you have fallen for much less Aziraphale.” Gabriel growled, snapping to his feet. “And perhaps its time for you to fall as well, if you have such an affinity for those in hell. I’m going to have a talk with upstairs, and when I return you will either be fallen or destroyed, so I sincerely hope the snivelling human and that absolute disgrace of a demon were worth it.” He huffed, leaving the office and slamming the door behind him.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I left you for a full month in the middle of actual plot stuff. I'm sorry. My only excuse is this is a wild time to deal with visas/living in another country. I hope everyone is staying sane, keeping healthy and wearing their mask <3

Audrey spent the rest of the night perched on the edge of the bed; worried she would fall asleep if she let herself actually lie down. She watched as the black outside the windows slowly turned to grey and then to pale blue as the sun rose. 

Soon enough she heard someone shuffling around in the kitchen, and the smells of breakfast were wafting up the stairs. She knew it would be safer to stay put, but she was stiff from sitting for so long and now that the fear had dulled a bit she was also painfully bored, and Newt and Anathema seemed nice enough. They probably wouldn’t get mad unless she got in the way. 

As quietly as she could she slipped out the bedroom door and went to the top of the stairs, peering down them trying to see into the kitchen. All she could actually see was the wall but she heard humming and something sizzling on the stove. She edged down, a few steps at a time and eventually she looked up and realized she’d made it all the way into the living room. She considered going back upstairs before anyone saw her, but somehow her feet kept moving forward and she found herself at the door of the kitchen watching Anathema flip pancakes. She hovered in the doorway, doing her best not to breathe. 

When Anathema turned around she jumped and nearly dropped the pan, a child silently appearing felt a little too horror movie like first thing in the morning. 

“Good morning honey, do you want some breakfast?” She asked, recovering quickly. 

“I can wait.” Audrey said, a bit startled at being noticed. “Or I can help.” She added quickly, they’d be more likely to let her eat if she earned her keep.  
“I’m about done cooking, but you can set the table if you’d like.” Anathema said; she wasn’t about to risk letting the girl near the stove. 

Audrey nodded and did as she was told, careful to put everything neatly where it was supposed to go. Anathema’s plates and cups were mismatched but she picked ones that would at least look good together, all three of the ones she selected were at least partially blue. She folded over the napkins meticulously and slipped them under the silverware and then because Anathema was still cooking she walked around and straightened everything again. It was never good to stand idle in the kitchen, especially while someone else was working. 

“Can you go tell Newt breakfast is ready?” Anathema asked, noticing Audrey seemed to be out of things to do. 

Audrey faltered a bit but nodded and went to do as she was told. She knocked on the bedroom door softly and waited, but got no response. Glancing down the stairs she tried to determine which adult was scarier. She didn’t like waking grown-ups up, but she also didn’t want to disobey Anathema. 

She knocked harder on the door and listened again. Still nothing. She did it again, fairly hard this time, and immediately heard movement. Quickly she slipped into the guest room across the hall, peering out from the doorway. 

Newt figured the knocking had to be Audrey and dragged himself out of bed. He opened the door and was surprised to find no one in front of it. Then he saw the head peeking out of the guestroom door. 

“Did you knock love?” He asked. Audrey nodded. 

“Anathema said to tell you breakfast is ready.” She said quickly before slipping by him and bolting down the stairs. He couldn’t get mad at her for something Anathema told her to do if Anathema was there. 

Poor Newt was a bit bewildered, but he followed her anyway, the kitchen smelled too good not to. 

Breakfast was tasty but eerily quiet, Audrey was doing her very best to be seen and not heard and neither adult wanted her to feel overwhelmed or talked over. Thankfully Anathema’s cooking was good enough to be distracting. 

Audrey was careful not to eat too much, she didn’t want to be a burden here and she certainly didn’t want to upset her stomach again. She left her juice completely untouched; liquids were a bad idea. 

“So, I think we need to go out for bit of shopping, we don’t have any clothes or toys for you.” Anathema said, figuring Audrey would be excited about getting new things.   
“It’s ok, I don’t need anything.” Audrey said quickly, shrinking back in her chair a bit. 

“Well you definitely need clothes, you can’t just stay in pyjamas goofball.” Anathema said, looking to Newt for help. 

“We can just go to the shops right in town, it won’t take long.” Newt promised. 

“I don’t need anything, you don’t have to buy me anything.” Audrey repeated.

“Come on, it’ll be fun. We can get ice cream after.” Anathema tried again. 

“I don’t have any money.” Audrey said, doing her best not to sound frustrated. She didn’t understand why they couldn’t just let it be. 

“Obviously love, you literally got here in your pyjamas.” Newt said.

“We’ll pay kid, its fine. I’m sure your god-dads will get us back later.” Anathema added. 

“But what if they say no?” Audrey asked quietly.

“I don’t think they will, but we’ll take it up with them when they get back. I’m certain they don’t want you walking around in pyjamas the whole time they’re gone.” Newt said, paling a bit at the thought of Aziraphale and Crowley returning to find their kid without proper clothes. 

Audrey gave a quiet ‘ok’. She still wasn’t sure about this idea but she decided it would be good to have some other clothes at least, and even if Crowley and Aziraphale got mad she didn’t think they would hurt her. 

They got breakfast cleaned up, Audrey insisted on washing the dishes, although Anathema wouldn’t let her touch anything sharper than the butter knives. After a bit of debate and shuffling they found a shirt of Anathema’s that would fit Audrey as a long dress. She didn’t like going out looking so girly at all but she didn’t want to upset them by arguing. 

They piled into the car, Crowley had insisted on purchasing one after the near-end of the world. He claimed that he didn’t want Anathema running into any more cars on the bike and swore up and down that it had absolutely nothing to do with him feeling guilty. Demons didn’t feel guilt after all. 

Audrey looked around the village curiously as they drove. It felt quite different than the big city, almost like something off the telly. 

Clothes shopping was not something Audrey enjoyed, especially with new people. There were definitely right and wrong answers and she didn’t know them. Looking ‘girly’ in public still felt dangerous, but so did upsetting Newt and Anathema. They both tried to ask what she’d like but she shrugged, hoping they’d just pick for her. 

Anathema was at a loss, as far as she knew kids always wanted choices, but Audrey not only didn’t want to pick, she simply wouldn’t. Looking around the store, she saw a set of Lego t-shirts out of the corner of her eye. That seemed promising. 

“Hey, isn’t that they dragon from your castle?” She questioned, pointing at the display. Audrey nodded perking up a bit. “Should we pick out a few of those?” Anathema offered. 

Hesitantly Audrey let the woman lead her over to the rack, figuring that it was ok since Anathema had pointed them out. At first she was careful to only pick one, but with a fair amount of prompting Anathema managed to get her to pick a few and took her to try them on. Meanwhile Newt busied himself grabbing things he could guess the sizing for, namely socks and underwear. He also grabbed a packet of pull-ups, doing his best to bury them discretely in the basket. 

With a fair amount of encouraging, coaxing, and guesswork Anathema managed to get Audrey to select enough clothes for about a week. She refused to believe that Aziraphale and Crowley would take any longer than that to return. 

Audrey was doing her best not to pay attention to the growing pile of clothes or the price tags. There was no way anyone was going to spend this much without getting mad at her, but with any luck it would be Crowley and Aziraphale who did the getting upset and they would have to come back first. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beelzebub opened her office door expecting to find a somewhat irate demon waiting for her. She was correct in this assumption, but she was also unprepared for said demon to have found projectiles to launch at her. 

It was her fault really. All she’d told her grunts to do was keep him from leaving. The agents of hell were hardly the ‘above and beyond’ type. 

Still, the stapler slamming into her chin caught her of guard.

“What the f-,” she was cut off by a clipboard slamming into her stomach. 

“Enough!” she yelled, raising a hand and setting the notepad Crowley had picked up next on fire. “Are you trying to make this worse than it is traitor?” She growled. 

“I’m trying to explain exactly how I feel about you barging into my house in the middle of the fucking night and abducting me.” Crowley hissed, launching a few more pieces of clutter at her. They quickly fell to the floor as ash. 

“And why, exactly, was your home in an Angel’s bookshop.” Beelzebub questioned, edging uncomfortably close to Crowley. 

“Why are you so concerned, you executed me remember? I don’t work for you anymore.” Crowley retorted. 

“You think your little bath was all it would take to get free of us?” Beelzebub laughed. “We let you go because you were of no further use to us, but if you’re going to make trouble well…” She opened her palm and let fire bloom out of it.

“What, are you going to destroy me with hellfire this time? You don’t see a flaw in that plan?” Crowley said, doing his best not to shrink backwards. He still wasn’t exactly fond of fire. 

“Who said I was going to destroy you. That would be so nice and quick. What makes you think you deserve nice and quick.” Beelzebub sneered. 

Crowley had to make a conscious effort not to look pleased with himself. At least Hell was predictable.

“You need to let me go. Now. I have places to be.” He hissed. Beelzebub laughed again. 

“I hope your things will wait. Cause your certainly not going anywhere.” She taunted. 

Crowley smirked for a split-second before he caught himself. If he couldn’t do anything else he could at least insure Hell was distracted. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gabriel was barely suppressing the urge to slam his fist or head into the wall. He’d asked to speak to Metatron almost eight hours ago. Eight hours. Angels were meant to be patient, but this was plain disrespectful, and Gabriel had never been good at suffering disrespect.

“I remind you that this matter is rather urgent.” He said sternly, smiling at the secretary currently directly between him in the door. 

“I’m afraid without the proper paperwork all I can do is wait for authorization, you understand.” He responded pleasantly. 

“Of course, but is there no way to expedite the authorization?” Gabriel questioned, smile faltering a bit.

“I’m afraid not.” The secretary said, turning back to his work. Gabriel resisted the urge to scream, but if anyone had been watching they would have noticed a full frown on the archangel’s face.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while but it is longer so do with that what you will. I'd like to claim I'll get on a more regular update schedule but honestly we all know that's a lie at this point. 
> 
> As always thank you for the kudos/comments they truly are what keeps me motivated. 
> 
> I hope you're all staying safe and healthy <3

Once they had clothes relatively sorted Anathema decided it was time for the fun part of the day. 

“Ready to hunt down some toys?” She asked Audrey as she stuffed bags into the car. Audrey looked back at her nervously. 

“I really don’t need any, I promise I won’t get into trouble.” She said quickly, clothes were one thing but toys were entirely unnecessary. 

“Of course you need toys, don’t be silly, besides the cottage could use some more fun inside it.” Anathema said, ushering the girl into the car. Audrey shifted nervously, stuck between not wanting to argue with a grown-up and not wanting them to spend money on her. 

When they first got into the shop both Newt and Anathema hovered around her nervously, suggesting just about every toy they passed in a bid to get her to pick something. Audrey did her best to be polite but she refused to actually touch anything and kept insisting she didn’t need anything. They’d already bought her a mountain of clothes and she was fairly certain they would feed her, asking for anything beyond that would be beyond ungrateful and she was certain this was some elaborate trap. 

Eventually they came to a small electric train set that fascinated all three of them. They watched it go around and studied the intricate landscape built for it. Then, Newt decided to see what would happen if he used the lever to make the train switch tracks. Somehow, instead of shifting to the other loop the locomotive jumped the track entirely and onto the floor. Luckily it didn’t break but it did manage to call the shopkeeper to them and busy Newt and Anathema picking up pieces. 

Audrey saw the whole mess and quickly stepped backwards, not wanting to be within arm’s reach of the grown-ups in case they decided it was her fault. She turned towards the shelf next to her trying to appear inconspicuous. At first she was only pretending to look at the toys while carefully keeping an eye on the mess and the grown-ups, but soon enough she found herself actually browsing, moving further down the aisle without really noticing she was. 

When the train was happily set back on its course and Newt had thoroughly apologized to the amused shopkeeper he turned to catch up with Audrey, only to have Anathema hold him back.

“Look.” She whispered, gesturing towards the kid, who was currently pawing through a display of bracelet making kits. 

“So, she’s allowed to have girly toys too don’t you think.” Newt responded; assuming Anathema was simply averted to buying the girl anything pink. This was the same woman who had helped Pepper paint her ‘girl bike’ with flames and retrofit it with gears after all. Anathema rolled her eyes and tightened her grip on him.

“Of course she can have girly toys if she wants them, my point was she’s actually looking,” she said pointedly. Newt’s eyes widened. 

“She is isn’t she, do you think she’ll actually pick anything?” He whispered back. 

As the words left his mouth Audrey turned to face them and Anathema quickly spun herself and Newt to face the shelf, not wanting her to realize she was being watched. Audrey gave one last longing look at the craft kits and then moved further down the aisle. She couldn’t ask them to buy her anything but that didn’t mean she couldn’t look at them. 

“She won’t but we can, if we can figure out what she actually wants.” Anathema whispered, grabbing the cart. 

They were careful to let Audrey have her space and to make it look like they were browsing as well so she didn’t feel uncomfortable and soon enough they had a fairly large stack of toys. 

Audrey was vaguely aware she was being followed but she was too enthralled by the shop to actually care, both of the grown-ups seemed to be shopping too so it was probably better to stay out of the way anyway. Having made it through most of the aisles she found herself near the back corner of the store where there was a ‘soft corner’ made up of plushies. She studied all of them carefully, stuffed animals had been one of the few toys she was allowed at home and she missed them. After running her hands over them she settled on a sloth with a velvety soft tummy and velcro on its paws so it could hang upside down. She looked around for Newt and Anathema and was relieved not to see them. She still didn’t want to ask them for anything but she was pretty sure if she hid the sloth in her new coat she might be able to get away with sneaking it out. She slipped the garment off and wrapped the plushie in it, wrapping one of its little velcro arms through the tag so it would stay. 

Feeling somewhat accomplished but also quite nervous Audrey looked for a distraction. She settled on the sand table even though it was a bit too out in the open for her taste. She sat her coat on the chair next to her, hoping that no one would notice it had more bulk than it should. 

Anathema and Newt were happy to see the kid act a bit more like a kid and decided to let her be, figuring they could use the time to hunt for Christmas presents for the Them anyway. Audrey let herself get completely absorbed in her play. The shop had all sorts of moulds for the sand and it was fascinating to try to make them go together. She was vaguely aware that she ought to make sure Anathema and Newt weren’t ready to go, but she still didn’t want to be in their way and she could see the door so they couldn’t leave without her. 

Just as she put the finishing touches on her pyramid Audrey was rudely jerked back to reality by a sudden and all encompassing need. She had to pee. Now. She glanced around the room frantically, not sure if the shop had a bathroom or if it would be safe to use it. Another spasm forced her to her feet and she bit her lip trying not to whimper or scream. 

A few more moments of indecision proved to be her undoing. Her abused body decided it couldn’t wait for her to make a decision and she let out a yelp as she felt warm liquid pour down her legs. She felt herself shaking as she tried desperately but unsuccessfully to stop the flood. 

This couldn’t be happening. Not now, not here. Anathema and Newt definitely weren’t going to let her stay with them now. They might not even let her back in the car. They could just leave her here in the middle of the village. She didn’t have any idea how to get back to London and she didn’t have anything with her here. She was still only wearing Anathema’s shirt; she didn’t even have trousers. Even once her clothes dried she’d be freezing and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to sneak in anywhere here to get warm, there weren’t enough people for her to go unnoticed. And even if Aziraphale and Crowley did come back for her they wouldn’t find her and if Newt and Anathema told them she’d had a wee in the middle of a store like an untrained animal she was sure they wouldn’t even want too. 

Audrey didn’t realize she was sobbing until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She flinched backwards, slapping her hands over her traitorous mouth, and found herself eye-to-eye with the same shop-keeper who’d fixed the train. She tried to manage an apology but the only noise she could get out was a strangled gasp, her stupid tongue wasn’t working. 

“Darling, it’s all right, you’re all right. Do you want me to get your mum and dad?” Laura asked the girl, already looking around for the young couple. She’d had plenty of children cry in the shop but not like this, the sheer terror in the girl’s face was unsettling. 

Audrey shook her head desperately, still unable to find her words. She didn’t want to be alone in the village, but the woman calling her dad would be even worse. 

“You don’t want to get cleaned up dear?” She asked confusedly. Audrey shook her head again. 

“Not … dad…please,” she finally managed. Laura’s face darkened. So that was what had the girl so scared. She debated between calling the police and simply ending the clumsy wanker herself before a sniffle brought her back to the issue at hand. 

“You just hang tight love, I’ll get your mum. And don’t you worry, dad will stay with me.” I’m going to tear his throat out she added mentally, turning to go find the couple. She would have never guessed the awkward clumsy man was the type to hurt a child, but then it was always the ones you least suspected. 

Audrey was so confused she finally managed to calm down a bit. She had no idea how the woman was going to find her mum, she’d disappeared years ago, nor did she have any idea how the shopkeeper could make her father stay anywhere he didn’t want to be. Then, she turned the corner with a concerned looking Anathema in tow and it clicked, sending Audrey into a new wave of panic. 

Anathema felt like someone had shoved her into the deep end blindfolded and handcuffed. They were responsible for yet another mess in the shop and the shopkeeper seemed to have decided she was going to charge Newt for the train after all, she’d set him to work searching the floor for some missing piece that likely never existed. And Audrey was completely panicked and Anathema had no idea how to handle this situation, especially with an eight-year-old. Wasn’t this the type of thing that happened with toddlers? Crowley had not warned her that this was a possibility. 

Laura watched as the young woman’s eyes grew wide. At least this was a look she recognized, the look of first-time parent. 

“Why don’t you take her to get cleaned up dear, you can use the staff bathroom in the back, I’ll show you,” he offered gently. 

“Yes of course, thank you.” Anathema said, coming back into herself. One step at a time, she’d get Audrey cleaned up, hopefully smooth over the trouble with the train and rescue Newt, and then they’d get lunch and ice cream just as she’d promised. Surely she could manage that.

“Could you ask my fiancé to get some clothes for her from the car?” Anathema requested once they’d been lead to the bathroom. 

“I’m afraid he’s rather indisposed at the moment, I can grab them if you like.” Laura offered quickly, a slight edge to her tone as she didn’t understand the woman’s willingness to bring someone who obviously terrified her daughter into the equation. 

“He’s got the keys unfortunately.” Anathema explained. 

“Would one of the dress-up outfits work? My treat.” Laura offered. “Is there a princess you like love?” She asked Audrey. 

“Thanks, but it’s a bit cold for that don’t you think? I’m sure she’ll be more comfortable in proper clothes.” Anathema said, growing frustrated. 

“Dear, I’m afraid your daughter specifically asked me not to tell her dad. I’m not going to give him the chance to hurt her, or you for that matter.” Laura said exasperatedly, so much for tactfulness. 

“He would never hurt her, what are you…” Anathema stated, but Audrey, who’d realized her mistake, quickly cut her off. 

“Newt isn’t my dad.” She stammered out quickly. Now she’d not only made a mess, she’d gotten Newt in trouble. They were going to kill her. 

Laura looked to Anathema in confusion, trying to determine what to believe. 

“Audrey isn’t our child, we’re just looking after her for the moment, we’re her foster parents.” Anathema scrambled, figuring that was true enough. Looking back at Audrey the concern made sense, the girl looked like she was sure she’d be skinned alive. 

“Is that true darling, he’s not the one you’re afraid of?” Laura asked Audrey. Audrey nodded quickly, she was scared of Newt too but she knew contradicting Anathema wouldn’t do her any favours. 

“I’ll have him get you some clothes, you go ahead and get her cleaned up love.” She said, leaving Anathema and Audrey. 

Newt had stopped scouring the floor and simply taken his wallet out, he was certain they’d picked up all the pieces but he wasn’t eager to start a fight. He was beyond surprised when Laura refused to let him pay for anything and shifted back to her amiable tone, even more so when she explained that he needed to grab a spare set of clothes for Audrey and shooed him outside. 

“I can clean up the floor as well, I’m so sorry for the mess.” He offered quickly, wondering if that was the source of the woman’s change of tone. 

“Not to worry, certainly not the first accident, it is a toy shop after all.” Laura said dismissively, shooing him out to the car. Newt wasted no time grabbing a clean outfit for the girl, feeling bad they hadn’t thought to ask if she’d needed a bathroom break between stores, even his very limited experience with kids suggested that would have been a good idea in hindsight. 

Audrey stood silently, waiting to see what Anathema was going to do to her and trying to avoid making things any worse than they already were. 

“Do you want me to leave you alone sweetie, or do you want help?” Anathema asked, wondering if the girl was embarrassed to get undressed with her there. “Newt should have clothes for you in just a minute if you want to clean up first.” 

“I want help. Please.” Audrey stammered out quickly. She knew this ‘help’ was probably going to hurt but being trapped in the bathroom alone and waiting for a man she barely knew to bring her clothes sounded worse. 

“Ok, why don’t we get that wet shirt off you then.” Anathema said. 

“I’m really really sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know I needed to go, I’ll wash it I promise.” Audrey said frantically, reminded once again that it wasn’t even her clothes she’d made a mess of.

“Honey it’s fine, it’s just an old shirt.” Anathema responded, confused by the sudden outburst. Audrey eyed her nervously. 

“I’m still really really sorry, I won’t do it again.” She added for good measure. 

“It’s fine Audrey, it happens to every kid once in a while. Let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll forget it happened.” Anathema said. Audrey nodded, knowing full well that this happened to her more than most. She was going to need to be much more careful. 

Anathema got her changed awkwardly but fairly efficiently and soon she was redressed. Newt had selected clothes that were a bit mismatched but warm and comfortable having deemed that more important. He’d also grabbed her jacket and been surprised to find a stuffed sloth inside it. He was fairly certain the kid had intended to steal it but that seemed like a battle for another day and he’d simply added it to the cart. 

Having paid and profusely thanked the shopkeeper they finally made their way back to the car. It took Newt another few minutes to fight with the new booster seat they’d picked up, and then a few more minutes for Anathema to actually install it, but soon enough they were ready to go. 

Audrey all but melted in the seat, exhaustion setting in as some of the adrenaline wore off. 

“Are we ready for lunch then? We can go to the café in town; they have great desserts too.” Anathema said, hoping to cheer Audrey up. 

Audrey found herself resisting the urge to cry. She was beyond tired and really didn’t want to go anywhere else, and she certainly didn’t want to put anything else in her body. Biting back the urge to protest she nodded quietly, she’d still wasn’t sure how she’d managed not to get in trouble but she wasn’t about to mess it up.

“Does that sound good Audrey?” Newt asked, peering into the back seat since he hadn’t heard a response. Audrey nodded again, looking and feeling somewhat resigned. Luckily Newt knew that look. 

“Or we could eat lunch at home if you’d rather.” He offered. Audrey nodded again before she could stop herself. 

“ I mean, if you want to, if that’s ok.” She added quickly. 

“Yeah, I think that sounds good, it’s been a busy morning hasn’t it.” Newt said, pleased with himself for having guessed correctly. “Home then dear? I can cook.” He said to Anathema. 

Audrey felt some of the tension leave her body as they pulled into the drive. At least in the home she felt like she knew some of the rules. She obediently helped bring things inside and put her new clothes and toys away neatly. She still wasn’t sure she believed they were truly hers but leaving them out would definitely get her in trouble. 

Finding the pack of pull-ups left her too relieved to be embarrassed, at least she should be able to hide that particular issue. She slid one on before hiding the now-open pack under the bed; it wouldn’t do to have them realize she was using them when she wasn’t sleeping. 

When Anathema called her for lunch Audrey nearly decided to just stay upstairs and pretend she was asleep, but she didn’t want to be impolite. She sat at the table and did her best not to call attention to herself, pushing the food around her plate rather than actually eating it. Anathema and Newt shared a concerned glance.

“Do you want something else honey?” Anathema asked her. “I can make you a sandwich or something.”

“No, I’m fine, sorry.” Audrey said, quickly taking a few bites to prove her point. Neither adult was completely convinced but they let it go. When it seemed like the grown-ups were done Audrey jumped up to clear the table, eager to hide how much was still on her plate. As soon as the kitchen was clean she excused herself and slipped back up to her room. 

“That could have gone better.” Anathema sighed, flopping back down at the table. Newt sat down next to her and pecked her cheek. 

“Could have gone a lot worse too, give us some credit.” He said.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Crowley glared at the goons guarding the door; both were lazily watching him but neither looked particularly threatening. He decided to try an experiment. He stood and grabbed a rather nasty bucket that had been placed under one of the more persistent leaks. Channelling every televangelist he’d had the misfortune of encountering he made a show of ‘blessing’ the water, all while focusing on imagining much cleaner water and a clean bucket. 

The demons at the door watched with confusion, which quickly turned to concern as the grime fell off the bucket and it slowly faded from dull grey to bright white. Crowley smiled wider, adding a few final flourishes for show. 

“Neat trick huh. Turns out if you can touch it you can make it. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m afraid I have to be going, need to have a word with the boss man. Crowley said, striding towards them

The guards shared a nervous glance. It was probably a trick. Probably. But then again, this was the traitor Crowley what he’d done to Ligur was legendary. And then there was the whole business with the bath. Eyeing each other both took a half step towards the doorway. 

“Come on now, don’t make me waste it.” Crowley said, sloshing the bucket threateningly as he took another step forward. 

Both demons inched closer to the middle of the door again, looking increasingly terrified. Crowley shuffled towards them again, sloshing the water. When they failed to move he increased speed, watching the floor. As soon as he was within reach he stumbled slightly and let the bucket pitch forward, splashing up at all of them. Both guards shrieked and jumped back trying to get out of the spray, giving Crowley just enough time to shove past them and into the hall. He took off at a sprint; intent on being gone by the time they realized all he’d done was make them slightly damp. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
Aziraphale had been watching his keeper carefully as well, the lesser angel hadn’t moved from his spot by the door, even when Aziraphale had begun to roam the office. As long as the principality stayed clear of the door he appeared to have free reign. 

He tested this theory first by shifting the neat row of office supplies on Gabriel’s desk. His keeper watched intently but did not attempt to stop him. Once he’d made a right mess of the desktop Aziraphale opened the drawers, watching to see what his observer would do. 

“You’re not to rifle through other’s possessions traitor.” The guard said disdainfully, still not moving. 

“Oh, but surely if Archangel Gabriel has nothing to hide he won’t mind.” Aziraphale said pleasantly, pawing through the immaculately organized files. 

“I really must insist you stop. You have no authorization to view those documents.” The guard tried again, sounding a bit more concerned.

“Ah, I suppose you’re right, but I’m also assuming you haven’t any authorization to stop me, after all then you would have interfered with the documents as well.” Aziraphale said, pulling out a large file and returning to his seat. 

The guard’s expression tightened, but he still didn’t move. His orders were to guard the door, and he wasn’t about to be coerced into disobedience. 

Aziraphale found himself pawing through a heavy stack of reports, mainly proposals for heavenly involvement in earthly affairs. Much of the writing was his but there were others as well, all cases that seemed to warrant some form of aide if heaven was going to call itself benevolent and continue to demand faith. He expected to find rejections filled with justifications and talk of the great plan, but the sheets of paper were unattached to anything. He flipped back through decades of suffering and pleas. Wars, epidemics, natural disasters, atrocities committed in Heaven’s name. He stopped when he reached the 1930’s assuming he must have missed something, he still remembered that particular rejection, he’d considered smiting Gabriel himself when he received it. 

Aziraphale pawed through the desk again, looking for a separate file of responses for Metatron or the almighty herself but he came up empty handed and his guard was watching with renewed interest. Confused, he returned to the stack of reports and flipped it over, the oldest ones now at the top. 

Surprisingly enough he found responses attached for a few centuries, rejections and approvals, actions he remembered taking an miracles he, or in some cases Crowley, had preformed. However, all responses from the all mighty seemed to end after the great flood. There were occasional reports signed by Metatron or Gabriel afterwards but the bright white of creation and final authority was no longer present. Aziraphale flipped through the stack again, assuming he’d missed something.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is even kind of on time, I'm pleased with myself.
> 
> If the discussion of self harm is triggering for you please be aware it's mentioned in this chapter. Its not terribly intense (our kiddo is only 8 after all), but it is there. Please take care of your mental health. <3
> 
> As always, kudos and comments make my soul happy. <3

Anathema and Newt gave themselves and Audrey some much needed time to decompress, but it didn’t take long before Anathema was feeling restless. She wasn’t sure exactly what would help Audrey feel more comfortable but she was sure they needed to do something. 

“Do you remember that two ingredient pizza dough you were all excited about?” She asked Newt, gulping down the rest of her coffee. 

“I um, yeah I think so.” Newt said, thoroughly confused.

“Do we have the stuff to make it?” She asked.

“No, but I can run to the shop.” He offered. 

“If you don’t mind. Grab anything else you think Audrey will eat as well, I don’t want Crowley and Aziraphale to think we’ve been starving her.” Anathema said. 

“They wouldn’t think that. Would they?” Newt said nervously.

“Not if we get her to eat.” Anathema said, already headed up the stairs.

Audrey had laid out a few of the smaller new toys on the floor and was examining each closely. She’d been careful not to take anything out of the packaging, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t look at them. She had the sloth sat on her lap; it only had a tag on the ear so she figured as long as she was careful and kept it out of sight she could have it for now.

Anathema knocked hesitantly on the closed door, wondering if the girl would be willing to come out. 

Audrey jumped, trying to swipe the toys under the bed before cracking the door open nervously, not realizing the sloths arms were still Velcro-ed around her neck. 

“Do you want to help me make dinner? We’re going to have pizza.” Anathema offered, smiling at the image of Audrey with her toy. At least that had been well received. 

Audrey nodded quickly, somewhat relieved to be given a task. At least that rule was the same. As she looked down she saw the plush still attached to her and blushed, quickly taking it off and turning to put it away. 

“Your friend can come too honey.” Anathema said quickly, assuming Audrey was just embarrassed at being caught with the toy. 

“What?” Audrey asked, freezing in confusion. 

“Your sloth, it can come cook with us too.” Anathema clarified. 

“Ok…” Audrey said, it seemed like it might be a trap but she let Anathema coax her down the stairs with the toy still in her hands. 

“So, Newt went out to get the stuff for dough but I think we can start on the sauce, and then when he gets here we can just put it together, ok?” Anathema asked, still unnerved by the girls silence. 

Audrey nodded, trying to figure out what Anathema wanted her to do. She wasn’t sure how to make pizza sauce, but she would try if that was what they wanted. 

Why don’t you grab a chair so you can reach and you can stir while I chop?” Anathema offered, setting the stove on low and emptying a can of crushed tomatoes into the pot. It didn’t really need stirring but it would give Audrey something safe to do. Audrey put the sloth’s arms back around her neck and did what she was told quickly and quietly, doing her best not to get in Anathema’s way. 

“What do you like on your Pizza?” Anathema asked.

“I don’t care, I’m not fussy.” Audrey said. 

“Well, I like pepperoni and cheese and sometimes peppers, but Newt normally just likes cheese.” Anathema said, trying to fill silence. 

“I like pepperoni and peppers.” Audrey said softly. 

“We can share then.” Anathema said happily. 

Anathema managed to get Audrey to talk a bit more, she was still quiet but she was finally giving actual answers, and at this point Anathema would take any progress she could get. By the time Newt got back they had sauce ready and basic toppings cut up. Audrey had immediately started trying to clean the kitchen but Anathema had distracted her by having her shred cheese instead, not liking the feeling of having a tiny frantic maid. 

They tried to let Audrey mix the dough but she was too nervous about making a mess to really get it to come together. Newt stepped into help her and managed to cover them both in flour almost immediately. Audrey froze; worried she’d be blamed for the mess but when both Newt and Anathema laughed instead she relaxed. With their help she managed to get three slightly oblong disks of dough spread on the baking sheet. 

“Can I put the stuff on top?” Audrey asked, already reaching for the sauce.

“Of course, let me help you.” Anathema said, grabbing the pot and holding it for Audrey so she wouldn’t burn herself, the kid seemed to have no fear of the hot stove which was worrying. 

When the pizzas were in the oven they were left with a rather impressive mess in the kitchen. Audrey looked around nervously, wondering if Anathema and Newt were going to be upset. Seeing this Anathema handed her a broom, she still wasn’t sure she liked making the kid clean up, but the moment Audrey had a task her shoulders dropped and her body became less rigid so Anathema decided it had been the right move. 

Audrey sat down at the dinner table fully planning on just nibbling, still determined to avoid putting to much in her body, but Anathema and Newt had other plans and kept asking her if she wanted something else. Audrey ate a few bites to appease them, and then a few more because it was really good. At their insistence she took a few sips of her juice as well, and found herself gulping it down, she’d barely had any liquids all day and she couldn’t resist. She didn’t realize she’d cleared her plate until Newt asked if she wanted more. She shook her head quickly, trying to keep the panic off her face. 

Newt and Anathema shared a victorious look, it wasn’t the healthiest dinner but they had finally gotten the girl to eat an actual meal. They both tried to convince her she wanted seconds, or barring that dessert, but she was adamant that she was full and they decided to let it be. Audrey let them coax her into the living room for a bit of telly before bed, although she didn’t really seem to be paying attention. 

“Do you want help getting ready for bed honey?” Anathema offered, mistaking her distraction for sleepiness. 

“No thank you, I can do it.” Audrey said quickly, not sure what that help would entail but sure it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

“Are you sure, we should at least show you how to work the shower, it can be a bit finicky.” Newt said, already standing.

“No thank you, I can do it.” Audrey said, a bit more firmly. Newt seemed nice enough but there was no way she was going to let him lead her into the shower. Before either of them could protest further she stumbled out a quick goodnight and headed up the stairs, leaving Anathema and Newt sitting dumfounded on the couch. 

“Do you think we should go after her?” Newt asked after a few moments of silence.

“I’m not sure, she already seemed freaked out, I don’t want to freak her out more. But she does need a shower.” Anathema mused.

“Maybe she’ll do it on her own if we give her the chance,” Newt suggested.   
“I hope so.” Anathema said, leaning back on the couch. Trying to force the child to bathe wasn’t a task she wanted to take on. 

Audrey closed the bedroom door and stood behind it, listening carefully. She could hear them talking about a shower which she desperately wanted to avoid. When she didn’t hear footsteps on the stairs she forced herself into pyjamas wondering if they would leave her alone if she was sleeping. She didn’t have long to question it because as soon as she finished buttoning her pyjama top she heard Anathema calling her. 

“Audrey, do you want me to start the shower for you sweetie?” Anathema offered. She paused at the top of the steps waiting for a response. When she didn’t get one she went to Audrey’s door and knocked softly. 

Hearing the knock Audrey dove under the covers and shut her eyes, doing her best to fake sleep. 

Anathema peeked in the door quietly and sighed. The girl’s aura still radiated so much fear it was near impossible to see anything else. She was fairly certain Audrey wasn’t asleep yet, but she seemed to be trying at least. Figuring they could get her a bath in the morning she flicked the light off and whispered a goodnight. 

As soon as Audrey heard Anathema’s footsteps fade she made herself stand up, she was too tired to risk staying in bed too long. She glanced around the room nervously. The dark was scary but she didn’t want them to see the light under the door. Grabbing Crowley’s necklace and her sloth she made her way to the wardrobe and pulled out some of her new clothes. As quietly as she could she laid them along the crack between the door and the floor. Once she was sure no light would seep into the hallway she flicked the light on and breathed a sigh of relief. 

She spent the next few hours alternating between forcing herself to pace and stay awake and laying on the ground curled around her unhappy stomach. As she walked she dug her fingernails into her flesh leaving jagged scrapes along her ribs and hips where the grown-ups wouldn’t see. In addition to keeping her awake the pain gave her something to focus on which helped calm her down. 

When the house had been silent for what felt like a long time and her stomach seemed to have settled Audrey decided to see if she could get away with sneaking down to the kitchen. Eating only one full meal all day had left her quite hungry and while she didn’t want to eat and risk upsetting her stomach again the feeling of being hungry and not having any food hidden away was terrifying. She listened at the door for a few more minutes, making sure Anathema and Newt weren’t still up. Then, as quietly as she could she opened the door and slipped out into the hallway with Crowley’s necklace clutched tightly in her hand. 

She tiptoed along the edge of the hall opposite they’re bedroom door, pretty much holding her breath as she passed. Their light was off and she didn’t hear any movement, which was reassuring. 

She stood in the kitchen for a few moments, she hadn’t planned beyond getting downstairs unnoticed and now that she had she wasn’t exactly sure what to do with herself. She looked on the counter first, then in the cabinets. There wasn’t much that seemed like it could go missing without suspicion but she did steal a handful of crackers which she carefully wrapped in a paper towel and a few slices of bread. She was about to head back up the stairs when she remembered that Anathema had tossed some of the leftover toppings and pizza crusts in the trash. Surely no one would miss those. Careful not to make any noise she opened the cabinet and pulled out the bin. There were a few napkins on top but just below those she found a big pile of scraps. She gathered them into a towel as well; careful to pick out anything that looked particularly gross.

As she was putting the bin back she saw a stack of cleaning supplies next to it. She grabbed a few bin liners and a tub of disinfectant wipes, hoping they wouldn’t notice. She slipped the stolen food into one of the bin liners and crept back upstairs. 

As soon as she was back in her room she stashed her small haul under the bed before getting under the covers and feigning sleep, listening carefully for footsteps or movement. He heart pounded so hard in her chest it was hard to hear anything else but after several minutes passed she was reasonably certain that she’d gotten away with her little heist. As her breathing steadied she felt her eyelids begin to get heavy. She had only been back in bed a few minutes but it felt like it had been hours. She tried to wake herself up by sitting or standing, but her body felt like it had lead pumped into it and she kept taking breaks to lay down. Eventually she flopped down onto the bed and fell her eyes slide shut without her say so. Figuring she could rest for a few minutes before she got up again she let them stay closed and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys will be back in the next chapter I promise, I figured we only needed so many pages of them grumpily sitting in offices.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for a pretty vivid panic attack in this chapter, take care of yourselves please. '
> 
> My city is headed ass-first into lockdown 2.0, I'm not sure what that will mean for updates here but if I disappear for a bit that's probably why. (I'm going to try not to I promise.)
> 
> Comments and kudos make my should happy and help keep me motivated in writing this so thank you to everyone who's left either <3

Audrey slept soundly through the night, exhaustion winning out over fear. She woke to Anathema knocking gently on her door and calling her to breakfast. She shot up in bed, realizing her mistake. As quickly as she could she made sure everything she’d grabbed last night was well hidden and wrapped so it wouldn’t smell. She stripped off her wet pull-up and after a moment of debate hid it in one of the bin liners. They may have bought them for her but she was still pretty sure she shouldn’t make it obvious that she had used them. 

She slipped on a clean pull-up and some of the cheapest looking new clothes before making her way down stairs. She was expecting them to have her cook or at the very least have her help set the table but she found everything already set and Newt and Anathema waiting for her. Glancing at the clock she realized it was well past 10. 

“Did you sleep all right love?” Newt asked her cheerfully, beginning to fix her a plate. Audrey nodded quickly.

“I didn’t mean to sleep so late I’m sorry.” She apologized, only lazy brats slept past eight.

“It’s fine honey, you were tired.” Anathema said, “Come sit and eat with us.” 

Audrey perched on the edge of her seat, still sure that some form of punishment was coming. Instead she received a plate full of eggs and bacon and toast, which felt almost as dangerous. 

Anathema and Newt managed to get her to eat a little bit, but Audrey stayed silent and on guard for the meal, thoroughly concerning both adults. Audrey insisted on doing most of the clearing up, wanting to make sure they saw that she wasn’t lazy. When the kitchen was clean she continued to circle, looking for something else to do. When she wiped the same corner of counter for the third time Anathema stepped in and took the rag, ignoring the fear blooming again on the girl’s face. 

“Why don’t we take a look at your new toys, we could do one of the craft kits if you want.” She offered cheerfully. Audrey looked at her nervously, assuming this was a trap even if she wasn’t sure how. 

“It’s ok, we don’t have too.” Audrey said after a moment of debate. 

“Are you sure? I think it would be fun. The slime one looked really cool.” Anathema offered, not ready to give up that easily. 

“Do you want to?” Audrey asked. 

“Yeah, I think it would be fun, and we don’t have anything else to do.” Anathema pressed. “You want to try it too right?” She said turning to Newt. It took him a minute to get the hint but he agreed. Pressuring the girl felt awkward but they really didn’t want her to spend all day hiding away in her room. 

“Ok, um, I can go get it.” Audrey said a bit awkwardly. Grown-ups weren’t supposed to want to play with toys, but she wasn’t about to get in trouble for saying that, and she was somewhat excited at getting to use the kit. 

When she came back down stairs Anathema and Newt had set up a few bowls and covered the table with newspaper, hoping that would keep Audrey from worrying about the inevitable mess. 

It took quite a bit of prompting but they got her to pick a recipe for colour-changing slime. She let Anathema and Newt do most of the work at first, only taking part when they directly asked her too. But once they started to mix it and she could see it coming together she got much more excited and soon they were doing little more than watching her and reading the instructions. Audrey also ended up pestering them with questions that were beyond either of their knowledge of chemistry. She wanted to know how it changed colour, and why, and what chemical did that, and if it would always do that, and what would happen if they added things too it. When she got to asking what would happen if they put it on the stove so it could get really really hot Anathema suggested they try the next recipe instead. 

Within a few hours they had tried every recipe the kit came with and a few Anathema had managed to guess at with the left over ingredients. They’d also managed to make an absolute mess of the kitchen and themselves. 

“All right munchkin, I think we need to get you a bath.” Anathema said, eyeing the blue slime that had found its way into Audrey’s hair. 

“Its ok, I can help clean up.” Audrey said quickly, her body stiffening again. She’d let herself relax for so long she almost forgot where she was and how careful she needed to be. 

“It’s ok love, I’ve got it, why don’t you let Anathema help you get cleaned up.” Newt said, wondering if Audrey would be more comfortable with Anathema. 

“No thank you, I’m clean.” Audrey said, shaking her head and backing away from them. She should have known it was a trick. 

“Honey you have slime in your hair.” Anathema countered. “At least let me start the shower for you, then you can do it yourself if you want.” 

Audrey shook her head again, still trying to figure a way out of this. They weren’t going to let her stay with them if she was dirty but she really didn’t want to be hurt. 

“It’s either that or a bath Audrey, I promise it won’t take that long.” Anathema said a bit more firmly. 

Audrey hesitated, remembering the baths Crowley and Aziraphale had given her and wondering briefly if this would be like that. Being clean sounded good and she thought maybe it would even help get rid of the rash that had started to come back. But she quickly remembered herself. This wasn’t Crowley or Aziraphale. They hadn’t chosen to take her in they were just doing it to be nice, and no one kept being nice once they figured out how annoying she was. Anathema probably only wanted to give her a bath so she could punish her for making a mess with the slime. And even if that wasn’t the plan she was sure the woman would kick her out when she found out she was covered in scratches and wearing a pull up during the day. 

“I can do it myself.” Audrey said firmly. Anathema nodded. 

“Ok, come on then.” Anathema said, leading the hesitant girl up the stairs. 

Audrey looked around the bathroom nervously as Anathema started the shower, looking for hiding places. She was so scared she didn’t notice Anathema was talking to her until the woman touched her shoulder. She jumped at the contact, stumbling backwards. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll let you be, just yell if you need anything.” Anathema said, almost equally startled. Audrey nodded, still trying to find a way out. With Anathema gone she stood in the bathroom for a few minutes, trying her best to focus. She just needed to rinse off quickly it shouldn’t be that hard. But the door didn’t lock which meant anyone could come in at any time and she couldn’t get into the shower without turning her back to the door. Shakily she managed to glance at the mirror and determine that Anathema was right, she had blue slime smeared across her forehead and in her hair, it was all down her arms too and she was pretty sure her pull up was wet despite her best efforts. She really really needed to shower. 

Keeping her eyes glued to the door she took off her clothes and put them on the counter, making sure to bury the damp pull-up under everything else. Then she forced herself into the shower. At first she left the curtain open so she could turn and see the door, but the water splattered the floor and she knew she’d be in trouble if she made a mess. She tried to close the curtain only part way but it didn’t do much good. With a final glance at the door she slid it the rest of the way shut. 

She tried to focus on washing but she couldn’t stop peeking out the edge to make sure the door was still closed and trying to listen for footsteps. She couldn’t really hear anything over the water but she was sure one or both of the grown-ups would come in any second now, and if they did there would be no way for her to get out. Maybe they were just waiting until she was trapped. Maybe they had just been pretending to be nice so that it would be easier to hurt her. Or maybe they were going through her room while she was in the shower. Maybe they would find all the stuff she’d hidden under her bed and when she got out they would throw her out onto the street as a punishment for stealing. Or maybe the bad people from the other night had come back and gotten them and were on their way to come get her. Or maybe Newt was going to come make her earn her keep. 

Audrey felt like she was choking. The edges of her vision blurred and her whole body pulsed with energy. She heard footsteps echoing but couldn’t pinpoint where they were coming from, they seemed to be coming from everywhere at once and every time she glanced at the corners of the room she thought she saw someone there, but when she looked again they were gone. She couldn’t stay here; it wasn’t safe. Nothing about this was safe. She turned the water off and grabbed her clothes and the towel Anathema had left for her before dashing across the hall to her bedroom. 

She slammed the door behind her and sat down with her back to it so it couldn’t be opened. She pulled her knees to her chest, gasping for air. She felt like something invisible was crushing her windpipe. Like she couldn’t get air beyond the back of her throat. She clawed at her throat frantically, trying to free herself of whatever was choking her with no success.

Her vision blurred and shrunk and swelled to the point that it hurt to keep her eyes open. She put her head down on her knees, rocking slightly, squeezing her eyes shut. 

The darkness seemed to help and eventually she was able to breathe again. She peeked up at the room and was relieved to see that it didn’t look like anyone had touched anything. A few more moments of stillness calmed her enough to remember that Newt and Anathema were waiting for her. She needed to get cleaned up and dressed before they realized that she hadn’t washed like they told her to. 

Shakily she forced herself to her feet. She hid the wet pull-up in the bag under the bed and tied it tightly, not wanting it to smell. She grabbed the tub of wipes she’d stolen from under the kitchen sink and wiped her body down. They burned on her skin, especially where she had scratched it raw, and she didn’t dare touch her rash with them, but she did manage to get all the slime off her. She slid on a clean pull-up and decided she would need to be more careful not to use them too quickly. The pack wasn’t very big and she couldn’t ask them for more if she ran out.

Picking out clothes was tricky. She wanted to make sure that Newt and Anathema didn’t notice the pull-up or the scratches, which left her with limited options. She settled on a pair of thick joggers and a jumper, it was a bit too warm in the house but that was better than the alternative.

She had a hard time convincing herself to go back down stairs. She knew she should go help them clean up the kitchen but she was still feeling quite shaken up and hiding felt safer. She slid Crowley’s necklace on and tucked it under the jumper, once again trying to will him back into existence. She was trying to be patient but desperately wanted her protectors back. 

Focusing on the knowledge that being well behaved would keep her from getting kicked out so that she would still be with Newt and Anathema when Crowley and Aziraphale came back she forced herself down the stairs.

“Perfect timing, I was just going to call you for lunch.” Newt said cheerfully, pulling a pot off the stove. 

“I’m sorry.” Audrey apologized quickly. 

“For what sweetie?” Anathema questioned, thoroughly confused. 

“I should have helped clean up and cook. I didn’t mean to be lazy.” Audrey said, equally confused and wondering if the question was a trick. 

“It’s fine, we were the ones who sent you off to shower, and we’re perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning, but if you want you can set the table.” Anathema offered. 

Audrey nodded and quickly did what she was told, careful to stay out of arms reach just in case either adult changed their mind. 

Newt had made a simple pasta, barely more than buttered noodles, wondering if the girl was just a picky eater. Audrey eyed her plate nervously. Not eating enough had left her starving and the food smelled so good she could already almost taste it, but she couldn’t risk upsetting her stomach again. No one liked taking care of a sick kid, especially when it wasn’t even their own kid. She picked up her fork and moved the pasta around her plate trying to convince herself she wasn’t that hungry. 

Newt and Anathema managed to prompt her into eating a bit of pasta and drinking some water. Both were fairly sure she was just doing so because she was afraid of upsetting them but there didn’t seem to be a better solution. 

By the time Audrey had finished half her plate she didn’t have to pretend not to be hungry. Her stomach clenched in on itself and she felt more than a little nauseous. This was bad, very bad. 

She volunteered to clear the table the second the grown-ups were finished eating, frantic to get away from them. She offered to do the washing up as well but when Anathema told her she didn’t need to she didn’t ask twice. Instead she slipped up to her room before either of them could stop her. 

She closed the door tightly and curled up on the bed trying to will the pain away without any luck. She figured she probably deserved it anyway. She had known eating too much was a bad idea, but she had done it anyway, it served her right. Unfortunately, knowing that she deserved to be sick didn’t make it anymore pleasant. She buried her face in her sloth and did her best to be quiet.

Anathema and Newt were unsettled by Audrey’s quick departure. The girl had hovered after almost every other meal looking for things to clean or help with and it seemed strange that she had just vanished. 

“Maybe she just wanted to go play?” Newt offered, trying to be optimistic.

“I don’t think I’ve seen her play since she got here, I’m not even sure she knows how.” Anathema countered dejectedly. “Maybe she still thought we were mad she didn’t help us clean up before?”

“Maybe, but it’s not like we asked her too, and we told her we weren’t” Newt said. 

“This is useless, I’m going to check on her,” Anathema decided, the guessing game was driving her crazy. 

She knocked gently on Audrey’s door, at first she didn’t get any response. When she tried again, a bit louder she heard a loud scramble before the door opened, just wide enough to reveal a sweaty faced Audrey.

“Are you ok Audrey? You look a bit sick.” She questioned, reaching out her hand to touch the girl’s forehead.

“I’m fine.” Audrey said quickly, flinching backwards so violently she nearly fell over.

Anathema stepped back, alarmed by the absolute panic radiating off of her. 

“You don’t look fine honey, can I see if you have a fever?” she asked. 

“I don’t, I’m fine.” Audrey replied, shaking her head violently.

“Can you let me check please? I promise it’ll only take a second.” Anathema tried again. 

Audrey really wanted to say no, but she knew a demand when she heard one and getting in trouble for being disobedient wasn’t going to do her any good. Hesitantly she edged towards Anathema and let the woman touch her forehead. Her whole body tensed up as the hand came towards her, still thoroughly expecting a smack. 

“You don’t feel hot to me.” Anathema said perplexed, Audrey definitely looked sick. “Do you want to come have some tea? It might help you feel better.” She offered. 

“No! I’m not sick, I’m fine!” Audrey said, more harshly then she intended. She felt like her stomach might explode and she desperately wanted to lie back down. 

“Ok, you don’t have to, it was just an offer.” Anathema said, putting her hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Want to come watch some TV with us instead?” 

“I’m fine, just leave me alone. I don’t need anything,” Audrey pleaded. Anathema hesitated, something was clearly wrong but trying to get an answer out of Audrey seemed to just be upsetting her further and she was pretty sure that wasn’t helpful. 

“Ok, but if you decide you want help just come get one of us. We’ll be right downstairs. I’ll come check on you in a little bit.” She conceded. 

“Thank you.” Audrey said, the rising panic calming just a little bit. She closed the door before Anathema had the chance to change her mind. 

She spent most of the rest of the afternoon curled up on the bed. Anathema checked on her a few times but she did her best to pretend to be asleep which seemed to work. She wasn’t sure why grown-ups had suddenly decided they shouldn’t bother her while she was sleeping but she wasn’t going to question it. The pain in her stomach seemed to come in waves, blinding and all consuming one minute, dull and somewhat manageable the next. She twisted Crowley’s necklace in her hand, trying to focus on it instead. 

Eventually the periods of dull achiness seemed to get longer and she was able to think a bit more clearly. She decided she needed to be more careful at meal times, she’d let herself eat too much and this was her punishment. Finally feeling somewhat better she forced herself off the bed and immediately grimaced feeling something slimy touch her bum. She needed to deal with that first, if either grown-up came in and smelled it they would figure out what would happen and then she’d be in for smacks or maybe even kicked out. 

As carefully as she could she undressed, listening carefully to make sure she didn’t hear them coming. The mess wasn’t terrible but it would still be a challenge to get rid of without leaving her room. She cleaned herself off with the wipes she’d stolen, doing her best not to notice how badly they stung. Once she was as clean as she could manage she hid the whole mess of wipes and the pull-up in the bag under the bed and tied it tightly before pushing it as far back as she could. Satisfied that everything was well hidden she opened the window and let the cold December air into the room. Being cold would be better than being caught. 

She decided she needed to go downstairs, even if she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with the grown-ups just yet. They would come check on her again eventually if she stayed in her room and if they did they might figure out she’d been bad or at the very least make her close the window. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Aziraphale had meticulously gone through every form and every note, trying to find any indication of why all of the reports were missing any form of response or any indication they’d even reached the all-mighty. He’d looked for codes or stamps that might correspond to another file. Read every instruction to see if they’d been filed incorrectly, even tried see if they had fingerprints or smudges that would indicate someone had touched them. He’d found absolutely nothing. They all appeared as if they’d been filed yesterday, as if no one had bothered to even skim them. 

The guard at the door had watched all of this nervously, distinctly aware that the principality didn’t have the authority to touch Gabriel’s files, much less read them, but also aware that they had no authority to stop him. 

Fairly certain that he wasn’t going to find anything else by going through the stack of papers again Aziraphale began laying them out in chronological order instead. He started on Gabriel’s desk but quickly ran out of space and ended up laying them across the floor of the office. The spiral fanned outwards until almost the entire room was carpeted in paperwork. 

The guard pressed their back to the wall, careful to avoid touching any of the documents. They made a few week comments that the principality had no permission to behave this way and needed to stop right that instant, but Aziraphale paid them no mind. Knowing it would be improper to argue the guard relented, awaiting Gabriel’s return in nervous silence.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Crowley muttered a string of curses as he pushed his way through yet another crowded hallway. He’d been more cautious at first but as he pushed his way further and further from Beelzebub’s office it became increasingly clear that none of the other demons were particularly concerned with the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be there. Plenty of them mumbled less than kind words but no one appeared motivated to actually stop him. 

Of course his fellow demons didn’t actually need to stop him to make it hard for him to get anywhere. Hell’s hallways wrapped in on themselves, leading through dark and damp passages and splitting in different directions far more often than seemed possible. Crowley had been sure he knew the layout, or at least the general direction he intended to go in, but he was becoming less confident by the second. 

Not that he really needed to be rushing. He still had yet to formulate a plan beyond find Lucifer, do something unpleasant to him, and then leave. How exactly he was going to challenge the lord of darkness himself was something Crowley had yet to work out, but he was certain that whatever it turned out to be needed to be memorable. He was determined to make sure this was the last time Hell decided it was a good idea to fuck with him.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have returned to my bullshit. This chapter really should either be split in two or shorter but editing is hard and this is my hobby not my homework so ya'll get it like this. Hopefully that's ok. I remain surrounded by COVID bull shit and my government is fighting itself (hooray), so updates are likely to stay unpredictable but I promise I'm still here. Comments and kudos mean more than I have the words to express, it really is amazing to know others are actually reading (if also a bit terrifying.)
> 
> TW for thoughts that while not actually about self harm are definitely self harm adjacent.

The next few days blended into a haze of worry and exhaustion for Anathema and Newt. They continued trying to get Audrey out of her shell to varied success. When they managed to get her making something or doing something helpful she generally relaxed to the point of acting almost like a normal kid. However she also spent a great deal of time hiding in her room during which all attempts to get her to come out only seemed to make things worse. 

Both of them did an immense amount of Googling but the internet’s opinions were contradictory at best. Some articles advocated for letting children have the space to settle in on their own time, some argued that children should be forced to be an active part of the household. 

The articles pushing a stricter approach seemed cruel but after a full day of Audrey refusing to eat anything more than a few nibbles of dry toast Newt decided they might be worth a try. Backed by Anathema he calmly told the girl she needed to finish her dinner before she was allowed to leave the table. The terror on her face made him want to change his mind immediately but he remembered the same rule from his childhood home and figured it couldn’t be that awful. Audrey desperately needed to eat; she was dangerously thin as it was. 

The poor girl looked to Anathema for help but when none came she didn’t outwardly protest, instead she carefully finished every bite of her soup. Newt almost counted it as a victory. Almost. Then he realized tears were streaming down her face. Not the intended result. As soon as she was finished she asked to be excused and fled to her room, not emerging until late the next morning. 

Unbeknownst to them she’d spent nearly the entire night with her stomach in terrible knots, only finally able to sleep after her body had given in and she’d had yet another terrifying accident. Her problem was getting harder and harder to hide and the anxiety that came with it felt like a constant weight on her shoulders.

She sat down at the table for breakfast the next morning still half asleep and avoiding both adults’ eyes. Unable to play the bad guy any longer Newt was quick to tell her that she could eat as much or as little as she wanted. The ‘tough love’ articles were never consulted again. 

Audrey was still doing her best to be good, but it was becoming harder with each passing hour and she was loosing hope that Crowley and Aziraphale were coming back for her anyway. It would have been easier if Newt and Anathema behaved like any of the other adults she’d encountered, but they kept pretending they were nice and she wasn’t sure what to make of that. Mean was easy, mean told you what it wanted, and you either did what you were told or got hurt. Nice was dangerous. Nice was almost always a trap. But no matter how hard she tried Audrey couldn’t figure out what the trap here was. 

She was still careful to stay out of their way whenever possible, even if Crowley and Aziraphale weren’t coming back she couldn’t afford to get kicked out. She didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

By the time five days had passed the pain was a dull constant and she almost welcomed it. It was something to focus on at least. Hunger pains bled into angry stomach pains. Scratches rippled across her skin. The rash burned and itched. Doing almost anything but laying still hurt.

She was still careful to be helpful around the house. Being useless was sure to get her kicked out. But she was getting slower and clumsier and Anathema and Newt seemed to be asking her to do less and less. 

Hidden away after refusing to eat lunch she found herself with a fairly calm stomach for once. The downside of this was she became very aware that she was absolutely starving. She did her absolute best to ignore it but she felt dizzy and weak and she knew it wouldn’t be long before she was expected to go back downstairs. Anathema or Newt usually had her help make dinner if nothing else. 

She dug the small stash of food out from under her bed. There wasn’t much left, she’d eaten the crackers and had been too scared to risk taking more, all she had left were food scraps. She settled on dry pizza crust trying to ignore the fact it was near rock hard and tasted a bit funny. 

She managed to get a bit more food in her, enough so her head stopped spinning at least. That turned out to be a very good thing as Anathema called her to help with dinner not long after. 

Anathema had decided on chicken soup, thinking that Audrey might like cooking a more involved recipe with her and hoping she might actually eat it. She had Audrey pull the leaves off of herbs. The girl was quiet and careful with her task to the point Anathema didn’t right away notice when she had to stop to grip the counter. 

She heard Audrey breathing heavily and turned to look at her properly. The poor child looked beyond pale and her eyes were wide with fear. 

“Are you ok honey?” Anathema asked worriedly, putting down the knife and rushing over to the girl. Audrey tried to nod but that only made her feel sicker. 

“Come here Audrey, let’s take a break.” Anathema coaxed, still trying to figure out what was wrong. 

Audrey opened her mouth to tell Anathema that she was fine and didn’t need a break, but her stomach took that as an opportunity to jettison its contents up her throat. She tried to clasp her hand over her mouth and stop herself from being sick but her body was having exactly none of that. Anathema put a hand on her back and she stiffened, waiting for the inevitable shove. 

“I’m sorry! I’ll clean it up! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She begged as soon as she was able to form words, desperately avoiding Anathema’s eyes. She could forget getting kicked out; they were going to kill her. 

“It’s ok, you’re ok. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” Anathema questioned worriedly. She grabbed the dishtowel and wet it, moving to wipe Audrey’s face. 

Audrey was too scared to even really register the question, still repeating her desperate apology. She flinched when Anathema reached for her and was surprised when the woman stopped. 

“I just want to wipe your face off sweetie.” Anathema explained. “Is that ok?”

Audrey didn’t answer but when Anathema moved towards her again she didn’t flinch either. Anathema got her face and hands wiped off but Audrey still had sick all down her front. 

“Let’s get you clean honey.” Anathema said, putting a hand on Audrey’s back, intending to guide her upstairs. 

Audrey shook her head violently and tried to get away from Anathema, but the fast movement sent a renewed wave of dizziness through her and instead of getting away from the woman’s hands she found herself falling into them. Anathema caught her and picked her up, deciding this needed not to turn into a fight. 

“I’m sorry honey but you need a bath, if you fall over in the shower you’re going to get hurt.” She explained, carrying the girl upstairs. She’d turned off the stove and figured Newt could sort out the kitchen and finishing dinner, once again thanking whoever was listening that she at least had help. 

Audrey struggled weakly in an attempt to get away, but her head hurt too much for her too really focus on much else. Anathema kept repeating that she just needed a quick bath but the words barely registered with Audrey. Getting sick meant getting in trouble. Getting sick on the kitchen floor was sure to mean getting skinned alive. 

Anathema set Audrey down on the closed toilet lid. Audrey immediately tried to run, catching Anathema by surprise. Thankfully being dizzy and sick meant she wasn’t terribly hard to catch. Anathema scooped her up again, despite her best efforts to squirm away. 

“You have too take a bath sweetie, I’m sorry, but you have too.” Anathema said a bit more firmly. 

“No I don’t, I don’t, please I can –“ Audrey was cut off by another wave of bile. Seeing Audrey clasp her hands over her mouth Anathema just barely managed to get her in front of the toilet before she was sick again. Anathema rubbed her back trying to push her own rising panic away. 

Audrey hadn’t had much in her stomach to begin with but that didn’t stop her body from dry heaving and sputtering up bile. By the time it finally stopped her face was a mess of tears and snot and she couldn’t stop shaking. She barely even flinched when Anathema reached to clean her face again, too tired to put up a fight. 

Anathema wiped Audrey’s face off with a cool towel and managed to get her to at least rinse her mouth with water. Noticing how much more compliant the girl was now she decided to get her bathed quickly. It felt wrong to take advantage of Audrey’s obvious exhaustion but she didn’t see a better option. 

Audrey let her remove the soiled shirt with no fuss, keeping her eyes pointed at the floor. Anathema had to supress an urge to curse as she saw the girl’s torso. Her ribs were easily visible and there were multiple spots where the skin had been scratched raw. She started to ask for an explanation but one look at Audrey’s face made it clear she was in no position to give one. Instead Anathema rubbed her back again reassuringly, being extra gentle. 

The joggers were more difficult. Audrey clung to the waistband so desperately that Anathema nearly gave up. She tried to reassure her that she didn’t need to be embarrassed, that it was just a body and that she only needed a quick bath and then she could get redressed. None of these reassurances seemed to reach Audrey however and she seemed to be getting worked up more with every passing second. Taking a minute to hope she was making the right choice and not securing herself a place in Crowley’s hometown Anathema gently moved the girl’s hands away and pulled the joggers off her. 

Audrey held her breath, bracing for impact. Anathema paused for a moment as well, realizing the girl was wearing an absolutely soaked pull-up and unsure what to do with that information. At least it explained why she seemed so embarrassed and upset. There was definitely a conversation that needed to be had, but that conversation could wait until later. Anathema decided to just ignore it for the time being. As gently as she could she slipped the sodden garment off of the shaking child and immediately shattered her own composure in doing so. 

“Holy shit.” Anathema gasped, realizing what she was seeing. The poor girls skin was cracked to bleeding in some places, blistered in others, she was surprised Audrey wasn’t screaming. 

“What happened? How long has it been like that? Why didn’t you tell us?” She questioned, concern sharpening her words. Audrey shook her head, too afraid to answer even if she wanted too. 

Anathema opened her mouth to ask again but looking at Audrey’s face she realized that even if Audrey wasn’t screaming she was in a lot of pain and absolutely terrified. Questions needed to take a back burner. 

“Ok, you’re ok, let’s get you clean and then we’ll get you some medicine to help.” She said, forcing her voice to be soothing. Audrey didn’t respond but she let Anathema guide her into the tub, wincing slightly as she sat down in the water. 

Anathema hummed softly as she bathed Audrey, trying to calm both of them. The terror radiating off the kid was somewhat contagious.

Audrey let herself be lifted out of the tub and wrapped in a towel, doing her best not to let Anathema know how much being touched and dried off hurt. It was never good if grown-ups knew how to hurt you. 

Anathema got her to take some pain reliever before taking her to get dressed. As she sat Audrey on the bed she noticed a bin bag peaking out from under it, wondering if Audrey had been sick earlier too she reached to pick it up. 

“No, that’s mine!” Audrey said, jolting out of her silence and trying to grab the bag before Anathema could touch it. 

Anathema was faster than she was however, and Audrey’s outburst only concerned her more. She had been trying to respect the girl’s privacy but Audrey’s injuries seemed to be a direct result of that so she figured it was time for a different approach. 

She untied the loose not in the bag and wrinkled her nose at the smell, wondering for a moment if her first guess had been right and Audrey was viciously guarding a bag of vomit. But the smell was more rotting food than half-digested food and a peek inside revealed a pile of slimy looking scraps. It looked like Audrey had stolen the kitchen trash. 

Audrey watched with horror as Anathema looked into the bag trying to come up with an excuse. 

“Honey, can you tell me what this is?” Anathema asked gently, sitting down next to Audrey on the bed. Audrey shook her head and scooted out of arms reach.

“Did you eat from this?” Anathema asked after a moment of thought. Audrey side-eyed her nervously, but when it was clear Anathema was going to wait for an answer she nodded slightly. 

Anathema felt frustration burn through her, they’d been trying to get the girl to eat all week and yet she’d decided to eat spoiled food and make herself sick instead. She opened her mouth to demand an explanation, but caught herself as she looked again at the terrified kid sitting as far away from her as possible, radiating fear like a beacon. The anger rushed out of her with a breath. 

“Can you tell me why?” She asked gently. Audrey shook her head. 

“Ok, but I think this is what got you sick. This food is spoiled honey.” Anathema explained. Audrey looked away from her not sure what to say to that. 

“Let’s get you dressed.” Anathema sighed, letting the topic drop for now. 

She pulled out clothes, but despite rifling through the whole wardrobe she couldn’t find pull-ups anywhere. They seemed like a good choice given that Audrey had been wearing one already and given how ill she still appeared to be, but when she asked her where they were Audrey refused to respond. 

Anathema tried to coax Audrey back downstairs with her, figuring they could watch a movie and see if she could at least keep down water or tea, but it was quite clear Audrey didn’t want to and Anathema figured letting her lie down for a bit might not be a bad idea either. 

Glad to be left alone and spared punishment at least for the moment Audrey changed into a pull-up and slipped into bed. She did her best to pretend to be asleep, and soon enough she found her eyelids drooping of their own accord. She knew she shouldn’t really sleep, or at the very least she should make sure everything stashed under the bed was well hidden, she didn’t want Anathema finding any more of her secrets. But she was so tired and the medicine Anathema had given her had left her almost feeling ok and she really didn’t want to move. She decided she could lay down just a while longer. 

Audrey woke up to her stomach twisting in on itself again. Sitting up proved to be a mistake and she ended up coughing and sputtering and heaving bile up onto the duvet. This was way to jarring for her to try to be quiet and Anathema and Newt both came running at the noise. 

Anathema reached out to rub her back, but Audrey flinched away from her and backed herself against the wall. Newt grabbed the rubbish bin and offered it to her, trying not to gag himself before stepping back. He’d always been a sympathetic puker. 

Audrey clutched the bin; glad to have an excuse not to face them. She was too busy being sick to try to guess how she’d be punished but she was sure something bad was coming and she had no desire to face it. 

When her breathing finally slowed Anathema reached for the bin. Audrey let her take it but kept her head down, refusing to look at them.

“Let’s go get you washed up honey, Newt can fix your bed while we do that.” Anathema said.

Audrey shook her head, not really looking at them. 

“Do you still feel sick?” Newt questioned.

Audrey shook her head again, trying and failing to find some words. 

“Do you want me to carry you or do you want to walk?” Anathema asked, trying to make it clear getting cleaned up wasn’t optional. 

Hearing the demand for what it was Audrey wordlessly tried to force herself to her feet. She managed to swing her legs over the side of the bed but when she tried to actually stand on them her knees buckled and ended up on the floor instead. Anathema reached out quickly to try and catch her but Audrey interpreted that move as the beginning of an attack and pulled back as fast as she could to get away. In her scrambling she ended up under the bed. All things considered this didn’t seem like a bad place to be. After all, they couldn’t punish her or throw her out if they couldn’t get to her. 

“Audrey, come on you need a bath, I promise it won’t even take that long.” Anathema coaxed. Audrey ignored her, crawling as close to the wall as she could get. As she shifted she realized her pull-up was messy as well. That settled it, she was never coming out from under the bed. Her rash hurt terribly and she kept hitting her head on the bedframe, but it was better than the alternative. 

Newt started to bend down to see under the bed but Anathema stopped him. The girl’s aura was once again a radiating vortex of fear and pushing the issue seemed to only be making it worse. 

“I’ll wait for her, can you get the tub ready?” She whispered, wondering if having one less adult would help. 

Newt nodded and started to leave. As he did Anathema called after him to ask if he could also set out the first aid kit, witch hazel and baking soda. 

With that sorted Anathema turned her attention back to the bed and the child hiding under it. She stripped the dirty sheets and balled them up next to the door. As she did a necklace and Audrey’s sloth tumbled to the floor. She set them aside to be washed by hand. 

Audrey listed to all of this and watched Anathema’s feet carefully. She’d heard her ask Newt to get something that sounded like a potion and remembered that the woman was a witch. That opened up several new and terrifying possibilities for how she might be punished. Maybe Anathema would turn her into a frog. Or maybe a pig like her father said she was. Maybe they would cook her and eat her. Or maybe they would turn her into one of the scary things from The Little Mermaid. 

Having cleaned up as much as possible without leaving the room Anathema sat down against the wall opposite the bed, looking in at Audrey. 

“Do you want to tell me why you’re so afraid honey?” She asked. Audrey turned so she was facing the wall, feeling a pang of anger at the question. Anathema was going to eat her or cook her into a potion or maybe just kick her out or kill her; of course she was scared!

“Don’t you think you’d feel better if we got you clean? Those clothes can’t be comfortable.” Anathema tried again, careful not to let frustration slip into her voice. 

Audrey shook her head; she knew that trick and had no intention of falling for it. Anathema sighed and stayed quiet for a few minutes. She’d gotten used to being the master of her own life for the most part but she couldn’t help wishing she still had a prophecy or two to go on. Just a hint or two from Agnes would have been wonderfully helpful right about now.

“Are you afraid of me?” Anathema asked. 

Audrey nodded.

“Can you tell me why?” She asked. She’d had kids assume she was a witch before but Audrey hadn’t seemed bothered even when that was confirmed. Audrey was silent for a few moments, not sure how to answer. 

“You’re a grown-up.” She finally mumbled. 

“You’re scared of me because I’m a grown-up” Anathema clarified, her eyes widening as she said it. Crowley had said that Audrey’s father was an asshole but she hadn’t really considered what that meant. After all Crowley thought almost everyone was an asshole. 

“I’m not going to hurt you. You know that right?” She asked. 

“Yes you are.” Audrey mumbled angrily. She didn’t understand why Anathema was bothering to lie to her. 

“I’m not, I promise.” Anathema repeated. 

“Yes you are!” Audrey spat angrily. The last people who’d promised that were Crowley and Aziraphale, and then they had sent her away anyway. 

“Do you know what I’m going to do to you?” Anathema asked, realizing she wasn’t going to change Audrey’s mind with platitudes. 

“No but its gonna hurt. Your gonna use your witch powers and turn me into a frog or use me for a potion or eat me. I heard you.” 

“Do you want to know what exactly I’m going to do to you?” Anathema offered.   
Audrey was still for a moment, trying to determine if this was a trick. Finally she nodded.

“I’m going to take you to have a baking soda bath, that was the first thing I asked Newt to get for me. It’ll help with your rash. And then we’re going to get you dried off and we’re going to put some witch-hazel on your rash and on those scrapes. It’s not a potion, its just a medicine, it will help everything heal and not hurt so bad. Then we’re going to get you into some clean pyjamas and hopefully get you to drink some tea to help your stomach. And then you can come sit with us if you want, or you can go back to bed if you’re still tired. Does that sound so bad?” 

“You’re lying.” Audrey said, sounding a bit less sure of herself. 

“I’m not. I don’t know who told you witches go around hurting kids but they lied.” Anathema said firmly. 

“Grown-ups hurt kids.” Audrey countered. 

“Only really bad ones. I promise I don’t, and neither does Newt. No one should hurt you.” Anathema said firmly. 

“That’s what Crowley said.” Audrey mumbled. 

“Crowley was right. And if he told you that then he wouldn’t have sent you to people who would hurt you right?” Anathema reasoned. 

Audrey shrugged. Crowley had also said they wouldn’t send her away at all. Grown-ups always lied. 

“He wouldn’t have honey. Believe me, if he thought even for a second that we’d hurt you he wouldn’t have let you anywhere near us.” Anathema said, trying not to think to hard about how Crowley and Aziraphale would react when they found out their kid had been hurt inadvertently. 

Audrey still couldn’t find the words to respond, Anathema let her be for a few minutes, not sure what else to say.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out from under there? It’s pretty cramped. “ Anathema offered, still peering under the bed.

“Are you gonna make me take a bath?” Audrey asked defensively. 

“That depends on what you mean by ‘make.’ You need to take a bath, but we’ll wait until you’re ready.” Anathema said. 

“No you won’t. You’re gonna grab me and hurt me.” Audrey countered. She was never going to be ready for a bath and she knew grown-ups didn’t like waiting. 

“What if I stay over here and you come sit next to the bed. I can’t reach you from all the way across the room.” Anathema offered. Audrey took a moment to consider this. 

“You can’t move.” She said finally, turning her head so she could see Anathema. 

“I won’t move.” Anathema confirmed. 

Slowly and nervously Audrey slithered out from her hiding spot, accidentally dragging out what was left of her little stash with her. Anathema didn’t comment, not wanting to scare the girl back into hiding. At the very least this explained why the pull-ups had disappeared. Audrey was too focused on making sure Anathema stayed put to realize her mistake. She sat on her knees with her back pressed against the bed, sitting properly hurt too much and she wanted to make sure she could move quickly anyway. 

“Thank you for trusting me.” Anathema praised her. 

Audrey glared back, still not sure how she felt about this. The two of them stared at each other for a minute, neither sure where to go from here. 

“Can you tell me why you were hiding food?” Anathema finally asked, getting the sense that all of this connected somehow. 

Audrey shrugged. 

“Were you getting hungry? You haven’t been eating.” Anathema said. Audrey shook her head. Back to yes or no questions then.

“Did you think we wouldn’t feed you?” She tried. 

Audrey nodded.

“Honey we would never do that. I’m sorry you thought we would.” Anathema said defensively. Audrey shrunk into herself a bit. “Has your tummy been upset before today?”

Audrey nodded. 

“Is that why you keep hiding up here? Because you don’t feel good?” Anathema guessed. 

Another hesitant nod.

“Is that why you were wearing a pull-up today?”

Audrey froze at that, she knew Anathema had seen it earlier but she had been too sick to really think about it. 

“It’s ok if it was honey, I’m not mad.” Anathema tried to reassure her. “Have you been hiding the dirty ones in here?” She asked, pointing to the bin bag still stuck partially out from under the bed. 

Audrey’s eyes widened as she realized where Anathema was pointing. She shook her head quickly and tried to shove the bag back under the bed as if that would make Anathema forget it, accidentally knocking the tub of bleach wipes towards her. 

“Audrey, why do you have these?” Anathema questioned. “Have you been using these on your skin honey?” She added worriedly. 

Audrey tried to ignore her but sitting in the silence was worse. She nodded, keeping her eyes on the ground. 

“No wonder your skin is so bad. These are to clean the kitchen, they’re not good to touch.” Anathema said more harshly than she intended. 

“I didn’t know.” Audrey mumbled defensively.

“Of course you didn’t sweetie, I just wish you’d asked us.” Anathama said, purposefully softening her tone again. 

Audrey shrugged unsure of what to say. It sounded like she should be in trouble but Anathema didn’t sound angry. She wasn’t sure what to do with that. 

“Do you want to come get some more medicine at least? The stuff I gave you before probably isn’t working anymore.” Anathema offered awkwardly. 

Audrey looked up at her sceptically. Anathema was right, everything hurt again, but she wasn’t sure about giving the woman an opportunity to grab her. 

“Are you gonna hit?” She finally mumbled. 

“Of course not. I won’t even come close enough to touch you.” Anathema said. 

Deciding that seemed like it might be ok Audrey let Anathema lead her to the bathroom, careful to stay out of arms reach. Anathema poured another dose of pain reliever and set it on the counter moving away so Audrey could take it without getting to close to her. 

Once the medicine was gone Audrey eyed the bathtub. Newt had filled it and stirred baking soda in, leaving the water somewhat cloudy. She shifted in her messy clothes, it would feel really good to be clean. 

“Do you want to test the water?” Anathema asked, following her gaze. Audrey looked at her questioningly. Anathema put her own hand in the cloudy water to demonstrate. “It feels pretty nice.”

Hesitantly Audrey stuck a finger in, then two, then finally her whole hand. The water was warm but it didn’t feel like it would burn. She lingered there, trying to watch Anathema without making eye contact. 

“Do you want to stick your feet in?” Anathema offered. 

Audrey looked down at her feet nervously. She’d have to take off her socks and probably her joggers too, the cuffs wouldn’t roll up far enough, but the water felt really nice, and sticking her feet in shouldn’t be as dangerous as getting all the way in.

“You have to stay over there.” Audrey said firmly, careful to put herself on the opposite end of the tub. She wasn’t about to make it easy for the woman to push her in. 

Anathema agreed and Audrey slipped off the socks. She tried to dip her feet in like that but she was still somewhat wobbly and she didn’t want to step in with her joggers still on. She started to slide them off, only to remember that she was still in a messy pull-up. 

“You can’t look either.” She told Anathema, watching to see if her demand would be followed. 

Anathema nodded and turned around obediently, hoping that this was going to work eventually.

Carefully watching to make sure Anathema didn’t change her mind Audrey slid the joggers of and sat on the edge of the tub, slipping her feet into the warm water. She sat there for a few minutes and was amazed to see that Anathema kept her word. 

“Do you want to get all the way in honey? It’ll feel good.” Anathema offered after a few minutes of silence. Audrey bit her lip, the bath was sounding pretty appealing, but she was pretty sure she needed to get properly cleaned up first and that would require letting Anathema help her and risking getting in trouble. 

“No thank you.” She said, although it came out as more of a question than an answer. 

“Are you sure? The longer you sit in that mess the more it’s going to hurt.” Anathema told her.

“You’re not mad?” Audrey blurted out, realizing Anathema knew. 

“Of course not, it’s not like it’s your fault.” 

“If I take it off its gonna make a mess.” Audrey mumbled nervously. 

“Can I help you? I promise I’ll be gentle.” Anathema offered. 

“Ok” Audrey whispered. 

Anathema managed to get her clean without it hurting to badly, doing her best not to show any signs of being uncomfortable or grossed out; the poor kid was embarrassed enough already. Audrey was so scared she was shaking but she didn’t fight. 

Finally settled into the water Audrey felt some of the tension leave her body. The baking soda helped to soothe the rash and having the pain leave felt like a weight being lifted off her. Anathema didn’t touch her for a while, letting her soak a bit. 

Eventually Audrey let Anathema help her wash and was surprised to find that she did in fact feel better when she was done. Not great, but better. 

Once she was out and dried off Anathema grabbed a glass bottle and Audrey felt herself stiffen again. It looked like it could be a potion; maybe this was a trick after all. 

“We’re just gonna put a bit of this on and then we’ll get you dressed honey.” Anathema said, trying to reassure her. Audrey stepped back, shaking her head. 

“It’ll help your rash, don’t you want to feel better?” Anathema coaxed. “It’s just medicine.”

Audrey shook her head again, clenching the towel around her. 

“What if I put some on my hand first?” Anathema offered. Hesitantly Audrey nodded, watching carefully to see what happened. When Anathema failed to combust or turn into a frog or start foaming at the mouth she reached out her own and let Anathema put a small drop of the liquid on her palm.

A few more minutes of coaxing and a few promises that she was a good witch allowed Anathema to get Audrey taken care of and dressed. In a way the severity of the rash made this a bit easier, she was so focused on treating the injury she didn’t have time to feel awkward or worried that she didn’t know what she was doing. 

Feeling safer than she had all week Audrey let Anathema coax her into going downstairs and drinking some chicken broth. She sat with them in the living room but was too tired to really pay attention as they talked. Her eyelids slipped shut and Anathema assumed she was asleep. She took the opportunity to fill Newt in on what she’d found out. 

Keeping her eyes closed Audrey did her best to listen, but she found herself drifting in and out. 

“…need to take her to a doctor.”

“I can see if Tracy knows someone.”

“…wish they had told us.”

“Should have asked…”

“She won’t be here for much longer.” 

At that Audrey felt herself wake fully panic rising in her throat. They were planning to get rid of her. She should have known better, she had known better she’d just tried not to remember. It didn’t really matter of course, Crowley and Aziraphale had clearly either forgotten her or decided they didn’t want her, but she still couldn’t help hoping they would come back. She did her best to stay silent and still but she couldn’t help shifting a bit in her nervousness. 

“I’m going to take her upstairs.” Anathema said, worried that their talking was starting to wake her up. 

Audrey all but held her breath as Anathema carried her, not wanting the woman to realize she was awake. Once Anathema put her in the bed and left Audrey curled in on herself, desperately trying to figure out what to do. As angry as she was with Crowley and Aziraphale for leaving her she really just wanted them to come get her. They had promised they would after all.

She ran over everything they had said to her before they left, trying to figure out what she did wrong. Inadvertently she settled on what Crowley had said about praying. He’d said that it was like just dialling random numbers, but what if she knew who she was trying to call?

Deciding that she would try it at least she slid off her bed and onto her knees, folding her hands in front of them just like Miss Mary had taught. She went through the prayer she knew first, settling on Aziraphale at the end. 

“I don’t know if you can hear me but Crowley said that it was like a phone and I know your name so maybe that’s like a phone number. I’m really really sorry that I was bad and I know you don’t want me but I’m really scared and Newt and Anathema found out that I’m bad and they’re gonna send me away and then you’re never gonna be able to find me and I don’t know what to do. Please come back. I promise I won’t make messes and I’ll be good and I’ll earn my keep, just please come back. Please ” She rambled, fear seeping into her words. 

With that done Audrey tried to calm down, but she couldn’t manage. She decided that she would try reaching Crowley too. You weren’t supposed to pray to demons according to Miss Mary, but she’d also said demons were evil and promised that god could hear them so Audrey figured maybe she was wrong about this too. And at any rate it felt almost like being able to talk to them again which was better than nothing.

She tripped over the angels and our god in heaven but decided to just replace them with devil. That had to be close at least. She rambled through almost the same concerns to Crowley, making sure to add that she had been careful with his necklace, hoping he might come back for it if nothing else.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
After what felt like endless waiting Gabriel finally received an answer, or rather, a non-answer. A crisp white memo on official letterhead popped into existence on the secretary’s desk. Said secretary announced that the Metatron had been gracious enough to arrange for a meeting to discuss Gabriel’s problem, even if the matter seemed trivial. He handed Gabriel the paper so the Archangel could read for himself. 

The meeting was scheduled for 3pm on a Wednesday in roughly 50 years. Gabriel’s veneer cracked and he let out a sound somewhere between a growl and a hiss. 

“This is unacceptable. I’ve told you this matter is urgent.” He said firmly. 

“I’m afraid I have no authority over the schedule. Perhaps if you’d followed procedure they would have been able to see you sooner, but as it stands this is what has been offered.” The secretary replied disinterestedly. 

“And what am I to do with the prisoner in the meantime? What of the human still running around earth knowing far more than she should?” Gabriel questioned, any remaining pleasantness drained out of him. 

“I’m sure procedure accounts for the prisoner, as for the human you’ll have to have faith, I’m sure the great plan accounts for her. If she is too loud about this knowledge perhaps they’ll burn her as a witch, last I heard the humans were quite capable of dealing with dissidents.” 

Gabriel opened his mouth to object again but found himself being cut off and lead towards the exit. 

“We’ll see you for your appointment then. Have a blessed day.” 

Gabriel looked at the now-closed door in disbelief. He was an archangel. He was meant to have authority, and yet here he was standing in the hallway with an absolutely useless appointment in hand. Forcing himself to find some patience, or at least the appearance of some he strode back to his office. Perhaps Aziraphale would admit he deserved to fall, surely it didn’t require approval then. 

Upon opening the door Gabriel froze. Papers were spiraled around the floor, the drawers of his desk were wide open, his supplies were out of order and at the center of it all stood a cross faced principality. 

“Have you spoken to the all mighty then Gabriel? Received your judgment?” Aziraphale demanded, striding towards the archangel with no concern for the papers under his feet. 

“I-I, What did you do? What are you doing?” Gabriel fumbled, wholly unprepared to address this new level of disrespect. 

“Is that a no then?” Aziraphale continued. Standing directly in front of Gabriel and squaring his shoulders into a stance he hadn’t assumed fully since he’d left the walls of Eden. 

“I demand to know the meaning of this? How dare you meddle in my personal files you vile shameful excuse for an angel? You will fall for this, I’ll see to it.” Gabriel spat, still taking in the sight of his destroyed office. 

“I thought I was going to fall for meddling in the affairs of the humans? Or was it fraternizing with a demon?” Aziraphale said, irritated but unshaken by Gabriel’s tirade. Having time to stew in his anger had left him too angry for fear to find a foothold. 

“Do you think this is amusing? You’ve flouted the rules of the all-mighty herself and here you stand surrounded by reports you’ve got no right to look at all ready awaiting punishment for other serious offenses, and you think you’re in a position to make jokes? How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are?” Gabriel growled, nearly glowing with righteous anger.

“I think I am an agent of heaven with exactly as much idea what the all-mighty thinks as you have, which is to say absolutely none, unless you’ve discarded your correspondences with her. Is that the case?” Aziraphale responded, his own veneer of pleasantness slipping. 

“My conversations with the all-mighty are none of your business. How dare you specu-“

“That’s a no then isn’t it, this really is all you have from Her. All of the answers. The last from roughly 4,000 years ago is that correct.” Aziraphale cut him off. 

“Obviously not, she hasn’t been as communicative lately but it hasn’t been…Anyway it’s not your place to question.” Gabriel fumed.

“And what was the last time she communicated then actually. Think, when was the last time you actually spoke to her.” Aziraphale pressed. 

“I’m not answering that, as I’ve said it’s none of your business. And anyway I’m sure it hasn’t been more than a century maybe two...” Gabriel said, faltering. 

“You don’t even know! All this time I believed you had the answers, I believed you were executing Her will. But you don’t even know what Her will is.” Aziraphale said, his voice dangerously low. 

“It is not our place to know Aziraphale. It’s certainly not yours as a lowly principality your job is to follow…”

“I never claimed to know you drivelling idiot. But you have spent the past 4,000 years claiming you did or at least claiming you were speaking with those who did, and now I find that you had no idea. Do you have any idea how much suffering I have seen and ignored on your orders assuming they were hers? Nearly all of these pages are catastrophes that could have been stopped by simple miracle. The suffering here is unspeakable and you told me it was all part of a larger plan, that all of it was essential to some greater goal but you have no bloody idea what the goal is!” Aziraphale ranted.

“Exactly, there is no knowing what the plan is. It isn’t your place to stop events that may be part of it. Its not like I didn’t toss you a few bones either, I approved your blessings when the council deemed it fit to do so, but larger scale projects require approval, obviously. And I don’t understand why you’re so involved in the fates of humans anyway. Their lives don’t concern you you’re an angel, why would you risk displeasing the all-mighty to give snivelling mortal creatures a few years on earth?” Gabriel questioned.

“Because they are suffering and we could help them! We could have helped! And the all-mighty created them; surely She didn’t create living beings just to allow them to suffer. What sort of creation would that be? And even if She did, if she can’t be bothered to care why shouldn’t we help them? Isn’t She perfectly capable of stopping us should She take issue with our interference? You’ve let all of this pain and suffering pass unhindered because you were afraid of possibly upsetting you’re boss you despicable useless spineless coward!” Aziraphale shouted, beginning to glow himself. He’d arrived at this conclusion before Gabriel’s return, but having it confirmed was another level of infuriating. 

Gabriel opened his mouth to speak but Aziraphale was no longer listening. In part because he was too angry to comprehend the archangel’s attempt to defend himself and in part because a new presence was taking up space in his mind. 

It started as a faint buzzing, like a confused mosquito seeking refuge in his ear, but soon it grew in strength and eventually he recognized it as a prayer. Aziraphale had learned to tune out prayers very near the beginning. Mainly the humans asked for things he couldn’t give them, and often things he thought it was improper to ask heaven for anyway. And the constant noise of them had been deafening as soon as there were a dozen or so people running around, he hadn’t been able to function. But this was different, this seemed to be aimed at him specifically, and it was insistent. Doing his best to block Gabriel out he forced himself to focus, and immediately he caught bits of a familiar voice. Audrey, he’d almost forgotten she was waiting for them in his focus on Gabriel’s documents and his own anger. How on earth had he forgotten such a thing? The poor dear sounded terrified, and even if Aziraphale had a hard time believing that Anathema and Newt would truly abandon her it was clearly beyond time for him to get back to earth.

“…you are ungrateful and disrespectful. Heaven is…” Gabriel continued on.

“I’m afraid I have to be going.” Aziraphale interrupted, attempting to push past the archangel and through the door. 

“You…what? You’re a prisoner here Aziraphale, awaiting sentencing. You’re not going anywhere.” Gabriel said firmly, attempting to push Aziraphale backwards. 

“You have no authority to hold me as a prisoner, you have no idea if I’m going to be sentenced to anything or what you’re meant to be doing, and besides it was not a request.” Aziraphale said, once again moving to push past Gabriel. 

The glow around him was bright and white now and he felt eyes that had been closed for millennia opening along his forehead. Well foreheads actually, he was somewhat surprised to note he had a few of them now, including one with fur and one with horns. The wings had arrived as well. At least 3 sets of them, fanning out behind him, white hot. 

“What exactly do you think your doing, we aren’t supposed to take that form and even if it were allowed this is way out of line. How dare you challenge me? I am your superior.” Gabriel growled, trying to force himself into remaining confident. Despite his best attempts he found himself stepping back to get out of the heat. 

“I think I am going to return to earth and attempt to clean up the mess you are at best indirectly responsible for, starting by helping the child you left to unimaginable suffering even when she directly asked heaven for help. Do you know your inaction stole her faith? So young and she was already convinced it was all an empty tale. Of course given your actions she may as well have been right. “ Aziraphale’s voices roared. 

“You will fall for this. Not just fall, you’ll be destroyed. I’ll see to it, when She finds out you’ll be ripped from existence, mark my words.” Gabriel responded, trying and failing to appear threatening. 

“Go on then, tell Her. If She has a problem with my actions She’s welcome to take that up with me. But you are not the all-mighty Gabriel, you are a confused underling without any orders to follow, and I no longer answer to you. You seem to have forgotten, I am a guardian, I still have my directions and I intend to follow them. As I said, I’m returning to earth, to my family and to protecting the children of Eve, and you are going to leave us be, because should you interfere with those under my protection again I swear to God herself I will end you. No falling, no approval from on high, I personally will put an end to your sorry existence.” Aziraphale roared. 

Gabriel found a flaming sword uncomfortably close to his chest, burning a hole in his ruffled suit. He realized too late that another step backwards to get out of its range put him to the side of the door. Aziraphale shoved him aside unceremoniously and bolted for the exit. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Crowley somehow found himself circled around to the great hall. He was certain that wasn’t the direction he’d travelled but Hell’s hallways had a way of taking you where they believed you belonged, with or without your consent. Said hall was eerily empty and even darker than normal. A trap, and a rather unimaginative one at that. 

Shit. 

“Hello…” He called hesitantly, trying to determine if he was alone. Normally darkness didn’t affect Crowley’s vision, but the darkness here was heavier and deeper, even his eyes couldn’t pierce it. 

“Crowley, twice a traitor, explain yourself.” A voice boomed, seemingly coming from all directions at once, swelling around him with such crushing force it nearly brought him to his knees. 

“I-um, well I need to speak to the big boss. Just a word or two really.” Crowley faltered. He’d gone looking for confrontation sure, but that didn’t mean he’d been prepared to find it. 

“And what gives you the right to speak to the lord of hell? How dare you stand as though you are a worthy adversary? How dare you challenge the forces of hell themselves? ” The voice boomed. The force remained deafening, but as it drawled on Crowley had a realization. He knew that voice. He hadn’t heard it since the very beginning, since before the beginning, but he knew that voice.

“Can’t you have a normal conversation? For old times sake?” He called, recovering a bit. 

“You’ll suffer for this Crowley. You have no right to familiarity. How dare-“

“I know, I know how dare I. Come off it won’t you. I know you. This isn’t you, this is some cheap circus trick. You’re better than this. Come talk to me you coward.” Crowley taunted. 

The room flushed in shades of red and orange, flame pouring in from all sides with impossible heat. Crowley growled in annoyance. “Did you forget who I am you nimrod, you can’t burn me.” 

No response; instead a great rumbling came from the far end of the now illuminated great hall. The shifting of rock and dirt as if the world itself was tearing open. Out poured even more flame followed by a horned head and a massive red torso, hooved feet and clawed hands, a pitchfork clasped in one of them, a full cartoon style devil. Crowley laughed. 

“It this what you’re going around looking like now? I assumed you’d put it on special for Armageddon, but this is just how you’re hanging around the house now, really?” He mocked.

A pitchfork swung down towards him, but Crowley was quick to duck out of the way. It swung a few more times, each swing more half-hearted than the last until it looked like Satan was batting lazily at a fly rather than trying to smite a demon.

“You realize I can play this game too. Make my own bull shit costume?” Crowley questioned, sprouting his own claws and fangs, growing to near impossible size. “You don’t have a patent on monster suits.” 

“So you think you’re fit to fight me? You think you are going to battle Satan himself and win?” The devil roared, swiping at Crowley with renewed vigour. 

“Referring to yourself in the third person is tacky and I wouldn’t need to fight you at all if you would just calm the fuck down.” Crowley countered, trying and failing to land a few blows of his own. 

“Enough!” Lucifer roared and the room froze, fire replaced in an instant with plain florescent lighting, red skin and giant form replaced with normal, human-esque features with the exception of two blood red eyes. Crowley followed suit, returning mostly to his normal form, but opting to keep the fangs for now. 

“Why am I here? Honestly, I don’t work for you anymore, why do you keep involving me in your bullshit? What do you care if I help one human?” Crowley questioned, striding towards Lucifer. 

“Demons aren’t meant to be helpful. We are the fallen, the adversaries, evil incarnate. Or have you forgotten that?” Lucifer spat, his voice still deep and not exactly coming from his mouth. 

“We fell for trying to help them! For trying to prevent suffering! Or have you forgotten that you fucking moron! We lost everything! Everything! And here you lot are ensuring that all of that was for nothing! You want to destroy me for having the audacity to try to right one of Heaven’s uncountable wrongs! You’re as bad as them! Worse than them! You have nothing to loose and yet you’re still choosing to be a dick! What is the point! What possible goal does that serve?” Crowley ranted.

“We fight for victory, for revenge. Heaven will suffer for what it did to us. They will fall as we have fallen They will-“

“And what do the humans have to do with heaven’s crimes? Cause they’re who you’re punishing you lumbering potato. You think heaven is upset by the suffering of humans? It’s all part of their ineffable plan. The only person you’re currently hurting with this whole fucking charade is an eight-year-old human. A child. Make you feel all big and strong, does it? Nice bit of revenge you’ve got there, punishing God by terrifying an already terrified kid. Well done, real fucking glorious victory.” 

“You’ve been fraternizing with an Angel, trying to aid heaven in defeating our forces. Do you honestly think helping them will redeem you? Do you think they’ll forgive you? You are a demon. By definition unforgivable, betraying us will not change that.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your forces! Or Heaven’s for that matter all I’m trying to do is clean up a bit of the mess you shitheads have made with your constant fucking infighting and neglect for the people you created and all I want is to not be fucked with. Why the heaven is that so much to ask?” Crowley shouted in annoyance.

“But you’re living with an Angel? Surely you’re plotting something. Lord Beelzebub told me all about your thwarting of Armageddon.” Lucifer growled back.

“Beelzebub is full of shit and I wouldn’t have had to thwart Armageddon if you hadn’t decided to use an inhabited planet for your pissing contest. We created a whole universe, you want to have a fight why don’t you go have it on Mars? Or Neptune? And anyway, this had nothing to do with Armageddon. This whole exercise in stupidity is just you messing with things that didn’t need to affect you at all.” 

“So you just happen to be living with an Angel then? You expect us to believe that?”

“I live with him because he’s my husband, and he’s as much an angel as I am a demon, heaven’s holding him prisoner as we speak, he’s not working with them.” Crowley said, a renewed wave of anxiety shooting through him as he realized Aziraphale was in fact currently a prisoner. He needed to be done with this so he could go help his Angel. 

“ So why did Lord Beelzebub feel the need to bring you down here then? Why did you feel the need to escape?” Lucifer questioned.

“I escaped because I have shit to do. As to why I’m here why don’t you ask her? I assume its something to do with this bullshit notion you have that I’m trying to overthrow Hell or whatever.” Crowley hissed. 

“If you’re not trying to overthrow Hell than what is it you so urgently need to get to? What is so important?” Lucifer continued. 

“My husband and my kid. The kid who is undoubtedly terrified because of your bullshit.” Crowley replied. 

“Your kid?”

“Well not by birth but yeah, her dad was an ass and I guess she was living on the street. A whole shit story, but the short of it is my kid, our kid.” Crowley babbled, some of the fear giving away to nervousness, he really did need to get out of here. 

“Was she harmed when Beelzebub came to retrieve you?” Lucifer questioned. Large scale evil had ceased to bother him as soon as he’d seen it as a weapon against the righteous pricks in Heaven, but hurting kids still felt wrong. 

“No, only because I sent her away, but you made me break a promise to her and she is bound to be absolutely terrified.” Crowley growled. 

“And you have no plots against the forces of Hell? No plans?” Lucifer confirmed.

“Not beyond personally sending you her father. I told you I just want to be left alone. It’s not that hard a concept really.” Crowley repeated exasperatedly. 

“Go.” Said Lucifer, quietly, his voice finally truly coming from the back of his throat instead of reverberating from the walls. 

“I…what” Crowley faltered. 

“Go. I didn’t see you. This didn’t happen. You were never here. Go.” Lucifer repeated, the dark of the hall closing back in around them. The sooner the traitor was gone the sooner he could try to forget some new and unpleasant realizations. 

Crowley didn’t need to be told a third time. He bolted for the exit first sprinting then flying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know, another chapter without the big reunion, but I swear it will be the next one. Please don't hate me too much. I'm going to try my damndest to have it out soon.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaacccckkkk. And so are the boys. Finally. 
> 
> As always I'm a hoe for comments and kudos, especially as I return to quarantine hell. 
> 
> Hope you're all doing well <3

Crowley had intended to swing home before he did anything else. He needed to get the Bentley and he was eager to change clothes, Hell had a way of leaving everything pervasively damp and vaguely slimy. 

However things never had the decency to go as Crowley expected and as he crashed his way back onto the surface he was struck by an odd and very unpleasant feeling behind his left ear. It felt as if someone was trying to suck his brain out through a straw. It felt like they were succeeding. 

He growled and let his wings carry him down to an empty field, figuring landing was better than crashing. The feeling was uncomfortably close to a summoning if he remembered correctly. Of course Crowley had only been summoned once after some ill-advised-20-somethings managed to run across his sigil. He’d spent the following decade ensuring that it would never happen again. Drunk college students were an easy mark for temptation but that took the sport out of it and Crowley found them beyond irritating. 

Today’s headache was similar, but it lacked the distinct pull of being summoned. At first Crowley wondered if he was just getting a bit more warning, but as the minutes passed that seemed less likely. Maybe it was a parting gift from Hell? It had seemed far too easy to get out. 

But then his ears started buzzing and ringing and something stirred deep in his memory. Some long forgotten conversation he’d had with Aziraphale, the angel complaining about a similar sensation. 

Prayers. He’d been complaining about prayers. Demons were obviously not supposed to hear human prayers, but the devil himself had just set Crowley free to protect a child so all bets were off. 

Recognizing the sensation seemed to make it stronger and with a bit of focus Crowley was able to make out a voice, then bits a pieces of a plea. Realizing whose voice it was he abandoned all plans of going home. As fast as he could manage Crowley flew. 

Aziraphale saw the black blur approaching too late to dodge it. He grabbed the attacker and flung him downwards, but he was unprepared to be grabbed and yanked downwards with it. 

“Ughh you fucks are relentless aren’t you.” Crowley growled, trying to fling his assailant downward. 

Aziraphale went from trying to break free to trying to hold on in less than a second.

“Crowley!” He exclaimed, realizing who he was looking at beneath the sludge and fangs.

“Aziraphale?!” Crowley responded incredulously, freezing in the Angels grip and nearly plunging both of them down into the earth by simply making no effort to stay aloft. There were too many heads and too many wings and far, far too many eyes but it was definitely his angel. 

Aziraphale shoved Crowley away from him unceremoniously. He was still coursing with celestial energy and accidentally blessing the demon would not end well. Crowley snapped back to reality and beat his wings, just barely managing to pull back up to a comfortable position. 

“What was that for?” He whined. 

“I didn’t hurt you did I? Are you all right?” Aziraphale fretted, looking over his demon nervously. 

“Other than dropping me you didn’t do anything.” Crowley said. “You’re glowing.”

“Yes, I’m afraid it took a bit of effort to get out of heaven.” Aziraphale said, trying and failing to cool down.

“Did they hurt you? Are you ok? How did you get them to let you go? Are they following you?” Crowley questioned, too anxious to leave Aziraphale time to respond. 

“Well, they didn’t exactly let me go…” Aziraphale said, glancing nervously upwards. 

“You mean you…?”

“I may have rediscovered my sword.”

“You fought them?” Crowley exclaimed. 

“Certainly not, I may have left Gabriel lightly singed but I’m sure he’ll be fine, and I’m reasonably certain he’ll leave us be for a while at least.” Aziraphale said.

Crowley opened his mouth to ask how exactly the angel had managed that but found himself at a loss for words. 

“How did you escape dearest, you’re sure they didn’t hurt you?” Azirphale asked, once again looking over Crowley. Hell was a nasty place and the layer of grime made it rather challenging to see if his demon had made it out unscathed. 

“I…um…no, I’m not hurt.” Crowley stuttered. 

“Will they be coming after you? Did you leave any to come after you?” Aziraphale asked, imagining the epic battle Crowley must have faced to get out of hell. 

“I don’t think they will. I talked to Lucifer.” Crowley said, still confused by the whole encounter. 

“You what?” Aziraphale questioned. 

“Yeah, he told me to get out. Apparently as long as I’m not trying to overthrow Hell he doesn’t want to know about it…” Crowley tried to explain; still not sure he understood it himself. 

“And you’re sure it’s not a trap dearest? They do have a bit of a reputation after all.”

“I don’t think so, Lucifer didn’t seem comfortable to be implicated in hurting a kid. Could all be bullshit but I don’t think they’re that organized down there.”

Aziraphale had more questions, but the frantic buzzing was back in his ear and he wasn’t eager to keep the terrified child waiting. 

“We need to get to Anathema’s rather quickly I think. The poor child has been-“

“Praying, I know.” Crowley cut him off, already propelling himself back into motion. The relief of seeing Aziraphale had been enough to distract him for a minute but he could still hear the fear in the kid's voice and he was eager to go find out what exactly had her so scared. 

Angels and demons are both perfectly capable of flight so fast it would nearly be better defined as teleportation. The problem with this means of travel is it requires a rather incredible amount of celestial or demonic energy. Thus it tends to leave the flyer rather exhausted and disoriented when they finally land. For this reason longer trips tend to be made with simpler, less taxing means. 

However, Aziraphale and Crowley did not currently have that luxury. Neither of them had exited their office using the front door and when they had left they’d just been focused on ending up back on earth. Crowley proposed ‘borrowing’ a car, but Aziraphale insisted he would not be party to stealing. He had standards after all. 

He’d proposed kindly asking someone for a lift but Crowley was unwilling to deal with human driving and neither of them was really in any state to get in someone else’s car. 

So they flew, faster than either of them remembered was possible. They crashed down into the lawn of Jasmine cottage, both utterly exhausted and still not quite looking human.

Anathema and Newt had just stumbled into the kitchen and were still huddled over coffee when a four-faced, slightly glowing Angel and a grime coated, fanged demon barged into their kitchen. 

“You made it back.” Anathema managed, trying to take in the sight in front of her.

“Yes, I’m terribly sorry we left you for so long, It was terribly rude of us I’m afraid-“ Aziraphale’s voices rang, still far louder than he intended. Anathema tried to shush him but both of them were cut off by a rather impatient Crowley.

“Where’s Audrey book girl? What the fuck did you do?” He spat, already trying to push past them. 

“Crowley!” Aziraphale exclaimed, accidentally raising his voice to the point of rattling the windows, all of his eyes glaring at his husband. 

“They’ve got her so scared they’re going to kick her out she was phoning hell Angel!” Crowley hissed. 

“She’s upstairs sleeping, or at least she was sleeping, she’s been a bit ill but otherwise she’s fine I swear.” Newt stuttered, still not feeling awake enough for this.

“But you probably want to clean up a bit before you see her, you’re looking a bit-“ Anathema tried to fend them off, certain that this was not what a sick kid needed to wake up to. 

They were all cut off by footsteps on the stairs. 

Audrey froze in the doorway momentarily, staring at the creatures taking up most of the kitchen. At first she thought the bad man had finally found her and sent monsters to come get her, but there was something too familiar about them. She knew these bodies, and as she squinted at them she knew the faces too. 

Without a second thought she launched herself at them. Crowley scooped her up into his arms, wrapping his wings around both of them. Aziraphale wrapped his arms around demon and child, followed by all three sets of wings, resting his head on Crowley’s bony shoulder. 

The trio stayed like that for a long while, Audrey squeezing Crowley so tightly he forgot to breathe. He had to force himself to remember he couldn’t do the same to her.  
The glow around Aziraphale began to lessen a bit and the many faces began to merge back into one distinctive head as he held Crowley and Audrey. Crowley’s fangs dulled back into more normal looking teeth and his nails shortened and rounded. 

“You came,” Audrey mumbled finally, still trying to reassure herself that this was really happening. 

“Of course we did dear girl.” Aziraphale said, rubbing a hand over her back and unfurling his wings, beginning to tuck them back out of reality. 

“I told you we would.” Crowley added. 

Audrey shrugged noncommittally, not wanting to admit that she hadn’t believed him. 

Hesitantly Crowley parted his own wings and tucked them away, using his new found freedom to glare at Anathema and Newt. He could feel fear and pain radiating off his kid and he was not feeling terribly forgiving. 

“I’m sorry it took so long kid, both of us had a bit of trouble getting out. But I’m glad you called us when you were scared, that was very brave.” Crowley said. 

“Absolutely, although I’d like it if you would tell us what happened.” Aziraphale added. He was certain neither Anathema or Newt had intentionally harmed the child and eager to get Crowley to stop shooting death glares at them. 

“She’s been a bit sick I’m afraid.” Anathema offered when it became clear Audrey wasn’t going to answer. Newt’s eyes widened and as he tried to silently ask what she was doing.

“Oh, and how did that happen book girl?” Crowley spat, trying to split his glare between the two humans. Aziraphale shot him a pointed look but Crowley ignored it. 

“She ate a bit of spoiled food and ended up with a touch of food poisoning.” Anathema said, glaring back at Crowley. She felt terrible that Audrey had ended up sick, but she also wasn’t going to let anyone, demon or otherwise, threaten her in her own kitchen. 

“So you fed her spoiled food and then when she was a pain to deal with you were ready to kick her out.” Crowley hissed angrily. Audrey tensed in his arms, assuming the anger was going to be directed at her.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale exclaimed Glaring at his husband with a few too many eyes. “I’m sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation if you would just give them a moment to explain.”

“She was sick and scared enough to get a prayer into Hell angel. Do you have any idea how-“ Crowley’s tirade was cut off by Audrey going stiff as a board in his arms. He tried to rub her back and comfort her but she flinched away from his hand so violently he was afraid he’d drop her. He passed her to Aziraphale instead, trying not to be hurt when she let him. 

“Fine. Explain.” Crowley said, doing his best to stay angry at Anathema and Newt so he didn’t have to think about what he’d just done. 

“Erm, well we were trying to give her some space to settle in, we’d tried pushing her to but that just seemed to upset her and she was already so frightened. But apparently she’d hidden a bit of food in her room and we hadn’t realized and didn’t know that it had gone off. So she’s got a touch of food poisoning we think. And a few other injuries, we only just realized she wasn’t well last night, she really tried to hide it I think.” Newt rambled nervously, trying to fill the silence. 

“We only figured out what was up yesterday, we’ve got her a doctors appointment later today. You didn’t exactly give us much to go on.” Anathema added pointedly. 

Crowley opened his mouth to say something spiteful but was cut off by a look from Aziraphale that very clearly said ‘I will bring the flaming sword back out if I have to.’

“I’m afraid we didn’t have much time dear, but we really do appreciate your help, I’m sure it was difficult.” Aziraphale said. 

“What doctor were you going to take her to?” Crowley asked, resisting the urge to add that idea was likely to get social services involved and therefore very stupid. 

“Tracy set an appointment up with a friend of hers, said she should be understanding.” Newt said. 

“Madam Tracy?” Aziraphale questioned.

“She seems to know someone for everything, seemed worth a try.” Newt explained a bit nervously. 

“Of course now that you’re here we can probably cancel it.” Anathema said, somewhat surprised they’d gone this long without healing Audrey. 

“Yeah, erm, might not actually be a bad idea.” Crowley admitted. 

“We’re likely not in the best state to…” Aziraphale trailed off, still not sure explicitly telling Audrey they could preform miracles was a good idea. 

“Bit too much excitement this morning, might not translate well.” Crowley explained. 

They stood awkwardly in the kitchen for a few moments before Audrey’s uncomfortable shifting alerted Aziraphale to a more urgent need. 

“I think perhaps we ought to get you dressed dear girl.” He said, trying to shift her so she’d be more comfortable. 

“She’s got some clothes and pull-ups upstairs.” Anathema offered, moving to lead the way. At the mention of pull-ups Audrey buried her head deeper in Aziraphale’s shoulder, embarrassed and worried they would be angry that she’d clearly been a problem for Anathema and Newt. 

Crowley followed but hung back, still feeling terrible both for scaring Audrey and for leaving her alone long enough for her to get sick. 

Once she’d showed them where everything was and warned them that Audrey had a bit of a rash Anathema went back downstairs, assuming they’d want some privacy and not crazy about being there when they realized how bad said rash was. Crowley continued to hover awkwardly, keeping his distance. 

Aziraphale clicked his tongue and frowned worriedly when he saw the scratches on her torso, they’d need to have another talk about not hurting herself but this was neither the time nor the place. Then he went to get her pull-up changed and everything stopped. Audrey wasn’t in quite as bad a state as the night before but it still looked terrible and Aziraphale had no idea how to deal with it. 

“Dear girl what on earth happened?” He finally managed. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too. It just kept getting worse.” Audrey mumbled wrapping her arms around herself protectively. Anathema had been upset when she found out, and Crowley was already mad at her, she couldn’t afford to get Aziraphale upset too.

“Well of course you didn’t mean too. Did they not clean you up properly?” Aziraphale questioned. 

Audrey shook her head but didn’t offer any further information. 

“Well, lets see if we can’t get you feeling a bit better love.” He decided, fully planning on miracling the whole thing away. He opened his hand, but as he went to do it he recognized the massive amount of energy still pulsing through him. He wasn’t the best healer on a good day; trying right now would be far too dangerous. 

“I think perhaps we ought to ask Crowley for help.” He said. 

“No! I’ll be good! Please, I’ll be good!” Audrey said, shaking her head frantically. 

“You’ve been good Audrey. You haven’t done anything wrong, but I’m not sure how to help you, Crowley has far more experience than I.” Aziraphale tried to reassure her. 

“No! He’s mad at me! He’s gonna hit!” Audrey pleaded. 

“He would never harm you dear girl, and he’s not upset with you.” Aziraphale tried, shooting a nervous glance at the door, hoping Crowley was still right outside. Audrey shook her head again. 

“What if I stay with you the whole time? I will not let him harm you.” Aziraphale offered. 

Audrey eyed him suspiciously. Crowley had made her rash go away the last time and she really did want it to stop hurting. Not to mention she didn’t want to be a brat to Aziraphale and make him cross with her too. Finally, she nodded keeping her arms wrapped around her tightly. 

Aziraphale had correctly guessed that the demon was still hovering so grabbing him was easy. 

“Hi kid.” He said awkwardly, wallowing in a bit of self-pity as he felt how scared she was. Audrey watched him nervously but didn’t respond. 

“Why don’t we get you sorted, yeah?” Crowley offered, moving towards her. Noticing her shrinking back he added, “I’m not going to hurt you love, I promise.”

Audrey stood stock still as Crowley moved towards her, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Crowley grabbed wipes and went to get her clean at least, only to freeze when he realized what he was looking at. 

“Holy shit.” He hissed and Audrey stepped back. “I’m not mad at you kid, I promise, I’m just worried, that looks like it really hurts.” He added quickly, trying to make his voice as soft as possible. 

Audrey nodded, finally looking up at him. He didn’t sound mad.

“Why don’t we see if Anathema has anything to help?” Crowley offered, already opening the medicine cabinet. 

“She has a potion, but it doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t turn you into anything.” Audrey mumbled, pointing out the bottle. 

“A potion?” Crowley questioned. 

“She said its just medicine, but she’s a witch. A good witch.” Audrey told him. 

Not sure what to do with that Crowley pulled down the bottle of witch hazel and found three other salves, all neatly labelled and dated to note that they’d been made yesterday. 

“Audrey, can you tell me what happened? How did it get this bad?” He questioned gently, cleaning her up and slathering her with homemade cream. 

“I tried really hard to be good. I didn’t mean for them to find out.” Audrey told him nervously. 

“Didn’t want them to find out about what kid?” Crowley questioned, getting no response. “About the rash?” He guessed. 

“All of it. I didn’t wanna get sent away cause then you wouldn’t have been able to find me and I would have been alone again.” She confessed, tears sliding down her cheeks. 

“Audrey they wouldn’t have sent you away, and even if they did we would have found you, would have turned the earth upside down if we had too.” Crowley said firmly. Audrey shrugged, not sure she believed him. 

“Lets get you dressed. I think we should skip a pull-up for now, that’ll heal better with some air.” Crowley said, trying to switch back to problems he could solve. He was eager to heal the rash outright, but escaping hell and then flying halfway across the world had left him with very little energy and he didn’t want to risk making it worse. 

Audrey let him dress her without a fuss, but she was stiff and shaky and very clearly terrified. 

“If you need the toilet all you need to do is grab me or Aziraphale. We’ll come with you.” He told her. Audrey nodded, but if anything she looked more nervous. “No one is going to be mad if you have an accident either love, I’m the one keeping you out of a pull-up, it would be my fault not yours.” He added. 

That seemed to help a bit, though Audrey wasn’t entirely sure she believed him. When he was done getting her dressed Crowley picked her up without a thought. She stiffened for a minute but then leaned into him. He let out a sigh of relief; finally allowing himself to believe the worst was over.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long its been since I posted so I'm not sure if I owe ya'll an apology. Welcome quarantine 2.0: the newer more confusing version. I feel like I'm trapped in a weird washing machine/maze combo so I may be a bit spotty. This chapter may still be a bit of a mess but I'm out of spoons to rework it so here we are.
> 
> This chapter has a doctors visit and some more medical stuff, if that squicks you I'd tread lightly. 
> 
> Send comments, I'm so desperate for actual human interaction that isn't online teaching.

Aziraphale was quite happy when they walked downstairs to find breakfast. Audrey and Crowley were less excited but Crowley settled them at the table anyway, doing his best to avoid Anathema’s eyes. Aziraphale was bound to make him apologize eventually but he was determined to put it off. 

They managed to coax some food into Audrey; the bulk of it when Crowley put a whole boiled egg in his mouth and then refused to believe she could do the same until she proved it. She wasn’t keen on drinking anything but Crowley kept simply putting the cup to her lips and she eventually relented and took a few sips. Newt and Anathema exchanged a look of relief as they realised this struggle wasn’t unique to them. 

“So her appointment is at 2:00 a bit down the road, so we don’t have to rush off.” Newt said, it felt a bit awkward just having them hang around the cottage but he figured they’d just have to deal with it. 

“Maybe we could try the magic science kit you picked out Audrey?” Anathema offered, eager to prove that they hadn’t spent the whole week being horribly neglectful. 

Audrey glanced between Crowley and Aziraphale, trying to figure out what the right answer was. She really didn’t want to go to any appointment and she was eager to go back to their flat, but that didn’t seem to be an option right now. Aziraphale smiled at her encouragingly and Crowley rubbed her back. 

“That sound good kid?” He asked, trying to hide his distaste for fake magic.

Audrey nodded but made no move to go get it. 

“Want me to come with you?” Crowley guessed. 

Audrey nodded again much more fiercely. 

Crowley let her lead him back up to the guest room and was surprised to find a full shelf of toys, most of them already opened. He’d assumed they would pick up a few things to keep her entertained but this looked as if they’d bought a toyshop. 

“Where did all this come from?” He asked, careful to keep his voice light. 

“Anathema and Newt.” Audrey said quietly, trying to figure out of she was in trouble. Brats weren’t supposed to have toys after all. 

“Good, that was nice of them.” Crowley smiled reassuringly; grabbing the kit Anathema talked about and leading a still-hesitant Audrey back downstairs. 

Aziraphale had managed to get a bit more information out of Anathema and Newt without Crowley actively trying to start a fight. He’d also reassured them their help was appreciated.

The grown-ups ended up doing most of the first experiment themselves; Audrey had pressed herself between Aziraphale and Crowley and was too distracted by making sure they were still there to be very helpful. But when Aziraphale gave a very poor demonstration of the colour changing ‘magic’ trick she couldn’t resist taking over. They watched as she followed the instructions and the powder obediently bubbled and fizzed from yellow to green. Anathema resisted the urge to mutter something about magic being an art not a science. 

The next few tricks were mostly completed by Audrey, although she still let the grown-ups do most of the measuring and anything else that might be messy. They were still talking about taking her somewhere and she needed to be careful to make sure they didn’t leave her there. 

Suddenly a searing pain ripped through Audrey’s lower stomach. She did her best to stay quiet but she couldn’t keep a whimper from escaping her lips. All of the adults turned to look at her, which made everything worse and she curled in on herself, trying to will the burning stabbing pain to stop.

Crowley, being closest to her, put a hand on her back to try and steady her, asking what was wrong and trying to get his stupid tired corporation to let him check. Neither Audrey nor his corporation answered however and he was left rubbing her back feeling annoyed and useless. 

“Dearest…” Aziraphale said softly, gesturing to a small puddle at the girl’s feet. Crowley sighed, at least that made sense, Audrey was bound to be embarrassed, but at least he could fix this. Or he thought he could fix this, until another more panicked look from Aziraphale made him realize the puddle was a rather concerning shade of orangey red. 

That wasn’t good. 

Under his hand Audrey’s body was shaking. She hadn’t realized she was having an accident until she felt the wet on her skin, she hadn’t actually felt herself going at all through the pain. And there was so much pain. It felt like someone had poured fire on her. There really was something very wrong. Something in her was broken and they were going to take her to the doctor and the doctor was going to find out what it was and then no one would want her anymore. She was already annoying and bratty, no one would put up with her if she was broken too. 

Crowley was saying something but she couldn’t hear him through the blood pounding in her ears. He was trying to get her to walk too but moving hurt way too much. Forgetting for a moment that she was disgusting she reached her arms up to him and he picked her up before she had time to remember. She clung to him, she knew she shouldn’t, this was only solidifying the case for kicking her out. But she was scared and hurt and being in his arms made everything just a little bit less awful so she wrapped her skinny little arms around his neck and burrowed her head into his shoulder and held on for dear life. 

Crowley carried her upstairs as gently as possible, flanked by a terribly nervous Aziraphale. Both of them kept repeating reassuring words to Audrey but they didn’t seem to be able to reach her. She was stiff as a board and she’d pretty much locked her jaw shut in an attempt not to whine. They wasted no time getting her cleaned up, or rather, Crowley wasted no time getting her cleaned up, knowing that being wet would only make the rash hurt more. Aziraphale tried to help but found himself more in the way than anything so he hung back, wringing his hands and fretting about the implications of a human having blood in their urine. His knowledge of anatomy was a bit rusty but he was certain it wasn’t good.

As soon as Audrey was clean and re-dressed Crowley picked her up again, settling her in his arms as gently as he could. He pawed through the medicine cabinet again, trying and failing to miracle the first bottle he grabbed into pain medicine. Resisting the urge to growl he realized they’d have to stick to human means for the moment. 

Except, Crowley wasn’t sure exactly what those human means were. Anathema and Newt had several bottles and boxes labelled as pain reliever and Crowley was well aware that most medicines weren’t suited to children. He began piling medicines into Aziraphale’s hands interrupting the Angel’s nervous fidgeting. 

“Need to know which one is for her.” He explained, already headed back down the stairs. 

Aziraphale set the pain relievers down on the kitchen table before grabbing a glass of water. He wanted to get some medicine into the poor child as quickly as possible. 

“Which of these can I give her?” Crowley asked frantically, glancing between Anathema and Newt. 

“Two of these.” Anathema answered, already popping tablets out of the foil. 

Crowley held them up to Audrey’s mouth but she turned away, her jaw still clenched shut. 

“Audrey, come on, I know you’re hurt. This’ll help.” Crowley said, trying to keep desperation out of his voice. He just wanted to miracle the problem away and not having the option felt like loosing a limb. 

Audrey shook her head, burying her face in his shoulder for good measure. She was never putting anything else in her mouth again. If she never ate or drank anything then this would stop. 

“Please dear girl. We don’t want you to be in pain. It’s just a bit of medicine.” Aziraphale tried, stroking her hair. Audrey shook her head again, not looking up. 

Crowley settled into a kitchen chair, exhausted and feeling somewhat defeated and useless. Aziraphale joined him, still trying to coax the child into taking the medicine. 

“Audrey, it’s the same I gave you last night. Remember, it helped?” Anathema tried after a few minutes. 

Audrey peeked up at her hesitantly. The medicine from last night had helped a lot, and it didn’t even taste that bad. 

“They dissolve like your magic trick.” Anathema added. 

“No water?” Audrey mumbled into Crowley’s shoulder. Maybe if she took the pills but didn’t drink anything she’d be ok. 

“Not if you don’t want it, but it might make your mouth taste gross.” Anathema answered. 

After a few moments of careful consideration Audrey leaned back slightly, opening her mouth just wide enough to let Crowley put the pills in. Aziraphale smiled gratefully at Anathema.

“Do you think that doctor will see us early?” Crowley asked, concern leaching into his voice. Clearly something needed to be fixed right now and since he couldn’t do it he was determined to find someone who could. 

“We already called, we can go now if you’re ready.” Newt offered 

Crowley didn’t need to be told twice. He carried the still disturbingly stiff Audrey to the car, fully intending to commandeer it. 

“Dearest, I think perhaps it would be best if you let Anathema or Newt drive.” Aziraphale said, grabbing Crowley to stop him from trying to get in the drivers seat with the child still in his arms. 

“Are you trying to make this take longer?” Crowley hissed. 

“No, but you cannot perform miracles at the moment and your driving without them is likely to be somewhat…rough.” Aziraphale said. 

“We need to get there now Angel.” Crowley argued. 

“And we shall.” Aziraphale said firmly, all but pushing the demon into the back seat. 

Crowley grumbled impatiently as they waited for Anathema and Newt to gather a few things and join them. Finally the young couple made it to the car, Anathema pausing to hand Audrey a stuffed sloth, which quieted Crowley for a moment. However he went back to his grumbling as Newt sat himself behind the wheel and started the car down the road, roughly 90mph too slowly. 

Audrey did her best to stay still and quiet, all of the adults sounded angry, or at least a little annoyed, and she was terrified at the thought of going to a doctor. As the pain reliever kicked in and she began to feel a bit better she got a bit more fidgety, it was hard to sit still with her mind racing. Aziraphale had forced Crowley to sit her in the middle seat with a seatbelt rather than keeping her in his lap and she found herself bumping into them as she wiggled around. 

“We’re almost there kid.” Crowley said, trying to be comforting. 

Audrey bit her lip, that promise only making her more nervous.

“Tracy spoke quite highly of this doctor, I’m sure she’ll be able to help.” Newt offered.

“See dear girl, nothing to be worried about.” Aziraphale said, resisting the urge to question why Madame Tracy knew a paediatrician in Tadfield well enough to recommend their services. 

Despite their continued attempts Audrey remained rigid and panicky throughout the ride, but the pain subsiding and the adults seeming less angry did make it at least a little bit better. 

Aziraphale carried her inside and she used that as an excuse to burrow into him, hiding her face in the crook of his neck and holding on tightly to his soft vest with the hand she wasn’t using to hold her sloth. Maybe if she refused to get down the doctor wouldn’t be able to look at her and they’d just take her home instead. 

They all tried to pile into the exam room, Newt and Anathema claiming that it would be good to have ‘normal’ people there and noting that they knew more about how Audrey had gotten sick. Both of them desperately wanted to know what had happened. However, some gentle prodding from the nurse convinced them to stay in the waiting room instead. 

Crowley paced the room like a caged animal as they waited; bumping into things since being so tired made him even more wobbly than normal. 

Finally the door swung open and a cheerful young doctor strode into the room, dressed in baggy jeans, a casual jumper and a blue jersey hijab. At first they assumed she was another patient who’d come into the wrong room, but she had a stethoscope and a chart and introduced herself as Doctor Sarah. 

“Sorry for the rough appearance, I’m not meant to be here yet, but this sounded a bit urgent.” She said, taking in the odd couple before her and trying to catch a glimpse of the child’s face. “You’re the foster parents then, Newt and Anathema?” 

“Godparents actually, we just got back this morning, bit of a family emergency dragged us away. I’m Crowley and this is Aziraphale.” Crowley lied smoothly. Or at least he chose to believe he did so smoothly. 

“Ah, and you must be Audrey then.” Sarah said, still trying to actually get a look at the child. 

Aziraphale shifted in an attempt to help with this and Audrey peeked up at her through her fringe but refused to say anything. She didn’t look mean but she was still a doctor and Audrey was still sure that was bad news. 

“And who’s this?” Sarah asked, noticing the stuffed animal clutched in the girl’s hand. 

Audrey lifted her head a bit further, trying to figure out why a grown-up was interested in her toy. At first she thought the doctor might try to take it, but she hadn’t tried to touch it. 

“Or does he not have a name yet?” Sarah tried again. 

“She.” Audrey mumbled. Tightening her grip a bit just in case. 

“I’m so sorry, does she have a name yet?” Sarah said hopefully. 

“Brownie.” Audrey whispered after a moment of debate. 

“It’s lovely to meet you Brownie.” Sarah said, reaching to shake one of its paws. Audrey tried to yank the toy away before Sarah could grab it but she wasn’t fast enough. She watched with horror, which morphed into confusion when the woman shook the paw and then let go. 

“She’s mine.” Audrey clarified, sitting up a bit better so she could properly glare at the doctor. Sarah nodded seriously to show she understood. Crowley had to bite his lip to avoid laughing. 

“Do you think she’d like a sticker?” Sarah asked, pulling a roll out of the cupboard. 

Crowley opened his mouth to ask why she was puttering around when his kid needed to be treated now, but was stopped by Aziraphale putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Audrey looked carefully at the stickers before nodding. Sarah held them out so she could pick. Once there was a shimmery rainbow on Brownie’s fur she asked if Audrey would like one as well. Audrey looked between Aziraphale and Crowley for permission and when they both nodded she picked a shooting star for herself. A bit more prompting convinced her to pick a sparkly red star for Crowley and a unicorn for Aziraphale. 

“So Audrey, can you tell me what’s been going on? Newt told me you haven’t been feeling so well?” Sarah Prompted, sitting down on the rolling stool so she wasn’t towering over them. 

“Hurts.” Audrey mumbled, gesturing vaguely to her stomach. 

“Your tummy hurts?” Sarah confirmed. 

Audrey nodded, pulling back into Aziraphale a bit. 

“And you’ve been sick a few times too right?” Sarah asked. 

Hesitantly, Audrey nodded again, leaning her head back onto Aziraphale’s shoulder and tensing. Seeing her beginning to shut down again Sarah decided on a new approach. 

“What about Brownie? Has she been ill as well?” She questioned. 

Audrey nodded looking down at the sloth. 

“Has she had a tummy ache as well?” 

Another nod. 

“Can you show me where in her tummy it hurts?” Sarah asked. 

“It hurts everywhere.” Audrey said, circling Brownie’s stomach with her finger for good measure. 

“Oh no, that’s no good.” Sarah said sympathetically. “Does anything else hurt?” 

Audrey looked between Aziraphale and Crowley again, still not sure about this whole thing. Both of them smiled reassuringly though, and she was really trying to be good. As quickly as she could she gestured between the sloths legs, looking down at the floor to avoid Sarah’s eyes. 

“Between her legs?” Sarah confirmed, careful to keep her tone light. 

“And on her bum.” Audrey added quietly. 

“Newt told me she might have a bit of a rash, is that true?” Sarah asked. 

“It’s really bad, but Anathema made a potion to help.” Audrey said.

“A potion?” Sarah questioned. 

“Uh huh, she’s a witch.” Audrey said. 

“Do you know what was in this potion?”

Audrey shook her head. 

“Tea tree oil, witch hazel and zinc, and betonite clay I believe.” Crowley offered. 

“That sounds like an excellent potion, although I think we probably have some medicine that will work even better.” Sarah said. “Do you know how Brownie got this rash?”

“She was bad.” Audrey mumbled. 

“Oh, what did she do that was bad?” Sarah asked concern crossing her face. 

“Its embarrassing.” Audrey mumbled. 

“Would she rather tell me in private? I’m sure your dads wouldn’t mind.” Sarah offered. 

Audrey shook her head frantically, tightening her grip on Aziraphale for good measure. 

“All right, but if I don’t know what’s been happening its going to be harder for me to help.” Sarah said gently. “And I promise doctors hear lots of embarrassing things. We’re very used to bodies behaving badly.”

“She kept having accidents.” Audrey mumbled after a moment of debate. 

“That’s no fun, but its hardly her fault if they’re accidents right?”

“Yes it is. She didn’t go when she should have.” 

“Why didn’t she?” Asked Sarah, careful to not sound accusing.

“She’s scared. It’s really stupid.” Audrey said harshly.

“I don’t think its that stupid. I lot of my patients are scared to use the toilet sometimes.” 

Audrey looked up at that, curiously. 

“Did she have a hard time getting cleaned up?”

Audrey nodded.

“So she knows when she has to go, she’s just scared to go to the toilet?”

“Sometimes.”

“So sometimes she doesn’t feel it?” 

Audrey nodded. 

“Does it hurt when she has a wee?”

“It burns.” Audrey said quickly, that development was new and it had been terrifying since it happened. 

“Well that’s no good. Why don’t we have a look at that rash and then we’ll get her some medicine to help make that stop.” Sarah said, looking to the girl’s guardians for confirmation. 

“What do you think dear girl? Does that sound all right?” Aziraphale asked. 

Audrey looked to both of them before nodding nervously and holding out Brownie so Sarah could examine her. 

Sarah laid the sloth on the exam table and pulled out a few different creams and a pack of wipes. She went through the whole process; avoiding actually putting any cream on the plush and exaggerating her movements so Audrey could see them. Audrey watched with rapt attention, at first to make sure the doctor wasn’t going to steal her toy and then to see what exactly she was doing. When Sarah was finished she returned the toy to Audrey. 

“Do you have a rash we should look at too?” Sarah asked gently. 

Hesitantly Audrey nodded. She made no move to let go of Aziraphale, but with a bit of shuffling and coaxing she did let him set her on her feet. 

“All right, before we do this I want you to try using the toilet. There’s one just in there.” Sarah said, gesturing to a small bathroom. 

Audrey shook her head, trying to clamber back onto Aziraphale’s lap. Aziraphale was so desperate not to scare her any further he nearly let her, but Crowley was quicker than he was. 

“Come on kid, I’ll go with you.” He said, already reaching for her. Audrey let him pick her up but kept shaking her head. 

“I don’t need too! Its gonna hurt!” She pleaded. 

“We just need you to try Audrey. I need you to try to go in here so we can see what’s been going wrong. That way we can fix it. And as soon you’re done we can get you sorted so you’ll feel better.” Sarah said apologetically, handing Crowley a plastic sample cup. 

“That sounds reasonable doesn’t it dear girl?” Aziraphale said, running a hand over Audrey’s back in an attempt to comfort her. 

“I don’t want to, please.” Audrey said dejectedly. 

“I know you don’t sweetheart, but we need you to be brave and try so we can help. Do you think you can be brave for us?” Sarah asked. 

Audrey bit her lip. She really wanted to say no, but all three adults said she needed to and she didn’t want to get in trouble. And when Doctor Sarah said they might be able to fix her, she decided that might be worth it. Finally she agreed, tightening her grip on Crowley just in case he decided that meant he could put her down. 

Crowley took her to the toilet and Aziraphale used that as an opportunity to fill Sarah in on as much of the girl’s story as he could get through in five minutes. She looked a bit shell-shocked by the time Crowley and Audrey remerged, but was quick to shake it off. 

She let Audrey pick another two stickers for being so brave before trying to tackle anything else. With a bit of help from Aziraphale and Crowley Sarah was able to get Audrey undressed. She’d intended to just treat the girl standing up, hoping that would make it a little less embarrassing, however the second she got a proper look at the rash she realized that wasn’t going to be an option. 

“Ouch. That looks like it really hurts.” She said sympathetically. 

Audrey nodded, clutching her sloth to her chest and squeezing the life out of Aziraphale’s hand. 

“We’re going to have you lay down just like Brownie did Audrey.” She said. 

Audrey looked terrified but she let Crowley lift her onto the table, burying her face in Brownie’s stomach and holding Aziraphale and Crowley’s hands to make sure they didn’t leave. Sarah narrated her movements both so Audrey knew what she was doing and so her god-dads knew the steps. By the time she was done Audrey had visibly relaxed, the cream had almost completely numbed the pain and that combined with the pain reliever she’d taken earlier meant she felt almost normal. 

“I think you might be more comfortable if we put you in a pull up, ok sweetie? We want to be sure that cream stays on.” Sarah said, glancing at the girl’s guardians, wanting their approval as well. Audrey nodded gratefully, it was embarrassing, but she desperately wanted to avoid making another mess. 

Sarah hung back while Crowley and Aziraphale got her redressed and settled, certain Audrey could use a break. Once she seemed a bit calmer she stepped back in. 

“Do you think we can have a look at Brownie’s stomach? You said that hurts as well?” She asked gently. 

Audrey looked at her suspiciously but nodded. 

“Why don’t you lay her down next to you and I’ll have a look. You can hold her hand if you like.” Sarah said, putting on a clean pair of gloves for good measure. 

Audrey did as she was told, watching the doctor carefully. 

“Now can you show me where exactly it hurts, or where the hurt is worst?” Sarah questioned. 

“It hurts all over but it’s really bad here.” Audrey responded quietly, pointing to the sloth’s lower stomach.

“Ok, does it hurt all the time, or is it worse sometimes?” Sara asked. 

“Its worse when she has to go to the toilet.” Audrey whispered. 

“Ok, I’m just going to press on her stomach lightly, is that all right?” Sarah asked. 

“She says that’s ok if it doesn’t hurt.” Audrey said after glancing between Brownie and Sarah. 

“I’ll be very gentle.” Sarah promised, reaching to touch the sloth’s stomach. “Do you think Brownie can be brave and answer a few more embarrassing questions for me?” She asked gently. 

Hesitantly Audrey nodded. The doctor hadn’t been mean to her yet, and she really wanted to be brave.

“How often does Brownie do a poo?” Sarah asked gently, careful to appear focused on her ‘exam’ so Audrey didn’t feel the attention was directly on her.

“Not a lot. She tries really hard to hold it. She’s trying really hard to be good.” Audrey said quickly. 

“So having a poo is bad?” Sarah clarified. 

“Uh huh. It’s gross and it takes too long and it’s scary.” Audrey mumbled. 

“It must be really hard to hold it all the time. Does she have accidents?” Sarah asked carefully.

“Sometimes.” Audrey said, just barely loud enough to be heard, leaning into Aziraphale for support. 

“That must be frightening. Does it hurt when she goes?” Sarah asked.

“Sometimes. Sometimes it just comes out and she doesn’t now cause she’s disgusting and she doesn’t know any better.” Audrey said harshly. 

“I don’t think she’s disgusting, but I think she might not be able to help it. Sometimes when we try to hold it we hurt our body and then it can’t hold on so well. Just like if we hurt our leg its hard for us to walk.” Sarah said, taking off her gloves and turning to fully face Audrey. 

“So she’s broken.” Audrey mumbled, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“She’s hurt, but we can fix it if she’s willing to do some work too.” Sarah said, passing the sloth back to Audrey. 

“You can fix it?” Audrey questioned hopefully. 

“I can help Brownie fix it, but she’s going to need to be a bit brave. Do you think you can help her be brave?” Sarah said.

“What does she have to do?” Audrey asked nervously. 

“Well, it’s really important she goes poo when she needs too. Trying to hold it is how she got hurt. She probably needs too poo at least once a day so that her tummy can feel better.” Sarah explained. 

“That’s really scary.” Audrey confessed, looking down at Brownie. 

“I know, but it’s very important. It’s ok if she still needs help, or if she needs to use a pull-up instead of the toilet. I’m sure your god-dads would be happy to help her, right?” Sarah questioned, looking to Crowley and Aziraphale for confirmation. Both of them agreed quickly. “The important thing is that she’s not trying to hold it. Do you think she can try that for us?” 

Audrey wasn’t sure any of this sounded like a good idea but she nodded anyway. They just said she had to try, and she really wanted to be good for Aziraphale and Crowley. 

“That’s very brave.” Sarah praised her. “Do you think we can take a look at your tummy too? It will be exactly the same as we did with Brownie, it won’t hurt.”

Audrey agreed, letting them lay her down again and letting Sarah shift her shirt up. The doctor’s rubber gloves felt a bit weird and cold but she was relieved to find it truly didn’t hurt. When Sarah was done she slid Audrey’s shirt back down and helped her sit up.

“There we are, all done. I’m going to send you home with some medicine to help you go too, that way we can get your tummy feeling better quickly. If you put it in a special drink like cocoa it will work even better.” She said, winking at Crowley and Aziraphale. “I need you and Brownie to do one more scary thing and then we should be ready to send you home. Is that ok?” 

Audrey agreed, another scary thing didn’t sound good, but she really wanted to go home. 

“We’re just going to take a bit of blood from you. I know it looks scary, but it’ll just be a little pinch.” Sarah said. 

Audrey’s eyes widened. She didn’t want a pinch and she really didn’t want them to take her blood, she was certain she needed it and blood coming out always meant something really hurt. She shook her head and curled into herself.

“I know it’s scary, but we need to look at your blood to make sure you have everything you need sweetie, we can do Brownie first if you want.” Sarah offered. 

“It won’t hurt her?” Audrey questioned.

“It will hurt for a second, like a pinch, but that’s all.” Sarah said, grabbing a toy syringe and vial from the cabinet. 

“I get to hold her.” Audrey said firmly, not ready to let go of the toy again. 

“I think that sounds like a lovely idea. You can help me if you want.” Sarah agreed. “First we’re going to tie this around her arm.” She said, waiting for Audrey to hold it out. 

Audrey shifted Brownie on her lap so that the sloth was siting before holding out an arm for Sarah to take. 

“Now we’re going to do just a little prick right here. Can you count to three for me?” Sarah asked, pulling the toy syringe toward her. 

Audrey nodded and solemnly counted to three, watching Sarah carefully. Sarah nestled the fake needle in the toys fur before pulling its stopper. As she did a red slip of plastic slid up in the vial, making it look like it was filling with blood. 

“Ok, now we just need to wait until that’s full and then she’ll be all done.” Sarah said cheerfully. 

“But what about her blood? She needs it.” Audrey questioned, eyeing the vial. 

“She’s got plenty more, and her body will make more too, she’ll be just fine.” Sarah reassured her. “Look, I think we’re done, do you want to pick a plaster for her?” She offered, gesturing to the now ‘full’ vial. 

Audrey looked at the boxes of plasters, excited by the options. Eventually she settled on one shaped like a cat’s face and helped Sarah put it on the toy. 

“See, not so bad. Do you think we can do you now?” Sarah asked. 

Audrey paled a bit and shook her head. 

“Do you want to sit in my lap kid?” Crowley offered. 

Audrey nodded and reached for him immediately. Crowley glanced at the doctor, hoping this was all right and planning to do it even if it wasn’t. Sarah smiled at him encouragingly. 

Once she was settled in Crowley’s lap Audrey let Sarah take her blood, hiding her face in Crowley’s chest until it was over. She looked about ready to cry when the doctor pulled the needle out and she realized she was still bleeding a little bit but she quickly calmed down when Sarah suggested she pick out two plasters since her arm was bigger than Brownie’s.

“All right Audrey, I just need to talk to your dads for a few minutes and then we’ll get you headed home all right?” Sarah said cheerfully. Seeing Audrey begin to panic at that she suggested that maybe Newt and Anathema would like some stickers too. Audrey still wasn’t sure about that but with the exam room open she could see them and Sarah said she could keep the stickers Newt and Anathema didn’t want, which was too good an offer to pass up.

“That was amazing, thank you for being so wonderful to her.” Aziraphale gushed as Audrey walked out of earshot. 

“Of course, I’m very glad you brought her in. I’m afraid we have quite a few co-morbid issues but we should be able to get her feeling better.” Sarah said. 

“What do we need to do? How do we help her?” Crowley questioned anxiously. 

“Well you’re already doing the most important work. She needs to feel safe and cared for, and its clear she has that with you.” Sarah praised them. “Beyond that it’s a matter of stopping the bleeding before we do anything else. Unfortunately there does still seem to be some on-going harm and we need to put a stop to that. I’m going to write you a prescription for the creams we used here today, which should help get her rash cleared up. It’s also very important that you make sure she stays clean and dry. I know no one likes dealing with accidents but we need to put her health at the forefront.” 

“Obviously.” Crowley interrupted; annoyed at the insinuation they would do anything else. 

“I’m glad to hear you say that, unfortunately some parents need it spelled out to them. It’s also very important that she’s not trying to hold it. I won’t be certain until we get her labs back but I believe she has a urinary tract infection and trying to hold it will make that worse. She also has a mass in her colon, which is why she’s had such a terrible stomach ache and such a hard time going. I’m going to prescribe a laxative to help clear that up but if she’s still having trouble going or still having stomach pains after 48 hours give us a call and we’ll get her back in. When it gets to this point it’s likely to stretch the colon which can hurt the nerves and make it harder for her to know when she has to go, it’s a really awful cycle I’m afraid.” 

“But it will heal won’t it, the damage isn’t permanent?” Aziraphale fretted, looking between Crowley and the doctor. Permanent damage was more challenging to heal, even by celestial means.

“It should, given time, and the sooner we stop the damage the sooner that will happen.” Sarah reassured him. “I’m also concerned about her height and weight, she’s in about the 20th percentile which is very low and she’s showing some signs of malnutrition. Her blood test should weed out any deficiencies and we can add supplements to sort that out, but beyond that she ought to be eating five small meals a day.” 

Crowley and Aziraphale nodded worriedly. They’d known Audrey was small for her age but hearing it laid out like that really drove the point home. 

“I’d also like to refer you to a child psychologist. Audrey has been through quite an ordeal and treating the psychological wounds will help with the physical ones.” Sarah said, handing them a business card. “I know that’s quite a bit to throw at you all at once, but I promise we’ll get her sorted. Children are amazingly resilient, they tend to make impressive recoveries.” 

“Where did you learn all this? I’ve met paediatricians before, most of them are useless idiots who specialize in terrifying children.” Crowley questioned. 

“Dear.” Aziraphale chided, shooting the doctor an apologetic look. 

“It’s all right. I worked primarily with abused children in a residential facility for about ten years before I went into more normal practice. I’m afraid I can’t answer for my peers, but I try not to be terrifying.” Sarah said, unfazed by Crowley’s tactlessness. 

“ngk well, I um, its working…” Crowley stammered.

“He means thank you.” Aziraphale clarified. “You’ve been an amazing help.” 

“I’m glad. One more thing, I should warn you that when I file my report with the NHS the authorities are likely to come knocking. It would be wise to make sure you have all your paperwork sorted, they generally take a week or two before they’ll get to that though.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just fluff, domestic fluffy nonsense. I promise I will deal with my latest plot mess eventually. (Edit: my definition of fluff may have been a bit generous. Its been a wild week)
> 
> Also this is quickly approaching 100,000 words and I really have nothing to say for myself. 
> 
> Send comments, I don't actually have a special reason I need them this week I just love hearing from ya'll.

The pair walked out into the waiting room to find Audrey and Newt helping Anathema decorate her jacket with golden stars. She proudly displayed their little project to Crowley and Aziraphale, showing them how they’d drawn swirling patterns. 

Audrey wanted to go straight home, but she begrudgingly agreed to go back to Newt and Anathema’s first so they could have lunch and gather her things. Crowley tried to slide past Aziraphale and into the driver’s seat but dual glares from Anathema and the angel made him rethink that. 

Aziraphale helped Audrey pack her things up while the other three prepared lunch.

“Are you sure I can keep all of them?” Audrey questioned, looking at the wall of toys. 

“Absolutely. They’re yours. Although we should make sure we remember to thank Newt and Anathema.” Aziraphale reassured her, loading toys into a borrowed suitcase. 

“But it’s a lot, what if they’re mad at me?” Audrey worried.

“They won’t be mad at you, they already told me they’re happy you liked them.” Aziraphale said. 

“They said they didn’t want me to be bored. But I wouldn’t have gotten in their way even if I was. I know my place.” Audrey told him quietly. 

“Audrey, dear girl, they didn’t want you out of the way, they wanted you to enjoy yourself. And I would like you to forget this nonsense about knowing your place; you are a child, not a dish to be put away.” Aziraphale told her firmly. 

Audrey shrugged, not sure what to do with that. They packed the rest of the toys and her clothes quickly, before heading downstairs for lunch.

Audrey was hesitant to sit down at the table, still not sure about the whole eating thing, but Crowley managed to coax her into his lap without too much fuss. 

“I’m not hungry.” Audrey fibbed, eyeing the bowl of soup in front of her. Her stomach had just stopped hurting; she wasn’t trying to get it to start again. 

“You need to eat kid, doctor’s orders.” Crowley told her sympathetically. 

Audrey shook her head stubbornly, clenching her jaw shut. 

“Child, remember Doctor Sarah told you that you must be brave if you want to get better.” Aziraphale tried. 

“I was already brave.” Audrey whined. 

“You were, you were very brave, but I’m afraid we still need to eat.” Aziraphale coaxed. 

“You know, if you do a good job on your lunch I bet you could earn a sticker.” Anathema said, glancing at her now very shiny jacket.

Audrey looked up at her curiously. 

“I’m not eating all of it, it’s too much.” She said quietly, watching the grown-ups to see what they’d do. 

“How about a sticker for every 10 bites? That sound fair kid?” Crowley bargained. Audrey twisted on his lap to look at him. 

“That’s too many.” She whined.

“5 then? I think there’s a whole pack in with the art supplies.” Newt offered. Crowley opened his mouth to remind him that the goal was to get Audrey to eat a full meal, not a few spoonfuls of broth, but she nodded before he could get the words out. She made no move to feed herself, but didn’t protest when Crowley started to instead. Getting her to drink proved to be trickier, but a promise to count sips along with bites and Anathema letting her dye the water green with food colouring managed to get at least a little bit in her. 

“Can we go home now?” Audrey whined, forgetting her manners for a moment. 

“In just a few minutes dear, was there something you wanted to tell Newt and Anathema first?” Aziraphale said, eyeing the suitcase of toys for good measure. 

“Thank you for the toys and the clothes and the food and for not being mean.” Audrey stammered quickly, hoping she hadn’t gotten herself in trouble by being ungrateful. 

“Of course sweetie, it was lovely to have you.” Anathema said. 

“Although we’re sorry you got sick.” Newt added a bit guiltily. 

“That was hardly your fault dear boy, and we were lucky you found such an excellent doctor.” Aziraphale said reassuringly. 

“You can thank Tracy for that.” Newt said. 

“We shall, but it was still you two who thought to ask her.” Aziraphale responded. 

“Yeah, decent doctors are a pain to find most of them are sh-…not very good.” Crowley said. 

“Yes, we’re both very grateful for your help, aren’t we Crowley.” Aziraphale said, shooting a pointed look at his demon. 

“Yeah, we are. Course we are. And I’m sorry I was a bit erm….harsh earlier.” Crowley agreed awkwardly, squirming under Aziraphale’s gaze. 

Crowley once again tried to insist on driving, but Aziraphale managed to convince him that he would be more helpful sitting with Audrey. Crowley would have griped more about this decision, but they’d barely made it out of Tadfield when Audrey fell asleep on his shoulder and even he found it hard to be grumpy then. 

Audrey slept through the whole drive back into London and barely stirred when Aziraphale picked her up and carried her upstairs. The hall at the top of the stairs was a jarring sight for both of them. The wall was still singed and blackened and the air still smelled vaguely of brimstone. Aziraphale grimaced but walked by it, going to settle Audrey in her bed. 

Without a second thought Crowley raised his hand and snapped. The wallpaper smoothed over but the blacked burned patch immediately seeped through, taking on the look of Hell’s walls, grey, cracking and mysteriously damp. Crowley growled in annoyance and had just lifted his hand to try again when Aziraphale remerged. 

“Perhaps you ought to let me do that dearest.” He said, gently taking Crowley’s hand before the demon could bring anymore of Hell’s unpleasantness into their flat. 

Aziraphale raised his own hand and Focused before snapping. The stain immediately vanished, baked off by an impossibly bright light pouring out from behind it. The light intensified until the whole corner of wall was glowing and leaking wholly energy. 

“Angel!” Crowley exclaimed, stumbling backwards. Ethereal energy by itself wasn’t supposed to be able to destroy demons but he wasn’t eager to test that theory. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Aziraphale said frantically, stepping in front of Crowley to shield him and raising his hand to try again. 

“Don’t!” Crowley hissed, grabbing the Angel’s hand. “You’ll do it again.”

“I suppose you might be right.” Aziraphale conceded, letting the demon lower his hand and glaring ruefully at the wall. “This is really getting rather irritating.” 

“Yeah, no shit. We should be back to normal by the morning though. If we’re not I’m going to march back down there and…” Crowley trailed off, not exactly sure what he would do.

“Language. And yes I’m afraid we’ll just need to have some patience.” Aziraphale said ruefully. 

The duo left the still-glowing wall and flopped down on the couch, both were still too worked up to actually sleep, but that didn’t stop them from falling into a bit of a daze. 

Audrey slept for hours, exhaustion finally fully catching up to her as the adrenaline wore off. She probably would have slept all the way through the night had her bladder not decided to interfere. Instead she woke up to a now semi-familiar burning stabbing pain ripping through her lower stomach and crotch. Muscle memory kept her from screaming but didn’t stop her eyes from watering. She tried to stand up so that she could get one of them to help her and immediately realized two things: she was already soaked and walking hurt way too badly to keep trying. 

She stood frozen for a few seconds, until a second wave ripped through her, making the already impossible pain worse. Then, remembering her promise to try to be brave, she did something unthinkable. 

“Crowley! Aziraphale!” She called tearfully, hoping she wouldn’t be in too much trouble for whining and shouting. 

It took a second for Aziraphale and Crowley to process what they’d heard, but once they did they both went running. Crowley was first through the door, he opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but the girl’s stance answered the question for him. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll get you some more cream kiddo.” He said, scooping the shaking child up, careful not to hurt her more. 

“We’ll get you some more medicine too dear girl, we’ll have you feeling better in a jiffy.” Aziraphale added, fiddling with his hands nervously. 

“Of course, but let’s get you changed first.” Crowley said, somewhat awkwardly signalling for the Angel to follow him. Aziraphale’s lack of experience with any sort of nappy-changing had been amusing before but it wouldn’t be funny if it led to Audrey’s rash getting worse. Not to mention Crowley had no intention in letting it all fall to him, as far as he was concerned it was Aziraphale’s turn. 

Audrey didn’t protest as Crowley laid her down on the counter, still too focused on the pain to even really notice. Crowley changed her quickly although he was careful to narrate what he was doing so Aziraphale could follow the steps. Audrey buried her face in her sloth’s stomach, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment. She only moved it when she felt Crowley slide a clean pull-up up her legs, followed by her joggers. 

She reached for him immediately but he told her to wait a second while he washed his hands. Rationally this made sense, but Audrey wasn’t feeling particularly rational and she felt her lip quiver. Seeing that Aziraphale slid by his husband and picked her up instead, brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead. 

“Shall we get you some medicine dear girl?” He said, already looking for the box. Audrey took the pain reliever without a fuss, even letting Aziraphale coax a few sips of water into her, mainly because Anathema had been right and taking it without any had made her mouth taste gross. 

“I’m sorry I yelled.” Audrey finally managed, glancing between them as she tried to figure out if she was in trouble. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for kid, in fact you did a very good job following the rules.” Crowley said. 

“I did?” Audrey questioned.

“You did. Remember you’re supposed to ask for help when you need it. That’s exactly what you did.” Crowley clarified.

“But I was loud. And whiny.” Audrey protested, to confused to realize she was arguing that she should be in trouble. 

“Dear girl, you were calling to us from another room, if you hadn’t yelled we wouldn’t have been able to hear you.” Aziraphale said, settling back onto the couch with her still in his arms. 

“And remember we decided that it’s never whining if you’re hurt. I don’t know what jerk told you differently, but they were lying.” Crowley added firmly. 

Audrey shrugged, not sure she believed him.

“You did good kid, we’re proud of you.” Crowley said. Aziraphale nodded, wanting to be sure Audrey knew he agreed. 

The little family sat and watched a bit of telly as Audrey fully woke up, but it didn’t take long for her to get a bit antsy. Crowley insisted on having her try the toilet, but when that proved not to be the issue he suggested she show them some of her new toys. 

Audrey perked up at that, mainly because she could see the bracelet kit at the top of the pile and she was eager to show off. Anathema had taught her a few fancy stitches and given her a few fancy charms to add and it made her feel like she was in on a secret. 

Crowley agreed immediately, just happy to see her excited about something. He helped her lay it out on the coffee table, listening intently as she explained the set-up. She carefully showed them the stitches and the charms, her voice growing more confident as she spoke. By the time they were asking her questions she was giggling and smiling. 

Both Crowley and Aziraphale tried to make bracelets as well, but they both found it absurdly challenging. Crowley made it nine knots in before tangling the thread and growing irritated. Aziraphale tried to replicate the intricate stitches Audrey had shown them, but found them more challenging than he’d anticipated. He managed to make something resembling a bracelet, but it looked nothing like he’d intended.

Luckily, Audrey was content to have them help her, or more specifically let them hand things to her and watch. Not wanting them to feel left out she decided she would make bracelets for them. She made Crowley’s first, one of the charms Anathema had given her was a small golden snake and she’d been saving it for him. Once the bracelet was tied tightly around Crowley’s wrist she started on one for Aziraphale, layering light blues and creams so it would match what he always seemed to be wearing. 

Audrey was for the most part deeply grateful to be home, although she was still feeling a bit uneasy. This wasn’t helped by Crowley’s attempts to drag her to the bathroom every fifteen minutes. 

Determined to keep her from doing anymore harm to herself Crowley was doing his absolute best to follow his schedule and make sure she wasn’t trying to hold it again. Unfortunately for Audrey this meant he kept asking if she needed to go and she still couldn’t completely tell. Her tummy still felt weird but when she let him take her either nothing happened or it really hurt. 

The doctor had told her it was ok if she still used pull-ups or had accidents but Crowley clearly had other ideas. That would have been scary to begin with but it felt especially dangerous right now. She was careful not to let him know she was afraid of something so stupid but still found herself drifting towards Aziraphale and she was beyond relieved when the Angel suggested they read a story while Crowley made dinner. 

One story turned into three, Audrey was happy to be able to relax and Aziraphale was elated to see her enjoying some of his books. By the time dinner was ready most of the remaining tension had left her body. She even let Aziraphale convince her to try the toilet before dinner, though it wasn’t terribly successful. 

Crowley once again promised her stickers to get her to eat, Aziraphale mumbled something about bribery but let it go, not able to come up with another idea. She’d managed to clear about half her plate when her body staged a rebellion. Her stomach cramped horribly and she felt a now-familiar burning pool around her. Before she could stop herself she yelped and dropped her fork. 

“Audrey, what’s wrong?” Crowley asked, jumping up to go to her side. She flinched away from him, falling back into Aziraphale. She could feel the gross pull-up beneath her and in addition to near-blinding pain she was sure she’d be in trouble. There was no way they’d believe this had been an accident. 

“Child, what’s the matter, was the food too hot?” Aziraphale questioned, wrapping his arms around her so she wouldn’t fall. 

Audrey shook her head tearfully, trying to decide what to do. She was still trying to come up with a good excuse when a rather distinct smell reached Crowley’s nose. 

“Why don’t you come with me kid, I’ll get you changed.” He offered quickly. Audrey shook her head frantically, pushing herself further into Aziraphale. 

“Child the doctor was very clear we need to make sure you stay clean, we don’t want you to be in pain.” Aziraphale said firmly. 

Audrey shook her head again. They knew. They knew she was bad and disgusting and they’d spent all day treating her like a baby and she’d still managed to make a mess right at the table. They were going to be so mad at her and it was all her fault. 

“Audrey we just need to get you cleaned up. Come on, you’ll feel so much better.” Crowley offered, reaching for her again. She turned into Aziraphale, still assuming that while both of them would be upset Crowley would be worse.

“Why don’t you let me take you dear girl? We’ll get you all sorted and then you can come finish your dinner.” Aziraphale said a bit nervously, standing with her in his arms. 

Audrey shook her head again but didn’t actively fight him and Aziraphale decided that was going to have to do. The doctor had been quite firm on this point and he hated to think the child was in pain, especially when they could stop it. He wasn’t entirely sure he knew what he was doing but at least he was doing something. 

“I can do it, I don’t need help.” Audrey said half-heartedly. 

“Are you sure dear girl? I think it will be easier if I help you.” Aziraphale questioned, confused by the sudden shift. 

“I can do it, it’s my fault. I can clean up my mess.” Audrey said, trying to be convincing. Maybe if she at least cleaned it up they wouldn’t get too mad. 

“It is certainly not your fault, and I’m sure you could, but I’m happy to help you, we don’t want that rash getting any worse.” Aziraphale said a bit more firmly. He wasn’t exactly sure why this argument had come back but at least he felt familiar with it.

“It is, and you and Crowley are gonna be mad at me.” She whined.

“We most certainly are not.” Aziraphale said, laying her down and trying to remember how Crowley had done this. 

“You are, I’m bad and gross and I couldn’t be good even when he took me over and over and over. I’m disgusting.” Audrey said bitterly, nearly rolling off the counter as she tried to scoot away from him. 

“Child you’re sick, that’s hardly your fault. And the doctor told you it was all right if you continued to use the pull-ups remember?” Aziraphale said, positioning himself so she couldn’t fall.

“Yeah but Crowley keeps asking me if I need to go and I don’t know cause I’m too stupid and I didn’t go when you took me and that was only like five minutes ago. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Audrey confessed tearfully. 

“Audrey, you’re not well. Your corp-…body is doing it’s best to heal. It has nothing to do with your intelligence. I am perfectly aware that you’re trying and so is Crowley, as we’ve said before we’re not going to punish you for something you cannot control.” Aziraphale said. 

“But I should be able to control it. Only stupid babies are like this.” She responded bitterly.

“You will be able to again, the doctor said it would just take time remember?” Aziraphale said. Audrey nodded tearfully. 

“And you’re really not gonna get mad?” She whispered.

“Certainly not. We just want to help you.” Aziraphale reassured. 

Finally Audrey let him get her changed, although she nearly panicked again as he opened the pull-up and froze for a minute. The mess wasn’t terrible but it was a new challenge for the Angel. Forcing himself to focus on the child Aziraphale managed to get her cleaned up and covered with ointment, pleased to note the rash was already looking a bit less red. 

“Why don’t we go finish dinner?” Aziraphale said, picking her up and heading back towards the kitchen. 

“No thank you, I’m not hungry anymore.” Audrey said frantically, Aziraphale had been weirdly nice but Crowley was sure to be mad at her, and then he would explain to Aziraphale that she was just a stupid baby and then they’d both be mad at her. They might even leave again. 

“Are you sure, I believe you only needed two more bites to get a second sticker?” Aziraphale tried to tempt her. Audrey paused at that, she’d already done the hard part, and she really did want her stickers. 

“I get to sit with you.” She said firmly, tightening her grip on Aziraphale. 

“If you’d like to.” Aziraphale confirmed, his voice a bit strained due to how tightly she was squeezing him. 

Audrey managed a little bit more of her dinner, though she refused to meet Crowley’s eyes or let go of Aziraphale. She was still waiting to see how she would be punished and she was getting impatient. When Crowley offered her dessert she nearly screamed in confusion. 

“I’m not allowed.” She told him, doing her best not to look at the tin of biscuits. Maybe he was trying to trick her so he could punish her more. 

“’Course you’re allowed, why wouldn’t you be?” Crowley questioned. 

“Cause I was bad and disgusting and treats are for good children.” Audrey said, feeling a bit more sure of herself. At least she knew this trick. 

The certainty in her voice stunned Crowley into silence, thankfully Aziraphale managed to avoid the same reaction. 

“Audrey, we spoke about this, you haven’t done anything wrong. And even if you had no one would offer you something you’re not allowed to have. Why don’t you take a biscuit?” He offered, taking the tin from Crowley. 

Hesitantly, watching to make sure they weren’t going to smack her hands away, Audrey grabbed one of the smallest biscuits, managing to stammer out a ‘thank you’ as she did.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit late, my job gave me the plague and while I haven't had any actual symptoms I am back in honest to god lockdown and I've been throwing myself a pity party. Please wear your mask, wash your hands, keep your distance and protect essential workers, this shit is scary. 
> 
> This chapter is a fluffy mess that accomplishes very little for the plot, you've been warned. 
> 
> Send kudos and comments, I'm about 6 hours away from painting a face on a volleyball to give myself a friend.

Audrey insisted on sleeping in the big bed with them, not that they put up much of a fight. As soon as she nodded off Crowley hopped up, Audrey was still cuddled into Aziraphale and that sight alone had him concerned and frustrated. 

Aziraphale let him have a bit of space, knowing that the demon would need it and not wanting to move Audrey immediately anyway. When he finally made his way out to the kitchen he found Crowley sitting at the table with all of the parenting books spread out around him muttering to himself. 

“What are you doing dearest?” Aziraphale questioned, resting his hands on Crowley’s slumped shoulders. 

“Trying to figure out what the fuck I did wrong.” Crowley grumbled.

“Ah, and have you had any luck?” Aziraphale questioned gently. 

“If I had do you think I’d still be fighting with this?” Crowley hissed, gesturing to the sprawling mess of books. 

“Don’t be snippy.” Aziraphale chided lightly. 

“It was a stupid question.” Crowley grumbled, leaning back into the Angel’s soft stomach. “And a stupid idea. None of these idiots know anything.” 

“I’m afraid our case may be somewhat specific. Maybe a break would help? I can put the kettle on.” Aziraphale offered. 

“I don’t need a break I need an answer. If she stays terrified she’s going to hurt herself worse and I can’t heal her yet.” Crowley growled, flipping through yet another index in the hopes that something helpful had appeared. 

“I’ve looked through all of these texts and am fairly certain you won’t find anything there. And her rash was already beginning to look a bit better, come take a rest.” Aziraphale said more forcefully, pulling the demon and his chair away from the table.

“Angel!” Crowley complained, throwing his head back in frustration. 

“If you yell you’re going to wake Audrey up which certainly won’t be helpful. I seem to recall a certain ex-nanny telling me these things simply require patience.” Aziraphale said.

“I didn’t tell you to be patient! I’m a demon we’re not patient.” Crowley responded. 

“You told me she would need time to trust us, and you’re a rather terrible demon.” Aziraphale chided, settling the kettle on the stove. 

“Yeah but she wasn’t supposed to be afraid of me.” Crowley grumbled.

“You said yourself that we’re up against a whole lifetime of fear. Even you can’t work that quickly.” Aziraphale said sympathetically, pulling the book out of Crowley’s hands and replacing it with a mug. 

“I just hate that we’ve gone backwards, and she got hurt, and I can’t even fix it. It‘s fucking annoying.” Crowley crumbled. “And she wasn’t afraid of you.”

“She was, she was just slightly more afraid of you.” Aziraphale said.

“Exactly, and I don’t know how else to help her.” Crowley groaned. 

“Dear I think perhaps you need to stop trying so desperately to help her.” Aziraphale said delicately. 

“I…what” Crowley stammered.

“You are trying so hard to help her you’re scaring her.” Aziraphale elaborated.

“What?” Crowley repeated

“She said something about being worried you’ll be angry she’s still having issues because you’ve been trying so hard to help her.” Aziraphale said.

“But of course she’s still having issues. It hasn’t even been 24 hours. We just talked with the doctor this morning.” Crowley responded incredulously.

“Well yes, but I don’t think she’s quite thinking logically. She just wants to do what she thinks you’re expecting of her and she’s terrified that if she can’t you’ll be upset with her.” Aziraphale continued.

“So I was making it worse.” Crowley grumbled, leaning his head in his hands. 

“You were trying to help, it just wasn’t terribly successful. Hopefully we can start the day more relaxed tomorrow and that will calm her down a bit.” Aziraphale said, wrapping his arm around his husband. 

“But we can’t just be relaxed about it. She’s sick and we can’t miracle it away so we’re stuck with human nonsense. Do you know how shit human nonsense is? They still can’t even get rid of the sniffles.” Crowley protested. 

“The doctor seemed confident that as long as it was monitored and not allowed to get worse she would be fine.” Aziraphale said, trying not to let Crowley’s worries rattle him. Human healing was rather dubious at best and he was trying not to think too hard about the ways it could go wrong. 

“Yeah, exactly, monitored, but if monitoring it just scares her more we’re kind of at a loss aren’t we.” Crowley grumbled. 

“We’re not going to stop trying to help her dearest, I think you may just need to be a bit…subtler in your approach. We shall have a talk with her tomorrow and you’ll reassure her that you aren’t going to be upset over this and that should clear the whole thing up.” Aziraphale said decisively. 

“I hope so.” Crowley grumbled, taking a long sip of his tea. 

“It will be all right, I know an excellent nanny.” Aziraphale teased. 

Crowley rolled his eyes and snorted, but didn’t stop himself from leaning into his angel.

\-----

Audrey slept through the night, pure exhaustion holding everything else at bay. Crowley had been determined to stay up and come up with a fool proof plan to get her to stop being afraid of him and a way to get rid of the authorities should they show up but Aziraphale dragged him to bed. Or rather Aziraphale picked him up like a rather unruly sack of potatoes and put him in bed while rambling about the importance of rest. If exhaustion meant no demonic miracles then sleep would be the quickest way to sort that out. 

Once he was satisfied the demon was truly asleep, after several attempts at pretending to be, he went back out to the kitchen, brewed another pot of tea and set to work reviewing the entirety of child custody law.   
\------

Crowley woke to the bed shifting ever so slightly, He groaned and turned away from the movement, still mostly asleep. He was punished by a rather rude jolt and the thud of little feet landing on the floor. That dragged him the rest of the way into the land of the living and his eyes shot open to meet Audrey’s rather terrified gaze. 

“Sorry, I was trying to be quiet, sorry.” She apologized frantically, stumbling away from him. 

“It’s fine kid, you’re allowed to wake me up. “ Crowley told her quickly, trying to wipe the sleep off his face. 

“I’m…what?” Audrey questioned, sure that couldn’t be right. Waking up Grown-ups was never allowed and Crowley certainly hadn’t sounded happy a second ago. 

“You’re allowed to wake me up, Aziraphale too, though I’m not sure where he is.” Crowley said, forcing himself to sit up. “Do you want me to take you to the toilet?” He asked, wondering if that was why she’d gotten up. 

“No thank you.” Audrey said quietly, shifting in her wet pull-up and hoping that maybe she could find Aziraphale and get him to change her. 

“Do you need a change then?” Crowley asked gently.

Audrey eyed him carefully; sure this had to be a trick. She shrugged; it wasn’t really lying if she didn’t say anything right?

“Come on kid, we want to get rid of that rash don’t we?” Crowley tried again, opening his arms to see if she’d let him pick her up. 

Audrey still wasn’t sure about this idea but she didn’t see Aziraphale and outright refusing Crowley might make him cross with her, and being clean really did sound good. Nervously she took a step forward and reached for him. She tensed in his arms for a minute but when he didn’t squeeze her or drop her she let herself relax. 

Crowley got the wet pull-up off and got her clean as gently as he could. Audrey kept her face hidden in her hands, embarrassed and still worried he would be cross. 

“Do you want to try the toilet before we put on a new one?” Crowley asked. 

Audrey shook her head, fully expecting him to make her do so anyway. 

“Ok, but If you need to go later remember to tell one of us, remember we need to listen to our bodies.” He told her, getting her creamed and redressed. 

Audrey nodded tensely, biting her bottom lip. How was she supposed to listen to her body if it wasn’t telling her anything? 

Crowley picked her up again but she was stiff in his arms, still stressing over what he’d said. He took her out into the kitchen where Aziraphale was trying to organize his stacks of notes, hoping Crowley wouldn’t realize he’d been up all night. 

“What’s all this Angel?” Crowley questioned, setting Audrey down since she still felt stiff in his arms. 

“Just a bit of research. There are a few things I think we should make official.” Aziraphale said carefully.

“Want to take a break and have some breakfast?” Crowley offered, letting it go for now. 

Aziraphale gratefully accepted and he and Crowley even managed to coax some toast and a glass of juice into Audrey, though she wasn’t exactly excited about it. Noticing the continued reluctance Crowley came up with an idea. When they were all finished he cleared the plates quickly and came back with a pad of drawing paper and a set of markers. 

“Think you can help me with a bit of a project?” He asked them both, knowing Audrey would be more willing if Aziraphale stayed too. 

The Angel agreed quickly and Audrey nodded somewhat intrigued despite her nervousness. 

“So kid, you’ve been doing such a good job and we’re asking a lot of you, so I thought it might be nice to have a way for us to track how you’re doing.” Crowley rambled. “I figure we can make a sticker chart and then we can decide what earns stickers. Does that sound good?” 

Audrey nodded hesitantly, looking between Crowley and Aziraphale to make sure that was the right answer. 

“Great. Do you want to decorate the top?” Crowley said, handing her the markers. 

Audrey was very careful at first, asking what she was allowed to put and watching them to make sure she was doing it right, but soon she got wrapped up in her drawing, which helped her relax. 

As she did that Crowley started on a list. He added the five bites rule first, figuring she was already familiar with that, then began to add others in pencil.

When Audrey finished her design she tried to subtly look over at Crowley’s paper, doing her best to make out the words there. Seeing this Crowley put down the pencil.

“These are the things that earn stickers, but I want your help deciding what they should be, yeah?” Crowley said, turning the paper so she could see it better. 

“Like for eating?” Audrey asked hesitantly. 

“Exactly. In fact I think we owe you three to start don’t we?” Crowley said, offering her the pad of stickers so she could pick them out. Audrey nodded and after looking to both grown-ups for approval she picked three and stuck them on the newly decorated chart. 

“Great. So what else do you think should earn you a sticker?” Crowley coaxed. 

Audrey shrugged, none of this made any sense. You either followed the rules or you got punished, being rewarded beyond that made no sense. Of course she wasn’t about to tell them that. 

“How about drinking? Maybe one sticker for every cup of water?” Crowley offered. 

“What about juice?” Audrey questioned, her eyes flicking to the glass on the counter from breakfast.

“Fair point, one for every cup of liquid then?” Crowley asked. 

“Two? Your cups are kind of big.” Audrey bargained. 

“Fair enough, two.” Crowley Agreed, writing it down. “What else?” 

“Taking care of myself? Like not being in the way?” Audrey offered after a few minutes of thought. 

“I don’t think that’s very fair to you dear girl. We’d hardly be doing our part as guardians if we made you care for yourself.” Aziraphale said, a bit more forcefully than he’d intended. 

“How about for asking for help instead?” Crowley offered quickly, not wanting to just shoot the girl down.

“But that’s not good.” Audrey said feeling utterly confused. 

“Remember kid, our rules are different. We want to help you.” Crowley said, pointing at the sheet still stuck to the fridge.

“That’s really weird though.” Audrey said. 

“It’s a bit different than what you’re used to isn’t it dear girl?” Aziraphale asked.

“And maybe a bit scary huh kid?” Crowley asked. “I think maybe it ought to be worth a bit more then, maybe three stickers?”

After a moment of deliberation Audrey agreed, she still wasn’t sure why that was a thing they would want but they seemed dead set on it. A bit more back-and-forth added going to bed on time and taking her medicine to the list. Crowley thought about adding going to the toilet and getting changed when she needed to but that felt a bit too babyish and he didn’t want to embarrass her. 

They hung the chart on the fridge next to the rules before letting Audrey drag them into the living room to play Mario Kart. She set her sights on teaching Aziraphale to actually steer, which proved to be quite the challenge. 

Eventually Crowley got bored and, though he’d never admit it, a bit put out that Audrey was still clearly gravitating towards Aziraphale. Trying to be tactful he excused himself to go make lunch. He started by repeatedly trying to miracle water into boiling. It went better than his attempts yesterday, but it still ended up a bit grey and far more viscous than water ought to be. He tossed it into the sink with an exasperated growl and resigned himself to doing it the human way. 

Meanwhile, Aziraphale was trying his best to follow Audrey’s increasingly simplified directions. He’d managed to steer well enough that he was going the right direction, however the flashing colours and constant jarring sounds were a bit much for him. But Audrey seemed to be enjoying herself and that was enough to keep him interested. She was perched half on the couch and half on her feet so that she could move her entire body in an attempt to steer better, which the Angel found adorable. 

Then, in the middle of their fifth race, a jaunt around one of the tracks she claimed was easy, she seemed to loose focus. She froze and stopped trying to steer or even move her car. It took Aziraphale a minute to notice, as he was busy trying and failing to keep his car actually on the track, but when he did he paused the whole thing. Judging from her stance he could more or less guess what was wrong, but that didn’t mean he felt prepared to deal with it.

“Do you need to take a break dear girl?” He asked a bit awkwardly. 

“I’m fine” Audrey responded defensively, shifting so her legs were a bit further apart and trying not to let the pain show on her face. 

“I think that may not be entirely accurate Audrey.” Aziraphale said a bit more firmly, hoping that he wouldn’t accidentally scare her more. Audrey paled a bit, realizing that he knew. She glanced over at his face, he didn’t look angry, but grown-ups were good at lying. Taking a step back so she was out of arms reach she decided she might as well get it over with. 

“I’m wet.” She mumbled, watching him carefully for any traces of anger. 

“Well let’s get you cleaned up then.” Aziraphale said cheerfully, opening his arms for her. Carefully she stepped back towards him, letting him pick her up but staying quite stiff and nervous as he did. 

“I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry,” She said nervously. He didn’t seem cross, but that didn’t make any sense so she decided it was better to be safe than sorry. 

“It’s quite all right dear, as I said yesterday these things happen.” He told her. 

“I didn’t know I had to go, I wasn’t trying to hold it. I was trying to be good.” She told him, not wanting to get in trouble for not listening to the doctor on top of everything else, and a bit nervous that her body was still broken. They’d promised it would get better but that was happening far to slowly for her liking. 

“Well I’m glad you’re trying to take the doctors advice, but you truly don’t need to be so worried love, this is not something you’re going to get in trouble for.” Aziraphale tried to reassure her. 

He got her changed and redressed with much less fuss than the night before, picking her up again when he was finished. This time she curled into him, trying to let herself believe she truly wasn’t in trouble. 

“I think we owe you some stickers, don’t we.” He said, hoping to get back some of the joy he’d seen before her little mishap.

“But I was bad.” Audrey said, beyond confused. 

“You most certainly were not, you needed help and you asked for it. I am quite certain that is on the list.” He told her. 

“That’s ok, I don’t need any.” Audrey said quickly, seeing Crowley through the door of the kitchen. If they tried to put stickers on her chart he’d want to know why and then Aziraphale would reveal what she’d done and she doubted the demon would be so forgiving. 

“You don’t want them? I thought you were excited about your chart?” Aziraphale questioned, turning into the kitchen anyway, trying to figure out what Crowley was cooking. 

Audrey shook her head and buried her face in the crook of Aziraphale’s neck trying to avoid facing Crowley. The demon elected not to take the hint. 

“Did you earn stickers kid?” He asked her excitedly, twisting his neck in an awkward attempt to make eye contact. 

“She did, she was very brave.” Aziraphale prompted when Audrey made no move to answer Crowley.

“Oh, how many do we owe her then?” Crowley asked, his attempt at cheerfulness growing a bit strained as he felt the girl’s fear spike. 

“Three I believe. Is that right dear girl?” Aziraphale tried again. 

Lifting her head just slightly so she could peer over Aziraphale’s shoulder Audrey nodded.

“Wow, that was fast kid.” Crowley praised, offering the pad of stickers to her. “What did you do?”

Audrey tried to think of a lie, but she didn’t want to get in trouble for lying either and Aziraphale knew what had happened. 

“She needed a bit of help getting changed and she was brave enough to ask me for it.” Aziraphale answered after a few moments of silence.

Audrey’s eyes widened in panic and she tightened her grip on Aziraphale in anticipation of Crowley’s reaction. 

“That’s great Audrey, that was very brave.” Crowley said quickly, desperate to wipe the terror off her face. 

“I-it was?” Audrey said dumbfounded. 

“It was. It was scary and you did it anyway.” Crowley said.

Audrey shrugged, but her grip on Aziraphale did loosen a bit. 

“I’m proud of you kid. We both are.” Crowley said. “How are the Mario Kart lessons going?”

“I’m afraid I’m still finding it quite difficult.” Aziraphale confessed. “The levels are really quite challenging.” 

“I set it on easy.” Audrey protested. 

“Yes well, I think these video games may not be my cup of tea.” Aziraphale said.

“Well maybe a break for lunch will help. I think I’m almost done if you want to set the table.” Crowley offered. 

Hesitantly Audrey let Aziraphale set her down so she could select her stickers and do as Crowley had asked. Coaching lunch into her was less challenging than either of them had anticipated, mainly because Crowley had cut her sandwich into soldiers, which made it fun to dunk in her soup and a bit less intimidating. By the time she was done eating her eyelids were drooping. 

“I think I’m going to lay down and take a nap. Would you like to join me?” Crowley asked her.

“In the big bed?” Audrey asked hesitantly. 

“That was my plan.” Crowley said. 

“Ok” Audrey agreed, though she still sounded a bit unsure of herself. Sleep still felt dangerous, but she was desperately tired, and Crowley couldn’t be mean if he was sleeping. 

She had a hard time actually settling down at first, being alone with the demon made her uneasy and she was being very careful not to take up too much space on the bed. But when Crowley offered to rub her back she said yes and it only took a few moments before her breathing evened out and her eyes drifted all the way shut. Crowley had intended to get back up once he got her to sleep but he was too elated at finally seeing some trust from her to want to move. 

Aziraphale found them both dead asleep and made sure they were comfortably tucked in before returning to his books. Things were far from perfect but they were finally headed in the right direction and he would be damned before he risked anything changing that.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Alive! I'm in a unique level of hell called end of term meets Christmas meets visa/immigration shit and I crave the sweet release of death but I'm alive. Sorry I kept ya'll waiting, we're only a week into December and it's already kicking my ass. Thank you for your comments, they make me so so happy. 
> 
> This monstrosity is now over 100,000 words. I have nothing to say for myself. 
> 
> I hope everyone's holidays are happy, or at least as happy as they can be in the dumpster fire that is 2020.

Crowley stumbled sleepily into the kitchen to find Aziraphale muttering to himself surrounded by notes and a few sheets of suspiciously glowing paper. 

“What are you doing?” He questioned, snapping his fingers and miracling himself a cup of coffee. He lifted it to his lips only to gag and slam it down on the counter, upsetting the two very unhappy maggots trying to squirm out of it. 

“Failing.” Aziraphale grumbled, shoving the glowing papers into a book so Crowley wouldn’t accidentally touch them. “No miracles for you either?”

“Apparently not.” Crowley growled, sitting down at the table. “Law books?”

“We need a contract, the doctor did warn us that the authorities may come knocking and I doubt they’ll take us at our word.” Aziraphale explained. 

“You think they’ll just accept some random contract though?” Crowley questioned. 

“If it is the correct contract and accompanied by the correct forms, yes I do. You forget, my ex-lot invented bureaucracy.” 

“I think I took the credit for its appearance down here though, got a commendation.” Crowley mused. 

“Well, I have been filling out forms for years and if I can just find the proper language then I ought to be able to pop some up for us. Just as soon as I can make anything other than ethereal light that is. Aziraphale rambled. 

“Are you sure we want to miracle them?” Crowley asked.

“Well how else would we get them?” Aziraphale questioned. 

“Like humans, or at least kind of like humans. Humans aided by the occult.” Crowley said. 

“I am not occult, and besides, that sounds like an awful lot of hassle.” Aziraphale complained. 

“It will be, but relying on miracles seems like it might not be great.” Crowley said, glaring at his mug. 

“Well yes, but we either need to miracle it or we’ll need to get the humans to sign it.” Aziraphale protested. 

“Exactly, two birds with one stone. I think her father could sign something, and I think it’s about time someone paid him a visit anyway.” Crowley said threateningly. 

“Perhaps, but we’ll have to find him first.” Aziraphale said. 

\-------

Audrey woke up groggy uncomfortable and alone. She sat up and glanced around the room, thinking for a few terrifying moments that they’d left her again. Crowley had said he would stay with her, but the bed was empty and so was the room. 

She felt panic and anger rising in her chest, but then she heard voices in the kitchen. They had left her alone, but they were still in the flat. She wanted to be angry, she was angry, they had left her, and while she was sleeping and vulnerable. But if she got angry at them they would get angry at her, and then they might hurt her or leave her for real, and she really just wanted to get changed and maybe get a snack and a cuddle. So, forcing the fear and anger to the back of her mind she timidly walked into the kitchen.

“Did you sleep well kid?” Crowley asked her. 

Not quite ready to form words, or at least words that wouldn’t get her in trouble Audrey reached for him instead, breathing a sigh of relief when he picked her up. 

“Why don’t we get you a dry pull-up yeah?” Crowley offered, assuming that was why she was so quiet. 

Audrey’s face reddened a bit at that but she didn’t fight him, even when he made her try the toilet before getting her dressed again. If she was extra good maybe they wouldn’t leave again. 

She’d been hoping they would just offer her food, but Aziraphale was still wrapped up in the stacks of papers and books on the table and Crowley asked if she wanted to play instead. She thought about just ignoring that too, but they kept telling her she had to eat and they’d promised they wouldn’t try to trick her.

“Can we have a snack first?” She asked Crowley softly. 

“Course we can.” Crowley said, a bit too enthusiastically. There wasn’t a ton of food in their kitchen given that they hadn’t had the chance to go to the store or miracle things in but he managed to convince her that yoghurt sounded good. 

Crowley’s next mission was to try to convince Audrey to take her medicine, she was a bit more resistant to that, but when Crowley reminded her it would add another sticker to her chart, and offered to add one of them to hot cocoa she agreed. 

With Audrey settled in front of a cartoon Crowley was beginning to get worried. The doctor had told them they needed to come back if Audrey still hadn’t had a poo. That deadline was coming up fast, and as he sat on the couch he made a fatal mistake. He started to Google. This took him down a rabbit hole of potential causes and complications, as well as offering a horrifying glimpse into the treatments they might resort to if they needed to take her back to the doctors. Soon he’d worked himself into full-blown panic, which he was only managing to contain because he didn’t want to frighten the child sitting next to him. 

Thankfully that was also the moment Aziraphale came to join them. This particular source of anxiety may have been new, but Crowley’s ‘I just googled something I shouldn’t have and now I’m loosing my shit’ face was not. Unceremoniously he removed the phone from the demons hand, ignoring his noises of protest, so he could see what it was that had Crowley so upset. 

Scrolling through the increasingly worrying information would likely have been enough to panic Aziraphale as well had he not been focused on being the calm one. Luckily, having that focus centred him a bit. 

“Perhaps we ought to call the doctor and get her opinion.” He offered, squeezing Crowley’s shoulder. 

Crowley opened his mouth to reply but before he could he was met by a panicked set of eyes. 

“I don’t need to go back to the doctor. I’m fine.” Audrey said quickly. She was supposed to be fixed now; they wouldn’t want her if she was still broken. 

“We may just need to go in for a check-up dear, remember Doctor Sarah said she wanted to make sure everything was all right.” Aziraphale tried to reassure her. “And she probably ought to check on Brownie too.” He added, figuring that if that trick had worked for the doctor it might work for him as well. 

Audrey settled a bit at that, though she was still a bit nervous, a check-up was all well and good until they found out something was wrong. 

“Perhaps when you’re program finishes we could read one of your new books? It looks like Anathema and Newt picked some interesting ones.” Aziraphale suggested, hoping to distract her. 

“Can we read the big one? With the stars on it?” Audrey asked hopefully. The books illustrations were beautiful and she was eager to hear the story. 

“Certainly.” He agreed. “And while we do that perhaps Crowley could make us some cocoa.” He suggested, sharing a look with the demon.

“Yeah, course.” Crowley said, his tone still tense and stilted. 

“And while you do that, you can give the good doctor a call and see what she says.” Aziraphale whispered into his ear, giving his leg a reassuring pat.

As soon as the credits rolled Audrey took Aziraphale to get her new book, practically dragging him along in her excitement. Meanwhile Crowley retreated to the kitchen and found the number for the doctor’s office, thanking someone that his Angel had the good sense to stick the practice’s card on the fridge. 

He got nearly five minutes into a semi-coherent list of symptoms, worries, and general anxiety before the receptionist managed to interrupt him and ask him to hold so she could transfer his call. He had the good sense to wait until he heard the hold music to mutter an impressive string of curses. 

Seven minutes and thirty-two seconds later, Crowley was counting, Sarah finally answered. Crowley immediately launched into a repeat performance of WebMD-fuelled panic, but she cut him off. 

“Been doing a bit of Googling have we?” She asked, amusement creeping into her voice. 

“This is serious, she could have permanent damage or she could go into septic shock or-“ Crowley said, his tone trying for angry but landing on panic.

“I am aware of the potential complications, I promise, but I’d warn you that the Internet has a way of making everything life or death. Has she been eating?” Sarah cut him off. 

“Yeah, she’s actually been doing fairly well with that.” Crowley answered.

“And has she been in pain?” Sarah asked.

“No, I mean, I don’t think so, but she’s not great about telling us if she is.” Crowley said.

“Has she been active, playing, talking?” Sarah continued.

“Yeah, she’s actually reading a story with my husband at the moment.” Crowley said.

“All right, well it sounds like she’s on the right track, sometimes it can take the body a little while to process.” Sarah tried to reassure him.

“Well yeah, but it could be more than that, like I said, she doesn’t say when she’s in pain, it might be way worse than we know, and everything said things could go wrong quickly, and you yourself said 48 hours.” Crowley rambled.

“It could be, but normally even if kids don’t tell us they’re in pain they’ll let us know by withdrawing, from what you’ve told me she’s still fairly active, she’s eating and playing and willing to interact with you, if she was really hurting we’d be seeing it somewhere.” She explained calmly.

“So you’re solution is just to wait for her to be in horrendous pain then, that it?” Crowley spat.

“Of course not, it’s been about 30 hours since we had her in and I really would like to wait a full 48 before we try anything more drastic, she already has a lot of trauma surrounding this and unfortunately all of the next steps are rather unpleasant and likely to add to that. Why don’t we set up an appointment for tomorrow, if she still hasn’t had a bowel movement by then we’ll be able to sort it out.” She offered, not at all rattled by the shift in tone. 

“And what if it all blows up between now and then?” Crowley grumbled.

“Well, I want you to keep an eye out for the same symptoms as before, if it seems like she’s in pain, or if she stops eating or starts vomiting then she’ll need to be seen more urgently, you’re welcome to call us here and I’ll see you if we can, or she could be seen at A&E, as long as you’re vigilant we’ll still have plenty of time to address it before anything blows up.” Sarah continued.

“So that’s it then, just sit around and wait?” Crowley questioned unhappily. 

“Unfortunately yes, that really is the best course of action here. Keep on with the medicine, make sure she’s getting plenty of fluids and that she’s not still trying to hold it in and give it time. And try not to fall too deep into the Google rabbit hole.” She confirmed. 

“Fine, but I want to be seen early tomorrow, like first thing. And if this goes pear-shaped I’m coming for you.” Crowley said, not quite ready to concede this battle. 

“I’m going to let our reception schedule you. And I know this is stressful, but Audrey is lucky to have you and your husband. It’s going to take some time, which I know can be frustrating, but I am quite certain she’ll be just fine.” Sarah said.

“I hope so.” Crowley said, his bravado cracking. 

Still somewhat unwillingly he let Sarah transfer him and allowed them to schedule an appointment for late the next morning, which felt an eternity away. He walked back into the living room to find Audrey excitedly pestering Aziraphale as to how light switches worked, why the night was dark, why there were stars, why night happened, why the moon existed, and what exactly a cricket was. She wasn’t exactly giving him time to answer, which was making things more complicated.

Momentarily forgetting his self-induced panic Crowley brightened, plopping down next to them and reaching for the book. He hadn’t known Bradbury wrote children’s books, but he was delighted to find out, and even more delighted to discover said book was about the dark. He enthusiastically started to offer Audrey answers, or at least trying to, he may have helped build the heavens but that didn’t mean he could explain how they worked. 

“Why is the moon white?” Audrey questioned, thumbing over the picture.

“Well it’s actually more of a grey, but it reflects the light of the sun.” Crowley answered.

“Why does it stay there?”

“Well it has a sort of gravity thing, it orbits.”

“What does orbit mean?”

“It circles the earth. Well not really circles, it’s more of an oval thing-”

“But why, shouldn’t it fall down? What tells it to stay there?”

“It just kind of does, the Earth’s gravity holds it there and-“ Crowley paused. “Why don’t we go have a better look kid?” He offered.

“What?” Audrey questioned

“I have a better book, bigger pictures. I’ll show you.” Crowley said excitedly. 

“Does it have the stars too?” Audrey asked, running to keep up with him. 

“The best of them.”

When Aziraphale caught up with them they were laid out on their stomachs on the rug of the bookshop, Crowley’s coffee table book of space photographs spread out in front of them. Crowley was excitedly trying to explain the formation of nebulas. He wasn’t making much sense but Audrey wasn’t really paying attention anyway, she was too focused on the pictures. He settled himself on the sofa with his own book, letting their chatter relax him. 

Audrey and Crowley went through nearly the whole thing, Audrey asking question after question and Crowley trying to answer them with varied success. They had just landed on constellations when Audrey’s stomach growled so loudly they both jumped. 

“I think maybe we ought to take a dinner break kid.” Crowley offered, forcing himself into sitting up. 

“But we’re not done.” Audrey whined, reaching for the book.

“We can bring it upstairs with us and finish once we get some food in you.” Crowley offered. 

“Fine.” Audrey grumbled, scowling at Crowley. She really wanted to finish the book now but she was still trying to be good. If she whined too much they might take it away for good. 

She reached for Crowley and he awkwardly tried to pick her up with one arm, the other one balancing the comically large book. 

“Why don’t you let me dear girl.” Aziraphale chuckled, scooping her up before Crowley could drop her or drop the book on her head. 

Dinner was as simple as they could make it, it was late after all and there wasn’t much left if the house. If nothing else tomorrow would require a trip to the market. Luckily between some frozen leftovers and a few vegetables (Aziraphale was determined to make sure the child’s meal was at least semi-healthy) they managed to scrape something together.

Audrey didn’t have to be persuaded to eat this time; she wolfed her food down without much prompting at all. Crowley had promised that they would look at the last section of the book as soon as dinner was over and she was eager to get back to it. Crowley was tempted to tell her to slow down, but given that they’d spent the past few days cajoling her into eating nit picking just felt mean. 

“Can we go finish the book now?” Audrey asked as soon as Crowley put his spoon down, looking at the demon eagerly.

Crowley chuckled and let himself be pulled along, happy to have an excuse not to clean up dinner. Chores without miracles were worse than any torture hell had dreamed up. He did insist on dragging Audrey to the bathroom first, but only succeeded in irritating her and making her nervous. She didn’t want to fight with her achy stomach; she wanted Crowley to tell her more about stars. 

He settled himself and Audrey on the sofa, but they didn’t get very far. Audrey was very excited, but she was also very very tired. Even with a few naps to help one full night of sleep hadn’t done much to cancel out a full week of hyper-vigilance and illness. 

Crowley was deep into an explanation of Orion, or more specifically, his annoyance with humans’ insistence on seeing a hunter instead of what was clearly someone at a wild party when he felt Audrey’s head land on his shoulder. He waited until he was absolutely sure she was asleep before carrying her to her own bed, it was one thing for her to ask to stay in theirs, but that wasn’t the default he wanted to set.

Both he and Aziraphale had intended on trying to get things done while she was sleeping, but a day full of living like humans hadn’t exactly left them feeling more rested. After narrowly stopping Crowley from face planting into the contract he was trying to draft Aziraphale suggested they both get some rest. 

\----------------------------------

Audrey woke up alone. She only had a split second to panic about that before she realized why she’d woken up. Her stomach felt like it was trying to turn itself inside out. In fact, it hurt so much it felt like it might be succeeding. She forced herself out of bed, intent on finding Aziraphale or Crowley so they could at least tell her if she was dying, but the minute her feet hit the floor she realized exactly what was wrong. A cramp so harsh it forced her to double over ripped through her core and before she could do anything to stop it she felt her body violently expelling everything she’d been trying to hold in. 

She stood frozen, trying to stop it just made it hurt more and she couldn’t very well call for help now. Her body was taking its sweet time and every time it felt like she might be done more forced its way out. This was well beyond what the pull-up was designed to handle and Audrey was painfully aware of the mess spreading down her legs and up her back. Even if she somehow managed to avoid getting caught she had no idea how she was going to clean this up. 

When the cramping finally faded to a dull ache and she was able to shakily straighten up and survey the mess she forgot herself briefly and let out a gasp and a series of ‘no’s. Beyond that she stayed still, knowing that moving at all would spread it. She was still frozen there, trying desperately to come up with something resembling a plan when Aziraphale stuck his head in to see if she was awake.

“Oh, oh dear.” He fretted, not entirely sure how to handle this. “Don’t you worry love, we’ll just get you cleaned up, it’ll be just fine, we’ll have you sorted in a jiffy.” He babbled, awkwardly trying to figure out how to pick her up without making it worse. 

“No go away!” Audrey pleaded frantically, doing her best to avoid letting him touch her. She wasn’t sure what kind of trick this was but she wasn’t having it. 

“Child, you’re all right, we just need to get you clean.” Aziraphale said, stepping back in hopes of not scaring her further. 

“No no no!” Audrey protested, curling in on herself. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. She’d been trying so hard to be good. It wasn’t fair.

Aziraphale was at a loss, the poor girl was so panicked she wouldn’t let him near her, but there was no way she’d get cleaned up without help, and getting her calmed down seemed to be directly linked to getting her clean. 

Luckily, the commotion was enough to wake Crowley. The sleepy demon stumbled into Audrey’s room, his eyes widening at the sight that greeted him. 

“Angel can you grab us a towel?” He requested, making his way over to Audrey. 

Aziraphale nodded and nearly tried to miracle one before realizing that he ought to actually go get it. Meanwhile, Audrey was doing her best to stay curled around her stomach without falling down. It was bad enough when only Aziraphale knew what happened but now they both did and Crowley was scarier and he was walking towards her and her stomach still hurt and-.

Audrey’s spiralling thoughts were interrupted by a hand very gently landing on her shoulder.

“You’re all right kid. No one is mad at you. Breathe.” Crowley tried to comfort her, exaggerating his own breathing so she could copy it and doing his best not to notice the smell. 

“Go away I’m gross.” Audrey protested half-heartedly, not making any attempt to get away from Crowley’s hand. 

“You just need a bath, you’re going to have to do worse than a shit-pocalypse to get rid of me.” Crowley said.

“Language.” Aziraphale protested, returning with the requested towel. 

“Poo-pocalypse then.” Crowley amended, grabbing the towel. “Can we get you cleaned up Audrey, I promise you’ll feel better with that yuck off you.” Crowley tried to coax her. 

Audrey shook her head still refusing to look at him. 

“Why not?” Crowley questioned. 

“It’s bad its gonna get everywhere and then you’re gonna get mad and then you’re gonna hit. “ Audrey mumbled. 

“I am absolutely not going to hit you. Remember kid, only jerks hurt kids. And I think we can keep it from getting everywhere. You are not the first kid to blow-out a pull-up, and I have taken care of a lot of kids.” Crowley told her, he had a few more choice words for anyone who would hit a child, but his Angel was still there and he was trying to behave. 

“You’re really not mad?” Audrey questioned, straightening up a bit. 

“Not even a little, in fact I’m glad you finally went.” He said. 

“What?” Audrey asked, confusion momentarily trumping fear. 

“I was worried your stomach was still holding everything in, I’m glad its not.” Crowley clarified. 

“It’s still being mean though.” Audrey complained. 

“Well that’s no good, why don’t we get you clean and then we can get you breakfast and medicine? That might get it to behave.” He offered. 

Audrey finally agreed, letting Crowley wrap her in the towel and carry her, which did a good job of containing the worst of the mess. She all but went limp as he helped her out of her messy pyjamas, staring intently at her feet. Luckily Crowley truly did know what he was doing and he managed to get her clean enough to get into the bath without too much trouble. 

A few minutes in the warm water did wonders for Audrey’s frayed nerves, especially when she rediscovered the little family of yellow ducks. Crowley let her play for a little while, using the time to clean himself and the bathroom up a bit. When she finally seemed settled he started to get her washed, taking a page out of Aziraphale’s book and using washing her hair as an excuse to give her a bit of a scalp massage. 

“Are you really really sure you’re not mad?” Audrey asked quietly. He’d said he wasn’t, but grown-ups lied. 

“I’m not mad kid. I’m never going to be mad at you over this.” Crowley repeated. 

“But you keep trying to help me and I keep messing up. You’re supposed to be mad at me.” She said, feeling a bit bolder now that she wasn’t facing him. 

“Audrey, you haven’t done anything wrong-“ Crowley tried to comfort her.

“Yes I have. I keep making messes even though you keep taking me to the toilet and asking if I have to go and I can’t stop it and if it keeps happening you’re gonna leave me alone for real.” She cut him off.

“Kid listen to me, you’re stuck with us. No matter what you do no one is sending you anywhere. And I just want to make sure you’re not still sick or trying to hold it. You’re still in pull-ups because we know you need them. I will keep telling you that until you believe it”

“But what if it doesn’t stop. What if I’m just stupid and broken?” She questioned tearfully.

“You are not broken, and you are definitely not stupid. But yeah, even if you keep having accidents no one is sending you anywhere. You’re stuck with us.” Crowley said. 

“But…but…” Audrey protested weakly. 

“Seriously Audrey, we chose to take you in, it’s a package deal. You’re ours, messes and all. We love you.” Crowley said. 

Audrey spun around to face him, at a loss for words. Forgetting that she was soaking wet and that her hair was still full of shampoo she threw her arms around him. Crowley let her, rubbing her back gently. 

“We love you.” He repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ray Bradbury truly did write a kids book. It's called "Switch on the Night" and its excellent.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so I kind of disappeared for a long time, I'm very very sorry. 2020 acted like it was done kicking my ass and then it came back with a folding chair. But I'm doing better now and at least be back to my normal levels of bullshit. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments/kudos they are what helped me come back to this and keep writing. Ya'll are the best. 
> 
> I hope you all have a lovely, healthy and vaccinated new year.

Getting Audrey calmed down and out of the bathtub proved to be a bit of a project, mainly because she was quite hesitant to actually let go of Crowley. This was scary and weird, but she also desperately wanted to believe he was telling the truth and if she didn’t give him a chance to change his mind she couldn’t be proven wrong. 

Eventually Crowley managed to get her fully cleaned and dressed, although he remained quite damp. He carried her out into the kitchen where he found Aziraphale doing his best to scrape together breakfast. 

“Are we feeling a bit better Audrey?” He asked, turning to face them. 

Audrey nodded, not loosening her grip on Crowley. 

“I think some food might help too, yeah kid?” Crowley said, trying awkwardly to fix her a plate without putting her down. 

“Why don’t you let me?” Aziraphale said quickly, grabbing the jam from Crowley before the demon had a chance to open it by dropping it. “I think we may need to go out and procure some more food today, we seem to be running rather low.”

“Mhmm, or one of us can go and the other can stay with you if you’d rather stay home Audrey.” Crowley offered. 

“I can go, we can stay together.” Audrey said quickly. Being left with one of them would be better than being left alone but she wasn’t willing to risk it. 

“Ok, we can go together.” Crowley agreed, not enjoying the wave of fear he felt wash over her. 

Audrey relaxed a bit at that and managed to let Crowley coax breakfast into her, though she wasn’t exactly happy about it. 

“Do you want to finish our book while Aziraphale makes a list kid?” Crowley offered, wondering if he could weasel out of cleaning the kitchen again. 

“I think you may have to wait dearest.”

“But why?” Audrey whined, forgetting her vow to be good. 

“Well I’m afraid Crowley has a phone call to make.”

“I do?”

“I rather think he owes Doctor Sarah an apology, He was worried about you and I think he was rather rude to her.”

Crowley opened his mouth to argue, but one look at Aziraphale told him that wasn’t a fight he was going to win. Of course he was just interested in avoiding said fight, he was in no way admitting that the Angel was right. 

“But we can read another one of your books if you’d like Audrey.” Aziraphale offered.

“Ok.” Audrey agreed, a bit hesitantly as she didn’t want to upset Crowley, especially if he was already in trouble. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“I need to cancel an appointment” Crowley said a bit petulantly, already anticipating the ‘I told you so’ to come. 

He was hoping he’d be able to just deal with the receptionist, but she insisted on having Crowley check in with the doctor as well, mainly because they had a bet going. 

“So I hear we won’t be seeing you this morning” Sarah greeted him, she wasn’t prone to gloating, but couldn’t resist. 

“Yeah, erm I guess maybe I was a bit premature in my concern.” He admitted.

“So she finally went then?” Sarah confirmed. 

“Yeah, she um, she seems to have finally gotten it all out.” Crowley said awkwardly.

“Well I’m glad to hear that. I’d still like to see her for a follow up next week but unless there are any other issues she should be all right until then.” Sarah said. 

“Yeah, course. And um, I’m sorry I was a bit…curt with you yesterday. I shouldn’t have done that.” Crowley admitted, trying and failing to convince himself that he didn’t actually feel guilty. 

“You were worried for your kid, I get it. But I do appreciate the apology. I’m happy to forget it if you’re willing to admit I may actually know what I’m doing.” Sarah said easily. Yelling parents were common but apologies were much less so and she was somewhat pleasantly surprised. 

“You obviously do. So we’ll see you next week then?” Crowley said, eager to be done with this rather embarrassing task. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The market was hellishly Crowded. With the excitement of the past few weeks Crowley and Aziraphale had forgotten that Christmas was rapidly approaching. London, on the other hand, had not forgotten and the aisles were full of crazed shoppers clutching long lists and attempting to manage restless children. 

Audrey clung to Crowley’s hand as tightly as she could, and he winced as he felt her fear ripple through him. 

“Do you want to ride in the trolley kid?” he offered, wondering if she would feel more secure that way. 

Audrey wasn’t sure about that idea, she liked having some form of physical contact with them, but after yet another person bumped into her as they walked by she let Crowley lift her into the basket. It felt awkward for a second, but she quickly decided she liked it. Having a bit of a buffer between her and the crowds meant she didn’t have to worry as much about someone coming up behind her, and that newfound freedom meant she could actually look at the food. She knew better than to actually ask for anything, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t look at what they were buying. 

“Do you want to pick fruit kid?” Crowley offered, glad to see her at least showing interest. 

Audrey shook her head quickly, there were way to many options and she didn’t want to pick the wrong thing. Luckily Aziraphale’s reading had actually given some useful input on this particular problem. 

“Would you prefer apples, oranges or pears Audrey?” He asked, shifting the cart so she could see. 

“Maybe pears?” Audrey said quietly, watching carefully to make sure she hadn’t made the wrong choice. 

“Excellent choice.” Aziraphale smiled and put a few in a bag before handing it to her. 

They repeated this process everywhere it was possible to give her a choice and slowly but surely she got bolder. Both Aziraphale and Crowley were too excited by this to even think of telling her no, so by the time they were finished their cart had four different bags of crisps, three different kinds of biscuits and a can of custard chosen because it was florescent blue and had Spongebob on it (Aziraphale thought it looked positively atrocious).

Actually paying proved to be a bit problematic, the entirety of London seemed to have decided Tesco’s was the place to be on a Sunday morning and the queue appeared to be endless. Aziraphale wasn’t impressed, but he managed a veneer of patience. Crowley was not as subtle. 

“Ugghhhh” he growled for the fifth time in two minutes, glaring at the mass of people ahead of them. “You’re sure we can’t just take the cart and go?” He questioned.

“That wouldn’t be right Crowley. It’s only fair we should wait with everyone else.” Aziraphale chided, flicking his eyes towards the door. 

“Why? They wouldn’t even notice.” Crowley whined.

“Well, dearest, I’m not even sure that’s strictly accurate.” Aziraphale said, realizing he hadn’t actually attempted a miracle since the day before. 

Crowley and Aziraphale continued bickering although it quickly became more a way to pass the time than anything else.

Audrey was feeling restless as well, she was starting to feel hungry and being surrounded by food wasn’t helping, not to mention her pull-up was wet and itchy. Normally she wouldn’t dream of drawing attention to herself while the grown-ups were fighting but she was still curious about what Crowley had said and somewhat eager to test it. Not to mention she was pretty sure they wouldn’t hurt her that badly with all these people around. 

When the grown-ups’ bickering lulled for a second she reached for Crowley, it took him a second to notice as he was focused on glaring at Aziraphale, and in that moment Audrey very nearly panicked and put her arms down. Looking a bit guilty Crowley scooped her up, realizing that even play fighting in front of her was probably not the best idea. 

“I know kiddo, it’s a long wait.” He said sympathetically. 

Audrey shifted uncomfortably in his arms, hoping he might just magically guess what was wrong. 

“Do you want to walk?” Crowley questioned, wondering if she’d just wanted help getting out of the trolley. Audrey shook her head vehemently, a few stray bits of her hair hitting him in the face. “Ok, ok.” He said, shifting her so she was on his hip, hoping that would be more comfortable. 

When a few more minutes passed without Crowley noticing anything or the line magically disappearing Audrey got a bit bolder. 

“I’m hungry.” She told him almost inaudibly. 

“Oh? Why don’t we steal you a bit of a snack then?” He offered quickly, pawing through the trolley to find something easy and deciding on a box of cereal bars. 

“But we didn’t buy those yet!” Audrey said nervously, watching in horror as Crowley opened the box. 

“Yeah, but we will.” He told her, opening one and handing it to her. 

“No! They’re gonna think we’re stealing and we’ll get in trouble!” Audrey hissed, turning away from Crowley’s offering.

“Audrey I have the box right here, I’m going to pay for it as soon as we get to the front. And if they get mad they can take it up with me.” Crowley tried to reassure her. 

“You know I think I would like one of those too dearest.” Aziraphale said, reaching for the box. 

Audrey watched in horror as Aziraphale took a bar from the box, opened it and took a bite, sure a shop assistant or security guard was going to materialize out of thin air and grab him. But when he managed to take a few more bites without anyone caring the terror subsided a bit. 

“You’re sure its ok?” She asked Crowley nervously. 

“Of course kid.” Crowley reassured. 

Audrey finally let herself eat, though she was careful to keep watch just in case someone saw and decided they were mad after all. Crowley had expected her to settle once she’d eaten something, but she only seemed to get more restless. Now that she wasn’t starving she was forced to focus on her other problem. 

“Are you ok kid? Do you want to get down?” He offered, shifting her in an attempt to find a better position.

Audrey shook her head, wincing as the wet pull-up rubbed against her. The rash had gotten much better but it wasn’t gone and it certainly hadn’t appreciated sitting in a wet pull-up for nearly half an hour. She was trying really hard not to be whiny, but it hurt and the line was barely moving. 

“How much longer?” She asked Crowley.

“I don’t know. Probably a bit, they’re not exactly moving fast.” Crowley said apologetically. 

“Ok” Audrey said, trying to hold still, it wasn’t like Crowley could do anything about it right now. But then he stepped forward and a new wave of pain shot through her. “I wet.” She confessed, careful to avoid his eyes. 

“Oh, well let’s find a way to get you changed then.” Crowley said, doing his best not to let any of the concern he felt into his voice. He’d been trying so hard to get the kid comfortable asking to be changed but this wasn’t going to help. “We’ll be back Angel.” He said, grabbing the bag from the trolley.

Crowley was ready to start singing someone’s praises when he saw the shop did in fact have a bathroom, only to feel Audrey tighten her grip on his neck enough he was afraid she’d break something. 

“No no no no no” Audrey pleaded frantically, panic coursing through her and by extension Crowley.

“Kid, I thought you wanted to get changed?” He questioned, straining to force the words through his crushed windpipe. 

Audrey tried to force some sort of coherent response out of her mouth but the best she could manage was to keep telling Crowley no, desperation driving her to tears. 

“Ok, ok Audrey, relax we won’t go in there.” Crowley said, turning back out towards the registers. He’d been hoping to find Aziraphale having miraculously made it to the front, but he had no such luck. 

“Why don’t we go to the car for a minute kid?” He suggested, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice. 

“What if Aziraphale leaves without us?” Audrey questioned nervously. She could feel Crowley getting annoyed with her and it was all her fault. She should have just been patient. 

“He’s not going to leave with out us, he probably won’t even be to the front of the line before we’re done.” Crowley reassured, already headed for the door. He noticed a security guard looking rather intently at them, but one rather firm glance was enough to put an end to that. 

Audrey hated this plan, but she didn’t seem to have a choice, as Crowley didn’t seem to be asking anymore. All she could do was be as cooperative as possible and hope they got back to Aziraphale before he could leave or anyone could try to take him. 

Despite Audrey’s best efforts getting changed in the car was quite awkward. The Bentley wasn’t exactly spacious and her rash made staying still difficult. Eventually they managed but by the time they were done Audrey was sure Crowley was annoyed with her and Crowley was too busy agonizing over what had gone wrong to realize that she was still quite shaken up. 

They got back to the front door just as Aziraphale was coming out of it; doing his best to balance a conversation his somewhat newly acquired cell phone and pushing the trolley. 

When he finally managed to get off the phone and they had gotten the groceries loaded into the car they all settled into their seats, beyond relieved to be headed home. 

“That was Madame Tracy.” Aziraphale said, glancing at Crowley. “She rang to ask what they ought to bring to our Christmas party next week.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have this be part of a longer chapter but it seems to fit on its own and ya'll have been so patient I thought it might be nice to get you an update quickly. 
> 
> As always thank you for the comments/kudos. You guys are the best!

“Our Christmas party?” Crowley repeated, vaguely remembering making such plans.

“Yes, Tracy and Shadwell are looking forward to it apparently.” Aziraphale said nervously. 

“Well they may be disappointed then.” Crowley said, getting a look from Aziraphale. “I know, I know, it would be rude but I’m not sure we’re up to a party right now, the market was challenging enough.” Crowley said

Audrey had been doing her best to sit quietly and not make a fuss. Mackenzie’s family had sent her out right around her parents anniversary party, saying it was too much trouble to have an extra child on top of everything else. They hadn’t known that she couldn’t just go home of course, but Audrey still couldn’t help but worry they were about to have the same talk. Hearing Crowley talk about just cancelling the party sent a fresh wave of fear through her, it would be bad enough if she was in the way but if they had to fully cancel a grown-up party because of her she was sure she’d be back out on the street within a week. 

“You can have a party. I’ll be good. I won’t even come out of my room. I’ll be really really quiet I promise.” She said quickly.

“That’s not what’s going to happen kid, if we have a party we want you to be a part of it, but we can talk about it more when we get home.” Crowley said. He tried to turn around to give her a reassuring look as well but Aziraphale quickly (and rather curtly) reminded him he was meant to be watching the road. 

“We would never ask you to hide in your room dear girl, besides I’m sure our friends would like to meet you, and I’m sure you would have fun playing with Adam and his little group.” Aziraphale added excitedly. 

“Of course kid, I think you would have fun, but we can also have a party later when you’re a bit more settled. Jesus was born in April anyway, and God never saw fit to confirm or deny what the deal with him was.” Crowley added. 

“I can be ready I promise. My dad had parties a lot; I know how to stay out of the way. You don’t have to wait.” Audrey said nervously, not sure what to make of this whole conversation and not liking that one bit. 

“We don’t want you to stay out of the way, we want you to enjoy yourself. Parties are meant to be enjoyable.” Aziraphale said, looking to Crowley for help.

“Absolutely kid, if it’s going to be miserable and scary for you then neither of us want to do it. But like I said we can talk about it when we’re not driving.” Crowley added. 

“In any case we probably ought to do a bit of Christmas shopping. I haven’t thought about gifts for any of them.” Aziraphale mused. 

“Mhmm yeah we probably should. And someone else needs to think about what she wants for Christmas.” Crowley said, receiving confused looks from both of them. “Audrey. Audrey needs to think about what she would like for Christmas.” He elaborated. 

“I don’t need anything.” Audrey said quickly. 

“Well generally asking for things you need is pretty boring anyway kid. You don’t need to answer right now, but think about it. Otherwise we’ll pick for you.” Crowley said. 

The rest of the short drive home was uneventful, if a bit slower than Crowley would have normally allowed. They managed to get groceries put away and with a bit of prompting Audrey decided on macaroni and cheese for lunch, even agreeing to let Aziraphale add a side of something green as long as it wasn’t broccoli.

“So, we really should make a decision regarding this party. I told Tracy I’d get back to her shortly and if there is a change of plans the others should be advised as well.” Aziraphale said, hoping this discussion could be had a bit more calmly now that everyone was still and fed. 

“We really can cancel if you’re not up for it kid. It’s been a really rough few weeks and we’re not trying to add to that. Nobody will be mad if it’s too much.” Crowley added firmly, still fairly certain they ought to just call the whole thing off. 

“It’s ok. I can be good I promise. I’ll just stay in my room.” Audrey said, not sure what to make of this. 

“If it’s scary enough that you want to hide in your room then we’re not going to do it Audrey. This is your house too, you get to feel safe here.” Crowley said. 

“But kids are supposed to stay in their rooms at grown-up parties. Those are the rules.” Audrey said confusedly. 

“Those were your dad’s rules, and we’ve already established that he’s a wan-waste of space.” Crowley said, barely managing to catch himself. 

“Crowley is right Audrey, you know the rules here. Did you remember writing anything like that down?” Aziraphale questioned, gesturing to the sheet still stuck to the fridge. 

“No but we didn’t talk about parties.” Audrey said, feeling a bit defensive. 

“Your right, we didn’t. So let’s talk about them now. What do you think the rules should be?” Crowley asked.

“I have to come say hello and greet your guests politely then I have to go to my room and be quiet. Children shouldn’t interrupt a grown-up party, I know my place.” Audrey said, eager to prove that she did in fact know how this worked. 

“Dear girl that is appalling! We would never-“

“What Aziraphale means is that’s not what our parties look like. If someone is going to have a party in your house they should invite you to it, that’s just good manners.” Crowley cut Aziraphale off; not wanting Audrey to think his anger was directed at her. 

“But won’t I be in the way?” Audrey asked.

“Of course not. You wouldn’t be the only child either. I know Adam and his friends are coming. They’re a bit older than you but I think you’d get on well with them.” Aziraphale said, forcing his voice back to it’s usual calm. 

“There would be other kids?” Audrey asked in disbelief. “Who else is coming?”

“Some of our friends, Anathema and Newt were planning on it I believe. We weren’t planning on a terribly large crowd.” Aziraphale said. 

“What would it be like?” Audrey questioned. Her father had plenty of parties, but aside from the required appearance to say hello she’d always been relegated to her bedroom so the actual workings were a bit of a mystery to her. 

“Well, we’d have some snacks and some time to just hang-out and then I believe Aziraphale had a big dinner planned, and I think we were going to do presents even though it’s a few days early. Nothing too crazy” Crowley offered. 

“I don’t have any money to buy anybody presents,” Audrey confessed shyly.

“Obviously, you’re eight. Why would you be buying presents?” Crowley responded.

“What Crowley means is we’d buy presents dear girl. Obviously no one is expecting the children to do so. You could help us pick them out though if you like.” Aziraphale added quickly

“But I don’t want to be impolite, I’ll get in trouble.” Audrey protested.

“Those are old rules. The only rules that apply to now are the ones hanging on the fridge. I promise nobody is expecting you to buy anything.” Crowley reassured. 

“Nor any of the other children for that matter.” Aziraphale added. 

“Why are you letting kids come to a party? Won’t they be loud and annoying and in the way?” Audrey asked. 

“Of course not. We’re inviting them because we’d like to see them and celebrate the holiday with them.” Aziraphale said, wondering if his new more definite separation from heaven meant he could smite a certain human without Gabriel showing up. 

“And besides it’s hardly a party unless someone is being loud and annoying, though I’m betting on Shadwell for that and he’s certainly not a kid.” Crowley mused.

“What if they don’t like me?” Audrey asked.

“They’ll love you dear girl.” Aziraphale said.

“And even if you don’t like them you can just hang out with us, we already love you.” Crowley added.

“What are your rules for a party?” Audrey asked.

“Just about the same as our rules the rest of the time. But for this one I think maybe we should make the bedrooms off limits for guests.” Crowley suggested

“I’m not allowed in my room?” Audrey asked incredulously. 

“No, no one else is allowed in your room. You are not a guest dear girl, you live here.” Aziraphale tried to explain.

“Yeah, I just want to make sure you have somewhere to escape to if it gets to be too much. Of course if it got really scary you could tell either of us and we would send people home. And we can still cancel the whole thing if you think it’s too scary.” Crowley added

“No! I mean I think it sounds fun; I want to have a party, please. And I would never make you send people home, you’d hate me.” Audrey said quickly. 

“We could never hate you Audrey. Crowley is right, this is your house too; if we need to send people home for you to feel safe here then that’s exactly what we’ll do. I’m certain our friends would understand.” Aziraphale said.

“But you really would never do that huh kid, even if we tell you it’s ok.” Crowley mused. “How about we decide on this instead: I have an old flat not far from here, if you decide you want to leave you tell me and we’ll go spend the night there.”

“But wouldn’t you get mad? I can’t make you leave your own party.” Audrey questioned nervously. 

“Parties are more of Aziraphale’s thing anyway, and I will never get mad at you for needing help. We can even pick a code word.” Crowley offered.

“A code word?” Audrey asked.

“Yeah, you pick one word and if you say it I’ll know it’s time to bounce. Like spies. You can pick your word if you want.” Crowley explained, sounded a bit more excited than he meant to. 

“Platypus?” Audrey offered. 

“Perfect. So if you want to leave you come tell me platypus and we’ll leave. Sound good?” Crowley asked. 

Audrey nodded hesitantly, still certain she’d never make Crowley leave his own party. 

“And if I decide I’m done with people my word is kumquat. If I decide I need to leave will you come keep me company kid?” Crowley asked.

Audrey nodded again feeling a bit more sure of herself. 

“Great. So if I tell you kumquat you’ll leave with me and if you tell me platypus I’ll leave with you.” Crowley said. “I think we should be ready to have a party then, if you’re sure that’s what you want Audrey.”

“Yes! I mean yes please. It sounds fun” Audrey said feeling some excitement welling in her in spite of everything. They were going to have a Christmas party and she was actually going to be allowed to come. 

“Lovely, then we just need to sort out the food and the gifts, and we probably should put up some decorations but we ought to clean a bit first…” Aziraphale rambled. 

“I think maybe a nap before we try any of that.” Crowley said, the mere thought of everything that now needed to get done leaving him exhausted.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you make the mistake of thinking I was finally going to get my shit together and post on some sort of schedule. LOL so did I, turns out we both got fooled. But I do have a decent excuse this time, I got a new internship that is eating my free time, but it may actually let me get a job I don't hate in the not to distant future so that's exciting. 
> 
> As always thank you for your comments/kudos, they really help keep me motivated and they make me so very happy.

Chapter 42  
“I don’t need a nap, I can help clean.” Audrey said quickly. 

“Well we’re not going to clean right now anyway, why don’t you come sit with me? I have another space book we can look at,” Crowley offered.

It took a fair bit of coaxing but Crowley ultimately managed to get Audrey to lie down on the sofa with him and from there it wasn’t long before she fell asleep. He waited a few minutes before carefully extracting himself from his rather awkward position and going to help Aziraphale. 

He found the angel standing in the middle of the kitchen, snapping his fingers repeatedly and dishes disappearing from the table one at a time. 

“Crowley! Look! I think we can finally perform miracles again!” He said excitedly. 

“Shhhh, if you wake Audrey up five minutes after I got he to sleep you’re going to need one.” Crowley hissed before snapping in an attempt to clear his own plate from the table and brightening considerably when it worked. 

They inspected the dishes and the kitchen for any lingering traces of heaven or hell but there seemed to be no sign of either. That made cleaning the rest of the flat much simpler than it would have been otherwise since both of them agreed that unless they started performing miracles directly on humans both sides were likely to leave them alone. 

The next debate was whether decorations could simply be miracled up. Crowley was certain they could be but Aziraphale was adamant they should decorate the human way. This bickering was interrupted by little footsteps stopping just shy of the door. 

Audrey had once again woken up alone which was upsetting. Doing her best to remember that getting angry at grown-ups was a sure-fire way to get in trouble and gain nothing she figured she would just go find them and then as long as nothing bad had happened everything would be ok she pried herself out of bed and stumbled out into the hall.   
She was just about to wander into the kitchen when she noticed the tone their voices had taken on. She froze, hoping to avoid getting in the middle of whatever fight they were having, but Crowley opened the door a second later. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ She stammered, stepping quickly out of reach. 

“You didn’t do anything kid, we were just talking about Christmas decorations.” Crowley said, bending down to her level. 

“Didn’t sound like talking.” Audrey mumbled, still feeling a bit grumpy. 

“I’m sorry, we were just playing kid. No one is mad.” Crowley reassured her, realizing it probably had sounded like an argument. 

Audrey shrugged, not quite believing him but not up to arguing. 

“Why don’t we get you changed and then you can come help us decide how we should decorate.” Crowley suggested cheerfully. 

Audrey let him take her to get changed without protest but didn’t let herself give up the near-silent treatment yet. They were still being really nice to her but they kept leaving her alone when they said they wouldn’t and they kept fighting, she was sure the other shoe would drop soon. 

She wasn’t paying much attention when a wave of cold washed over her and the lingering pain from the rash vanished. She glanced up at Crowley in confusion, some of her grumpiness vanishing with the pain. 

“New cream. Does that feel better?” Crowley asked, figuring it was probably better to keep Audrey from getting used to casual miracles.

Audrey nodded, taking the explanation at face value. When Crowley was done changing her he picked her up, mistaking her quietness for sleepiness. Audrey leaned into him, trying to force herself into a better mood. Grown-ups were allowed to wake up on the wrong side of the bed but she definitely was not. 

“Hello dear girl, did you have a nice nap?” Aziraphale greeted her happily, looking up from his newly written shopping list. Crowley could argue all he liked but Aziraphale was certain he would win this one. Christmas was one thing, Christmas with a child was another. 

Audrey nodded, still not quite ready to answer questions. 

“Crowley and I were just deciding on decorations, with all of the…excitement Christmas seems to have snuck up on us a bit. I think that perhaps we ought to go pick out a tree this afternoon.” Aziraphale continued.  
Audrey perked up at that. They’d always had a Christmas tree, but it had simply appeared in the living room a few weeks before the holiday along with the other decorations. She wasn’t allowed to touch it and she’d certainly never been allowed to help pick one out. 

“We can go together?” She asked Aziraphale suspiciously. “I won’t get in the way.”

“Of course we can go together.” Aziraphale said.

“Or we can order one if you’d rather kid, we don’t have to go out if you don’t want to.” Crowley added, still not sure about adding new layers of craziness. 

“I want to go pick one. I mean if you want to. We don’t have to” Audrey said, backtracking quickly when she realized she might have accidentally put herself in the middle of their fight. 

“We can do that kid, but if you change your mind and want to come home you tell us, all right?” Crowley agreed. “Do you remember your special word?”

“Platypus. But that’s only for the party. I’ll be good, I’ll stay out of the way.” Audrey said. 

“You’re not going to be in the way, we want you to help pick a tree. And you can use that word anytime we’re out. Remember the rules say you should ask for help if you want it. You’re not going to break the rules are you?” Crowley asked. 

Audrey shook her head fiercely. Their rules were weird, but grown-up rules were always weird and she certainly wasn’t going to break them on purpose. 

Getting out of the house proved to be a bit more challenging than they had anticipated. First Aziraphale insisted on a snack, reminding Crowley that the doctor had said Audrey should be eating five small meals a day. Then Crowley spent a solid half an hour bundling Audrey up for the cold, followed by a few minutes of unbundling a bit so she could walk. Finally they made it out the door and into the Bentley.

The lot of trees was down to somewhat slim pickings and fairly quiet, most of the city already had their decorations sorted. They wandered through the aisles looking at the sickly trees and shivering.

“Now can I miracle one up.” Crowley whispered to Aziraphale as soon as Audrey was out of earshot.

“No, we are doing this the human way for our human child.” The Angel hissed, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them. 

Hearing Aziraphale address Audrey as their child softened Crowley a bit and he stopped complaining, wrapping an arm around the Angel in an attempt to steal some body heat. 

Audrey kept glancing back at them, mainly to make sure they were still there. Aziraphale had instructed her to pick any tree she liked but none of them looked very nice and she wasn’t sure what to do with that.

As they got to the end of the row she saw one that looked just about ok, it was green and looked healthy enough except for a few scraggly branches at the bottom. She paused in front of it, glancing back at her guardians anxiously wondering if they’d say it wasn’t good enough. 

“Is this the one kid?” Crowley asked, doing his best to ignore the tree’s obvious faults. 

“Maybe, I mean if you think its ok.” Audrey said quietly.

“I think it looks lovely dear girl, and Crowley is quite skilled with plants he may even be able to help fill out the bottom a bit.” Aziraphale said cheerfully. 

“Really, you could do that?” Audrey said brightening a bit. 

“Sure, not that hard really it just needs a bit of help.” Crowley said, warming to the idea. 

Audrey paused to think about it for a second looking around at the other trees. 

“If you can fix it, we could take one of the sad trees. One that nobody else will want.” She said hesitantly. “I mean maybe, we could, we don’t have too.” 

“Well they’re just trees, they’re already-“ Crowley was cut off by a not-terribly-gentle prod from Aziraphale’s elbow. “I mean, yeah we can do that, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Which one do you think we should take Audrey?” Aziraphale asked. 

Audrey went back through the rows of trees, this time looking closer at them. She settled on a sad little tree on the corner with a few green branches nestled into a mess of near-brown ones. 

Crowley opened his mouth to say something snarky about firewood but stopped when he saw the hope etched onto Audrey’s face. 

“This one?” He asked her.

Audrey nodded, watching carefully to make sure he hadn’t changed his mind and gotten cross after all. 

“Ok.” Crowley agreed, lifting the tree up over his shoulder and heading to the front, doing his best not to notice the cascade of pine needles that fell as he did so. 

Carefully and with multiple apologies to the car Crowley strapped the tree to the roof. Or more accurately, Crowley pretended to strap the tree to the roof while firmly explaining that he expected it to stay put until they arrived at the bookstore. 

Crowley had intended to go straight home, ideally quickly, but as they pulled away Aziraphale suggested going to pick out some baubles and tinsel so they could trim the tree tonight. Before Crowley could remind his angel that the shops were likely to be beyond packed he felt Audrey perk up. 

“We can pick them out?” She asked, trying and failing to keep the excitement out of her voice. 

“Of course we can, would you like to help us do so?” Aziraphale asked her.

“Yes, I mean yes please. If that’s ok. I don’t have too.” Audrey stammered

“I think that sounds like a great idea kid.” Crowley said, ignoring the backtracking. 

The shops were, as Crowley had predicted, beyond packed. He grumbled to himself as they pulled into the car park but stopped abruptly when he realized all he was accomplishing was freaking Audrey out.

There wasn’t a trolley for Audrey to ride in this time so she clung to Crowley’s hand instead, people seemed to avoid getting too close to him so that worked almost as well. The number of options was a bit overwhelming, and the paradox of price was scary, anything too cheap would be low-class anything too expensive would be greedy. Seeing the poor girl looking a bit frozen Aziraphale decided to try to help. Options, all of the books suggested giving children options. He ought to be able to manage that. 

“Why don’t we pick a set to begin with, what colours do you like?” He asked, gesturing to the boxes.

Audrey looked somewhat wide-eyed at the row of shelves, waiting to be told the right answer. When they failed to offer her one she settled on a blue and silver set that looked like it had some interesting shapes and a few fancy glittery ones. Aziraphale was quick to tell her he thought it was an excellent choice and she brightened a bit at the praise. 

With a generous amount of help and prompting Audrey managed to pick out two strings of lights, one classic multi-coloured and one designed to look like icicles, and an assortment of special ornaments. Aziraphale added a few to her pile; he was elated to find a shiny glass piece of sushi and a glittery stack of books. Crowley deemed himself above such nonsense until he stumbled across a small black duck wearing a tiny red hat. In the name of helping Audrey feel more comfortable he added that one to the basket. 

They avoided the toy section, deciding that was more than any of them wanted to tackle at the moment. However Audrey found herself distracted by a display of fancy art kits set up in the middle of the aisle. 

“Do those look like something you’d like kid?” Crowley questioned. 

“No, I don’t need one. Sorry.” Audrey said, nearly jumping out of her skin when she realized he’d caught her being ungrateful. She had more toys at their house than she’d ever been allowed in the past. She had absolutely no business looking at anything else. 

“That’s not what I asked you. Does it look like something you’d like?” Crowley asked again. “You need to make a list for Father Christmas anyway, he’s going to bring you things either way so they might as well be things you want.”

“I don’t need anything, I’m not greedy.” Audrey said quickly, she knew this was a test and she wasn’t about to let herself get tricked into giving the wrong answer.

“Aziraphale has a Christmas list that’s like 3 pages long, do you think he’s greedy?” Crowley asked.

Audrey shook her head quickly, knowing better than to badmouth the grown-ups. 

“Well he also owns way more things than you do, so if he’s allowed to want new stuff without being greedy then why aren’t you?” He questioned. 

“Because he’s a grown-up.” Audrey said, not sure why this was even a question. 

“The rules at our house are the same for everyone, grown-up or not. Are you going to tell Aziraphale and me we can’t have presents?” Crowley asked.

“No!” Audrey said, shaking her head quickly. 

“Well then, the rule is the same for you. If you’re not allowed to have presents then neither are we, and I want presents. Now why don’t you pick the one you think looks the best and I’ll take a picture to send to Father Christmas so he knows which one you’d like.” Crowley said. 

“Father Christmas isn’t real.” Audrey said defensively, and a bit too loudly for the middle of a crowded store in December. 

“You said that about angels and demons too and now you live with them.” Crowley whispered. 

“Father Christmas isn’t real. I know he’s not.” She said firmly. Noticing a few heads turning toward them Crowley Focused on making this conversation a bit more private. 

“Maybe he just had a hard time finding you before.” Crowley tried again, hoping to put an end to this.

“Stop trying to trick me. I’m not a stupid baby. You’re being mean.” Audrey said accusingly. She’d known the whole thing was a trick and somehow she’d still gotten tricked. 

Crowley opened his mouth to try again, but stopped short when he saw tears trailing down her cheeks. The poor kid had missed out on so much it seemed like this should be something he could give her, this was something he was determined to give her. But he wasn’t willing to make her cry over it. 

“All right, you caught me. I’m sorry kid; I should have known you were too smart for that. What I really meant was pick one so I can send a picture to your crazy grandma Tracy. She’s already texted me 23 times to ask what you’d like and she’s only known about you for an hour.” He conceded. 

“Grandma?” Audrey questioned, confused enough she forgot to be angry. 

“Or friend or auntie if you prefer, she seems to have already decided she’s adopting you as her granddaughter but if you don’t want that I’m sure she could be persuaded to pick a different title.” Crowley explained. 

“But she can’t just decide she’s my grandma. Can she?” Audrey asked. 

“That’s kinda up to you kid. But you don’t have to decide right now, you haven’t even met her yet.” Crowley said. 

“What do you mean it’s up to me? I can’t just choose a grandma, that’s not how it works.” Audrey argued. 

“Eh, that kind of depends on who you ask. I know normally family is determined by blood or some crap, but I’ve been around a long time and I know for a fact you can also just make your own. I’ve seen it done.” Crowley said.

“You can’t just make your own, that’s not how it works.” Audrey said.

“Says who?” Crowley prompted. 

“I don’t know, you just can’t.” Audrey said, wavering a little. 

“Well, if you don’t even know who made the rule then I think we can decide it’s stupid, can’t we. You get to decide kid, it’s your family.”

“But why would she want to be my grandma, she doesn’t even know me?”

“Tracy is kind of everybody’s grandma, somehow even mine, and I’m much much older than her. But she also knows that we love you, and as far as she seems to be concerned that means she loves you too.”

“But-“ Audrey started, but she couldn’t really find the words to ask another question, this was all too new and weird and she found herself wanting Crowley to be right too badly to risk questioning him too much. Eager to find a distraction she turned back to the art kits. After a few moments of comparison she settled on one that had a set of watercolours, oil pastels, markers, coloured pencils, and a small sketchbook all nestled into a fancy looking wooden case. It was definitely too good for a kid, especially a little brat like her, but Crowley had just said he was going to take a picture. Surely the mystery grandma woman would just decide it was far too much and that would be the end of it. 

“I like this one.” She told Crowley quietly. “But I really don’t need presents, I’m not spoiled I promise.” 

“Enough of that, you deserve presents just like everyone else.” Crowley said, snapping the photo. 

Audrey was quite certain that was wrong too but she let it drop, reaching for Crowley as soon as he tucked his phone back in his pocket. It was getting late and she was tired. Hopefully if she was good and didn’t waste anymore time they would decide to go home soon. 

She and Crowley managed to catch up with Aziraphale just in time for Crowley to convince the angel they didn’t actually need eight different rolls of wrapping paper. Audrey let Crowley put her down, getting distracted with bows and gift tags and somehow even more decorations, getting swept up in their excitement. 

That was until they turned away from the checkout again, Aziraphale muttering something about stickers for the windows. Audrey was still trying desperately to be patient, but she was wet, exhausted and hungry. She thought about asking Crowley to change her and maybe get her a snack, but the car park had been far too busy and she was sure she couldn’t cope with the shop’s bathroom even if there was one, and they weren’t buying food so a snack would be harder to come by and more than anything she really desperately just wanted to go home. 

She knew she should just tough it out, but Crowley had told her she could use their word if she needed too. In fact he’d given her a specific rule. There was still a high chance that was a trap, but with conflicting rules she was likely to get in trouble either way. And if they were going to hurt her they’d have to leave the store first. 

She reached for Crowley, nearly letting the whole thing go as he lifted her up, wondering if she could just sleep while he carried her. It still wouldn’t be comfortable but it would be less likely to get her in trouble. 

“You ok kid?” Crowley asked. 

“Platypus.” Audrey mumbled, just loudly enough for him to hear. 

“Did something happen? Are you ok?” Crowley asked, looking around in concern. 

Audrey shook her head, trying but not quite succeeding to hold back tears. She should have known it was a lie. Grown-ups would never go home just because she wanted to. Believing they would was so stupid she was almost embarrassed. Of course Crowley had meant if she was hurt or if something happened, not just because she was tired what an absolutely stupid-

She was distracted from her brain’s spiralling by the realization that Crowley had walked over to Aziraphale. Was he going to tell the angel that she was being a whiny brat? Maybe they’d both make fun of her before they punished her. Maybe-

“Time to go home Angel, can you pay while we get the car?” Audrey heard Crowley say, his tone leaving no room for argument. Aziraphale opened his mouth to ask why, but one glance at his demon froze the question on his lips. 

“Of course dear, I’ll meet you out front in a jiffy.” He said, grabbing the basket and heading towards the front. 

Audrey had been stunned into silence and was focused on trying to see the trap before she was completely caught in it. Crowley was being as gentle as ever, but she was sure that was about to end. 

“We’ll be out of here in just a minute kiddo.” Crowley said, trying to reassure her. Audrey’s silence was unsettling, especially since he could feel fear pouring off her. He wondered again if something had happened. 

“Do you need a clean pull-up before we go?” He asked, trying to guess the issue. 

Audrey shook her head ferociously enough he was quite certain his guess was right. Discretely shifting her confirmed that. 

“You don’t want to get changed? It’ll be quick I promise.” Crowley tried again. 

Audrey let out a whine, vaguely in the shape of no, burying her face in Crowley’s shoulder. 

“You said we’d go home, you promised.” She mumbled, unable to resist being at least a little bit angry. Why couldn’t anyone ever just do what they said they would? 

“We’re going, I just thought you’d be more comfortable dry.” Crowley said. 

“I wanna go now. You promised.” Audrey grumbled.

“Ok, I think we can do that, we’re only five minutes away anyhow.” Crowley acquiesced; pretty sure that continuing to argue would take longer than just going home. 

“We can?” Audrey questioned, the anger evaporating from her tone. She hadn’t been prepared for him to agree, and definitely not that easily. 

“We can. Lets grab the car, Aziraphale should be done paying by the time we get back to the front.” Crowley said, already walking out into the car park. 

Audrey shifted a bit so she could actually look at Crowley, still trying to figure out what had just happened. 

“I’m really proud of you kid.” Crowley told her. 

“You’re…what?” Audrey asked.

“I’m proud of you. I know you were scared but you told me what you needed anyway. I know that’s not easy.” Crowley said, gently setting her into the car. 

“I thought you were gonna be mad at me.” Audrey confessed softly. 

“I’m never going to get mad at you for telling us what you need, I’m sorry you lived with assholes who made you think otherwise.” Crowley said, slipping into the car himself. “Do not tell Aziraphale I said that word.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's laptop decided to shit the bed in the middle of a global pandemic that has everyone working online. 
> 
> It's been a long ass month ya'll, but I'm back and my computer has had a successful brain transplant so its back as well. Sorry for the delay, I know there are badasses who manage to post from their phones but I am not one of those badasses. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments/kudos, they help me keep coming back to this <3 <3

It was late by the time they got home, and even later by the time they got Audrey changed and fed. Crowley tried to convince Aziraphale and Audrey that the tree could wait until morning, but neither of them were receptive to that argument. 

Audrey would never have disobeyed him on her own, but Aziraphale kept handing her ornaments and telling her to hang them up and she’d never gotten to decorate a Christmas tree before, and even though Crowley kept saying it was too late to be up he was laughing and smiling and she was pretty sure he actually thought it was ok. 

The near-dead decoration laden tree looked like something out of a bad sitcom and Crowley was certain there were more needles on the floor than actually on the tree. But just as he opened his mouth to comment Audrey asked if he would help her put a star on the rather crooked top. He felt the urge to make snarky comments evaporate and was somewhat surprised to find he didn’t evaporate with it. 

He did however try to ruin Aziraphale’s picture by sticking his tongue out as he lifted Audrey onto his shoulder and encouraging her to do the same. Aziraphale rolled his eyes and snapped the photo anyway, it was really rather cute, even if a certain demon would never admit it. 

With most of the decorations up and the living room in a state of festive chaos Crowley finally convinced Audrey to put on pyjamas and settle down for a story. She was determined not to fall asleep, but millennia of experience had taught Crowley a few tricks and soon enough she was out cold.   
\---------------------------------------

Crowley woke much earlier than he would have liked to Aziraphale brushing the red hair off his forehead and planting a gentle kiss there. If it had been anyone else Crowley would have bitten their nose. Hard. But of course, Aziraphale wasn’t anyone else, so instead of drawing blood he forced his eyes all the way open, mumbling something that just barely resembled a good morning. 

“Good morning dearest. I thought perhaps we ought to discuss gifts before someone else wakes up.” Aziraphale whispered, eyeing the still-sleeping girl curled up in the middle of the bed, clutching her sloth. 

“Coffee first?” Crowley requested, dragging a hand over his face. 

“Of course, its already on the stove.” Aziraphale told him. 

Crowley had purchased a proper coffeemaker when he moved in, muttering something about the 21st century, but Aziraphale had remained partial to the Italian contraption he’d purchased in the 1950’s and refused to bother with the machine. He saw absolutely no reason coffee should involve levers or buttons. 

The angel made his way back to the kitchen, trusting Crowley to follow. The demon had learned a long time ago that Aziraphale waking him up a second time tended to be far less pleasant then the first. Despite being an angel, patience wasn’t exactly one of his virtues. 

True to this expectation Crowley followed a moment later, pouring a full mug of coffee into his mouth before he even sat down. 

“It’s so early Angel. So so early.” He grumbled, flopping his head down on the table to emphasize his point. 

“It’s nearly eight o’clock, and we didn’t exactly get a chance to talk last night, I think you nearly fell asleep before Audrey did.” Aziraphale teased lightly. 

“It’s still early.” Crowley grumbled. 

“Yes, well I really do think we ought to make a plan for the day. Do you think our little one would be up to a bit of shopping? I’d quite like to get it sorted before the shops get anymore frenzied.” Aziraphale said. 

“Ugh Angel, why. We have technology, we can just order the things.” Crowley grumbled. He wasn’t exactly sure how said technology would work but he was sure he could make it happen. 

“We don’t know what we’re ordering, and besides that’s not as fun.” Aziraphale said. 

“And you think shopping a week before Christmas is going to be fun? Have you seen the way the humans carry on? They literally beat each other up over unnecessary plastic objects. I got a commendation for the whole black Friday business.” Crowley said. 

“Well you’re hardly in a position to complain if you’re the one responsible for the whole mess.” Aziraphale chided. 

“I didn’t say I’d actually done it. I’d hardly be a demon if I didn’t steal the credit from average mortal bastards.” Crowley responded. 

“At any rate I’m certain we could find somewhere that would be calmer. Perhaps that shopping centre with the pet shop you like.” Aziraphale offered. 

“I don’t like the pet store I like liberating snakes and terrifying humans. I’m a demon, I don’t like pet shops.” Crowley growled. 

“Ex-demon, and I’m quite certain Audrey would enjoy it as well, assuming you can behave yourself.” Aziraphale said. 

“Somehow I don’t think that being dragged to a crowded shopping centre is what the traumatized child needs. We stuck close to home last night, driving out to the suburbs is a whole different crock of shite.” Crowley said. 

“It’s barely 20 minutes away. Why don’t we ask Audrey and see what she thinks? The poor dear has spent an awfully long time cooped up. And shopping for the other children might help determine what gifts she’d like as well.”

“We can ask her, but if she gives the slightest hint it’s too much then we’re staying in. Just getting a yes out of her isn’t actually enough, She’d jump off a bridge if she thought that was what you wanted her to do.” Crowley said, confident that while Audrey might agree Aziraphale wasn’t going to get an enthusiastic yes out of her. 

Aziraphale let the topic drop for now, going over the list of people they still needed gifts for instead. Crowley attempted to argue that demons certainly didn’t go around buying Christmas presents, but given that Aziraphale knew he’d taken credit for the custom, or at least the craziness that came with it, downstairs he didn’t get terribly far. By the time Audrey stumbled into the kitchen looking for them the list stretched over two pages and they had to scramble to put it away to avoid ruining any surprises. 

Waking up alone had been as jarring as ever, even in the big bed, but the blow was softened a bit by the fact that she could hear their slightly raised voices from the kitchen. That was scary too, until she realized that they didn’t sound upset, they sounded excited. 

She thought she saw a stack of papers quickly slid away, but she willed herself not to believe it. Papers might mean they were getting ready to get rid of her and she wasn’t willing to think about that. Instead she reached for Aziraphale, who was still wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe and therefore almost as comfortable as the bed. 

Their cuddle was cut a bit short by him insisting on taking her to get changed almost right away, she was rather soaked and he was absolutely not going to let the rash come back. But, before she could get to upset at being forced to fully wake up she realized Crowley was making pancakes and everything else suddenly seemed less important. 

At first Audrey was still a bit hesitant, good food was still food, but then Aziraphale let her serve herself syrup and whipped cream. Soon she was wolfing them down so quickly he was a bit worried she would choke, but he was too happy to have her finally eating willingly to say anything. He convinced her to add some fruit, but other than that he left her alone. 

Crowley had expected Audrey to be hesitant about going shopping again, even if she didn’t outwardly reject the idea. He had not been prepared for Aziraphale to play dirty and tempt her with the Lego store. The flash of excitement was so brief Crowley nearly pretended he’d missed it, but that would just reinforce the kids belief that she wasn’t allowed to want things. He’d walk through Heaven (or a crowded shopping centre) before he was party to that. 

“Why don’t we go soon, before it gets to busy? Should we get you ready kid?” He offered instead, ignoring Aziraphale, who’d somehow managed to say ‘I told you so’ with only his eyes. 

Audrey nodded enthusiastically, and when Crowley returned that enthusiasm she forgot herself a bit and all but dragged him along. Crowley probably should have made some attempt to slow her down, but seeing her act like a normal kid was way too exciting, so he let her rush him and ten minutes later she was dressed in somewhat mismatching but warm clothes, pulling Crowley towards the door while he tried to at least run a brush through her hair. 

The shopping centre was crowded, but mercifully it wasn’t quite as bad as Crowley had feared. He was able to find a parking space fairly quickly, with only a few demonic nudges. Said nudges earned him a Look from Aziraphale but Crowley refused to count adding some asphalt as a miracle. 

The fluorescently lit bright yellow Lego store was almost too much for Audrey, especially given the volume of people inside it. Seeing her freeze Crowley was quick to direct her to the cases which had pre-built sets showing what was in the boxes. Aziraphale, who still didn’t quite understand why needing to build your own toys was desirable, followed behind them. 

“They built that one wrong.” Audrey proclaimed, drawing Crowley’s attention to a slightly lopsided spaceship.

“How do you know?” He asked. 

“That side is too short.” Audrey explained. Sure enough, one of the outer sections seemed to be missing a row of bricks, though it took Crowley a moment to work out where. 

“Impressive kid. Very observant.” He praised her, although Audrey was already gazing at the next case. “I want you to let me know what your favourites are, we’ll take pictures, just like yesterday.” 

“That’s ok, I can just look, they’re really expensive, I don’t need to be greedy.” Audrey replied automatically. 

“We’re just taking pictures kid, that’s not greedy at all. We need to pick presents for some of our friends too, I’m planning on stealing your ideas. And besides wanting Christmas presents isn’t greedy. Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?” Crowley said, hoping to avoid rehashing this argument. 

Audrey didn’t look particularly sure of herself but she nodded and after a few more minutes of gawking she led Crowley back to the spaceships, the badly constructed one was bothering her, and she thought that maybe wanting to build it right might be a bit more acceptable. 

When Crowley failed to pounce on her for falling for his trick she got a bit bolder, and soon she had a sprawling list, including what felt like an entire intergalactic fleet and the makings of an entire city. She kept a careful eye on both grown-ups, trying to make sure they weren’t going to suddenly decide the normal rules applied to her again, but they just seemed to be getting more excited. It was weird, but she had the presence of mind not to try to convince them she ought to be in trouble. 

When Crowley had photographed nearly the entire Lego store they decided it was probably time to move on, but not before the demon convinced her she ought to pick one small thing as an early present. It had taken a few arguments, ranging from Hanukah has already started to wanting to test small things before buying bigger ones, but what had finally convinced her was Crowley saying most of the kits were probably too hard for her. Most of the boxes said ages 10 and up after all, and she was only 8. Audrey nearly just agreed with him, not wanting to start trouble over a stupid toy, but she knew he was wrong and she could prove it. With some prompting a reassurance from Aziraphale she picked out two more advanced sets, promising them both she would be able to follow the instructions. 

The pet store was less crowded which was a welcome break for all of them. Audrey was so enthralled with the puppies Aziraphale was rather worried they’d end up leaving with one. Thankfully even his push-over of a husband agreed their small apartment was probably not the ideal habitat for a puppy.

Audrey wasn’t as impressed with the reptiles, but she warmed to them when Crowley convinced one of the sales associates she ought to be allowed to hold one of the smaller lizards. Aziraphale worried about going home with a lizard, but managed to distract her by having her help pick toys for Dog. If former demons were allowed Christmas presents he figured former hellhounds were as well. 

Crowley was eager to help with this as well. He’d held a special love for dog toys since the late 1940s, when he’d gotten a commendation for the invention of the squeaky toy. Produced out of unsustainable materials and liable to drive anyone within a 50 foot radius mad they were a demon’s dream. He selected a rubber foot, a rather disfigured looking crocodile, and several ducks that made a horrifying noise somewhere between a squeak and a scream, before a look from Aziraphale convinced him that was enough. 

Audrey was hesitant at first, but shopping for someone else couldn’t be too bad and Crowley certainly seemed to be choosing plenty. Watching Aziraphale’s reaction carefully she added a fuzzy orange octopus and a pack of rubber plastic foods. To Crowley’s delight both of these squeaked as well. 

She nearly panicked when she saw the price of it all together, sure that they were going to be angry. But neither grown-up seemed mad, they just paid and turned to walk out of the store, leaving Audrey so bewildered she nearly forgot to go with them. 

The next few stores were boring, although Audrey was careful not to whine. They still had her help pick things, but they were picking presents for the other grown-ups and grown-up presents were no where near as fun as kid or dog ones. Hoping it would be over quicker if she was good she did her best to stay quiet, do what they asked, and not suggest anything too cheap or too expensive.. 

Her stomach didn’t get that memo however, and as they were paying for some strange kitchen gadget Aziraphale said the mysterious Grandma Tracy would like it growled so loudly they both turned to look at her. 

“I think maybe it’s time for a lunch break, yeah kid?” Crowley asked, trying not to laugh since she looked quite embarrassed. 

“I can wait, its ok.” Audrey said, somewhat hopeful that Crowley wouldn’t actually take her up on that offer. 

“I think I could use a break too dear.” Said Aziraphale, doing his best to wrangle the bags. 

Audrey relaxed a bit at that, if she wasn’t the only one who was hungry they were more likely to feed her and not be annoyed. Crowley tried to ask her what she wanted to eat, but there were too many options and everything was loud and busy making the question overwhelming. To her relief they settled on pizza and all she had to do was nod in agreement.

Aziraphale was less-than-impressed with shopping centre pizza, but it became quite a bit more tolerable when he realized Audrey was once again willingly eating. She was decidedly more hesitant than she’d been with pancakes but did answer when they offered her a choice of toppings and when the waiter brought it out Crowley actually had to stop her from grabbing a still boiling hot piece. 

“So I think we’re just about done, we just need to do the kids.” Crowley said, he honestly had no idea how many people where still left on Aziraphale’s list but he was ready to be done regardless. 

“Yes, I believe I saw a toy shop on the way back to the car.” Aziraphale agreed, also feeling somewhat ready to be done. 

Audrey perked up at that but didn’t say anything right away. They weren’t shopping for her after all, getting excited might make them think she was going to be greedy. But maybe it would be ok if she made it clear she knew that, and maybe it would even help them get home quicker. She was getting tired and her stomach was starting to bubble unsettlingly, being done soon would be almost as good as new toys.

“What kids do we need to buy stuff for?” She asked cautiously. 

“Adam, Brian, Wesley and Pepper.” Aziraphale answered. “They’re a few years older than you.”

“Pepper who broke Newt’s bicycle?” Audrey blurted out. 

“That’s the one, I think you can probably help us shop for her, yeah kid?” Crowley offered. 

Audrey nodded excitedly. She was fascinated by Pepper, or at least by the idea of Pepper she’d cooked up in her head, and she was pretty sure shopping for this mystery girl would be almost as fun as shopping for herself. 

Crowley tried to get her to at least try the bathroom after lunch, but between her looking like she’d rather run out into traffic and the waves of fear coming off her he decided to leave it alone. They wouldn’t be too much longer anyway. 

The toy store was pure unbridled chaos, which was nearly enough to send the little trio running. But in an effort to draw shoppers in the store had also set up examples of many of the toys and Audrey was curious, even if she was too afraid to say so.

She clung to her guardians at first, more observing than playing, but with quite a bit of prompting Crowley managed to get her to walk over to one of the quieter stations with him. The little table was covered with materials and instructions allowing children to decorate their own paper bugs and he could tell Audrey was interested, even if she was still nervous. Gracelessly he plopped his too tall body into one of the tiny plastic chairs, which managed to convince Audrey to sit next to him. Aziraphale watched the whole scene just barely suppressing the urge to laugh. He did not supress the urge to snap a few photos, although he did wait until they were both fully distracted. 

Audrey clung to Crowley at first, but that made actually building anything pretty hard, and eventually she started to stray farther from him. She was still careful to keep him in sight but she was too distracted by the toys to worry beyond that. 

Crowley was beyond pleased to see her feeling more confident, both because it meant progress and because he was actually able to help Aziraphale do some shopping. Crowley took a special pride in buying loud and messy toys for other peoples children. 

As Audrey played she was doing her best to ignore the growing pain in her stomach. She was pretty sure she just needed to go to the bathroom, but that wasn’t an option right now and she was sure she could force her body to wait. After all, she’d always managed in the past, or at least that’s how she was choosing to remember it. Unfortunately for Audrey a medical professional and a demon had conspired to make sure she couldn’t fall back into old habits. Crowley had altered her meds slightly now that he could manage such things again, but he’d been careful to keep her on them. 

Audrey didn’t realize she’d miscalculated until it was too late. She was focused on placing small plastic beads onto a tray, they were meant to stick together when sprayed with water and she was trying to figure out how it worked. As she stretched to reach for the pile of red ones she felt her stomach contract. 

She froze in absolute terror, trying and failing to force her body back into her control. But it was having none of that and she felt the whole mess slide into her pull-up, her bladder joining in just to spite her. The whole thing was over in a matter of seconds but to Audrey it felt like hours and she was absolutely sure the entire store knew exactly how disgusting she was.

Crowley and Aziraphale were going to kill her. She couldn’t even be trusted to go out in public. And if they didn’t kill her they were definitely going to leave her here. That would be even worse. She didn’t have anywhere to go and she wasn’t sure where she was or how to get back to anywhere she knew. That was her fault too of course, she should have paid attention on the drive, but she’d been too interested in Crowley’s weird music and now she was going to get stuck with no idea how to get back to the city. 

She needed to find them. They would definitely be mad but if she was very careful she might be able to convince them to just punish her and let her make it up to them. Even if they did kick her out later she’d at least be back in London, that was better than being left here. 

She forced herself to look up expecting to find Crowley where he’d been standing a minute ago, only to have the horrifying realization that he was nowhere in sight. They knew. 

They knew and they’d already left her. 

Feeling panic rise in her chest Audrey forced herself to stand. She needed to find them before they got away. She wasn’t sure how she was going to convince them to take her but she needed to find them. 

Crowley had slipped just around the corner, too focused on comparing children’s keyboards to notice that Audrey wouldn’t be able to see him. He’d narrowed the choice down to two, one with built in drums and one with a set of pre-recorded sounds, including a full set of fart noises and a variety of laugh tracks. 

Audrey was nearly running through the store, blind with panic. She didn’t see Aziraphale until she ran into him, slamming face first into his stomach. The Angel was startled but he wrapped his arms around her anyway, looking around for Crowley. 

“Are you all right dear girl? Why aren’t you with Crowley?” He asked her, trying to pull away enough to see her face. 

Audrey tightened her grip, clutching the back of his vest in her shaking hands. He couldn’t leave her if he couldn’t get her to let go. She ignored his questions, knowing he’d realise soon enough what she’d done and hoping to avoid it as long as possible. 

Aziraphale was somewhat at a loss, Audrey was clearly upset, but he wasn’t sure why and she seemed to be in no condition to tell him. He rubbed her back, trying to calm her down, which seemed to be working until his hand brushed the waistband of her pull-up, sending her into a new wave of hysterics. That combined with the rather unpleasant odour he was beginning to notice managed to give him an idea of what had happened. 

“Why don’t we go find Crowley so we can get you changed love. He’s got the bag.” He offered gently, trying to loosen her grip so he could pick her up. 

Audrey shook her head frantically, refusing to budge. She was too scared to really process what he’d said, and all she’d managed to hear was ‘get Crowley.’ She knew she didn’t want that. 

“All right, we’ll wait. I’m sure he’ll find us soon anyway.” Aziraphale said, putting enough intention into those words to make sure they were true. Audrey made no indication that she’d heard him. 

Crowley did not appreciate being summoned, and Aziraphale’s small miracle was really just a crude version of summoning. Grumbling he followed the incessant pull, vowing to find a way to get even later. He opened his mouth to say something threatening as he saw his Angel, but the words froze in his throat when he saw the trembling child clinging to him. 

“What happened?” He asked, trying not to let the worry into his voice. 

“Audrey could use a fresh pull-up I believe, though I’m not sure what has upset her so.” Aziraphale answered when it became clear the child wouldn’t. Audrey kept her face buried in his stomach, not eager to see his reaction. 

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong kid? Or do you just want to go get cleaned up?” Crowley offered, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Audrey shook her head, she didn’t have the words to tell him what was wrong and she wasn’t about to let him trick her into letting go of Aziraphale so they could leave her. 

“Audrey, I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.” Crowley tried again, receiving roughly the same response. “You remember the rules right? We ask for help if we need it.”

Audrey felt a mix of panic and relief wash over her. She’d broken a rule, she hadn’t asked for help when she needed it and now she was in trouble, that was really scary but it was better than them trying to trick her by acting like they weren’t mad. Forcing herself to put on a brave face she turned her head so she could look at Crowley. 

“Please don’t leave me. I’ll take my punishment, I won’t be a brat.” She said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. 

“Well of course we’re not going to leave you what on earth gave you that idea?” Aziraphale blurted out, tightening his grip on her. 

“Crowley left! He saw what I did and he left and it was all my fault and I’m sorry. Please. I’m really really sorry.” She said tearfully. 

“I didn’t leave you, I would never-“ Crowley froze with the realization that she was basically right. “I’m sorry Audrey, I didn’t realize you couldn’t see me. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Even if you had done something wrong neither of us would leave you dear girl.” Aziraphale added.

“Of course we wouldn’t, we love you.” Crowley agreed. 

“I really didn’t mean too. I thought I could hold it. I was trying to be good.” Audrey said when she could finally manage words again. 

“It’s ok kid, accidents happen. Remember what we talked about? This isn’t something we’re going to get mad over.” Crowley told her. He thought about reminding her that trying to hold it was definitely not being good, but this didn’t seem like the moment for that. 

“Why don’t you let Crowley get you cleaned up love, then we can finish shopping or we can go home if you’d rather.” Aziraphale suggested. 

Crowley glared at him lightly, it was the Angel’s turn to deal with a messy pull-up and both of them knew it. But he also knew it would be a bit tricky in a public bathroom and the last thing the kid needed was an awkward and slow change. 

“Does that sound good munchkin? We’ll be quick I promise.” He asked Audrey, gently trying to pry Aziraphale’s vest out of her hands. 

Audrey shook her head, she really didn’t want to get changed here, and she still wasn’t sure about letting go of Aziraphale. Everything was scary and she didn’t want to deal with any of it. 

“Audrey, we need to get you changed. You’ll feel much better once you’re clean.” Crowley tried again. 

Audrey stubbornly refused to move and Crowley could feel her working herself up again. Hoping to avoid another round of full blown sobbing he put a hand on her back. He considered using a Miracle just this once, but the kid hadn’t exactly been subtle and noticeable miracles were more of a risk than he wanted to take. 

“Can you take a deep breath with me kid?” Crowley said, taking an exaggerated deep breath to demonstrate. After the second one Aziraphale caught on and between the two of them they managed to get her to take a few shaky breaths.

“You let me know when you’re ready Audrey.” Crowley said, continuing to rub her back. 

“I can wait. We can finish shopping. I won’t whine.” Audrey told him nervously. 

“You don’t need to wait, Aziraphale isn’t done yet anyway, he can finish while I change you.” Crowley told her, hoping that might be easier for her to accept. 

“You won’t leave?” She asked, looking at Aziraphale suspiciously. 

“Of course not my dear, I love you both, I wouldn’t leave without you.” He reassured her. Crowley had told him how she reacted to being told she was loved, and he’d decided to remind her as often as possible. 

Still feeling terribly unsure of herself Audrey finally let go of him and let Crowley lead her towards the bathrooms. She nearly reached to be picked up before remembering that she was disgusting and he wouldn’t want to touch her. 

She held it together until the bathroom was in sight, but as soon as she saw the door she felt herself panic. This wasn’t their little bathroom at home, this was the type of bathroom where bad things happened. Anyone could be waiting in there. She was sure Crowley could keep her safe if he wanted to, but after she interrupted their trip by having an accident like a baby she didn’t think he would want to. 

“Please no, please.” She begged Crowley, unable to form a more coherent sentence. 

“No what? We’re just going to change your pants kid, that’s all.” Crowley tried to reassure her, doing his best not to be frustrated with how hard this was becoming. 

Audrey shook her head frantically, refusing to go any closer. 

“Audrey, we need to get you changed. You’re not in trouble and I’m not going to hurt you.” Crowley tried to reassure her. 

“I wanna change in the car.” Audrey pleaded, even the crowded car park would be better than this. 

“I can’t change you in the car when you’re messy love, I’m sorry. There’s not enough space.” Crowley said, wracking his brain for a solution and coming up empty. 

“Please. I didn’t mean to. Please.” Audrey begged. 

“I know you didn’t mean to, this isn’t a punishment, its just what there is.” Crowley told her apologetically. 

“It’s scary.” Audrey said. 

“I know it is, come here.” Crowley said, reaching for her. She let him pick her up, too grateful for the comfort to fight him. “We’re just going to go and get you changed. I’ll go as quick as I can I promise.”

“What if there’s a bad guy?” Audrey mumbled. 

We’ll use the family one, it’ll just be us. We’ll lock the door to make sure.” Crowley told her, quietly considering how he was going to find a certain public library and the most brutal way to kill a certain librarian. They really needed to deal with the kid’s abusers, otherwise Crowley was going to lose it and accidentally smite half of London. 

Audrey finally calmed down enough for him to walk the remaining 20 steps into the bathroom, although getting her to let him put her down took a few more minutes. The actual change was easy enough, Crowley knew what he was doing and she was so scared she was nearly catatonic which, while concerning, made it very easy to clean her up.

Being clean and headed away from the bathroom managed to calm her down a bit, especially since Crowley still didn’t seem mad. That didn’t make any sense, but as far as she was concerned he almost never made sense. 

“Do you want to go home Audrey? I can text Aziraphale and have him meet us at the car.” Crowley offered, figuring she probably did even if she was too shy to ask. 

“No thank you, we can stay.” Audrey responded quickly. 

“Do you want to stay? We don’t need to unless you want to.” Crowley told her. 

“I want to go back to the shop.” Audrey said. “Is that ok? We don’t have to, I know I was bad.”

“You were not bad kid, you were very brave and I’m very proud of you.” Crowley told her firmly. “I just wanted to make sure you actually want to stay.” 

“I found a really cool toy.” She said, eyeing her abandoned project as they walked back into the store. “I don’t need it or anything, I’m not being greedy. But I could show you if you want. Maybe. I mean it might be a cool present for somebody.” She corrected herself quickly. 

“Really? What is it?” Crowley asked, beyond excited to see her actually admit she liked something. 

Audrey directed him back to the magic plastic beads, trying not to let herself get excited, there was still a chance he’d decide it was stupid. 

But Crowley didn’t say they were stupid, instead he joined in enthusiastically enough that by the time Aziraphale caught up to them he and Audrey had created a small zoo of plastic-bead animals. Aziraphale pulled out his phone to take yet another picture. Crowley tried to avoid this by glaring at him, but the Angel just glared right back and Crowley decided it would probably be better for his health to humour the angel and smile.


End file.
